Dragongirl (17 page)

T’mar was seated at yet another table, a cluster of his riders mingled with the Telgar weyrfolk. Fiona glanced his way several times, but he never seemed to look at her during the whole meal. She couldn’t say why that irritated her so much. She shrugged. It seemed she was just a little touchy tonight.

“She’s going to rise soon,” Mekiar spoke up softly from his place beside her.

“Pardon?” Fiona asked, leaning politely toward the older man, remembering that he’d once ridden a brown dragon, Turns before she was born.

“Your queen,” he said, “she’s going to rise soon.” He nodded firmly. “I can see it in the way you’re acting.”

“Me?”

“Yes,” Mekiar replied. “You don’t quite know how to feel, you can’t concentrate, you’re irritated, happy, sad—”

“How did you know?” Fiona interrupted sharply.

“I’ve seen many a mating flight,” Mekiar told her. He gave her a grim smile. “Judging by you, I’d say you’re going to have your hands full when the time comes.”

ELEVEN

Heart pound
,
Blood flow
.
Soar high
,
Mate nigh
.

Telgar Weyr, late evening, AL 508.2.10

Shaneese had already arranged to have a weyr cleared for Jeila and her Tolarth and had also cleared another queen’s weyr for Lorana—“If anyone deserves it, it’s her”—so all Fiona had to do was politely see the others settled in and arrange for her own rest.

Terin wanted to stay with F’jian. Fiona wasn’t sure how that would work out as the bronze rider would be flying a Fall the next day, so she found herself tossing and turning in her large, empty bed. She
hated
empty beds!

Finally, with a growl of defeat, she got up, dragging her blankets with her, and settled herself against Talenth’s belly. That didn’t seem to help—even though Talenth was warm and comforting, Fiona wanted something more. She dozed fitfully.

A chorus of noises and whispers woke her and she opened her eyes enough to see Xhinna and Taria herding their charges into place.

“We thought you could use some company,” Taria confessed to her quietly as she passed by. Fiona gave the youngster a bright-eyed smile in thanks, grabbed a couple of the smaller children and nestled them softly against her before drifting back to sleep again.

She wasn’t quite asleep when a deeper voice spoke up, “Are you all right?”

Fiona opened her eyes and saw Lorana crouching nearby her, a quizzical look on her face.

“I’m sorry,” Fiona replied softly, “I hope they didn’t disturb you.”

“I wasn’t sleepy,” Lorana said, deftly avoiding an answer.

Fiona gestured invitingly with one free hand. “There’s plenty of room.”

Lorana’s look was hard to fathom, especially in the dim light of distant glows.

“You could bring Kindan,” Fiona said. “Xhinna and Taria are somewhere around here.” She rested her head against Talenth’s chest, near one of the younger boys; his hair smelled pleasantly of lemon, freshly washed. She sensed Lorana’s reluctance and added, “I used to sneak out of bed when Kindan was visiting and curl up with him when I was younger.” She smiled fondly at the memory, then gestured to the children nearby. “It made me feel like I had family, sleeping all together, so I’m passing it along.”

Lorana’s expression changed and Fiona felt the other woman’s sorrow.

“What?” Fiona asked, her eyes open again, staring intently at the other woman.

“I was the last of my family,” Lorana said. “My mother, brother, and sister all died when I was feverish.” Fiona could tell that the memory was hard on her and Lorana recalled it with difficulty. Lorana took a ragged breath before continuing, “My father was a breeder, ranging between the holds and the locals thought we’d brought the Plague. They were going to kill him and us.” She squeezed her eyes tight against the memory. “I remember feeling cold, oh so cold! And then realized that my mother, brother, and sister were cold and stiff. I cried out and Sannel, my father, rushed from the doorway. It was then that he realized what had happened and he turned back to the holders, shouting, ‘They’re dead! Now leave me with my daughter while we’ve still a chance!’

“So my last memory of family is with the cold and the dead.” Lorana was silent for a long moment, her head hung low. “And then I had Garth and Grenn and I lost them and Arith to the illness.” She raised her head to meet Fiona’s eyes grimly. “So you see, everything I love dies.” She glanced nervously back toward the weyr she’d left, the one with Kindan sleeping in it.

Fiona reached out a hand toward Lorana. Lorana examined it for a moment before shyly reaching out to touch it.

“I won’t die,” Fiona swore to her softly. She nodded toward the children. “They’ll live and their children will live because
we
say so.”

Beside her, little Aryar stirred and looked up at Lorana, her eyes wide with wonder. “Are you Lorana?”

Lorana nodded.

“My father says you saved his dragon,” Aryar said, pushing herself up from the ground and wrapping her arms around Lorana’s waist. “He said you gave your dragon to save all the other dragons.”

