Doubting Our Hearts (10 page)

"Yeah she does." He smiled but it didn't reach his eyes, and I knew he loved her too. "Brendan and I talked things through after that night. I went a brought a ring and proposed to Addy a few weeks later. It wasn't how I really wanted to do it, but the level of commitment she showed me that night..."

When his voice trailed off, I knew he was keeping something hidden, and after spilling out most of his secrets to me, I let him keep it.

Chapter 9

Lillian

The knock on my door woke me up from a deep sleep. When I open the door, the sight I'm met with melted my heart and made my stomach rumble.

"Hey, Lil."

"We brought you something."

"I told you we were coming."

Courtney, Gwen, and Riley were standing outside my door with a carrier of four coffees and a bag that smelled like fresh bagels with eggs and bacon.

"Please, come in with your sweet smelling bag of goodies."

They file in and head straight toward to breakfast bar. After I close the door, I retreat to the bathroom to brush my teeth and properly wake up. When I walk back in to meet my friends, they’re all looking at me with expectant eyes and knowing smirks.

"Sooo, how'd it go?" Riley says as she takes a bite of her bagel. Here it is the Riley Gallina 20 questions.

"It was fine. We just walked in the park. I took some pictures then we saw the fireworks. Not a big deal," I reply shrugging my shoulders like it was just any ole day in town.

"Tells us about him...and don't leave out any details." Not Gwen too. I'll give her the short and sweet version like I gave Riley.

"I met Brayden in Tampa. I was engaged, and we were just friend...just like we are now. He's engaged to a model. Trust me. Nothing to write home about."

"There's a whole lotta details missing," Courtney says as she takes a sip from her mocha latte.

"Really, there’s nothing to tell. We've never kissed or hugged." I get crazy looks from all three of them before I indulge in my first taste of my Double Chocolatey Chip Frappuccino. "Okay, we hugged like one time."

"We really need to get you out more," Courtney jokes.

"No, trust me this is way more than I can handle right now." I try to grab the bag from Gwen before she snatches it up. "Now gimme my food, wench." In a mock gasp and hand over her mouth, I laugh trying to stay in character. "Time's a wastin. I need sustenance...especially if you want to see any pictures..."

"Give her the damn food, Gwen! I've been dying to see these pictures since yesterday!" Riley all but pushes Gwen out of her chair to hurry up. My friends are great. They can make me laugh even through all the crap I've had to deal with.

"Are you going to see him again?" Courtney asks.

"I guess. I'm not really sure. We never did get each other's numbers or set another day to hang out," I reply right before I take a bite of crispy bacon, egg whites, on a warm bagel. It's just a smidgen of heaven.

I hear the doorbell ring and go to answer. Who else besides my friends would be here on a Saturday at 10 a.m.? When I open the door, I'm just a bit confused. I didn't order anything, but there still stands a gawky college kid with a messenger bag who smells of sweat.

"Are you Miss Anderson?" He asks as he looks up from his piece of paper.

"Yeah."

"Sign here, please." I scribble my name, and the bike messenger hands me a small package wrapped in brown paper. "Have a good day ma'am."

"Thanks. You too," I politely respond then close the door lightly before walking back to my friends at the bar. I evaluate the small index card size box that's about an inch thick. No name or return address. Just a small mysterious package. I start to think I have some creep watching me because I've never gotten something like this before. I set the package on the table like it has anthrax. For all I know it does.

"Who's it from?" Gwen asks breaking the silence.

"I don't know. I'm kinda scared to open it. There's no name or anything."

"What if you have a stalker?" Riley chimes in.

"Or a bomb. Can bombs be that small? Put your ear to it Riley." Gwen asks jokingly.

"I'm not touching it. Lil, you open it."

"Heck no. What if Gwen's right and it's some kind of bomb or even worse like a body part?"

"How could a body part be worse than a bomb? If there was a bomb in there,
our
body parts would be all over the place!" Riley exclaims.

She's right. A bomb would be the worst case scenario here, but don't stalkers like send pictures and leave notes before going all crazy with a bomb? "I still don't wanna touch it."

"Come on. One of us has to open it. I vote Lil."

"Me too."

"I pick Lil too." Great. Now I'm the guinea pig for what could turn out to be a very explosive situation.

"Majority rules, chick. Open it." Gwen states.

"Fine. But if I die, I will come haunt all of you while you sleep."

"Just open it scaredy cat." Riley says as she pushes the mysterious package in front of me.

"Look who's talking," I quip.

Rationally, there couldn't be a bomb. Right? The messenger would have totally set it off trying to get it here. With shaky fingers, I pull lightly on the sides of the folded brown paper to break the seal of the tape. I do the same on the other side then on the bottom. When the brown wrapping is discarded, I stare at the small rectangular box with curiosity.

