Draculas (63 page)

Blake

* * *

Yep, absolutely.

Jeff

* * *

Re: Jenny scenes: Great stuff! But when Jenny asks Randall to bite her neck, we sort of stop being the anti-TWILIGHT.

Jeff

* * *

I think Randall needs to glow in that scene.

Joe

* * *

Want me to start writing a Shanna/Driscoll scene up to where the hospital blows up?

Paul

* * *

Let Jenny say, "This isn't a Stephanie Meyer book!"

Blake

* * *

Absolutely. We still need to work Shanna's quarantine issue out (If she's in Q she can't meet Mortimer)...do you kill Clayton in your scene, and did you like the idea of a painful but quick test to tell if Shanna has been infected, which keeps her out of Q?

Blake

* * *

I've never seen or read Twilight. Is there really a "bite me in order to stay alive" scene?

In Randall's case, he pushes her away, so it might not be similar. But then, if it were my husband, I'd want him to bite me.

Joe

* * *

Okay, Jeff brought this up, so here's an uncomfortable question...Jeff...have you read or seen TWILIGHT? Because if there actually is a bite me to stay alive scene in Twilight and we use it to make fun of TWILIGHT, well, that's awesome.

Blake

* * *

How's this?

I'm assuming Shanna's being quarantined because she shot off her mouth, revealing she knows too much.

The kids and baby (she has no idea whose it is) would be put in with her because they ARE being quarantined.

I don't see why the returned-to-human-form Mort can't appear at the door and take the baby and free Shanna. He's more than human now (who knows what powers he's got?), so he could pull this off.

Outside, Shanna notices the army clearing the parking lot, backing away from the hospital. She sees the army helicopter lowering something to the roof. Mort says it's a huge shaped charge and describes what it will do. (sterilize, etc.)

Shanna runs off in search of Driscoll to stop it but doesn't get ten feet before the hospital becomes a huge funeral pyre. Mort comforts her and tells Shanna to flee.

We can fiddle with this until everybody's happy, but at least it will give us a skeleton to clothe.

Paul

* * *

The whole concept of Twilight is that the mopey teenage girl wants the mopey ancient vampire to bite her to change her. I can't specifically remember if "bite me to stay alive" is in there, but that's a common resolution in paranormal romance.

Keep in mind that this is not a romantic Lugosi nibble. Randall has bloody fangs that have ripped right through his cheeks. She's not gonna offer him her neck.

Jeff

* * *

She offered him her arm. But if you guys vote it down, we can kill the scene.

Also, "Ha ha! Jeff saw Twilight!"

Joe

* * *

In the DRACULAS 4.1 I've got, she offers him her neck.

That moment (not the whole scene) is total paranormal romance. We could acknowledge that, but if we're trying for genuine emotion, that's not the time to be winking at the reader.

Jeff

* * *

It should be her hand or arm. And it probably isn't the right time to wink at the reader. I'll take a look during the rewrite.

Joe

* * *

Could Mort somehow be involved with the quarantine? Working for Driscoll somehow? Or is that too far-fetched?

Joe

* * *

Yeah, far-fetched. But if he's dressed in nice clean scrubs, he could look like he belongs and slip under the radar.

Paul

* * *

I had him do his metamorphosis in the laundry room for that very reason.

Joe

* * *

Okay. I'll start on it.

Paul

* * *

Okay. I'll dig in Saturday AM and flip it to Jeff Sunday night.

Paul

* * *

Re: Randall's Last Stand

Jeff 10.0 is up

* * *

My pass is going to be the "Mad Lib Edit", where I substitute every noun with "wiener."

Joe

* * *

That's the wurst idea I ever hoid!

Paul

* * *

You really mustard that one up.

Joe

* * *

Paul, don't succumb to his evil!!!

Jeff

* * *

But he's such a brat!

Paul

* * *

That was rather frank.