“That’s—” Lorana began, shaking her head, her eyes wet with tears.

“She did,” Fiona told Aryar firmly, her look daring Lorana to argue.

“Does she have half a heart, Weyrwoman?” Aryar craned her head around to ask Fiona in all seriousness.

“Maybe she does,” Fiona said with a lump in her chest. She looked up at Lorana and tightened her grip on the other woman’s hand. “But if she does, we’ll help her grow it back, won’t we?”

“Yes!” Aryar said emphatically. She glanced up toward Lorana and added, “And if that’s not enough, you can have my heart, too!”

A sob escaped Lorana and Fiona pulled her down close to her, settled her in against her in the spot Aryar had vacated. Aryar needed no prompting to snuggle on Lorana’s other side.

“Talenth is big and soft,” Aryar assured her. “Her cough is all gone, you’ll have good dreams.”

“Good dreams?”

“Yes,” Aryar said. “You can sleep and grow your heart again.” Shyly she added, “If you get scared, I’ll be here for you.”

Fiona felt Lorana tighten her hand on hers in a brief spasm before the other woman said to Aryar, “Thank you. And if you get scared, I’ll be here for you.”

“You will?” Aryar asked, suddenly all awake and wide-eyed. Lorana reassured her with a smile and softly pulled the youngster back down beside her.

“I will,” Lorana promised as she leaned forward and kissed the crown of Aryar’s head. “But first you must sleep.”

Aryar let out a great, contented sigh, nestled her head into Lorana’s shoulder, and fell asleep.

Fiona kept Lorana’s hand loosely in hers even as she fell back to sleep, feeling warmer and more comfortable than she had since … since the last time Kindan had visited Fort Hold back when she was still little.

The sound of feet moving quietly and the rustle of fabric roused Fiona enough that she squinted one eye open. She smiled as she made out Kindan’s form in the darkness and heard him quietly settle next to Lorana with Aryar sleeping, snug, between them.

W
hen Fiona woke again, it was morning. Sunlight filtered wanly into the Weyr and lit Talenth’s lair with a cold, drowsy light.

She woke because she was cold. Lorana was standing up beside her, saying softly to Taria as the other tried to quietly corral the children, “How can I help?”

“We’ll manage,” Taria assured her tersely. Fiona could sense that the youngster did not want her competence questioned.

“She’s not trying to correct you,” Fiona told her muzzily. “She’s trying to help you.”

“We’d be glad of it,” Xhinna spoke up as she herded a small group of children toward Fiona’s quarters. She gave Fiona an inquiring look to which Fiona replied, “Of course they can use the bath!” She smiled impishly at the youngsters arrayed before her. “We wouldn’t want
stinky
children wandering around today, would we?”

The youngsters giggled and agreed loudly before trundling off, their faces full of glee.

Lorana looked back toward Fiona and then at Xhinna, who gestured for her to precede her. “I’ll be right behind you, weyrwoman.”

“It’s just Lorana, now,” Lorana corrected.

“I’m sorry,” Xhinna said, flustered, “I didn’t mean—”

Lorana raised a hand and shook her head. “No harm done.”

She smiled as she strolled briskly after the youngsters, following them into Fiona’s bathroom.

Xhinna paused long enough to give Fiona an anxious look. Fiona responded with an encouraging smile and a deliberate nod toward the bathroom and the now-loud children inside.

“Aryar has the right of it,” Fiona said to herself as Xhinna disappeared, still not entirely relieved.

“That with our love, she’ll grow her heart back?” Kindan spoke up, startling her. Fiona realized that the harper had been awake in the other room for the whole exchange, merely feigning sleep, and now, the way his eyes explored her left her feeling uncomfortable; his maleness, the spicy smell of him, unnerved her.

“Yes,” she said, rising from her position all too near to him and moving toward her quarters. Her eyes flashed as she looked back at him and snapped, “You, of all people, should know that!”

Kindan’s look of hurt and confusion almost made her relent and return to him. Almost.

“He’s supposed to be a harper,” Fiona murmured to herself as she followed the sounds of splashing into her bathroom and saw that it was full of children, mostly bathing, all wet.

How are you today, Talenth?
Fiona asked as she turned back to her bedroom and pulled out fresh riding gear.

I’m feeling much better
, Talenth replied.
Are we going to fly today?

Oh, dear heart, I doubt it
, Fiona told her, a small smile flashing across her lips.
I think that Jeila and I should stay here. When we have three queens, then we’ll have a proper queens’ wing
.

That will be nice
, Talenth agreed. A moment later, she added,
Tolarth asks what can Jeila do to help?

