Drive (18 page)

“Niko,” I said softly. “Is this what I think it is?”

He smiled. “Do you think it’s an 1894 edition of Pride and Prejudice?”

“I can’t even touch this. It’s the most incredible thing anyone’s ever given me.”

I didn’t want to cry, but I couldn’t help it. On the day that was usually the worst of the year for me, something beautiful and completely unexpected was happening.

“You have to touch it,” he said. “It’s yours. I went to an antique book store in Canada and asked the owner what the perfect gift was for a smart, beautiful writer and he said this was it.”

“It is. It’s divine.”

I gingerly reached past the tissue and pulled out the book. Running my fingers over the elaborate gold pattern, I lifted the book to my nose. The one-of-a-kind scent of an old book made me sigh contentedly.

“I am in love,” I pronounced, clutching it to my chest. “Thank you so much.”

“You’re welcome. You ready to go?”

I nodded and gathered up my stuff, responding to Dell’s ‘Merry Christmas’ text, which included a last-minute plea for me to change my mind about coming over. I told her I was with Niko and tucked my phone into my pocket.

When we walked out of my building, the street was lined with cars but there wasn’t a person in sight. Niko took my gloved hand in his and we walked in silence.

The cold winter air on my cheeks was exhilarating. I didn’t even care if we walked forever and never found a place to eat.

“What was the best gift you ever got for Christmas?” Niko asked me.

I considered. “Besides the book? I remember walking down the stairs one year and seeing a new bike beside the tree with a pink flowered basket in front of it. I jumped up on it and refused to get down. I wore that bike out riding it around the neighborhood.”

The memory made me smile, and I glanced up at Niko’s dark, scruffy cheeks. “What about you?”

“New hockey skates. My old ones were falling apart. Mom did a bunch of extra sewing that year so they could buy all us kids something we wanted for Christmas. Anna still has the doll they got her.”

“What’s your family doing today?” I asked, stopping for traffic as we reached a corner.

“They’re all hanging out at the hospital since Pop’s still there. I’m sure Mom’s gonna try to work her way into the hospital kitchen to make some Russian food. Hey, the lights are on at that little diner,” he said, pointing across the street. “Wanna try it?”

I nodded and he led the way into a place called ‘Louie’s’. There were a handful of other people there, but it was quiet other than the Christmas carols playing on a radio.

“My kind of place,” Niko said, glancing up from his menu. “They have sauerkraut.”

I wrinkled my nose. “Pass on that. But I am planning to have a hot chocolate milkshake. That sounds pretty interesting.”

We both ordered, and silence descended when the waitress left our table. Niko was studying me. What was he thinking? His dark gaze was hesitant, which was rare for him.

“What was your brother’s name?” he asked. He tried for a casual tone, but I could tell he was wondering whether this topic was off-limits.

“Seth.”

“If you want to talk about your family, I’d like to listen.”

I sighed deeply, studying the speckled colors of the Formica tabletop. This was where he was supposed to tell me I didn’t have to talk about it if I didn’t want to. But he didn’t. He just kept watching my face, those brown eyes compelling me.

“Seth had Type 1 Diabetes. He was having problems, and my parents were taking him to see a specialist in Philadelphia. My dad’s friend Tom was a pilot, so he offered to fly them.”

“From where? Where’d you guys live?”

“Denver.”

The waitress delivered drinks to the table, and I scooped a big spoonful of whipped cream from my milkshake into my mouth before continuing.

“They think it was an engine failure of some sort. The loss of them was painful, of course, but one of the things that bothered me as much as that was wondering what those last moments must’ve been like for them. I had to go to therapy for more than a year to work through things like that. But still … it never goes away, you just learn to live with it. I still have plane crash nightmares.”

“I can’t imagine.”

I swallowed, considering whether I wanted to tell him something I’d never shared with anyone.

“Do you want to hear something crazy?” I asked.

“Yeah.”

With a deep, calming breath, I dove in. “I was having a really hard time with things about a year after it happened. I missed all of them so much. There were people I knew from school who drank and used drugs or cut themselves, and I was beginning to see why. When you feel crushed by this weight of sadness that never goes away, it’s hard to figure out how to cope. Therapy was helping, and I never considered doing anything self-destructive, but just
getting it
alarmed me.”