"I doubt it's going to blow up now, Lil," Riley starts.

When I take off the lid, what greets me instantly floods a memory through my mind.

"Where are you whisking me off to today, Miss Anderson?"

"One of my favorite places in all of Tampa," I say as I pull on Brayden's arm to hurry up.

"Okay. Slow down though. I would like my arm to stay it its' socket," He replies with a smirk that makes me smile.

"Come on. I have to go meet with Nora for another dress fitting." The disappointment that appeared on his face didn't go unnoticed. "Oh, stop pouting. Nora has to go back to the office to finish up some deposition work with Damon. They'll be a while. As long as you don't have to look at another property, I can take you to the beach again."

His frown turns around so quick I almost laughed right at him. He's so easy to please.

"Well, I do love the beach."

"I bet you do. You need all the sun you can get on that pale skin of yours," I say as we stand looking at the large glass domelike structure that is the Florida Aquarium.

"I haven't been to an aquarium in years, Lil." His voice is laced with wonder and excitement as he stares up to the building next to the giant statue of the sting ray.

When we walk up to the ticket counter I ask for two adults. "Oh, no. Let me pay," Brayden says as he starts to retrieve his wallet from his back pocket.

"No you don't. This was a surprise. It's my treat. Plus, nobody likes to come here with me, but the pictures I take here are some of my favorites."

"I've never had a woman pay my way for anything, and I won't start now," He fires.

I turn and cross my arms over my tank top. He's so stubborn sometimes. It's not like I can't afford it, but so we don't argue, I agree.

"Fine. You can pay your way, and I will pay mine." When he begins to voice his protests, I stop him. "Take it or leave it, buddy."

He mumbles something about a hard headed woman, and then agrees for us to pay separately.

After we pay our admission and walk through the door, I lead him to what I came here for. "I don't want to see everything right now, but there is one exhibit that's been my favorite since I was a little girl."

"What the sharks?" He as playfully.

"No. Why do you think I would like the sharks?"

"I dunno. You're vicious and so are they."

"Hey!" I say as I slap his arm in jest.

"It's the truth,” he says as he laughs.“The cheesecake didn't deserve your wrath though."

"Raspberry cheesecake is a weakness," I reply as I lead him around a corner.

"And I thought that was anything chocolate."

I have to roll my eyes. He's so right. Anything chocolate make my heart beat a little faster. Even after just one week hanging out he knows more about me than most people find out after a year. Brayden's just extremely easy to talk to.

When I turn the corner to see the dark color of the water with the fish glowing bright neon, I jump up and down slightly before going to sit on the bench in front of the display.

Brayden sits next to me mesmerized by the slow moving fish traveling through the water. "Jellyfish."

"Yeah. I always thought they were graceful and elegant the way they move. Soft and delicate but pack quite a punch."

I stare as the jellyfish shift and glide. This reminds me so much of how my dad and mom would bring me and my sisters here. I could sit here and stare at the jellyfish while my siblings wanted to go through the tunnel.

"Do you like the view?" I ask wanting to get his take on my favorite aquamarine life.

"It's pretty spectacular," He whispers. When I look over, his chocolate brown eyes are transfixed on my face. The light behind the glass hides my blush, but I give myself away when I look down at my feet.

His fingers lightly push up my chin, so he can look at me again. "This is amazing. Thank you for sharing it with me."

"Lil? Yo chick?" Gwen says, snapping her fingers in front to f my face.

"Huh?"

"What's going on? And who would give you a pink and white jellyfish necklace?" Riley asks.

I close my eyes and realize it's from Brayden. How does he know where I live? I didn't let him walk me back to my apartment last night. I only let him drop me off at Bryant Park.

"Brayden."

Each of my friends had a short intake of breath. I can't accept gifts from him. Is he crazy?

Gwen starts to point toward the box. "There's a card under there, Lily."

"Oh, read it," Courtney adds.

I place the jellyfish in my hand then take the card from the bottom of the box and read his words.

Just a friend enjoying the spectacular view   - B

Tears start to sting my eyes as I look between the jellyfish charm and his note. Brayden's gift is a total contradiction from the emotions he was showing last night. How can I ever accept a gift that has such significance to our past with words that make my chest ache from the one guy that is completely off limits?

I wish things were different. I wish I wasn't engaged when we met. I wish he wasn't engaged now. However, all that wishing won't change what already is.

"I dunno about you, Lil, but a man doesn't send a gift with a note that obviously has double meaning to
just a friend
." I look up to Riley but my mouth doesn't move. "I can see the tears in your eyes to know it means more to you too."

