Down the Dirt Road (8 page)

    The dust rolled away from the car in waves as she made her way down the center of the rutted dirt road for the first time since the day Daddy died.  Her mind wandered back to that day, it felt like a million years ago now, when Trisha told her she had slept with Michael.  Jennie thought her heart could never hurt as much as it had in that moment. 
And then Daddy had collapsed and her whole world had fallen apart.

    Damn it!  She missed him!  How would
she
and Momma ever get along without Daddy there to keep them safe?
  To hold all the pieces together?

    The little coupe Momma usually drove bottomed out against the hard dirt sending a shockwave through her spine.  Sha
king her head as if to will away
headache
it caused
, she steered the car around the next big rut, vowing to pay more attention to the road and less to her emotions and her wandering thoughts
.

     A mile before the end of the road sat Michael’s family’s farm.  Much bigger than the tiny Marshall property, it sprawled over
one hundred and
seventy five acres with fields dedicated to co
rn and wheat and barley and hop
s.   Grazing pastures housed cattle, horses and even a few goats.  The McKee farm was a working farm, it made money and supported the family.  The Marshall farm provided food and shelter but there was no profit.  Daddy worked at the factory to make ends meet.  What was she
thinking?  All the chores under the sun wouldn’t help pay the mortgage or the taxes or the insurance. 

    Insurance.  There was Daddy’s life insurance.  Maybe
Momma was right and
that would keep them going for awhile?  She wasn’t sure how much there was but she was fairly certain there wasn’t enough to last for too long.

    Jennie was more certain than ever that leaving school was the right decision.

    There was no way the farm would survive if she didn’t.  Of course, there was little chance it would survive if she did drop out.  

    Unless they had a source of income. 

   There was
no
way around it, Jennie needed to find
a job.

   The road ended at the paved highway.  Turning left, her front tires spinning just a bit as they fought for traction on the new surface.  The smooth
blacktop made driving so much simpler
, it was easy for her mind to wander
again.  It wasn’t long before she was back in the barn on the McKee property, listening to Trisha gush about how happy she and Michael were and how sorry she was for hurting Jennie but sometimes things just happened and there was nothing that
could be done to prevent it.  And then she was walking down the dirt road toward home, Daddy’s truck whining as it pulled up beside her.  Why hadn’t she noticed how pale he was?  Demanded that he let Doc Hansen come by, check on him.  Maybe they would have made it to the hospital in time.  Maybe Daddy would still be here and she wouldn’t be heading into town to do the one thing she swore to never do.

    Her grades had always been her ticket out.  Now they were the shackle that forced her to stay forever.

    The only in
tersection in town was quiet; t
he usual midmorning bustle minimized by the heavy heat.  As she passed the factory where Daddy had spent two thirds of
all
his days,
tears filled her eyes.  The massive flag pole in the center of the property held the American flag at half
-staff and
black ribbon adorned the trunk of each of the imposing oak trees that lined the drive to the employee parking lot.  The whole town was taking the death of John Marshal to heart and soul.

   Their sadness was oddly comforting.  The pain
deep inside her heart
eased just the slightest bit knowing that so many others shared it with her.

    
It was only a minute or two befo
re she reached the high school.
The low brick building had become as familiar to her as her own home over the past
three years.  It was the only hi
gh school in the county, shared by nearly a dozen small farm towns just like hers.
 
A bus trip could take the other side of an hour for some students. 

   
The sprawling structure seemed almost out of place in its size and progressive design.  Everything else in town looked the same as it had for over a hundred years.  The only real changes
being
indoor plumbing and electricity; and there were still a large number of hold outs on both those amenities.

   
  
It took only a minute or two to find a parking space.  Most of the main lot was empty.  The school ran on a skeleton staff during the summer break.  Jennie hoped Ms. Burch was in, she hadn’t thought to call ahead and make an appointment with the young guidance counselor who could
be more like Jennie’s friend than an adult she needed to consult with for permission to get on with her life.

       The secretary smiled at her when she entered the office, the undeniable
sadness in her eyes.  Even she was mourning the loss of John Marshall.  Jennie never realized how far reaching her father’s influence was on the townspeople where he had lived his whole life.

    “Good morning Mrs. Calhoum, I was wondering if Ms. Burch was in this morning?”

     “Good mornin’ Jennie Marshall.  How are you and your momma doing?  I was so sorry to hear about your father.”

    “Thank you Mrs. Calhoun, Momma and I are doin’ jus
t
fine.  Is Ms. Burch here today?”

   
“Why yes, yes she is.  Let me call into her office and see if she is available.  You just sit tight
right over there.”

    “Thank you, ma’am.”  Jennie busied herself reading postings on a bulletin board while Mrs. Calhoun made the necessary calls to the guidance office.
  It wasn’t long before Ms. Burch
appeared in the doorway between the office and the hall, arms already outstretched for a hug.  Jennie was thin but on the tall
side.  Everything about Ms.
Burch
was perky and petite; she had to almost reach up to embrace Jennie and pat her on the back.

     Stepping back, Ms. Burch
held her at arms’ length studying her for a long moment.  “Jennie, I am
so
sorry
about your daddy!  Is there anything I can do for you?”

     “Thank you, Ms. Burch
.  There is one thing you might be able to help me with.  Can we talk?”

