Draculas (58 page)

Joe, are you working on any new Jenny stuff? I can pick up where you left off, but I don't want to step on your toes (since everybody knows you type with your toes--the pictures Blake sent me are frickin' disgusting!).

Jeff

* * *

Cool. If a point comes up where it makes sense to do this, I'll have somebody try to explain the backstory to Randall, who has trouble following the details and says "You know what, this late in the game I really don't give a shit where these things came from!"

Jeff

* * *

Right now, Jenny is killing Lanz. When she's done, Benny can show up and Randall can burst in and save her.

Joe

* * *

Okay, how about this:

Jenny is fighting Lanz. Kills him. Benny shows up and chainsaws through the door.

Randall rescues her. Tearful reunion. Then they're surrounded by draculas. Randall fights off a bunch with his saw, but he's outnumbered. Gets bitten.

Clay comes in with the boom boom, clears the path. Threatens to kill Randall. Jenny won't let him. They go, with the kids, to the roof because Clay thinks he can flag down the tv helicopter.

Along the way they meet up with Adam, Stacie, and the baby.

Army shows up. Begins to massacre draculas, causing all of them to flee--running up the stairs. Everyone on the roof.

Randall begins to change. He and Jenny express love. Randall becomes a dracula and starts kicking ass.

Clay gets the kids on the helicopter, the baby, and then Stacie is killed and Adam wounded.

Randall is wounded and dying. Jenny stays with him.

Clay gives Adam the grenades, leaps onto the skids as the helicopter takes off (Yippe ki-yaa, mother fucker), and loses his grip and falls off the building.

Adam blows up, making meat confetti. Jenny tell Randall she loves him. He dies. Just as she's surrounded, the army drops a bomb.

Shanna sees the explosion. Watches the helicopter come. Clay isn't on it. She weeps. Meets another survivor. Young guy. He's calm and a bit flirtatious.

Clay climbs out of a tree, his arm and several ribs broken. "Jumping onto a helicopter is a fuckall lot harder than it is in the movies." Reunites with Jenny.

Survivor gets baby. It's Mort.

What say you all?

Joe

* * *

Also, my Jenny/Lanz section topped 5000 words. Which means that we've written about 50k words so far. I'm figuring it'll go 15k more, maybe 20k when we go back and add a bit more setting and atmosphere. 70k is a respectable word count for a book like this.

Joe

* * *

Who is this guy on your blog saying that hospitals don't use cell phone jammers? He isn't right is he?

Blake

* * *

Upon further study, he may be right. But that's a quick fix. We used that device because we didn't want people calling for help, but now it doesn't matter because help is coming anyway.

I'll kill it in the sample and reupload the file.

Joe

* * *

Just changed the jammer in the sample and the main manuscript, and uploaded it to Kindle. At the beginning of the sample I had a disclaimer saying it was uncorrected proofs, so it won't matter. We owe that guy a beer.

Joe

* * *

Apparently I was misinformed, and hospitals don't use cell phone jammers. I changed it in the sample and the final manuscript.

This is actually a good development. Now Shanna can call Clay when he goes back into the hospital to help Randall, so they can have a tense goodbye scene on the phone. Randall can also call the TV station and tell them to bring the helicopter to the roof.

The point of not wanting cell phones is because we didn't want the cops to come early. But they came early anyway, so it doesn't matter.

Joe

* * *

I researched cell jammers for Cherry Bomb and could swear they were used on airplanes. But apparently I was wrong, because if they were used it would crash the plane. My bad.

The measure of a man is not only being able to admit when he's wrong, but being grateful to those who point it out.

BTW, I think all of you are consistently wrong about everything.

Joe

* * *

You spelled "Killborn" wrong on all of your books.

Jeff

* * *

You smell like cheese.

Joe

* * *

The Jenny/Lanz section is done. Now Randall needs to save her, and quick.

Joe

* * *

American Genocide is off to my agent...it's draculas time!

