Dorothy Garlock - [Colorado Wind 03] (21 page)

The Hookers came in one at a time, to eat, talk to John and depart after they went to end of the wagon to inquire about Kain. They were polite, but Vanessa knew the men blamed her for what had happened to Kain. She didn’t blame them. She’d heard their comments. Voices carried in the still mountain air.

“That woman ort a be pure ’n shamed fer what she done,” John said to one of the Hookers. “Kain rode out ever’day lookin’ fer that varmint. He done ever’thin’ he could. All she had to do was stay with the wagons. It’s just plumb bafflin’ why she rode out like she done. He jist had to go chasin’ her ’n put hisself right out fer Tass to aim at.”

“Ain’t no use hashin’ o’er the whys a woman does what she does. He has to think a heap a that woman, him bein’ sick ’n all ’n a ridin’ hisself to death. I saw him pukin’ his head off a day or two back.”

Tears rolled down Vanessa’s cheeks. Her heart contracted painfully as she gazed down at Kain. The light from the kerosene lamp that hung from the ceiling of the caravan played shadow games on his face. He was so pale, so still. John was right. She
should
be pure and shamed by what she’d done—and she was. Leaning over, she kissed his still lips tenderly.

“Please get well, Kain. Wake up so I can tell you how sorry I am,” she whispered. “I love you so much it hurts, but it’s a hurt that I like. I was afraid Tass would kill you. I was so afraid I was sick. I’d rather have gone off with him than have him hurt you like this.”

Ellie came to the door of the caravan with a plate of food; but Vanessa shook her head and Ellie took it away. The camp settled down after the meal. The fire was allowed to die down, but kept alive to heat the flat stones should Kain need them. He was uppermost in everyone’s mind.

Vanessa sat beside him and held his hand between her two palms, or stroked the back with her fingertips. Suddenly his eyes were open and he was looking at her.

“Tass?”

“You’re awake! How do you feel?”

“Weak. What about Tass?”

“Gone. Don’t worry about him. Oh, Kain! Please don’t go back to sleep until I tell you how sorry I am. I
am
muleheaded. You’re right about everything you said to me. I’ll never forgive myself for being so foolhardy.”

He grimaced a dismissal of what she was saying. “How bad am I?”

“You were hit in the shoulder and side, but nothing vital was damaged. Unless there are complications, you’ll be all right.”

“Tass . . . Is dead?”

“Jeb said they put three bullets in him and killed the other two. He said Tass rode off, but he didn’t think he’d get far. I’m so sorry, Kain. I’d rather have gone with him than have him hurt you like this.” Tears rolled from her eyes and fell on their clasped hands.

“Hush talking foolish,” he said tiredly. “Get me a cracker. I’ve got to have something to eat so my gut won’t hurt.”

“Can you drink some broth?”

“No. Get me a cracker . . .”

Vanessa hurried out the door. “He’s awake. He wants a cracker. Where are they, Aunt Ellie?”

“Cracker? Landsakes. In the blue tin.”

Vanessa grabbed the tin and vaulted up the steps, swinging the lower half of the door shut behind her. She pried open the lid with shaky fingers, took out a cracker and held it to his lips. He took a bite and chewed slowly, his tawny eyes fastened on her face. She fed him several soda crackers before he spoke again.

“Was my horse hit?”

“No. When you fell he stood over you and I had to push him away.”

“Where’s my coat?”

“It’s here. Your clothes and your guns are here, too. The rest of your things are in John’s wagon.”

“Look in the pocket. I brought a ribbon.”

Vanessa set the cracker tin on the floor and reached for the coat. Her fingers delved into the right pocket and she found the tight coil of ribbon.

“Is this it?”

“It’s for you. I got it back at the fort.”

The blue satin ribbon flowed through her fingers. Vanessa looked at him with tearful eyes and her lips trembled when she spoke. “It’s lovely. Thank you.”

“A red-headed woman should have a blue ribbon. Put it in your hair.”

“Oh, Kain! How can you even be nice to me?”

“I want to see it.” He lifted his arm and a small grunt of pain came from his lips.

“Don’t move this arm,” Vanessa said quickly, and placed his hand gently on his chest. “The bullet that went into your shoulder lodged beneath your shoulder blade. I had to make a hole in your back and take it out.”

“You?”

