Down the Dirt Road (15 page)

    “So, your mother is OK with you, only seventeen, getting married to someone you have only been sleeping with for six weeks?”  Each word cut through the tension with the force of a meat cleaver.  Jennie had no qualms about hurting her ex-friend’s feelings since she had paid little regard to hers when she committed the act that had put her in this position in the first place.  A feeling of guilty pl
easure washed over her in fact.  She couldn’t help but think that
Trisha had gotten exactly wha
t she deserved for breaking Jennie’s
heart.

     “It really doesn’t matter, now does it?  I turn eighteen the first of October, our wedding is set for the second.  I won’t even be showing by then.  It’s what’s best.”

     “What’s best?!  FOR WHO?  Not for you, you don’t even know how to cook! 
What about finishing school?  You’ll be a high school dropout! 
How are you going to care for a home and a husband and a baby?”

     “It’s best for the baby. 
I’ll get my GED but I don’t really need it to be a farmer’s wife.  Besides all that,
I grew up without a Daddy.  I don’t want my child coming from a broken home.”

    “Just an unhappy one, based on lies and cheating and dishonesty.”

     “Michael and I
have never lied to each other.  We both knew what we wanted from the start.”

    “Yeah, right,”   Jennie spit out angrily.  “You never lied to each other, just me.”

    Trisha rose from the chair, throwing her hands on her hips haughtily.  “I really don’t see how any of it is your business
anyway
.”

     “You don’t think…What do you mean it isn’t my business?  You made it my business by sleeping with my boyfriend!”

     Trisha’s face fell and she dropped back into the rocking chair throwing her hands up in surrender.

     “Jennie….”

     “Why are you here, Trisha?  Did you come here just to tell me something I would have found out soon enough anyway?”  Jennie paced the length of the front porch, aggravation propelling her back and forth in front of the other girl.

    “I thought… I hoped…. Oh! I don’t know what I thought….”  She threw her hands up in the air again as she fought back tears.

      “Well, I don’t know what you want from me, Trisha but I have nothing to give.  I have moved on with my life.  In case you have forgotten, my father just died.  My mother is a wreck and someone has to take care of things around here so that we don’t lose what little Daddy left us.  I don’t have time for your drama or your games or your ridiculous plans to get married before you even graduate from high school.”

     Trisha rose from the chair again and began to walk down the porch steps gripping the railing for support.  She looked so timid, so small.  Not at all the larger than life friend Jennie had spent so m
any years wishing she could be exactly like
.  Her usually bouncy blonde hair hung in a lifeless pony tail down her back.  Slumped shoulders and small steps screamed defeat.

     “
Trish
a…”  She called after the other girl
,
letting
the name sort of drift off at the end since she had absolutely no idea what she actually wanted to say to her old friend.

     Trisha stopped walking and turned around to look up at Jennie.  “I’m sorry I came here.  I don’t know what I was thinking.  I guess I just hoped that we could go back to… I was hoping  you might have forgiven me enough to … to maybe be my maid of honor.”

    “
You want me to be y
our
what
?”  Fury washed over her in waves.  How did Trisha actua
lly expect her to stand up at the
alter in front of God and all their friends and family and support their union?

      “Forget it!  Just forget it!  I never should have come here!”  Trisha turned and took off at a run.  Unsure if a
pregnant woman was supposed to be running, Jennie almost called out to her, just to make her stop but she couldn’t quite bring herself to do it.  Instead she watched her former friend until she disappeared down the old dirt road and even the cloud of dust following her was no longer visible. 

   The evening chores were a blur, by the time she dropped onto her bed, she was so numb she wasn’t even sure she had actually fed the chickens but couldn’t bring herself to care enough to go and double check.  Instead she turned her face into one of the silly lavender pillows and cried herself to sleep.

13.

    It had been two weeks since Trisha’s big announcement.  On work days, she was able to clear her mind, focusing only on the task of making paper.  Chores filled her evenings on those days and by the time she dropped into bed at night she was too tired to even dream, let alone dwell on the deeply buried ache that had renewed itself the day Trisha announced she was pregnant.

   The weekends were harder.  In a town as small as theirs, everyone knew everyone else’s business.  She couldn’t avoid the super market or the gas station completely.  When she was forced to stop, someone inevitably approached her to ask about Michael and Trisha. 

    On that particular Saturday she had already dealt with the cashier at the mark
et and the teller at the bank.  All she wanted do was get home and home amongst the comfort of familiarity.  Uncle Tommy was coming to dinner that evening- he and Momma had become even closer in recent weeks- so she had plenty to do preparing the promised chicken alfredo.

   Freedom was within her grasp as she loaded her packages into the trunk of her car.  Relaxing enough to allow herself to hum a little, she slammed the trunk closed and turned to go climb into the driver’s seat
but instead
walked straight into the chest of the one person she hoped to never, ever see that closely again.

    
Michael.

     “Get out of my way.  Momma’s waitin’ on me.”

     He placed both his large hands on her shoulders, holding her in place.  Warmth radiated through her linen top from his touch.  Trying to shimmy away from him, she groaned audibly when his strong hands held her in place.

