Double Blind (6 page)

As I leave Jack’s car, his head sticks out the window. “Adriana, I’ll check in often to see how you’re doing. Maybe I can coordinate with Tony so that you’re not alone with him.”

A swell of gratitude fills my chest. Maybe he’s not a heartless bastard. “Yeah, that would be nice.”

He smiles and drives away, leaving me shivering in the street.

My heart thumps faster as I climb up the steps to the apartment building, my legs dragging like lead. Dread pounds a sickening beat in my chest as I enter the elevator. The numbers increase steadily.

I don’t want to do this.

They killed my fucking dad. They destroyed my family, and now they’re taking him away from me. Fuck them! Fuck them all!

You have to fucking do this,
a vicious voice snarls inside my head.
He would do anything for you—he already has. So quit whining, and suck it up!

I imagine what he’ll say, how furious he’ll be.

It’s in his best interest. He’ll thank me when it’s over—when he realizes I’ve saved his life.

Wishful thinking.

The elevator pings and I freeze as the doors open, and the dread drags me down again. I don’t know how, but I walk outside and head towards our apartment.

The door pushes open as I turn the lock, and I flinch as if I expect Vincent to pounce on me at any moment. The apartment is quiet, but I hear his footsteps. I see his dark silhouette at the end of the hallway. The glass behind him is filled with the gray skyscrapers, which lighten in the early hours of the morning.

I want to run into his arms. Instead, I drop my purse and duck into the bedroom, avoiding him altogether. Without even bothering to undress, I slide under the steel blue comforter and huddle on the side of my bed. I close my eyes, relishing the smell of him wrapping around me, but my eyes fly open when I hear him pause near the doorway.

Please think I’m upset.

“Where were you?” he says in a low voice.

I don’t answer, pretending to give him the cold shoulder. A stab of pain hurts my chest when I hear his frustrated sigh after a moment of silence.

I hate this shit. I hate doing this to him.

He gives up, tearing off his clothes with frustrated, violent movements. Then he slides into bed next to me, the bed jerks as he moves to his side, his back facing me. He makes no move to touch me. I turn around without being consciously aware of my movements.

He lays there, completely silent as his broad back expands with breaths. I want so badly to reach out and touch him, to wrap my arm around his waist and tell him that everything is okay between us, but I can’t. A dull ache pounds, the emptiness in my heart growing like the distance between us.

Before I can stifle it, a sob shakes from my throat and Vince turns around. His wide, black eyes see my tortured face before I can turn around and hide it.

Shit.

“It’ll be okay, Ade.”

He nestles close to me, pulling my head under his chin. My lips touch his chest and heat flares through his skin, into mine. I lift up my head and kiss his throat, which vibrates under my lips.

“Adriana?”

My head moves at its own accord and I kiss him. At first, his lips are firm against mine, as if he didn’t expect it, but then they crush against mine. His arms tighten around me as I shift my body over his, and melt into him. A desperate voice screams in the back of my head.

You’re supposed to break up with him! Remember?

It takes all of my resolve to push against his broad chest, ending the kiss. Fire blazes in Vince’s eyes, and darkness shrouds his eyes. A slow smile spreads across his face.

“You know how I feel about being teased, Adriana. I don’t like it.”

A shudder runs through me when his gritty voice hisses in my ears.

God, no.

Just don’t look at him.

His fingers dig into the back of my head painfully. “When you’re in my bed, you’re mine.” His growling voice makes my skin heat.

How can I hide from him how I feel?

Hot lips seek out my neck, plucking my flesh. His teeth bite down softly at first, and then hard enough to make me yelp. Low laughter washes over me as my palms push against his chest, weakened by his kisses.

“Do you want me to stop?”

It’s another one of his games. I’m supposed to say no. “Yes.”

My back arches as he plants another steaming kiss under my neck, and another over the swell of my breast. Against my will, a moan shudders from my lips.

Another low chuckle makes my face heat.

“I think you’re a liar.”

Yes, I am a liar. And I’m a terrible person. If I had one ounce of self-restraint. If I loved him at all, I would stop this. End it.