“Of course. I told you my father was a doctor. I helped him take out bullets, and later I took out a few by myself with the help of Henry and Aunt Ellie. I’m sorry we don’t have something for the pain. Papa didn’t believe in giving laudanum. He said it was too habit-forming.”

“Put the ribbon in your hair.”

“I’ve had to be careful about letting my hair down,” she confessed nervously. “Aunt Ellie has eyes like a hawk. She would have spotted that bare spot on top of my head right away.” Vanessa tried to smile while her fingers worked at the hairpins. He lay there watching, his great tawny eyes wide open and staring. She unraveled the thick braid, then bent over and raked her hair with her fingers until it hung from the top of her head. She tied it at the crown with the ribbon and when she lifted her head it hung down her back like a flowing mane. “This is the only way I can hide my bald spot,” she said lightly and waited, hoping Kain would smile.

He didn’t—not even slightly. There was a strange quietness about him and he lay staring at her. She didn’t know what to say. He lifted his good arm from the bed and she clasped his hand in both of hers. His fingers squeezed hers then reached upward. She flung her hair over her shoulder and he grasped the strands between his fingers.

“I . . . hated for Tass to have this. I was going to get it back.”

“It’s just hair. It will grow back.”

They looked at each other for a long time. Her eyes were brilliant with unshed tears. Her eyes were what he’d noticed about her the first day he met her in Dodge City. Now they anxiously searched his for a glimmer of forgiveness.

“I don’t know if I can get up. You’ll have to get Henry or the Hookers to help me.”

“You can’t get up. You’ll break the stitches and start bleeding again. If you lose any more blood you’ll go into shock.”

“I can’t stay in your wagon.”

“You certainly will! You don’t realize how close you came to being killed.”

“It doesn’t matter. Call Mrs. Hill. I want to talk to her . . . alone.”

She met his gaze evenly. “You’re not going to forgive me, are you?” she whispered.

“There’s nothing to forgive.”

“I almost got you killed! John said I should be ashamed for what I did. I am ashamed, terribly ashamed. Why am I so headstrong, Kain? Why is it so hard for me to let someone else take charge?”

“Vanessa . . . Vanessa, you can’t help the way you are. You’re a woman who needs a strong hand.”

“A chore you’re unwilling to take on?” She almost choked as the enormity of her words hit her. When he didn’t answer her taut nerves made her rush into speech. “I was going to meet him and kill him before he killed you. I couldn’t stand to just sit and wait for that . . . animal to make the first move,” she told him, unable to keep the quaver out of her voice. His rejection was the hardest thing she had ever had to endure.

“It isn’t easy to shoot a man, and while you hesitated, which you would have, he would have had you. You didn’t stand a chance. Now, say no more about it,” he added impatiently.

Vanessa looked down at him. Even his voice was closing her out. When he said nothing more she placed his hand gently on the bed beside him and stood.

“I’ll get Aunt Ellie. Are you going to tell her about Adam Hill?”

“No.”

Kain watched her leave and closed his eyes wearily. She was hurt. But what the hell could he say? He had nothing to offer her. It would have been better if Tass had killed him, he thought. But then Vanessa would have had to live with the guilt that she had caused his death. He opened his eyes, afraid he would fall asleep. He had something to do, something he should have done before this.

Ellie came in and took the stool beside his bunk. Her cool hand smoothed the hair from his brow and then rested on his forehead for an instant.

“No fever, thank goodness. We were so worried about you. Are you hungry?”

“No, ma’am. I want you to write something for me. Will you get a pencil and paper?”

“Of course . . . but Vanessa writes a beautiful hand.”

“I don’t want her to know about this yet. Please, Mrs. Hill.”

“All right, Kain.”

Ellie took a box of writing supplies from the compartment at the front on the wagon and returned to sit on the stool beside him. She opened a tablet of lined paper and took a pencil in her hand.

“I want to make a will.” Kain’s quiet words dropped into the stillness and Ellie almost dropped the pencil.

“Oh, no! You’re not . . . Didn’t Vanessa tell you that we have every hope you’ll—”

“There’s a chance I won’t die from the bullet wounds, but nevertheless, I’m going to die soon,” he said calmly. “I want Vanessa to have a house and some land I have near Junction City. If I die without a will, my estate will go to . . . a relative I’m not fond of and I don’t approve of.”

“Oh, Kain! Oh, dear boy! What are you talking about?”

“I have a cancer that will surely kill me.”

“Oh, dear God!”

