Down the Dirt Road (19 page)

     He nodded in the direction of the television.  “So you have seen the news?”

    “Oh, my God, Grayson!  How horrible!  Can you believe they blew up those buildings?!  Why would anyone hate us that much to
go and
kill all those people?”

     “The Unites States has a lot of enemies, Jennie.”

      She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, swiping at the dampness that had begun to settle there as they talked.

     “But, still, so
many
people…”  The tears came then, tears held back for years rol
led down her cheeks and landed on her lap
as she leaned her head in her hands.

     What was she really crying for?  People she had never met or
was it
the idea
that she now felt so vulnerable?
 
If the greatest city on the planet could fall victim, what did that say about her? The tears began to flow freely as fear and sadness enveloped her. 
Grayson pulled her from the chair and
she didn’t resist even as he
held her close as she
cried a million tears, soaking the front of his freshly pressed polo shirt.  The young man didn’t seem to mind and Jennie didn’t have the presence
of mind to remind herself she wanted keep as much distance as possible between herself and Grayson Jennings.

     He rubbed her back in tiny little circles as she cried; the motion soothing as he held her close.  She knew she should try and calm herself, get her act together and pull herself up to the stoic young woman she had been so proud of being but she couldn’t.  She needed to feel safe, protected, the way she always had when Daddy was alive and would hold her close to calm her fears after a scary dream or bad day at school.

    
When the tears ran dry and she had the presence of mind to step back from Grayson’s too comfortable embrace.  A wash of embarrassment at her behavior flushed her face a deep red. 

    “I…I’m sorry… I don’t know what came o
ver me.”  She all but whispered her voice hoarse from all the tears.

    “There is nothing to apologize for.”  Grayson whispered back, his sharp eyes probing hers.  “It’s been a stressful
time for you the past few days.  I am certain there are many reasons for your tears and I am always happy to offer you a shoulder when you need it.”

     “Thank you.  You are very kind.”  The words sounded empty, forced.  She didn’t know what else to say and suddenly the air around them was heavy with discomfort and embarrassment.

     Finally Grayson broke the uncomfortable silence.  “So, how is your mother today?  I was worried that I never heard from you last night.  Did you spend the night here in the hospital?”

     She nodded.  “It took most of the night to get Momma situated and then she didn’t want to be alone so I stayed here.  I must look awful- no shower, no hairbrush…”   She flattened her palms against her wild curls in a futile attempt to tame them.  She glanced down at her wrinkled, dirty clothing and scowled.  She really did look awful.

    “You couldn’t look awful if you tried.”  The compliment was quiet but sincere.  Jennie flushed with embarrassment again and shrugged her shoulders with a mumbled ‘thank you’.  Grayson always seemed to see deep inside her, into
her soul when he looked at her.  Michael’s eyes had always looked through her too, they undressed her every time he looked at her.  She realized suddenly that her relationship with Michael had no real depth to it.  He never really listened to her, maybe because they never really spoke of anything of any importance.  Grayson seemed different, deeper.  She could enjoy getting to know his depths.

    Shaking off the feelings of attraction that kept creeping up on her
, Jennie focused her eyes on her mother, reminding herself why she was there. 
The television above Momma’s bed continued to show coverage of the destruction from that morning.  What was their world coming too?

    “Let me take you home, Jennie.  You could use a change of scenery and the chance to change clothes at least.”

    The words, coming from someone like Michael could have been condescending but the sincerity in his eyes told her his only concern was for her and her feelings
.  Still, something held her back
.

    “I can call my Uncle Tommy to come and get me.  He will want to know about Momma anyway.”

    “Tommy is gone, headed upstate to check out some farm equipment.  Won’t be back until Sunday.  It’s OK, I am off duty for the next two days.  I don’t mind giving you a lift.”  His smile was so genuine, Jennie found it impossible to turn down the offer.  Besides, she really did need to shower and change.  It would also be nice to have her own car and maybe something to eat that didn’t come from a vending machine. 

     “OK, that would be great.  Thank you, Officer Jennings.”

     “Please don’t ever call me that again.”  Grayson smiled to soften his words.  “When I am off duty, out of uniform, I am just a regular guy, OK?”

      “OK.”  Jennie couldn’t help but smile in reply.  There was something infectious about the way his slightly titled grin reached his eyes that made her feel light and even slightly happy, in spite of herself.  “Just let me say good bye to my mother and let her nurse know I will be back soon.

    She leaned over and kissed her mother’s forehead but when the older woman didn’t stir, she decided against
waking her.  The nurse could let her know where Jennie had gone.  She did, however pull the blanket up and tucked it in around the sleeping form.  It disturbed just how cool Momma’s skin was and just how pale she seemed to be surrounded by the white hospital linens.

    “All right, I’m ready.  Just need to stop by the nurses’ station on our way out.”

17.

     Jennie was surprised by just how easy it was to be with Grayson Jennings.  He
held doors for her and waited by
her side until she buckled her seatbelt.  He
spoke with manners and had an air of kindness she wouldn’t have expected from someone who wore a badge.  Television cops we
re always portrayed as such bad
asses that it was hard for her to picture this soft spoken man- despite his over six feet in height and muscular physique- playing the role of a rampart with a vendetta.