    “Jennie, we gotta talk.”

    “We don’t
gotta
do anything!
I thought we already established that
a long time ago
.
Now, let me go.”

     “Just calm your pretty little self down, now will ya?  I need to talk to ya’.”

     She shot him an angry look as she pelted his chest with her fists.  Grabbing both her wrists in one of his hands, he chuckled.  “I see you are still as spunky as you always was.”

      “You don’t know me at all anymore.  Don’t pretend like you do.”

      “Fine.  Whatever.  You gonna listen to me a minute if I let you go?”

      “OK, fine, you got exactly one minute.”

       He dropped her hands and shoved his own into his pockets.  “I wanna talk ‘bout Trisha.”

     “I’ve got nothin’ to say about that.”

       “It’s not a
that
, Jennie.  She was your best girl-friend since kindergarten.  You really willing to throw away a lifetime of friendship over one little thing.”

        “One little thing, huh?  Do you
even
listen to yourself?  Do you
know
how ridiculous you sound?”
  She tried to
push around him but the strong hands that returned to her shoulders held her fast.

     “She misses you, you know.  She don’t got no one, no one to help her through this.  Her momma, well you know how her momma is.  She needs you to help her get through it.”

     “Pregnancy isn’t a disease, Michael!  She will survive, she’s not dying you know.”

      Her tongue was sharp that morning but she didn’t care.  Michael had a lot of nerve putting all of this on her.  She wasn’t the one who had gotten knocked up or stolen her best friend’s boyfriend.  All she wanted now was to keep as much distance between herself and the two people she never wanted to see or talk to ever again.  She had many more important things in her life to worry about now.
  

    “I know that.” 

     “Do you?  Do you really, Michael?  Because there is no cure to pregnancy except birth.  When she is finally feeling better, she won’t be alone.  You are going to be a father, you do know what that means right?  Your whole life is going to change.  No more
whoring
around!”

    Her voice had risen considerably and Michael glanced around them, something akin to fear in his eyes.

    “Stop yellin’, Jennie.  Someone’s gonna hear you.”

    “Hear what?  The truth?  Be about time some of that was passed a
r
ound by all the gossips in this town
.”  She spat out the words but dropped her voice considerably.

     “Just do one thing for me… for Trisha…Please come to the wedding?  She wants you to be her maid of honor but doesn’t think you would ever agree…”

     “She’s sure right about that!”

    “…so, please, just come to the wedding.  It’s three weeks from today, four in the afternoon at the Methodist church down in town.”

    She dropped her eyes, studied the ground at her feet for a long while before she spoke.  “I don’t think so Michael but I will
think
about it.  That’s the best I can offer to you right now.”

    “I guess that’s better’n nothing.  Thank you, Jennie.  It’s gonna mean the world to Trisha.  She loves you like a sister.”

     “She sure had a funny of showing it.”  Jennie whispered but Michael was already gone.
  Collapsing against the side of her car, she leaned her head against the hot metal and looked up at the sky.  Just when she thought she was getting over him…

     “Rough day?”

     Jennie’s head snapped up and looked straight into the sunglass covered eyes of Grayson Jennings.

      She sighed heavily.  “You could say that.”  Turning her back to him, she shoved the key to he car’s door in to the lock and yanked the door open.

    “Anything I can do to help?”

   She was in no mood for his well meaning request.  From that moment, Jennie was swearing off all men in her life.  All they ever did was hurt you anyway.  They sleep with your best friend, die…

     “Yeah, just leave me alone.”  Slamming the door shut, the key in the ignition brought the car to life and she pulled away from the gape mouthed Grayson a lot faster than she should ever have been driving in a parking lot.

    The tears fell continuously all the way home. Pictures of the beautiful bride she knew Trisha would make mingled with the images of the beautiful children Trisha and Michael would create together.   They were both so beautiful there was nothing but pure perfection awaiting them in the form of babies.

    About halfway home she began to regret the horrible way she had treated Grayson.  All he had done was make the mistake of talking to her after Michael left.
  Still, there was just no room in her life for relationships.  Personal relationships were messy- just look at the catastrophe her friendship with Trisha and become and the nuclear explosion her first love was.

    No it was definitely best all around, especially for Grayson if she kept her distance.  Work and the farm would be enough for her anyway.  Best to steer clear of anything that involved emotional investment.  It was just safer all around that way.

    That
day
was the last time she saw Grayson Jennings or Michael
for a very long time.

2001

14.

    It was hard to believe it had been two years.

   Two years since Daddy left them without so much as a final goodbye.

   Two full years of working the floor at the paper factory and running the farm
pretty much
all on her own.

   Two years since Michael and Trisha taught her that trusting people was the biggest mistake she could ever make.  It was the toughest life lesson she had ever had to face but she had come to believe that it was better have learned it young than later on in life.  Nothing like waking up married one day with three kids and another on the way
only to find out that her husband had a girlfriend and she was knocked up too.  No, it was definitely better to get that out of the way early on so she could focus on more important things like her job and the farm and …Momma.