“Red.”

Vince stops. His hands fall away from my hair and his head moves back. The monster burns with anger and confusion. “Ade?” he says in a completely different voice.

I turn away from him, heart hammering. “Just leave me alone.”

Another angry breath leaves his throat. “Fucking Christ.”

The sounds of the sheets being ripped back, his heavy footsteps, and the slam of the door resonate through me. I hear them over and over again in my head, compensating for the gaping silence that seems to swallow me whole.

* * *

Tonight.

I have to break up with him tonight.

I don’t think he has any idea. Where the fuck should I do it? A part of me is deathly afraid of his reaction, but I start work at Carmine’s today. This needs to be done.

Vince is out of the apartment, and for that I’m grateful. It gives me time to think. I already have a suitcase packed with my clothes.

I just need to call Maria, my former roommate at Columbia.

The phone trembles in my hands as I dial her number, biting my lip hard.

Don’t pick up.

“
Hey, you! I was wondering if you were ever going to call. I had so much fun at the cake tasting the other day!
” Her surly voice garbles out of the speaker. “
How’s Vince? You know, we really should think about floral arrangements for your wedding—”

“Maria, I’m breaking up with him.”

It breaks my heart to hear the shock in her voice, all the excitement about planning my wedding gone. “
You—what? Why?”

“It’s just—it’s getting too crazy. I haven’t told him yet, but I was wondering if I could move back into the dorm.”

“
Of course you can,
but what the hell happened?
”

“I’ll tell you all about it later. He’s going to be back soon.”

“
Are you okay?
”

There’s a moment of silence.

“Not really.”

My voice cracks for the first time during our phone call.

“I’ll talk to you later, Maria.”

She makes another cluck of sympathy. “
Well, okay
,” she agrees in a depressing tone.

The phone goes dark as I end the call, and I stare at it as if it can give me the answers I desperately need. Then it vibrates in my hand, and I almost drop it. The caller is unknown.

I answer it. “Hello?”

A sinister, Jersey accent crackles through the speaker. “
Adriana, it’s Tony.
”

Oh, fuck you.

“What?” I bark into the phone. “He could be here at any minute.”

“
You need to do it tonight.
”

“I know, I was going to—”

“
548 Oak Grove Lane. Bushwick—”

“Why are you giving me my mother’s address?” My stomach turns. I haven’t eaten anything all day except for several piping hot cups of coffee. I want a drink so badly I can taste it.

“
To remind you what’s at stake.
”

You are human garbage.

“I know what’s at stake, thanks,” I snap into the phone.

Why the fuck am I being so hostile? Do I not realize who this man is?

“
Then why haven’t you done it already?
”

I grit my teeth.

“I
will
. Tonight. It’s not that easy, you know.”

“
Well, I think it would be. Or perhaps you’d like me to add to the list of people who would get fucked over if you screw this up? If you tip him off in any way, well, let’s just say I might pay your mother a visit. And maybe Mrs. Cesare, too, since you don’t seem to give a shit about your own flesh and blood
.”

Tears sting my eyes. What kind of animal would threaten a man’s mother? “Isn’t that against your code?”

“
Do it tonight at La Serva’s. Some of my guys will be there, watching you.”

The phone goes dead as I’m still holding it to my face. It’s hot against my skin, and my tears fall thick and fast.

* * *

“What made you want to pick this place?”

His question catches me unawares as we walk towards the restaurant. It’s a swanky place in Midtown. Expensive. White tablecloths. Waiters dressed in suits.

Oh, Jesus Christ. I want to cry. This is so not how I wanted to do this.

“Um—I heard it was good,” I lie quickly.

“Yeah,” he says, opening the door for me. “It’s a popular place for friends of ours.”

His arm wraps around my waist as we approach the hostess, and I don’t think my heart can beat any faster when she shows us to a small table. There are couples seated all around us. It’s a quiet, intimate restaurant. Low lit. Romantic.

The perfectly wrong place to break up with someone.