Have her meet us for breakfast and we’ll plan from there
.

I did
, Talenth responded. After a slight pause she added,
He is quite confused
.

He? Fiona wondered to herself.

Kindan.

She remembered another time, Turns back. A time before she’d gone to Igen, when hatchling Talenth had woken, creeling.

What is it?
Fiona had asked, rushing to the young queen’s weyr.

He hurts
, Talenth had said with a whimper.

I’m sorry
, Fiona had said, not knowing how else to respond.

He hurts and you feel it
, Talenth had said.
How is it that you feel it?

“He”
—Kindan? Did he still hurt now? And did Fiona still feel it? He shouldn’t be hurting now: He had Lorana. And she, Fiona, shouldn’t be feeling his hurt for the same reason. Still …

It wouldn’t be fair. It wouldn’t be fair to Lorana, it wouldn’t be fair to Kindan. And, she thought, it wouldn’t be fair to T’mar, either.

But does that mean it has to be unfair for me?

Fiona shook her head, dislodging the thoughts from her mind.

He’ll feel better when he eats
, she assured Talenth absently, cocking her head toward the sounds in the bathroom and deciding that it was time for her bath.

“I
t’s a good morning for it,” Shaneese said as she met Fiona at the entrance to the Dining Cavern and gestured her toward the high table. “I’ve hot
klah
waiting.”

“Thanks!” Fiona called as she passed through.

T’mar, H’nez, F’jian, and M’tal were talking low among themselves when she sat at the table. T’mar smiled at her, as did F’jian and M’tal, while H’nez gave her a quick nod before returning to the conversation.

Sonia asks if they can meet us here
, Talenth relayed to her just as Fiona had taken a gulp of
klah
.

Let me check
, Fiona said, swallowing quickly.

“I think that would be a good idea,” M’tal said when she relayed the request, glancing toward H’nez.

The wiry bronze rider looked nonplussed by M’tal’s deference. “You’re the senior rider here.”

“Only temporarily.”

“We’d be foolish not to take every advantage of your experience,” H’nez said, shrugging his shoulders. “And I expect that you know Weyrleader D’vin better than I.”

M’tal turned to Fiona. “Please tell the Weyrwoman that we’d be delighted.”

“What about the firestone?” F’jian asked. “We don’t have enough firestone for them.”

Their own firestone problems had been temporarily solved by a loan from Fort Weyr.

“I’ll remind them,” Fiona said, sending the message to Talenth. Fiona was just thinking how difficult it was to relay messages from one dragon to the other before getting it to the rider when she spotted Lorana entering along with Taria, Xhinna, and all their charges. For the first time since she’d seen her, the ex-dragonrider seemed at ease, almost happy.

Her reflections were interrupted when she saw Norik bearing down on her with Bekka following in tow. The man looked intent, on a mission.

“Weyrwoman,” Norik began as soon as he was within earshot. Fiona glanced at Bekka, but the young girl’s expression was unreadable, her gaze intent on the old harper.

“Harper,” Fiona said, giving him a smile. “Have you a song for us today?”

“No,” Norik said brusquely. He looked at Lorana, then spotted Kindan entering the Dining Cavern. His expression changed.

“I was wondering—” he began, then broke off and closed his eyes in pain. When he opened them again, he met her eyes unflinchingly. “I was wondering if perhaps Harper Kindan and I could change places.” He paused, choosing his words carefully. “I loved this Weyr. But after—” He broke off, a harper groping for words. “There’s too much pain for me here.”

“The illness is past,” Fiona began soothingly even as her heart leaped at the notion. “Surely—”

“The memories, Weyrwoman,” Norik cut in, gesturing to those around him, “the memories are here every day for me.”

“And it would be different in another Weyr?”

Norik pursed his lips thoughtfully before answering, “Yes, I think so.” He grimaced. “I hope so.” The pain in his eyes was evident. “I won’t know unless I try.”

“Kindan was assigned to Benden at my request,” M’tal spoke up softly from beside them. Norik glanced at him in surprise. M’tal glanced toward Fiona, his eyes gentle. “It may be well for me to consider changing Weyrs. And if I did, it is possible that Kindan might choose to follow me.”

“Lady Salina—” Fiona began but M’tal cut her off with a kindly shake of his head.

“I believe that Salina would, just as Harper Norik, appreciate a change of Weyrs,” M’tal told her, adding, “In fact, that consideration weighs on my offer.”

What would H’nez say? Fiona wondered, her eyes going wide with a wicked sense of delight. Then she sobered as she thought, what would T’mar think? And if Talenth rose, would it be possible for her to refuse Gaminth, a superb bronze with proven ability?