Don't Say You Love Me (Boundless Love Book 1) (7 page)

Emily looked at Felicity, and pulled her lips.

‘Let me guess, man trouble?’

‘You could say that.’ Felicity took a sip of the wine she’d ordered. ‘But first, let’s get you a drink.’

Felicity waved for the waiter.

‘I’ll have an orange juice please.’

‘Are we ready to order food too?’

‘I’m ready, I already know what I want,’ said Sahara. ‘I’ll have my usual. Yep, today for the first time, I really have an appetite. I’m taking it while it lasts.’

They nodded, they understood not to ask questions. The rule was,
Sahara volunteered information.

‘I’m back at the shop, mum’s been great, but I needed to get back into it. My assistant is great too.’

‘That’s wonderful. I never thanked you enough for the beautiful flowers you did for the wedding.’

‘Oh yes you did, numerous times.’ She giggled.

‘Yes I did.’

The waiter returned with the orange juice and they went ahead and ordered.

‘I’ll have the pizza, pepperoni,’ said Emily.

‘And I’ll go for the chicken wings and a salad.’

‘Don’t tell me you’re on diet again?’ asked Sahara. ‘You’re already so skinny.’

‘And that’s the way I want to stay.’

Felicity was tall and slim with gorgeous long black hair. She was a beautiful mix between a black mother and Indian father, something that seemed quite rare, but extremely beautiful. She was also extremely intelligent with a masters in Pathology, and had just started on her PhD. But when it came to men, she was another kettle of fish, it made her friends wonder about her intelligence at times.

‘Go on, tell us what’s bugging you,’ said Emily finally to Felicity.

Felicity sat back and sighed. She knew that the moment she opened her mouth to complain, Sahara would be at her, but it was the risk she was willing to take. She needed to rant, she had to.

‘
I let him back into my life,’ she started.

‘Who?’ asked Emily.

‘Craig.’

Emily gazed at
Sahara.

‘He’s using me, he only wants sex.’

‘Honey, no one can use you, it’s not possible,’ said Sahara.

Felicity looked at
Sahara a little annoyed, but she would continue, she had after all opened this can of worms.

‘Your body, your life is always under your control,’ said
Sahara.

‘But, he is, he just wants sex.’

‘So you’re giving your power away by refusing to own the part you play in this drama.’ Sahara wouldn’t let this one go.

‘What are you saying?’ She tried to bit
e back the anger.

‘I’m saying own it.’

‘What am I supposed to do? He knows what strings to pull and I keep falling back into bed with him. I can’t help it.’

Sahara
smiled and put a hand on Felicity’s gently.

‘I don’t think you understand what I’m saying. Let me put it this way.’ She looked briefly at Emily. ‘When you’re in the moment with him, do you enjoy it, or is it so horrible you can’t bear it?  My guess is
, you enjoy it, that’s why you keep doing it.’

‘I guess.’ She was less defensive. ‘Yes alright, of course I enjoy it.’

‘Then what’s the problem?’ asked Sahara.

‘He leaves straight afterwards and I feel used and alone.’

‘You choose to feel used.’ Sahara spared no punches. ‘In those moments, those magical moments of the big O, there is no thought of being used, is there?’

‘No, of course not, I’m talking about after.’

‘How long does he stay for, you know, when you’re getting down to business?’

‘An hour and a half
to two hours.’

‘So in those two hours, do you have an amazing time?’

‘Yes, you could say that. What is your point?’ She felt mixed emotions.

‘And yet you choose to focus on the last few minutes of his departure, forgetting the two hours of pleasure you had.
It makes no sense to me!’

Felicity was silent a moment.

‘You get to have sex! You enjoy it! He chooses to do it with you, he could do it with anyone, but he keeps coming back to you.’

‘What are you saying?’ her voice was less strained.

‘I’m saying own this. How you view the world is entirely up to you. You can either see it as a bad thing, or a good thing.  Don’t be a victim, don’t come from a position of weakness, come from power, own it! Because in reality, there is no wrong or right decision, there is only the decision that is right for you.’

‘My god
Sahara, what are they feeding you in those drugs?’ Emily teased.

Sahara
laughed. ‘When you live from hour to hour like I do, you hold onto the good, the beauty and I’ll tell you this. Sex is a beautiful thing, don’t make it bad and ugly because of beliefs planted in you by others.’

‘Okay, okay.’ Felicity said, ‘Yes, okay. You know what
, you’re right. I never saw it that way.’

‘Me neither,’ said Emily.

Sahara smiled. Her life was just the way it was, she just wished everyone could see what she saw. But then there was the side to her that she feared, the part that couldn’t open up to love. Perhaps it was time she took her own advice for once. She smiled faintly as the thought of Eugene came to mind.

‘So, tell us about your honeymoon.’
Sahara turned to Emily.

Emily beamed from ear to ear. ‘It was fab! The
Caribbean sands were amazing. Myles and I would sit out for hours on end. There were times when we ventured out into the town, but that was rare.’

‘I’m so glad you guys had a good time. You guys really deserve to be happy.’

‘Thanks Sahara.’ She smiled faintly, she was dying to know what was going on with Sahara.

The food arrived and they began to eat.

‘It’s been a while since I could enjoy food. This looks great.’ She took a moment to take in the delicious vapour. ‘I might as well enjoy it while it lasts.’

Emily and
Felicity smiled.

‘
I’m doing really well, only a few more chemo sessions to go, then hopefully I’ll be in the clear.’ She hoped that it would be the last time she went through the pain.