I bury my face in my hands. I do long to tell someone about Brayden, the issues I had to overcome before my wedding, not to mention my horrific wedding day. I want to divulge what's inside my head to these three awesome girls, but something is still keeping me from full disclosure.

I feel Riley's hand on my shoulder. "Hey, why don't we treat ourselves today? No guys or dates. Just us girls hanging out."

"Sounds good to me," Gwen replies.

"I'm in too."

When I lift my head to meet the encouraging faces of the three most awesome people in my life right now, I'm glad I made the choice to come here. Although Brayden influenced my choice somewhat, I'm still grateful fate brought me to Riley.

"How could I ever tell you guys no while you're looking at me like that?" I say wiping my eyes before tears start to fall.

Squeals erupt through my small apartment as I cover my ears to tune out the echoes. The next hour we discussed where to go, what we were going to wear, and all the places we could eat.

Lying in bed later that night, I was glad I decided to go. The manicures and pedicures relaxed me and we all made the choice to get our hair done too. It was good to spend the day with my friends. It let me forget the emotional roller coaster that was my life just for a while.

Chapter 10

Brendan

"Hello?"

"Hey, Brendan."

My pulse started to race at the sight of her name on my caller ID, but hearing my name from that sweet little mouth makes me harden instantly. However, that's as far as things will ever go. A hard on from hell as soon as any words escape her sexy mouth.

Okay. Act cool. You're in control.

"Hey, Addy. What's going on today sis?"

Alright you must be thinking how can I call this woman my sister when her melodious voice sends blood straight to dick and the fact she's technically not my sister...yet. I have absolutely no answer for you. She's sexy, she's temptation, and she's without a doubt irrevocably off limits. I have to treat her like a sister in order to keep my distance and control what I feel.

The simple fact is...I hate hiding it.

"Yeah, so, Bren, would you mind picking me up from JFK? I just got in and hoping you wouldn't mind coming to get me," Addy replies shyly.

Maybe it's because I've been in situations previously that I'm reluctant to jump at the chance to be with Addy even if it is only to get her from the airport and bring her home. I can't let myself be tricked into something that could ruin the relationship that I have with my brother, especially over a woman. We made a pact that would never be us. The brothers that fight over the same girl.

"Uh, isn't Bray sending a car for you or aren't you catching a cab with one of your girlfriends?"

I must sound like a total imbecile. Why would she have called me if either one of those options were available? Plain and simple. She makes me nervous, and not one woman I've ever been with makes me as nervous as Addison James.

"Well, no." She's seems completely unsure of herself, which makes me curious. Addison is always so put together.

Instead of running through all the possible scenarios, I just jump right in. As much as I know I need to keep my distance, I'm a sucker for self-inflicted punishment and agreeing to this is definitely all my doing. I'll just continue to be the same playboy ass that she's use to, and we'll get through the next couple of hours.

"You don't have to ask me twice. I'm on my way."

"Thanks, Bren. You're...wonderful. I'll be waiting by the baggage claim." She sounds way more excited than I would like to admit.

Is this my punishment for going through women like water? To have the one woman who puts that ache in my chest and renders me speechless on the not-no-but-hell-no list asking me to spend time with her.

"Sure, yeah. I'll be there as soon as I can."

"I'll see you in a few."

As I hear the call click off, I stare at it wondering why I heard excitement in Addy voice, why she's not getting one of her girlfriends to come get her, and better yet why my brother isn't going to get her. The last one is the one I need to address first.

I tell Becky I'll be gone for the next few hours and to call me if there is anything pressing that needs my attention. Once I'm in the sanctity of my burnt orange Lotus Elise and moving, I give my brother a buzz and he answers on the second ring.

"Hey, bro. What's going on?"

"Still sulking?"

Seems like Brayden is always pouting these days. I don't blame him really. He's caught between the woman I want and the woman he can't have. As much as I want to tell him to just leave Addy and go with Lillian, I could never let him hurt Addy.

"Shut up asshole. I'm not sulking."

"Sure you're not. Look, I just wanted to let you know I'm on my way to pick up Addy from the airport."

"Thanks man. I appreciate it."

"You don't mind do you? I mean you're my brother, and she's your fiancée. I was just surprised you didn't have a car waiting for her."

"Bren, man, its fine. I've already talked to Addy about it. You don't have to do all the wedding stuff though. She's giving me time to figure out what's going on with me. The wedding’s on hold."

Is Addison really giving him an out
again
? This makes the second time that I know of she's willing offered to let Brayden shift through his feelings at the cost of potentially losing him.

Sacrifice. It's the one thing that I know I share with Addy without us having to discuss it. She's making a sacrifice for Brayden, whereas my sacrifice is bottling my emotions for her to give my brother and Addy what they both deserve.