    They didn’t talk much as they exited the hospital.  Grayson took her by the elbow in the parking lot and
steered her toward a Ford  F150 pick
-
up truck that had seen better days.  It was a lot like Daddy’s old truck, except maybe a few decades newer.
It wasn’t until they were on the road, passing through the center of town when he finally spoke. 

    “So, if you don’t mind me asking, was the doctor feeling optimistic this mor
ning about your mother’s injury?
”

    She had almost forgotten about Momma and the reason they were riding together on such a beautiful Virginia fall day.  Her mood automatically fell again.

    “Her head injury was minimal.  They aren’t worried about that at all.  What concerns the doctors is the reason for the fall.  They think Momma might have something called Lupus.”

    He glanced briefly over at her.  “Jennie, I’m so sorry.  Is Lupus… is it… well, is it like cancer?”

     She knew exactly what he was trying to say without actually voicing the words.  Cancer was often fatal.  He wanted to know if her Momma was going to die.

   They were all going to die sometime, weren’t they?

   But Momma was still so young, she had once been so vibrant.  Now all she seemed to do was wait for the day when she could be with Daddy again.  Had Momma wished herself terminally ill?

   No, the doctor had said Lupus was manageable, that she could live for many years with the right sort of treatment.  But it had to be up to Momma. 
That being said,
Jennie didn’t much care for the odds.

   “It can be… like cancer.  The doctor was very optimistic about managed car
e
but it’s really up to Momma…”

   Grayson reached over and took her hand in his.  So large, so strong compared to her much smaller one yet they felt …right… together.
  The person to person contact was nic
e;
it had been so long since any one had touched her.  Daddy was always the hugger in the family- Momma was raised to keep a charitable distance from everyone and everything.  Since the funeral, no one
had shown
Jennie any affection at all.  In less than an hour Grayson had held her as she cried and now he traced the lines on the back of her hand where her veins were visible.  Hard factory work had changed the plains of her hands, roughened the skin, strengthened
muscles and tendons.  Hers were working hands, no longer the delicately painted finger nails and soft, moisturized palms of her youth.  Grayson didn’t seem to mind though.  He held on to her all the way through town, never even letting go as he navigated the dips and drops of the rugged dirt road leading to her house.

    In her heart she knew she should pull her hand away, she didn’t want to give him any false impressions about her feelings, but it just felt so good to be touched by someone, someone who seemed to care for her that her muscles wouldn’t take the message from her brain.  And so they sat, any conversation drowned out by the crashes of the shocks as the truck made its way to her home.  The ride would have been perfect had she not passed Trisha and Michael walking together along the side
of the road pushing a
baby carriage.  Michael had his arm casually draped over Trisha’s shoulder as pushed the carriage and smiled up at her husband.  It was so
obvious that they were in love that
it made her want to cry.  Pulling her hand away from Grayson’s she used it to cover her face as she fought to hold back the second onslaught of tears in so many hours.

   How was it that they were so
happy
together?  Her boyfriend and her best friend had lied to her, broken her heart.  It wasn’t fair that they got to be so damned happy together!

    “He was never right for you, you know.”  Grayson’s words, as quiet as they were, rung loud and clear in her ears.

     “What makes you think you know what’s right for me?”  She snapped back, her tongue as sharp as a razor’s edge.

    “He didn’t appreciate you the way he should have, he wouldn’t have challenged you, supported you.  Michael is a charming, good looking guy but he’s about as deep as puddle.”  There was no malice in his words but still, anger boiled over out of Jennie.

    “What the hell do
you
know?  You don’t know anything about me!”  The truck had come to a halt in front of her house.  Jennie yanked the handle and shoved the door open nearly falling out and onto the dirt drive below.

   Grayson jumped from the driver’s seat and ran around the front of the truck, grabbing her as she stumbled from the vehicle, her injured knee screaming in agony.
  He turned
her around so that they faced each other, his hands on her shoulders preventing her from turning and running.

    “Here’s what I know.  You had big plans to leave here, make it big in the city and never look back.  But then your father died.  You gave up all of your dreams to take care of this place and tend to your mother.  You work in a factory when you should
be at
a university somewhere.  You had your heart broken by your high school crush and for some ridiculous reason have hung all your self- worth around the shoulders of some good looking farm boy who hopped in the sack with your best friend the minute you turned your back.  I know you are too good of a person, have too kind of a soul to let someone like that determine who you will be and whether or not you will ever allow yourself to be loved again.”

   Jennie’s mouth fell open to refute him but the words wouldn’t come.  Grayson was right about everything. 
Everything
.  But that didn’t change a thing from how it was- she made the choices she did because there were no other options for her.  Who did he think he was coming in here and telling her how she should feel?

   “Get out of here!  JUST GO!  I don’t need the likes of you telling me how to live my life!  I am doing just fine on my own!”

    “Are you?”  He asked quietly.  “You aren’t lonely?  Sad?”

    She turned and ran toward the porch, ignoring the agonizing streaks of pain in her left leg as she took the steps two at a time.  Grabbing the key from over the door frame she let herself in and slammed the door in the face of a very surprised police office named Grayson Jennings.