Joe

* * *

Blake and I are going to write DRACULAS II by ourselves.

Jeff

* * *

"Blake and I are going to write DRACULAS II by ourselves," he said, with relish.

Joe

* * *

Except it's going to be like a Spike Lee joint...DRACULAZ 2, BIOTCH

Blake

* * *

I quit. This had already gone furter than it should.

Paul

* * *

Really? You had a redhot streak going there...

Joe

* * *

Shanna's last name...I can't find one. I'll stick in a placeholder and change it if anyone remembers.

Paul

* * *

I'm pretty sure it was "Wiener."

Joe

* * *

Goddammit, that's what I'm putting.

Paul

* * *

Then let's change her first name to Anita.

Anita Wiener.

Joe

* * *

Randall 10.0...Great scene Jeff.

Love: They could take away his humanity, but not his fucking chainsaw.

I just put it into the manuscript.

Blake

* * *

Clay's death...rocks big time...love Alice fusing to his hand. I think we're all set to write the end tomorrow...Joe has about 100-300 words to write for Jenny and we're done. I've put your Clayton scene into the manuscript, Paul.

Blake

September 23, 2010

I've read what we've got so far. Very nice job, everyone.

I finished the Jenny scenes, and also added to everyone's rooftop scenes in order to make her character consistent throughout them. I wanted to have her focus be on Randall, and for Randall to know that she stayed for him. It's in Dracula 4.2

On the promotional front, people have downloaded almost 700 free teaser copies of Draculas. Also, I heard from the publisher of Blood Lite, and Paul and I should be able to use "A Sound of Blunder" in the extras without being sued.

We're at about 78,000 words, and we've written 70k of them in just five weeks. You guys are rock stars. It's crazy how quick and easy this was to write.

Paul, can you put an excerpt from one of your ebooks into your dropbox folder to use as an extra? Maybe THE KEEP, in sticking to the vampire theme. (and yes, I know Rasalom isn't a vampire.) MIDNIGHT MASS would work, too.

Jeff, you missed a question in the interview section.

The goal is to get this to the proofreader by next Monday, and the formatter before the end of the month.

Joe

* * *

BTW, if we do a sequel, we should call it "DRACULASES"

Joe

* * *

Not to bombard you guys with emails, but I had an idea for extras that's obvious.

I liked Clay's death scene, but I also dug the discussion we had about Clay surviving.

This is an ebook. So why not do both? As an extra, we could have an alternate ending, like they do on DVDs. We could even have more than one. Gimmicky, sure, but it would be fun for each of us to pen a different ending where different, outrageous things happen.

Also, remember Paul's scene where Shanna liked firing the gun? That deleted scene that could be used as an extra. There may be other scenes too...

Joe

* * *

Shanna and the new Mort in "end scenes." Feel free to play with this.

If we do a sequel, I think it will be far more interesting to have Clay's father turn Shanna into a new Clay - a pissed-off, gun-toting momma out for blood.

Paul

* * *

Nicely done, Paul.

I like it, but I went in a different direction while fleshing out the rooftop scenes, and our scenes don't quite mesh.

I dig the shaped charge concept. For emotional impact though, both Jenny's and the reader's, I believe it is stronger to have Jenny know it's a bomb and that she's going to die. I also believe we need to see the bomb go off and the hospital destroyed, and perhaps that Shanna should be the one to bear witness to it. Explaining the hospital will blow up in dialog, without seeing it sort of takes away the surprise. And not seeing it happen is sort of unsatisfying, and readers will be asking "Well, did the bomb go off? Did Jenny make it?."

I like Shanna seeking out Clay's dad, like Mort with the baby, and like the mystery behind Driscoll and her team,

Can all of you read the last the last few scenes on the roof, then Paul's scene, so we can discuss? Or can I go in a play around with Paul's version, and show what I'm going for?

This, BTW, is a perfect example of the "extra and deleted scenes" bonus features I mentioned...