“I want your promise to say nothing about it.”

“Of course, I promise. But . . . are you sure?”

“I’m sure. Now write, please. I, Kain DeBolt being of sound mind. . . .” He dictated slowly, then asked her to read back what she had written. He nodded his approval, and she handed him the pencil and held the tablet so he could sign his name. “Date it at the top, and sign your name as a witness,” he instructed wearily. “You’ll find the address of my solicitor in New York in my saddlebags. If . . . when something happens, write to him and tell him about the will. He’ll know what to do.”

“I can’t believe you’re saying these things to me.” Ellie clasped his hand tightly. “Don’t you have anyone? Family or—” She sniffed back the tears. “Oh, shoot! I’m trying hard to not . . . break down.”

“Don’t cry for me, Mrs. Hill. I asked you to do this because I know you’re a strong woman. You’ve got to be to endure what you have and still hold your head high.”

“Thank you, Kain. You’ll not be alone. Vanessa and I will take care of you.”

“No! Vanessa is not to know. When the time is near I’ll know and I’ll go away.”

Ellie brought his hand to her tear wet cheek. “I’ll do whatever you want me to do. But until . . . I’ll be with you.”

“Thank you. It means a lot to know someone cares.”

“You’ve become very dear to me, Kain. I care, and Vanessa cares. She may be in love with you. I’ve never seen her in such a state as she was today while we were working on you.”

“She feels guilty is all.”

“Oh, no. It’s more than—”

“Aunt Ellie?” Vanessa’s voice reached them from the end of the wagon.

“Put that away,” Kain whispered.

“Don’t worry.” Ellie lifted the lid of her trunk and slipped the tablet inside.

“Are the Hookers out there?” Kain asked in a louder voice.

Vanessa climbed into the wagon and glanced curiously at her aunt as she moved aside.

“You’re awfully pert for a man with three holes in him.”

“Three? You said I was hit twice.”

“Don’t forget I had to cut a hole in your back to get the bullet out.”

“I bet you enjoyed that,” he said dryly.

“He’s going to live, Aunt Ellie. He’s back to being mouthy.” She gave a nervous little laugh.

Kain tried to smile, but it was a meaningless flexing of his facial muscles.

“Could you eat a cup of potato soup?” Ellie asked.

“Don’t go to any bother, ma’am.”

“I saved it from supper. I’ll get it.”

“Did I hear you ask for the Hookers?” Vanessa inquired after Ellie left. “They’re not out there, but John and Henry want to see you if you feel up to it. They—we were all so worried about you. We’re glad you’re going to be all right.”

“Is this your bed?”

“Yes. I’ll sleep in Aunt Ellie’s so I can hear you if you need anything. She’ll sleep in with Mary Ben. It’s all been decided.”

“I’ll get up tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow? You’ll do no such thing. You’ll stay flat on your back for a week if I have to tie you to the bunk.”

“We should get to Junction City the day after tomorrow.”

“We’re not traveling tomorrow. We’re staying here so those wounds can start healing.”

“Damn it, Vanessa! John and the Hookers know this is dangerous country. We have to leave here at daylight.”

“I was thinking of you. Tomorrow you may feel a lot worse than you do now.”

“I know. I’ve been shot before. I could be out of my head with a fever by this time tomorrow. That’s why I’ll tell you this now. Do what John and the Hookers think best and don’t give them any sass.”

“All right, Kain. If that’s what you want, I’ll—” she had to stop when sobs threatened to close her throat. She found herself looking directly into his eyes and watched his gaze fall away and become fixed on her blue sunbonnet hanging at the end of the wagon.

“When we get to Junction City, ask directions to a place called The House. All you have to say is The House. It’s about five miles out of town. I own it and the land around it. The woman that rented it wrote that she left it boarded up. I want you to stay there—all of you. Don’t argue, Vanessa,” he said tiredly. “Do this one thing for me without arguing.”

“We’ll take you there and stay until you’re on your feet.” She said the words as though they were being dragged out of her against her will. “Do you want to see John and Henry?”

His gaze returned to her white face and he felt his mind grind to a halt. The silence that enveloped them was so complete that he could hear Ellie’s voice in the Wisner wagon telling Mary Ben how glad she was they were nearing the end of their journey. Every word was as distinct as though she were speaking a few feet away. Into that continuing stillness, he turned his face away and murmured, “I guess so.”