Dream Wedding: Dream Bride | Dream Groom (35 page)

“I’m worried about you,” Chloe admitted. “How can this not bother you?”

“It just doesn’t.” Cassie got down two glasses. She poured her sister some juice, and wine for herself, then led the way to the table.

“I’ll admit to feeling a little strange,” she said when they were both settled. “Joel and I were involved for years. Sometimes I think I should miss him more, but I don’t. I’m genuinely happy for him. I wish him and Alice the best of everything.”

She stared at her sister’s familiar face. “I should have listened to you when you told me I was settling. I see that now. I wanted so much to belong to someone that I stayed in a relationship that didn’t have a future. I was afraid to ask for it all. I thought if I kept my hopes and dreams small enough that they would have a chance of coming true, but that if I wanted too much, I would lose everything.”

Chloe leaned forward. Her long red curls tumbled over her shoulder and brushed against her forearms. “You
do
belong. You’re a very special member of our family. Just because you’re adopted doesn’t mean you don’t belong.”

“It’s not the same, Chloe. I have you and I have Aunt Charity. I know you both love me very much. But I wanted something of my own. I wanted to start building a history. I wanted to be married and have a family. I still want that. The difference is I’ve finally learned I have to take a chance on my heart’s desire. I’m not going to settle again.”

Chloe searched her face. “That all sounds good. So why do you look so sad?”

Cassie drew in a deep breath. She hadn’t decided if she was going to tell her sister everything that was going on, but now she realized she needed the advice.

“I’m in love with Ryan.”

Chloe smiled. “No big surprise there. Your crush evolved as you got to know him. He seems great. He’s smart, a hard worker, Aunt Charity says he’s devoted to Sasha, which means he’ll be a good father. There’s a slight age difference, but that shouldn’t matter. What’s the problem?”

“He doesn’t love me back.” She told Chloe about the kiss and Ryan’s reaction when she broke up with Joel. “He panicked. He thought I was going to lay claim on him. It got worse when he invited Joel over for a reconciliation dinner and Joel sprang the news about his engagement to Alice.” She took a sip of wine. “Ryan’s never been in love. I think the emotion scares him to death.”

“So there’s nothing between you?”

“Not exactly.” She felt herself flushing. “We’re lovers.” She explained how that had come to be and that she’d given herself one month with Ryan. “Then I’m leaving. I have to. If I don’t go while I can, I could waste my life here. I refuse to do that again. While having Ryan love me back would be wonderful, working for him and sleeping with him without any kind of commitment is just settling.”

“Do you think he’ll let you go?”

The question surprised Cassie. “Of course he will. Why wouldn’t he?”

“The man shows all the symptoms of someone who has it bad.”

“You’re mistaken,” Cassie told her sister. “He likes me well enough, and I’m convenient, but I don’t fool myself into thinking he wants more.”

“I think you’re selling yourself short. I don’t think Ryan is going to give you up as easily as you think. You’re everything he could possibly want in a woman. You’re intelligent, you’re funny, you’re great with kids, and I’m going to assume the sex is amazing.”

Cassie ducked her head and nodded. “
I
like it.”

“Then he would be a fool to lose you and Ryan isn’t a fool.”

Cassie looked at Chloe. “I don’t think he wants to love me—or anyone.”

“People don’t always get a choice in the matter. Sometimes love just happens. Don’t be so quick to write him off. I agree that if nothing changes, you have to stick to your plan.” Chloe gave her sister a quick hug. “I admire your ability to stand up for what you believe. I’ll support you in any way I can. But don’t be surprised if things start to happen. Ryan is confused right now, but I’m betting he’s going to get it figured out in time.”

“I can barely stand to think about that,” Cassie said. “I want to hope, but I’m so afraid he’s going to let me go. I know I’ll survive without him, but I would rather not.”

“Have faith. You’re due for some good fortune.”

Cassie smiled. “You’re right. And if nothing else, there’s always the nightgown. It’s practically my twenty-fifth birthday. Maybe I’ll dream about someone wonderful.”