Blake

September 12, 2010

I think I'm all right with this...question tho...need to iron out the whole helicopter helping out thing. If the Army is going to blow the place, would they even allow a helicopter to go near a contaminated site. Not saying it can't happen, we just need to establish how it does.

Blake

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Joe and I have been thinking that the only thing Draculas is missing are Hardy Boy/Nancy Drew-style illustrations. 5 of them, and the scenes we want to do are:

Benny the Clown being attack in the ER over the caption: "Oh no, I'm getting bitten...again!"

Oh God. Is that a...flamingo?

the wheelchair dracula chasing Randall

Oasis getting ready to munch on Grammy Ann and asking for her red candy

Clayton Theel and Shanna, heavily armed, kicking ass and taking names.

The artist, Carl (who did the killer cover) would do these for $XXXX apparently. Any objections, suggestions?

This would be the style:

http://bookshelvesofdoom.blogs.com/.a/6a00d8345169e469e20120a7544a31970b-pi

Blake

* * *

Dunno how I missed the birth scene, Blake. Beautifully done.

Joe

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Thanks. Just finished reading Jenny v. Lanz...truly vile, brother. I must have grimaced at least a dozen times. Self amputation...eeewwww. Great scene. I'm not sure if it should be cut up or presented as one long sequence.

Jeff and Paul - read your new stuff too. bravo. Excellent work. We're hitting a really nice balance of horror and laughs. I think if we can tease out a little more suspense in the final polish this thing will be firing on all cylinders. Something truly horrific, truly scary, and truly funny. A tall order, but we're getting there.

Blake

* * *

I like the scene. I think it's necessary to establish how Benny knows to use alcohol (also rounds out his backstory a little bit). It is jarring tho. I think we'll have to see how it hangs with the other scenes on a final review.

Blake

* * *

It's almost 6k words, plus it's really intense, so I think we should divide the scene up. There's so much going on at once, readers will want to check in with other characters.

* * *

Still up? I'm almost done with a 1st pass at Shanna's explanation.

Blake

* * *

Shanna dracula backstory Paul 4.0 is up...still needs a little polishing but it's getting there. I love how all these draculas myths are rolled into one package that kind of makes sense if you don't stare at it too hard. Paul, I renamed your new files just to make it clear what's what in advance of putting everything into the big manuscript documents at the end of the week.

Blake

* * *

Jeff 6.1
-- great scene -- absurd and terrifying -- and smooth segue into Clay vs Randall. I added that Randall spots Clay with a frightened looking woman, since Shanna's in the next scene. Hope I didn't throw you a curve by giving Randall a gun. It's got only 4 shots, but if it messes your plans, I can go back and have him refuse it.

Jenny 1.0
this is one intense piece. In a way it's already broken up by shifts in POV.

brain defibrillation -- resetting Lanz's thought processes like ECT -- very clever.

A couple of quibbles:

Randall was a rock. He was also one of the most reassuring, nurturing people she'd ever known
-- this doesn't jibe with his history of drunken rampages -- doesn't sound like a guy she'd divorce. Maybe now that he's stopped drinking, she realizes he's once again the guy she fell in love with.

and the Tea Party was populated by morons
. -- gratuitous and political, no? Definitely has its share of morons, but I've got some loyal readers involved in the movement (my Ron Paul contingent) and they're anything but.

Stacie 4.0
-- very moving; the turn at the end is unsettling. (I changed vernex to vernix)

Paul

* * *

Nice. A painless, concise explanation, but is it done?

"He carries the virus that makes the vaccine."

I hear Clay saying. "Vaccine? You mean like a shot?"

Paul

* * *

Re: draculas illustrations: No objections whatsoever. That sounds like a fantastic idea.

Jeff

* * *

You're right, Paul, it was political and gratuitous. I thought it spoke to her character. But I'll cut it. What's another group of people I can call stupid that won't annoy fans that Jenny would dislike?

As for the Randall drinking thing, good catch. I think we can compromise. I want Jenny to leave him because he's not the brightest bulb, and she wants more. That could include him hitting the bars and getting arrested for fighting and drunk and disorderly. But I don't see him as the type who would ever be violent toward her, even if he has a violent streak.

