Dream of Me: Book 1 The Dream Makers Series (27 page)

“Semantics,” Dair muttered as his gaze continued to devour her.

“Okay,” Serenity said, drawing out the word. “Perhaps, I better pick the cuisine this time.”

As she pulled out of the parking lot, Dair reached over and laid his large hand on her thigh. Serenity tensed, having not expected the gesture. He gave it a firm squeeze before letting it relax. She didn’t say anything and he didn’t remove it until they had pulled into the parking lot of the drive-in. She’d decided she wanted privacy for the conversation they were about to have.

“Dair,” she began, but was cut off by his words.

“Do you think it’s wise for us to stay in the car, together?” He paused meaningfully. “Alone?” His voice was low and full of suggestion. Serenity felt his hand under her chin as he gently turned her face to look at him. Her breath caught in her throat as she met his swirling dark eyes. If she didn’t know Dair, didn’t trust that he would never try something that she wasn’t comfortable with, that look might have scared her. It was intense, filled with desire and want. But she
did
know him. She knew that he cared for her deeply and because of that he would never ask for what she wasn’t ready to give. If anything, she was scared of herself because if he kept looking at her like that and talking to her in that voice, she might just offer herself up on a golden platter complete with a side dish of please take me now.

D
air knew he shouldn’t tempt himself or her. He was well aware of the strong desire that constantly pulled at both of them, but he needed to distract her. Serenity had noticed that he had been distant all week. What she didn’t know was why. But he had gotten the feeling that her patience with him was wearing thin, and she was going to confront him about his behavior. Dair would give her anything she asked if it was in his power, but he could not give her the information she was seeking. He could not tell her what had caused him to be lost in his thoughts and drenched in grief. Even if it was allowed, how did he tell someone―not just someone, but the woman he loved―that she was going to die from a gunshot aimed at someone else? How could he tell her that she would be the reason Emma lived, but it would be at the price of her own life? And perhaps, worst of all, he didn’t know what to do to prevent it from happening. If he interfered, Emma might be lost. So, he’d come up with the strategy to seduce her away from her questions. Probably not the brightest idea he had come up with in his hundreds of years. But then, he was learning that people did stupid things in the name of love.

Dair began to lean forward as Serenity got lost in his eyes. He whispered sweet words to her allowing the hypnotic quality of his voice to draw her to him. Her breath was warm against his face and her scent called to him, enticing him to get closer. As his hand slid up her neck and wrapped around the back of her head she gasped. The sound hit Dair in his gut, and he had to fight for control because in that moment, seeing her so lost to him, he wanted her―all of her.

Their lips were mere centimeters apart when she said his name. It was what she said that pulled him from the haze of lust and need and want.

“Stop,” Serenity said again, only this time her voice was more than a whisper. “Dair, please, stop.”

Dair closed his eyes and squeezed them tight as he pressed his forehead to hers.
Not like this,
he thought to himself. He couldn’t sully any of their time together by using her desire for him as a weapon. “I’m sorry,” he whispered through ragged breaths.

  “What was that about?” she asked him. “I mean, I know that you’re attracted to me but that was a lot more intense and intentional than you’ve ever been before. What’s going on, Dair?”

Letting out a deep breath, he pulled away from her. He did not meet her gaze because he knew it would be full of questions and hurt. Dair didn’t want to hurt her, but he couldn’t tell her what she wanted to know. Not only could he not but he didn’t want to. He knew Serenity, knew her heart for others, and―even if she was scared beyond reason―knew she would do whatever it took to save Emma if the young girl was in danger. He didn’t want little Emma to die. Not just because of the important future that was in front of her but because she was a precious life, so young and innocent. One such as her should not have her life cut short so soon. But neither did he want his love to die. Dair felt almost as if he was having to choose between the two females who had become extremely important to him. It was a choice no man should ever have to make.

“There are some things that I can’t share with anyone because it might alter the future.” He attempted to choose his words carefully. Dair didn’t want to make her feel like it was only her specifically that he couldn’t tell, because in truth it wasn’t. The knowledge the Creator had bestowed upon him had been for Dair’s eyes only. It was his burden to carry and, like so many things over the centuries, he would bear it alone. 

“Does it have something to do with me?” Serenity asked and her voice was less confident than it had been. “You’ve been. . . distant. I mean. . . not that you owe me anything. It’s not like we’ve really established what this,” she said and motioned between them, “is. I just—”

Dair reached up inhumanly fast and cupped her face, pulling her closer to him causing her words to freeze in her throat. “Listen closely, Sarah Serenity. The first time I laid eyes on you, it was as though I was seeing a sunrise for the first time. The warmth that radiated off of you penetrated through my dark world with an intensity I’d never felt before. It was like the rays of the sun breaking through a raging storm, offering hope to all that had been tormented. You say I don’t owe you anything, but I would say you are very, very wrong. Before you I was just the dream maker, the Sandman. But you have made me something more, you have given me something more, and for that I am forever grateful. And perhaps, I need to establish what this,” he said as he motioned with his free hand, just as she had done, “is between us so that there is no confusion. Humans would call us boyfriend and girlfriend and for the public I am fine with that. But in private, when it is just you and me, those terms do not come close to capturing what you are to me.” Dair took a breath as he steadied himself. His emotions were a thrashing hurricane inside of him, raging against his desire to protect her and yet his need to obey his Creator. They had been since he had watched the woman before him die. He was unaccustomed to such feelings, and though he believed Serenity had come to care for him, he didn’t want to scare her off by coming on too strong. But when the words started pouring from his lips, the censure he fought to have was completely gone. To say that the dam had broken would be a gross understatement.