I look around the sea of heads, trying to find a pair of men who look like they could be in the mob, but all I see are couples eating dinner. Vince pulls out my chair and I sit down, dread filling my stomach again. He sits into his chair with a sigh and I study his handsome features, suddenly obsessed with memorizing every detail: the black wave of his hair, his gem-like eyes, so dark and bright at the same time, and that gorgeous dent at the bottom of his throat. He gives me a wide, happy smile as he watches me and I feel a sick wave of guilt.

So when the fuck am I supposed to do this? Before or after dessert?

The waitress appears before I can summon up the courage, and I order a glass of wine before Vince can object. He glares at me as she returns, pouring the glass as I watch it greedily.

The waitress leaves after pouring him a glass and I grab mine before he can do anything, and I take a huge gulp. Oh,
God
. It’s like ecstasy. It’s so delicious and it goes down so smoothly. It flattens my nerves almost immediately.

“You’re not supposed to drink,” he says, glowering.

“I need it.”

Vince’s eyebrows narrow. “So what’s this about? You said that we needed to talk, which is usually code for something really bad.
So talk
.”

I twist the ring around my finger, my nerves ramping up again. Vince’s dark face looms in front of me as I try to scout the restaurant.

I don’t want to do this.

Tony will kill everyone you love.

The engagement ring falls on the table. I take it, my hand shaking, and drop it in front of him. Then I take another giant gulp of wine.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

Look at him.

He looks more angry than hurt. He probably thinks this is some sort of game—a ruse. I shake my head, willing tears to come.

“We’re done.”

A stunned silence follows my words, broken only by the waiter, who slinks up to the table.

“Can I get you any—”

Vincent just shoots him a glare that makes the waiter’s face pale in fear, and he walks off.

“Like hell we are. I don’t know what kind of sick game this is—”

“It’s not a game,” I say in a hollow voice. “I’m moving in with Maria and I’m leaving you.”

He looks like I just reached across the table and slapped him. “Is this because of the casino thing? I told you that I don’t have a choice, Ade.”

Keep it together. Don’t fucking cry.

“I know it’s not your fault, but I promised myself I’d leave you if anything like this ever happened again. I don’t want to be mixed in this anymore, I’m sorry.”

The horrible silence stretches between us, making me burn brighter as he sits there and says nothing. Then I finally can’t take it anymore, and I look at him. His face is red, too, and flushed with anger.

“You came to
me
,” he says between his teeth. “You said you didn’t have a problem, that you could deal with it. Did I just imagine it when you said that weeks ago? When I saved your fucking ass from your
cunt
of a mother, and you told me you would never leave me?”

I’m so sorry.

His outrage affects me, even though I don’t mean the things I’m saying.

“I—I lied,” I say, staring down at my lap. “I was afraid of you. I always have been.”

The look on his face is worse than anger. His face flushes red with embarrassment and then twists in self-loathing. “You lied to me all this time?” he asks in a small voice. “Why?”

Hurt him enough so that he’ll never come back.

My voice rises in a sharp tone. “You never gave me a choice. There was always something—your boss’ threats, the FBI, the Rizzos just waiting for me to get out in the open so that they could
rape
me,” my voice trembles and I inhale a sharp gasp.

“I don’t believe this.” He sits back into his chair, looking lost. It takes everything inside me not to take his hand, which rests on the table lifelessly.

Then his black eyes flicker to me, smoldering. “If you leave, we’re done. I told you in the beginning that I wouldn’t be able to let you go, but I won’t be with someone who is only with me out of fear.”

“Isn’t that the point?” I take my purse and stand up abruptly.

I hate myself.

His eyes narrow as he watches me get up without a second’s hesitation. “It was about the money, wasn’t it? You just wanted me to pay for your tuition. Gold-digging—”

“Fuck you,” I snap. “Don’t you
dare
call me a gold-digger. I never even got to finish my classes last semester because of you and your fucking
family
.”

“No, fuck you!” he bellows.

Half of the restaurant is tuned in to our snarling, ugly fight. Couples laugh behind their hands as they stare at Vincent’s red face. I want to disappear. I pray that someone will burst into the restaurant and shoot me. Anything would be better than this.