‘That’
s good to hear,’ said Emily.

‘Yeah, I’m happy for you. I hope it all goes well.’

‘Yes, me too, but right now, in this moment, I’m going to enjoy this pasta.’ She giggled.

The prawns
were divine, even though it was a little chilly, she appreciated every taste. She tasted the garlic, the cheese, the rosemary and the chilly. Each had its own unique flavour, and although blended together, she could separate each flavour. Over the years her senses had heightened, it had been both a good and a bad thing. Sometimes the smell of something, when she was ill, didn’t do her any favours, but in that glorious moment, Sahara enjoyed the food!

‘Any plans this weekend then?’ asked Felicity.

‘Myles and I are just home this weekend. We’re trying to get our home in order. We’ll be peeling off the wall paper in the bathroom.’

‘Yes, you did mention you wanted to upgrade that bathroom. What did you call it again?’
Sahara asked between mouthfuls.

‘A blast from the past.’

‘Yeah.’ She laughed.

‘Honestly, you guys have seen it, I mean
Christ! Carpet! It’s so tatty and so nineteen forties.’

‘Yea
h, it is in need of a makeover,’ said Felicity.

‘What about you? Up to anything exciting?’
Sahara asked Felicity.

‘Off to see my family this weekend. Exciting.’

‘You don’t sound excited.’ Emily laughed.

‘Well, going home is just a place to be sent around.’

‘That’s okay then isn’t it?’ Sahara teased.

‘Hey, tell us what you’ll be up to this weekend?’
Felicity asked Sahara.

‘I’m working this weekend. I’ve got a great big order to get out.’

‘Don’t over exert yourself,’ Emily said before it was too late. She knew how Sahara hated to be tagged as vulnerable.

‘I won’t, don’t worry.’
Sahara had sensed her worry.

Emily smiled. They continued to eat with only a few words between them here and there. It had been a great evening and
Sahara had felt fun and useful. It was almost as if her life was back to normal, at least she’d like to thinks so, even if it was just for the day.

****

‘Tell me you’ve got good news,’ said Eugene as he settled into the jaguar, after stepping off one of his private jets.

‘Well, hello to you too,’ replied Casey.

‘Sorry, it’s been a hectic few weeks. I know I’ve been on your back, but it comes with the job.’

‘I get that, that’s not the problem.’

‘What is?’

‘This obsession you have with this woman. I thought by now you’d be over it.’

‘I guess you don’t realise how important this one is. There was something really special about her. However long it takes, I really want to find out more about her. Do we need to fire the investigator? I mean, it looks like a trip to my friend is in order.’

‘No we don’t. He came back with information a week ago.’

‘Then why the hell didn’t you tell me?’

‘I tried to, but I could never get the information in.’

Eugene sat back into the comfortable seats as the driver started off toward his home. What Casey had said, was true, he’d been so busy, that there had been no room to think about Sahara, that wasn’t to say he’d forgotten about her.

‘That is true, but the storm is over now. All I want to know right now is, do I have a contact?’

‘We do.’

‘So tell me what do you know?’

‘Well.’ Casey watched him a moment. She’d never seen him this crazy about a woman. Eugene was known to change women like his underwear.

‘I have her address, her phone number and her place of work.’

‘Anything else?’

‘She’s an only child to a single parent, but other than that, there isn’t a lot more. This woman seems to be
a very private person. It took our guy a while to dig things up. Family and friends aren’t forthcoming either.’

‘I guess I have enough to go on.’

‘What are you going to do?’

‘What do you think?’ He winked.

‘She won’t like it one bit, you spied on her.’

‘She doesn’t have to know.’

‘Is that the way you want to start a relationship?’

‘Leave this with me, I know what I’m doing.’

‘Fair enough, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.’

He offered nothing. Instead he sat back, shut his eyes and tried to get some rest. The following morning he would figure out what he wished to do
with the information.’

Chapter five

Sahara was up at the crack of dawn. It was going to be a long, but great day. There was the order for the wedding flowers that would be picked up at seven o’clock and then there was another big order for a charity event. There were also the odd orders that would come in during the day. Sahara loved to be busy. She loved arranging flowers and making someone’s day. She always remembered what flowers had done for her, when she was in the hospital. She loved their colours, their soft scent and the beauty they brought to her life. Flowers reminded her that the world was beautiful, no matter what was going on in her life. When she gazed at a flower, she felt centred, it brought her back to herself, and everything else around her became quiet.

Sahara
knew that no one would understand her relationship with flowers. Flowers gave her the courage to face each day, and that was enough for her to keep doing what she was doing. She’d been over the moon when the bank had approved the loan to start her small flower business. Her passion overflowed to her customers that it made it very successful. It had been one of the reasons she’d had to get an assistant.

Even though the illness had held her back at times, she never stopped working completely. When her energy was back,
Sahara was in her shop, making the prettiest bouquets, hoping to make someone’s day.

She got out of bed like she’d just won the lottery. It was something she always did
when she felt up to it. Every morning she opened her eyes, she thanked the heavens for another day. It was all she could do, she could only take one day at a time.

As she took a shower, s
he enjoyed the hot water on her back and the feel of the lather on her arms as she scrubbed herself clean. She took in the smell of the Sanex shower gel, a gel she’d loved so much and just enjoyed the moment. There was a moment when her scars pulled her back into the dark place, but it was short lived. Sahara had taught herself to dwell a few moments in darkness, and then had to pull herself back to the light.