Joe

* * *

What is this then?

The roof of the hospital exploded in an incandescent flare. The boom and shockwave stopped her in her tracks and she watched in horror as the windows and walls of the fourth floor belched flame and debris, followed almost immediately by the third and second and first. Every entrance, every exit blew its doors and shot flames like giant blowtorches.

And then the floors began to collapse--first the roof onto the fourth, then the fourth onto the third, pancaking all the way down to ground level in a mini-reenactment of the trade towers' collapse, leaving only a flame-riddled cloud of smoke and dust and debris on the far side of the parking lot.

Paul

* * *

Gotcha. I just reread it more carefully. During the first read, for some reason I thought what Shanna saw was the explosion Adam caused. Adam's explosion killed Clay, but because Shanna thought the second one killed Clay, and I thought the second was the first.

Still, I'm not sure we need the bomb explained, or that Jenny's last thought should be one of confusion at what she's seeing as opposed to realization that she's dead.

Do you mind me reworking it a bit?

Joe

* * *

I'd rather forgo the exposition myself. OTOH, readers are going to wonder how this bomb did what it does. Just saying it sterilized the scene is asking for a leap of faith. Mention plasma jet and 10k degrees, and they can be pretty certain there ain't gonna be any survivors--not draculas, not humans, not even viruses.

Paul

* * *

I think I see what my issue is. The final six scenes should be rearranged, so Clay's death immediately follows Adam's detonation. Then we can have Shanna and Jenny react to that.

Then I can break up Jenny's last scene. Half before Shanna goes into the interrogation room, then Shanna, then Jenny realizing it's a bomb, then back to Shanna to see the explosion, then Mort.

Then we can include the bomb explanation, still get the emotional impact of Jenny realizing her own demise, and avoid the confusion of which explosion is which.

Make sense?

Joe

* * *

Go for it.

Paul

* * *

Almost done. This works much better for me re-arranged.

Do you think it's better to have Dr. Mortenson ask Shanna her name, or would it be a bit more fun for him to know her name and assume some familiarity with her? It would give her, and the reader, a chance to maybe recognize him before his reveal, even though no one will.

Also, I've got an epilogue idea that I'm going to write. We can omit it from DRACULAS, but it's where I want to go when the sequel rolls around...

Joe

* * *

I think we can give our readers more credit. "Dr. Mortenson" is a pretty fair clue. And if not, twice she thinks she's met him before. Pairing those with your previous transformation scene pretty much gives it away, no? I don't think we need to hit them over the head. I'd rather have them make the leap on their own - that way they go from passive to participant. Those who don't glom on their own will get smacked in the head with it when the guy in the scrubs starts feeding the baby his blood.

Paul

* * *

It wouldn't be hitting them over the head. It would be subtle.

But I do think we need to spell it out in the last scene. I can see some folks going, "Huh? How did the doctor become a dracula?"

I'm going to tweak it to try it. We can always axe it if it doesn't work.

Joe

* * *

Okay, 4.3 is done, and the book is done.

Let's all read the last twenty pages and discuss if it works for everyone. I'm sure we'll change some stuff. And we might cut my prologue, but I wanted to hint that a follow-up book will have werewolves in it.

Also, we still need a book excerpt from Paul and an interview question answered from Jeff.

Excellent job, everyone!

Joe

* * *

Woo-hoo! Can't wait to read.

Blake

* * *

Guys, I think we have an important decision to make for which cover we go out with on October 19th.

Check it out:

http://www.amazon.com/DRACULAS-Chapters-Upcoming-Release-ebook/dp/B0042ANZBU/ref=sr_1_1?s=gateway&ie=UTF8&qid=1285261706&sr=8-1

I happen to think the cover without our names on it is much more striking, Intriguing, and buzz worthy. It's just plain bad ass. Joe - perhaps we could ask your readers on your blog, continue the involvement of marketing on all levels with the fans?