"That's what she wants?" I ask in disbelief.

"I guess so. She told me we should take the next couple months to figure out what we wanted. She doesn't want to be second best, and I don't want that for her either."

"Wow."

It was the only word I had in me. They're going to take a couple months, and that's got to mean Bray is going to spend a lot of that time with Lillian. I can see his reaction to her isn't just physical. On the other hand, he said Addy told him she wanted this. Does that mean she's having second thoughts as well?

Second best. How could she ever be anyone's second best...she deserves to be someone's only.

"Just watch out for her, Bren. She's important." She's not just important. Addison is everything, and I would do anything to make sure she was happy and protected.

"No problem. You know I watch out for family."

"Thanks. Talk to you later."

******

I get to the baggage claim and automatically spot her.

Her blonde hair’s in curls and free flowing while she's on the phone talking animatedly to one of the many people involved in her career. Her gorgeously tanned legs are shimmering with what is no doubt some spray or lotion she uses.

What has me gawking for the better part of a minute is the fact she's not in her usual business-like attire, skirt and blouse or a pencil dress. She's just in a pair of blue jean shorts and a white shirt with the familiar double C's logo overlapping each other back to back.

When she looks up, her eyes meet mine. I smirk and stare into her piercing blue eyes. If she asked me a question right now, I wouldn't be able to answer. I'm content with just staring at her from afar so she doesn't suspect anything is going on in the lower half of my body. She says goodbye to whoever she was talking to without breaking eye contact.

I'll admit over the past almost three years, I have flirted with her in my own way. It may always be a bit over the top, but that's really for my brother's purposes anyway. It shows him I don't treat Addison any differently than I do any other woman, except with Addy the overt flirting is where it stops.

Without breaking character and revealing any of the feelings I have for her, I walk over, pick up her carry-on bag, and grab the handle of her rolling luggage. I can't chance a hug or chaste kiss. Both options will get me in close proximity, and my control may start to slip. I can't have that. I can't break a promise.

"Hey, Bren. Thanks for coming to get me," Addy says, leaning over to peck a kiss on my check.

Her lips are warm and free of lipstick, and I can't help myself but to close my eyes and ever so slightly push my cheek to her lips a little more.

"Anything for you, Addy." That sounded a little too much unlike me. I need to say something else. I don't want her to take that the wrong way. "After all, you are my sister for all intensive purposes." There, that should douse the flames.

When I pull back, I see what looks like disappointment in her blue eyes. I don't like seeing anything but happiness. Maybe it wasn't what I said that made her frown but the conversation she was having just moments ago. At least that's what I was hoping for. "So, where to, Miss James?"

"Well, I have a bit of a vacation this week then I have to go off for another week or two before I come back in town."

"Where are you off too next?" I ask as I start leading us out of the airport.

"I think we're going to start out in Puerto Rico then hit the islands on our way to Trinidad and Tobago."

"World traveler, huh? Must be nice. I might get to see different states but never different countries."

"Don't tell me you've never been out of the country before."

"Guilty."

Addy just laughs and my defenses start to crack with the echoes of her laughter through the parking garage. I need to muster up some control here or sitting too close to her in the confines of my sports car can be potentially dangerous.

I just barely put her luggage in the back of the car and go around to the driver's side. I know if I opened the door it was too close to her and show that I was some kind gentleman. I didn't want her getting the idea I was a good guy. That role is saved for Brayden.

I'm a player, and I’ll gladly accept that role. I'm not saying I'm proud of that. I'm just being realistic.

I was always the more outgoing of me and my brother. I was the jock and Brayden was the geek. I obviously lost my virginity long before my brother did, but I couldn't help it. I was practically swimming in girls since I was in high school. Brayden was the relationship type not me.

The same pattern carried over when we went to NYU. Although I wasn't in any sports, I worked out when not partying or doing the minimum for my classes. Brayden on the other hand was the valedictorian of our high school graduating class and continued his perfect academic career graduating summa cum laude just missing the coveted title of valedictorian.

While I had many relationships in college, Brayden only had one, Shannon. She wanted to be a surgical doctor, so while they dated their almost entire undergraduate career, their dreams took them to opposite ends of the country. Shannon ended up at San Francisco, and Brayden and I stayed in New York.

"We have to rectify that sometime."

"Rectify what exactly?" I ask. I really must not have been paying any attention.

"You traveling out of the country. You need to broaden your horizons, Bren. The world's a big place."

I laugh but something tells me she actually serious about this. "Trust me Addy, my
horizons
are quite broad already."

She winces at my reference to my wide variety of women she knows I explore then stares out of the passenger window as we race toward the city.