“It is not fair of me to ask you for the same commitment that I am ready and willing to give to you. You are so young, your life only just beginning with a future stretched out before you with promise. I have existed for longer than your mind can fathom. So I’m asking you not to let my admission make you feel obligated to reciprocate, or even respond at all. But I feel you have a right to know since it is obvious that my feelings are unclear to you. I love you. I have never fully understood what those words meant until you. And now in all of their messy glory, I know what
I love you
means.”

“What does it mean?” Serenity’s words came out in a barely audible whisper.

“It means I am yours—heart, body, soul. I am yours. Whether you want me, choose to be with me, or walk away, I will always be yours. There will not be a day where the sun rises that I do not think of your safety, wellbeing, and happiness nor will there be a night that I don’t make sure your dreams are peaceful and your mind rested. It means that your needs come before my own. It comes at no cost to you, and yet it will cost me everything, and it is a debt I’ll gladly pay. It means there is no hell I won’t walk through, no battle I won’t fight, and no sacrifice I won’t make to ensure that you are safe, protected, and happy.”

There was silence once his voice no longer filled the small space. The only noise came from the muffled music that was playing from the drive-in’s speakers and the muted voices of the other people ordering their food. Serenity sat still as stone. Her eyes held his but she gave nothing away. He didn’t know if she was in shock, scared, happy, or angry about what he’d just told her. Dair was trying to be patient but he was close to growling like an animal, needing to know her thoughts. To be fair, he had told her that she didn’t have to respond. He wanted to kick himself for that. He wanted her to respond even if it was to laugh at him; he needed to know where he stood with her.

“Is that all?” she said suddenly breaking the silence.

“Is that all what?” Dair asked his forehead scrunching up in confusion.

“Is that all it means?” Had Dair not seen the slight quirk of her lips and the wicked gleam in her eyes, he would have thought she was serious.

“I suppose it is rather a letdown,” he told her, playing along. “I should have added in some jewels or castles.”

“Definitely would have been more impressive,” she agreed with a nod. His hand was still against her warm cheek. He left it there a moment longer before finally pulling it away. Silence once again filled the car but thankfully it didn’t last long.

“I know you said I didn’t have to respond or whatever,” Serenity began, “but do you mind if I do?”

Dair loved the way she bit her bottom lip as she looked up at him through lowered lashes. “Of course not.” He gave a casual nod encouraging her to proceed.

She let out a breath blowing the wisps of hair that framed her face.  She seemed hesitant, yet there was a determined tightness to her mouth. Dair waited. He waited to see if she was trying to let him down easy. He waited to hear the words that would either throw him back into a world of darkness or words that would keep him wrapped in her light.

“The only love I have received or given was that of a child to a parent or other family member,” Serenity said as she leaned back in her seat. “So I admit that I don’t have any experience with other types of love. But I do know that what I feel for you is like nothing I’ve felt before. It’s strong, intense, wild, and―at times―a little scary.”

Dair’s eyes were riveted to her face as Serenity spoke. His chest rose and fell with every breath that felt hinged on what she would say next.

“I’ll be honest; I’m afraid to say that I love you because it seems like we should know each other longer before such a strong sentiment is given, but I don’t know what else to call what I feel for you.” Her head lifted and turned, finally looking at him. “I’m also afraid to feel these things because I don’t know what kind of future we really have together. I lost my parents and the pain of that has never gone away. I don’t know if I can stand losing someone else I care deeply for. But even to keep from having a broken heart, I can’t ask you to leave. The idea of you not being here is. . . well. . . it’s horrible. It leaves an emptiness inside of me that takes my breath away.”

“Don’t ask me to leave.” His plea came out in a hoarse whisper as his hand reached for hers. “I can’t, not even if I wanted to.”

E
mma stared up at the ceiling in her room. She was tired. That had been the real reason she’d told Serenity that she didn’t want to go with her to the clinic that morning. Raphael had stayed with her as he did every night, but he couldn’t stop the yelling match that carried on most of the night between Mildred and her guests. Emma had needed to pee since early that morning but hadn’t dared to leave her room until Mildred and the others had fallen asleep. They had all collapsed into drunken stupors, so thankfully they were out cold, at least for a while. She had hoped she would be able to go to sleep but so far all she’d managed was a short nap. Raphael had been quiet, though that wasn’t anything new. She could tell he was trying to let her rest.

After another few minutes, Emma finally gave up. She sat up and pushed herself back until she was leaning against the cold wall behind her. Raphael didn’t turn toward her even when she spoke.