She rose to her feet and went to check on dinner. Chloe changed the subject, but Cassie was still thinking about Ryan. It
was
nearly her birthday and she
would
wear the nightgown, hoping the family legend would work for her. But in her heart of hearts the only man she wanted to dream about, the only man she wanted to be with, was Ryan.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

T
HEY
CALLED
OUT
their last goodbyes and closed the door behind their guests. Cassie gave Ryan a big smile. “That was a lot of fun. Thanks for suggesting we invite my sister and Arizona for dinner.”

Without thinking, he put his arm around her and pulled her close. “You’re welcome. I had a good time, too.”

Cassie slipped easily into his embrace. She was warm and willing as she leaned against him. Already he could feel the passion igniting inside of him. He didn’t have to be around her very long before he found himself wanting her. He kissed the top of her head, then led them both up the stairs.

“I’m really enjoying Chloe’s pregnancy,” Cassie was saying. “It’s a first time for both of us. I like hearing about all the details without actually experiencing it.”

“Preparation for when it’s your turn?”

“Something like that.”

He tensed slightly. It was the perfect opening for her. Now she could casually mention something about the future, or ask if he wanted a child of his own. But she didn’t. Instead she walked down the hall and checked on Sasha.

Ryan trailed after her. If Cassie were a different kind of woman, he might think that she was playing a game with him. Except that wasn’t her style. She was simply being herself. She could talk about Chloe’s pregnancy, or her future life, or any number of potentially awkward topics and not give it a moment’s thought. She’d told him what she wanted from him and she wasn’t pushing for anything more.

As she disappeared into the darkness of his niece’s room, Ryan stopped in the center of the hall. Maybe the reason Cassie wasn’t pushing for more with him was because she didn’t want more. Maybe she wasn’t interested in him for more than something temporary.

He was glad he was standing there alone because he was sure he had a stunned look on his face. All this time he’d been worried about her coming on to him when in fact she might not find him the least bit desirable. Oh, sure, she was willing to sleep with him, but was he the kind of man a woman like her would want to marry? He had no history of making relationships work. At first he hadn’t wanted anything to do with his niece. While he and Cassie got along, and he was reasonably confident that she liked him, liking wasn’t the same as respecting…or loving.

Cassie stepped back into the hall. “She’s fine. Sleeping like the angel she is.” She walked up and wrapped her arms around his waist. “What about you, Ryan? Are you tired or would you like some company?”

He stared at her, then touched her face. Less than ten days ago she’d been a virgin. Now she was asking if he wanted her in his bed. It wasn’t that Cassie was arrogant or pushy, she simply had a strong sense of self. He admired that about her. He admired so many things.

“You have an odd look on your face,” she said. “Did I say something I shouldn’t have?”

“Not at all.” He kissed her. “I was just thinking how perfect you are.”

She wrinkled her nose. “That’s not true, but thanks for the compliment.” She took his hand and led him toward his bedroom. “I was reading an article in this women’s magazine and they mentioned something I thought we could try.”

“Like what?”

She gave him a coy smile over her shoulder. “You’ll just have to wait and see.”

Two hours later, Cassie lay sleeping in his arms. His body was sated and pleasantly tired, but his mind wouldn’t let him rest. He couldn’t stop thinking about Cassie…and about what she wanted. Realizing that it might not be him had changed everything.

He stroked her short, dark hair and wondered how he was supposed to figure out what was right for either of them. He knew that in three weeks she was going to leave him and that he didn’t want her to go. That much had become clear. But did he have the right to keep her? He wanted what was best for her. Could he be that? Was he capable? Or would it be kinder to simply walk away and get over her. Except he didn’t think he could.

No other woman had changed him the way she had. No one else understood him or made him happy. But it wasn’t all about him, either. He’d never thought about someone the way he thought about her. He wanted to make
her
happy. He wanted to help her achieve whatever she wanted in love. He wanted…

He wanted to love her.

Ryan stared into the darkness and knew he’d found a truth. He wanted to love Cassie the way she loved everyone in her world. He wanted to feel those emotions and be able to express them. But he didn’t know
how
to love or to tell her that he loved her. He didn’t know how to be a good husband or father. He was better with machines than people. Didn’t Cassie deserve more than him?