I wondered for a second whether I should share this. Maybe he really would think I was crazy. But I’d come this far, so I continued.

“I went to the cemetery one afternoon after school, to sit at their graves. That’s where I felt closest to them. I was sitting there thinking, ‘What can I do? Will I ever stop feeling this way?’ And I was filled with a sudden comfort. I knew in that moment that my parents and Seth were together, and that they wanted me to try to find happiness. People say the dead are always with us in a clichéd way. But this … I felt them with me. I felt them in my soul. It didn’t take away the loss of them, but … crazy or not, it was a spiritual moment.”

I shrugged and met his gaze, which held no judgment. He gave a small nod of understanding.

“I think that’s amazing,” he said.

“I’ve never told anyone that,” I blurted.

His eyes softened and he smiled. “That means a lot. Being the only one you shared it with.”

The electricity in the air wasn’t from our physical attraction. This time, it was intimacy making me warm all over. Niko was right across the table from me, but he didn’t feel close enough. I wanted to be touching him — absorbing the warmth of his body and feeling the solid muscle that reminded me how strong this man was in every way.

But for now, we were in restaurant, so my desire would have to wait.

“My mom would’ve loved the book you gave me,” I said. “She had a collection of old books.”

“What did your parents do for a living?”

I smiled as I remembered frenzied mornings in our household, everyone trying to get dressed and off for the day.

“Dad owned a marketing firm, and Mom was an English teacher.”

Niko arched his brows and smiled. “Did you get your love of writing from her?”

I nodded. “And a love of reading, too. I have some of her books. Those I can handle being around. But photos … that’s hard. It’s been ten years, and it’s still hard.”

“What were your parents’ names?”

“Carson and Laura.”

His gaze was still focused on me, and when I met his eyes, the warmth radiating through me grew stronger.

“I’m glad to know a little bit about them,” he said. “Makes me feel like I know you a little better.”

“Thanks for asking about them. I don’t talk about them much, and it might come off like it’s because I don’t care, but—”

He cut in. “I know. It’s the opposite. I’m starting to figure you out, Sadie. And the more I find out, the more I like you.”

My cheeks warmed as I looked down at the table again. I felt the same way about him, but didn’t know how to say it.

There was a moment of awkward silence before Niko changed the subject.

“So fill me in on this trip to Ireland. When are you leaving?”

“The day after tomorrow,” I said. “I didn’t know they’d want the story so quick, but they slated it for the February issue of the magazine.”

“That’s pretty amazing. I got to play some hockey in Europe, but I’ve never been to Ireland.”

I tried not to smile, but I felt it coming on anyway. Niko and I were having a conversation that wasn’t sarcastic or sexual. Not that I minded those conversations, but this was very real. Between showing up unannounced, his gift to me and his effort at getting to know me better, I felt special. And it was more than just nice – it was something I never wanted to let go of.

We walked back to the apartment slowly, and I relished the quiet. When we got there, we both tossed our coats on a chair and I rubbed my hands together, which were freezing despite the gloves I’d worn.

“Cold?” Niko asked, rubbing his hands together, too. His face was red from the biting wind.

“Freezing.”

“You got a good bathtub?”

I furrowed my brow with confusion. “Yeah, why? You want to take a bath?”

He smiled. “No I want
us
to take one. A really hot bath with some music playing and maybe some candles.”

“That sounds good. Really good. I’ll go start the water.” I glanced back at him. “You can go ahead and get naked now.”

I rounded up a few candles, a bottle of wine from the fridge and some bath oil in record time. I’d never done anything like this before, and my heart pounded with nervous anticipation.

Niko started a playlist on his phone and undressed as steam swirled up from the bath water. I lost track of how much oil I was adding as I watched him drop his boxers to the floor. His body was like nothing I’d ever seen before. Every line was perfect and firm with muscle. And speaking of firm …

“Uh, Sade …” He nodded at the bottle of oil and I tipped it up to stop pouring, my cheeks heating. I’d forgotten it was even in my hand.

“Right.”