      “Oh, of course!  Of course!  L
et’s go to my office.”  Ms. Burch
led the way down the hall to the next door.  Holding it open, she ushered Jennie into the
office suite and led her to her own tiny corner office barely large enough to hold a desk, a couple of chairs and a bookshelf.  Stacks of file folders and piles of papers covered ev
ery available surface.  Ms. Burch
’s organizational skills were a bit- well-
unique
.

    “Here, sit.”  Ms. Burch
grab a pile of file folders off of the chair facing her desk and climbed her way through the disarray to her chair behind the cluttered surface, dropping the files on top of a
nother haphazard stack of papers.  She flopped down in the oversized chair and pulled it forward until her elbows rested on the desk top.  Folding her hands
under her chin, she eyed Jennie with her sharp blue eyes through thin, wire framed glasses. 

    “OK, Jennie Marshall, what can I do for you?”

    “I want to graduate early.  I have enough credits to be done now.”

     Ms. Burch
leaned back in her chair and tapped her two forefingers together.  “Now why would you want to go and do that, Jennie?  It’s much too late to apply to college, there’s no reason for you to drop out.”

     “I’m not droppn’ out.  I’m graduatin’ early.”

     “But, why?  You have a plan.  We made it together in the spring.  This is your senior year.”
    
“Plans change.  Things change.”

      They looked at eac
h other over the desk.  Ms. Burch
studied Jenn
ie intently, trying, it seemed,
to assess just how serious
Jennie was about the request she
had just made.
  Jennie tried to will back the tears that were ever threatening while silently begging her counselor to make this easy on her.  Everything else had already been so hard lately.

     Ms. Burch
’s expression soften
ed
as she reached a hand across the desk to touch Jennie on the arm.  “Have you thought about what you would be giving up?”

     That was
all
she had been thinking about but it didn’t matter.  She had to do what had to be done.

     Ms. Buch
continued.  “Prom.  Senior trip.  Walking the stage and receiving your diploma.  You’ve worked hard Jennie, you deserve those things.  Those experiences are irreplaceable.”

    Hard core, repressed emotions propelled her to her feet.  The anger, the frustration, the sadness welled up like Mount Vesuvius within her and she slamme
d her hand down against Ms. Burch
’s desk just to release some of the energy inside her.

     “My
father
is irreplaceable.  The home and the farm he worked so hard to build are
irreplaceable
.  A diploma is a piece of paper.  The cows and the horses and the hay bales have no interest in whether or not I have one.  Walking across a stage won’t change the fact that I have completed the requirements to graduate high school.  Will you let me
graduate now or do I have to drop out?  Because I am NOT coming back here next week when classes start.”

     Ms. Burch
just stared at her, eyes wide with shock.  Jennie was always so even
tempered
.  Her outburst had been uncalled for and she instantly felt guilty for taking out all of her
jumbled emotions on the young guidance counselor.  Dropping back into the chair, she pushed the stray curls that had worked their way out of the knot on her head away from eyes.  Her skin felt clammy even to her own touch.  She had to get things taken care of as quickly as possible and get out of here.

    “I…I’m sorry Ms. Burch
.  It’s … It’s been … hard …the past few days.  I shouldn’t have lost my temper like that.  But I meant what I said.  I am not coming back to school, even if it means I have to drop out.”

     “I wish… I wish I had the right words to say to make you feel better Jennie.  Both my parents are alive and well and I have no idea what sort of pain a loss like yours creates.  Everyone has a breaking point and if I had to guess, you have reached yours.  Have you even cried once since your daddy died?”

    “Of course I have!”

     “No, I mean really cried.  Kicked something.  Hit something.  Let the anger out so it doesn’t eat you alive from the inside out.”

    “Ms. Burch
, I have way to
o
many things to do at home to sit here and discuss this with you.  Momma, she needs me right now…”

     A light brightened Ms. Burch
’s blue eyes as she latched on to a new angle in her plea to keep Jennie in school.

    “How does your mother feel about your decision?”

    “I’m old enough to decide for myself.  State says you only gotta be sixteen to drop out.  I am seventeen
…almost eighteen in a few months
.”

     “Ahhh…”  Ms. Burk sat back in her chair and formed a steeple with her fingers under her chin.  “So, she isn’t happy about it.  Come on, Jennie.  It’s only one more year.  Sur
ely you and your mother can get
some help for a
while?
  Just long enough for you to get your diploma?  Maybe go to prom.
”

    “I
don’t mean to be rude, Ms. Burch
, but I don’t give a damn about prom.  Not anymore.  It’s not like I would have anyone to go with anyway.”

    “What do you mean?  I thought you and Michael McKee…?”

     “Not any more.  But that doesn’t matter.  Are you going to let me out of here or not?”

     Jennie was trying very hard to main
tain her composure but Ms. Burch’
s attempts at trying to change her mind were beginning to grate on her nerves.  The other woman studied her intently for a moment.

    “This is really what you want, Jennie?”

    “Yes.  I don’t have any other choice.”

    “All right, then.  I will file the paperwork.  I just need you to sign this paper.”

     Ms. Burch
handed her a yellow piece of paper.  There was a different kind of sadness in her eyes now.  Jennie signed her name with the black pen her counselor offered her.