He ran the thoughts over and over in his mind until near dawn, then he finally slept. His dreams taunted him with visions of a future he wasn’t sure he could ever have.

* * *

“C
ATCH
ME
! Catch me!” Sasha cried as she ran around the backyard.

Ryan walked after her, careful to stay close enough to keep her safe, but not so close that he could reach her.

They’d been playing tag for nearly an hour and the toddler showed little sign of getting tired. Ryan couldn’t say the same for himself. He hadn’t gotten much sleep in the past couple of nights. He’d been too busy trying to figure out how he was going to tell Cassie all he’d been thinking about. He wanted her in his life. Of that much he was sure. The question was how did he say it? How did he make the offer so desirable that she couldn’t turn him down? So far he hadn’t come up with the perfect combination of words, but he was working on it.

Sasha dashed around the swing set. Ryan went after her. She made a darting move to her right, surprising him. He turned, tripped on a ball and tumbled to the ground.

“Smooth,” he muttered as he lay staring up at the cloudy afternoon sky. “Very smooth.”

“Unk Ryan!” Sasha rushed to his side and threw herself on top of him. “’Kay?” she asked. “Me kiss boo-boo.”

“I’m okay,” he told her and shifted her so she sat astride his waist. Her short legs stuck out. “Thanks for worrying. I tripped but I’m not hurt.”

Sasha nodded, then leaned forward and rested on his chest. “Me tired.”

Ah, so the running around had finally caught up with her. “Are you going to take a nap on me? Right now?”

She giggled and tried to fake sleep. But she kept peeking up at him to see if he was watching. Every time she showed her face, he growled at her. She giggled and retreated, only to try it again.

Suddenly, she wrapped her little arms around his neck and squeezed tight. “Me love Unk Ryan.”

His throat tightened with unexpected emotion. “I love you, too, Sasha,” he managed, although his voice was a little thick. “I love you very much and I’ll always be here for you.”

Wise toddler eyes stared at him. “Me know,” she told him solemnly, and at the moment he believed she
did
know that she could trust him.

Was that all it took? he wondered. A heartfelt declaration? Could he just tell Cassie that he loved her and wanted to marry her? Would that be enough? It would have to be, he thought. He didn’t have anything else to try.

Tonight, he decided. Tonight, when they were in bed together, he would tell Cassie the truth. He would explain that he didn’t know how to do any of this right, but that he would always try to do what she wanted. That making her happy was the most important part of his life. Then he would confess his feelings and propose.

Before he could figure out if it might work, a voice cut through the afternoon. “Ryan? Are you out here?”

He grabbed Sasha around her waist and set her on the ground, then stood up himself. Cassie’s aunt Charity came into the backyard. She smiled when she saw him. “Cassie said you two were playing.” She walked over and gave Sasha a hug. “How’s my best princess?”

Sasha giggled.

“I’ll take that as a good report,” Charity said, then straightened. “I’m just here for a second to say hi. I had a few last-minute details to work out with Cassie for her birthday party and I needed to drop off the nightgown.”

Cassie’s twenty-fifth birthday was at the end of the week. “She’s really looking forward to the party.”

“I’m sure it will be fun,” Charity said. “I’ve even hired a high school girl to look after Sasha so you and Cassie can relax. Seven o’clock on Thursday.”

“I’ll get her there.”

With that, Charity was gone. Ryan stared after her. Should he buy an engagement ring first, or wait until he talked to Cassie? She might want to pick it out herself, especially after nine years of wearing diamond lint.

Sasha tugged at his hand. “Drink, peas.”

“Sure thing, kid.” He picked her up and carried her inside.

Cassie sat at the kitchen table, reading a cookbook. She glanced up when they came in. “I saw you two out there. You were having a good time.”

Her face was practically free of makeup, her clothes were sensible rather than glamorous, her hair slightly tousled. Yet Ryan thought she was the most lovely, incredibly attractive woman he’d ever seen. It was all he could do not to declare himself right there.

“We were,” he said, and had to clear his throat. “Ah, Sasha wanted a drink.”

“I’ll get it,” she said and stood up. As she crossed to the refrigerator, she passed a large white box. “It’s the magic nightgown. Want to see?”