The big claw foot tub had been a selling point for this small apartment, and I’d always appreciated it, but never as much as when Niko stepped in and sat down. He had to keep his knees slightly bent, but he fit okay. When he looked at me, the expectation and dark swirls of desire in his brown eyes made me feel the excited twist in my stomach that only he could cause.

My body wasn’t as perfect as his, but it became so in my mind as I undressed. Seeing his reaction to every garment that slid to the floor made me feel incredibly sexy. I held his gaze for a few extra seconds before finding the courage to hook my thumbs into my panties and ease them down.

He was breathing heavy, and my chest rose and fell with excitement. When he leaned forward to turn the running water off, he reached a hand up to help me step into the tub. I had a sudden worry about the logistics of this.

“Do I … should I sit in front of you?” I asked.

“Yeah.” His voice was low and sexy as he looked up at me. “Your back to my chest. Turn around.”

I did, and before I could sit, his hands moved up the backs of my thighs to my ass, which he squeezed firmly, his groan the only sound in the bathroom. He leaned forward, his kiss on the back of my thigh making my insides liquefy with arousal. The brush of his long stubble against my bare skin was sinfully good.

He squeezed my ass again, harder this time, and I couldn’t help moaning. Then his mouth moved higher and he sank his teeth into one cheek, nipping hard enough to draw the most erotic sting of my life. I braced a hand against the wall, and he slapped my other ass cheek hard, squeezing them both again.

Fuck this bath. I was ready to run to the bed and spread my legs. I whimpered and bent slightly, silently begging him for more.

“Can I fuck you here?” he asked, tracing his wet thumb down the crack of my ass.

I cried out, my voice loud and shaky. “Yes. Please.”

His laugh was a few deep notes of amusement. “Not yet,” he said, wrapping his hands around my hips to ease me down to a sitting position. “We have to work our way up to it. Right now I’m gonna clean you up, dirty girl. I know just where to start.”

The hot water eased the sexual tension coursing through my veins, but it returned full force when I felt Niko’s erection against my back.

I raised an arm and wrapped it around his head, weaving my fingers into his thick hair. He squeezed bath gel onto my chest and lathered it on my breasts, his fingertips teasing my nipples.

“You’re ruining baths alone forever,” I murmured.

“That’s only fair,” he said in my ear. “You’ve ruined everything else alone for me.”

I wound my small foot around his ankle and tipped my head back against his chest. I’d never felt this level of closeness with anyone.

“Are you mine, Sadie?” Niko asked, sliding his hands down my stomach.

“I’d like to … ahh.” I couldn’t continue talking once his fingers slipped between my thighs. I circled my hips against him eagerly.

“So fucking hot,” he said, pulling my earlobe between his teeth. “Fuck my fingers, baby.”

The water was hot, and the air washing over my skin as I arched my back was cool in contrast. Niko moved his free hand around to cup one of my breasts, teasing my nipple with his fingertips. His other hand was bringing me to the brink of orgasm, and I whimpered as it hit.

I pulled his hair, giving myself over to the wave of satisfaction. Niko knew just how hard and fast I needed it, and he kept going slowly even after I dropped my hips back down to the bathtub, creating smaller shockwaves of pleasure.

“You didn’t make much progress with washing me,” I said, smiling lazily.

“Maybe I decided I like you dirty.”

“I most definitely like you that way,” I said.

“I could spend a week straight in bed with you. I wish our fucking schedules weren’t so crazy.”

“Me too. I’ll be home from Ireland January 6. Hopefully you won’t be gone then.”

“Yeah, no shit.”

“Mmm, I could take a nap right now,” I said. “I’m so relaxed.”

“Go ahead.”

“I’m warm now, though, so maybe we could take a nap in bed.”

I felt Niko’s low laugh in his chest. “If we get in bed we won’t be sleeping.”

“Maybe that’s my plan.” I closed my eyes, mustering my courage. “After that night in the bar, I dreamed about you playing with my ass.”

“You did? And you didn’t tell me?”

“It didn’t feel like the right time.”

“So tell me what you dreamed. What do you want me to do to you?”

This conversation was much easier like this, where he couldn’t see my face. “I never realized I wanted it until you said those things that night. I just want you there. Your fingers and tongue and … anything you want.”