So we can have Clay arrest him at various bars around town, and have him know Jenny because she kept bailing his dumb ass out. That means I'll add his drinking problem to Jenny's list of things she can't stand about him, and Clay can feel sorry for her that she has had to put up with such a loser.

Joe

* * *

Nice job on the infodump scene, Blake. I agree it needs to be smoothed out--it's too on the nose.

Can I take a crack at it?

Joe

* * *

You're right, Paul, it was political and gratuitous. I thought it spoke to her character. But I'll cut it. What's another group of people I can call stupid that won't annoy fans that Jenny would dislike?

The Klan? The Taliban?

As for the Randall drinking thing, good catch. I think we can compromise. I want Jenny to leave him because he's not the brightest bulb, and she wants more.

Shanna's problem with Clay is she wants more too. Too similar?

That could include him hitting the bars and getting arrested for fighting and drunk and disorderly. But I don't see him as the type who would ever be violent toward her, even if he has a violent streak.

So we can have Clay arrest him at various bars around town, and have him know Jenny because she kept bailing his dumb ass out. That means I'll add his drinking problem to Jenny's list of things she can't stand about him, and Clay can feel sorry for her that she has had to put up with such a loser.

Well, I never saw him being violent to her, just breaking stuff.

How about he was a sweet guy when they married; the drink got control and brought out his dark side. She couldn't take it anymore and dumped him. It's a nice arc for her to go from thinking he's still the jerk she divorced when they meet in the ER, to slowly realize that he's been serious about sobering up and that he's back to the sweet guy she married. (Yeah, I split an infinitive - sue me.)

Paul

* * *

Yeah, that's stronger. Jeff and I can tweak his drinking problem in the rewrite, make it more of a main issue between them.

Then the fact that he cut the back of his leg could be Jenny believing he was drinking on the job, when it really was just stupidity.

And the reason he could have begun drinking is because he felt inferior to his smarter wife.

Jeff? Work for you?

Joe

* * *

Yep, that completely works.

Are we going to add a disclaimer to the book saying that people who read the free sample are required to start over from the beginning? :)

Jeff

* * *

Please, take a crack at sanding out the rough edges. What I really love (and maybe you work on) is the idea that because Mort is from this bloodline, and because he essentially infected himself with the same strand that hit Oswald, the virus can manifest differently in him. He contains the cure within himself, only it's a cure that makes him a functioning (and infinitely more terrifying dracula). This is getting above my medical expertise pay grade, so hopefully Paul can make sure I haven't completely fucked up my basic understanding of virus and antibody. And yes, Paul, I think the scene definitely goes on with Clay saying "You mean a shot?" Please feel free to tweak any of the dialogue I assigned to him.

Blake

* * *

I uploaded a couple of pages of Clay 5.0 -- a scene done purely for visual impact -- but I don't know where to go from there. Does Clay reconnect with Randall next or does he blunder into the Adam-Stacie story? Eventually he has to help Adam end it all.

Maybe I'll write him setting up Adam's farewell scene and work on the timing and connections later. I'm on a roll here and don't want to lose momentum.

Paul

* * *

Paul - I'm writing my Adam scene right now. Not sure if he connects with Randall first (I'm thinking not), but Clayton does blunder into my story. He can be on the third floor, near the birthplace, (trying to find a way to the roof?) and hear screams coming from the maternity ward. He busts in and sees my minister out in the hallway fighting with Oasis (and losing). saves the day. Stacie by this point will be in bed, hooked up to a blood transfusion, and he can help them get out of there. Nurse Herrick will be turning into a draculas by this point too (Oasis bit her) so maybe he can put her down as well. There's also a single mother on the wing who just gave birth to a baby dracula (oasis has been on a tear). If you want to work that scene up, I'll work on Adam going to get blood for his wife, and lay the groundwork of Oasis running rampant through the birthplace while he's away. Sound good?