Ryan couldn’t answer. He’d completely forgotten about the Bradley family legend and Cassie’s hope that when she wore the nightgown on her twenty-fifth birthday she would dream about the man she was destined to marry. She’d waited for this night nearly all her life. He knew she thought of herself as an outsider in the family. Her adoption had left her feeling different. If the nightgown worked, then she would truly belong.

He told himself the nightgown wasn’t really magic. She wasn’t going to dream about anyone. But he also knew that his opinion didn’t matter…it was Cassie’s fantasy and he had no right to interfere. So he would wait until after her birthday. He would let her dream, perhaps even about another man. Then he would win her for his own.

* * *

B
Y
THE
MIDDLE
of the week Cassie knew she wasn’t imagining things. She drove back to the house determined to have it out with Ryan. Sasha was in preschool for two hours. That should give them plenty of time to deal with whatever was going on with him.

For nearly a week, he hadn’t been himself. She kept turning around and finding him staring at her with a really strange look on his face. He would start conversations, then simply walk out of the room. Something had him distracted and she was determined to find out what.

She had a bad feeling she already knew the answer. He was ready to end their affair. No doubt he was concerned that she was getting too emotionally attached to him and he didn’t want to be responsible for hurting her. So he would end it before she completely fell for him. Good thing he didn’t know she was already in love. There would be no avoiding the pain this time.

She parked in the driveway, then walked purposefully into the house. It would be easier to avoid the situation, but that had never been her style. So she squared her shoulders, dug up all the spare courage she could find, then headed to his office and knocked on the door.

“Come in,” he called.

She stepped inside. “Ryan, we need to talk,” she began, then stopped when she saw he wasn’t at his desk. Instead he stood by the window, staring out at the backyard. “Is everything all right?” she asked.

He turned toward her. “Sure.”

But despite his neutral expression, she didn’t believe him. “No. Something has been bothering you for several days and I think I know what it is.”

He smiled. “I doubt that.”

Okay, here went nothing. “You’re worried about me. You’re concerned that I’m going to get emotionally attached to you because we’re lovers and women tend to bond when they make love with someone. I want you to know that I understand and I’m—”

“They do?” he asked, interrupting her.

“What?”

“Women bond when they make love?”

“Yes. Most of the time. If they have feelings for the man. It’s pair bonding, like wolves or swans. But that’s not the point. I don’t want you to be concerned about me.”

“Because you haven’t bonded?”

This was the tricky part, she thought. She didn’t want to lie, but she was afraid to tell him the truth. She took a step toward his desk. “I’m a mature person. I can handle my feelings.”

“So you
have
bonded.”

“I didn’t say that.” Except by avoiding the question, she sort of had.

He moved toward her, stopping less than two feet away. His green eyes were alight with an emotion she couldn’t read. “It’s one or the other. Either you’ve bonded or you haven’t. But if it makes answering the question any easier, I can tell my bonding story.”

“Okay.” What was he talking about? Her stomach got all quivery and she felt both hot and cold. Dear Lord, please don’t let it be bad.

He took one last step forward, then kissed her gently. “I’ve bonded with you, Cassie. Even before we made love, I found myself falling in love with you. I didn’t recognize it at the time, probably because I’ve never felt this way before. You mean everything to me.”

She couldn’t speak. She wasn’t sure she was even breathing. Was this really happening? Was Ryan actually saying these things to her?

He touched her cheek, traced her mouth, tucked her hair behind her ears and gave her a shaky smile. “You deserve so much more than I have to offer. I don’t know how to be what you need, but I’m too selfish to let you go. I love you. I want to marry you. I want us to raise Sasha along with a couple dozen kids of our own. I want to make love with you every night, I want to hold you while you sleep and I want to watch you smile when you wake up in the morning.”

He clutched her hands tightly in his. “Just tell me what
you
want. I can learn to be a better man, if you’ll help me. I want to make you happy. I want to make all your dreams come true.”

He was saying everything she wanted to hear and more. So much more. The odd light in his eyes was love, she realized. He loved her. “You
have
made all my dreams come true.”