Drive Me Crazy (17 page)

‘Hey,’ he smiles, his face falling as he remembers the tension between us. ‘Good bath?’

‘Marvellous,’ I reply sarcastically.

‘Least you’re speaking to me now, huh?’ he teases.

‘Danny, don’t,’ I snap. ‘None of this is funny.’

Danny, for once, knows to stop pushing me.

‘Let’s head downstairs.’

I follow his lead. I’m not looking forward to seeing his parents again, even if they’re not connected at the crotch this time, but at least there will be other people I can talk to – people who I don’t want to kill for getting me drunk and permanently defacing my body.

‘Hello.’ Danny’s mum beams brightly as we enter the kitchen. ‘So this is a surprise. I know it’s your dad’s birthday, but I never expected you to show up for it. I thought you’d be busy with work. Do you know how long it’s been since he visited?’ she asks me rhetorically. ‘Months – years maybe.’

‘All right, Mam, don’t exaggerate,’ Danny says sheepishly.

‘Sorry if we seem rude cooking when we should be getting to know you, Candy,’ Danny’s dad says as he prepares a salad. ‘We’re just running a bit late for the barbeque.’

As I watch his dad chopping tomatoes and his mum peeling potatoes, it amuses me that they think I might consider this rude, especially after walking in on them having sex in the living room. It also occurs to me that I hope they’ve washed their hands.

‘It’s fine,’ I tell him sincerely. ‘Can I do anything to help?’

‘We’re on top of things,’ Danny’s dad says, a moment’s awkwardness following his choice of words. ‘I’m Paul; this is Andrea.’

‘Nice to meet you both.’

‘So, who have we got coming?’ Danny asks his mum as he munches a tomato he pinched from the kitchen table.

‘Your sister and the kids are coming – Tim can’t come, he’s working. That’s our Clare’s fella,’ Andrea explains to me. ‘Christopher is coming – he’s practically replaced you in this family.’

Danny laughs. ‘Chris has been my best friend my entire life,’ he explains to me. ‘He’s always been one of the family – so when I left home, that didn’t change.’

‘That’s lovely,’ I say.

‘Is it?’ Paul laughs. ‘He’s a colourful character is our Chris.’

Danny pulls out a chair at the table and gestures for me to sit down. I sit, and he plonks himself down next to me.

‘They diagnosed Chris with Tourette’s when he was six,’ he continues.

‘How awful,’ I reply.

‘It took them two years to realise he just swore too much – he still does, just to warn you.’ Danny laughs. ‘He’s possibly the dumbest person I know, but he’s got a heart of gold. He’s like a brother to me. Always been there for me,’ Danny continues, showing me a side to him that I hadn’t witnessed until now.

‘Tell her about his science GCSE paper, tell her,’ Paul says excitedly, like he’s heard this story a thousand times before but still finds it as hilarious as he did the first time it was told to him.

‘He didn’t get a single question right,’ Danny tells me. ‘Only his name.’ He pauses for a moment, for comedic effect. ‘Actually, that’s not true. He wrote “Christoper”.’

For a moment, I forget that I am mad at Danny and I cackle with laughter at his story. It’s been so long since I spent time around an actual family, I’d forgotten how nice it was.

There’s a knock on the door.

‘All right, motherfuckers,’ a loud, male Geordie accent booms as a tall bloke with a shaved head walks in through the back door. I do not need anyone to tell me that this is Chris. He claps eyes on Danny and lights up at the sight of his best friend, but then his expression changes. He looks worried. Danny is just so pleased to see him that he doesn’t notice this and he jumps up and pulls his friend in for a hug.

Danny releases him. ‘How’s it going, mate?’ he asks.

‘Aye, good,’ Chris replies sheepishly.

‘Great, actually, Dan,’ a female voice says as a short, skinny brunette girl steps out from behind Chris. I recognise her from her photo immediately. It’s Emma, Danny’s ex.

‘Wha-what are you doing here?’ he asks her, stunned.

Emma slides her arm around Chris’s waist, slowly like a slithering snake. She smiles widely as she announces with pride: ‘I’m Chris’s girlfriend.’

I watch the colour drain from Danny’s face. I can tell from the look of anguish on his face that this has not only blindsided him, but it’s hurting him too, seeing this is the girl who broke his heart with his best friend, and no one thought to tell him – probably because it would hurt him. The look on his parents’ faces confirms this.

As mad as I am at Danny right now, as much as he infuriates me and as much as I wish I wasn’t on this trip with him, something kicks in. I know what it feels like to hurt, to be betrayed. I feel weirdly loyal to him. If you’d told me that this was going to happen around the time I discovered my tattoos or got taken to the police station, I would have anticipated enjoying watching Danny suffer like this, but I’m not. I don’t like it, and I certainly don’t like the smug look on that bitch’s face.

I jump up from my seat, unable to allow my colleague to suffer a second longer.

‘So nice to meet you both,’ I say. Danny is standing in front of them awkwardly with his hands in his pockets, so I hook my arm through his and rest my head on his bicep.

‘And who are you?’ Emma asks me, rudely.

‘I’m Candy,’ I tell her brightly. ‘Danny’s girlfriend.’

‘You’re his
girlfriend
? I thought you were just colleagues,’ Danny’s mum squeaks, elated. ‘He’s never brought a girlfriend home before. This must be serious.’

Danny does his best not to let his relief show, and falls into the role of my boyfriend effortlessly, kissing me on the forehead.

‘She’s the first girl I’ve wanted to bring home,’ he tells his mum, smiling at me.

‘You brought me home,’ Emma interrupts.

‘Yeah, only because you lived next door,’ Chris chimes in, his loyalty to his friend creeping back in. Too little too late, of course. Knocking off the ex who broke his heart behind his back probably quashed that loyalty a little.

I hear my phone vibrating on the table behind me so I let go of Danny’s arm and go to grab it.

‘I’d better take this,’ I say, before I even know who it is. I wonder if it’s Will, and the thought of what I’ll say to him fills me with panic. I step out of the room, pulling the door to behind me.

It’s the office, but it isn’t Will. It’s Caroline, so I decide not to answer it. I definitely cannot face Sweet Caroline right now. Anyway, it’s Saturday, and only the first proper day of the trip. I don’t need her checking up on me already.

I’m just about to walk back into kitchen when I realise that I’m the topic of conversation, so I hang back.

‘
You’re
never going out with
her
,’ his dad says in disbelief.

‘What are you trying to say?’ Danny asks.

‘Well…you know…’

‘That I’m an ugly twat?’ Danny laughs.

‘Something like that,’ Chris jokes.

‘No, no,’ his mum says hurriedly. ‘You’re my handsome lad – of course. It’s just…you’re a little rough around the edges, and she’s a very beautiful young lady.’

‘Cheers, Mam – I think.’ Danny laughs. ‘Princesses do kiss frogs sometimes,’ he reminds them. ‘Speaking of frogs, when did you two start seeing each other?’

‘Oi, my baby is not a frog,’ Emma says, stretching up on her tiptoes to kiss Chris.

‘I wasn’t talking about Chris,’ Danny replies. This is my cue to go back in there, to stop him showing how hurt he’s feeling.

‘Just work, checking up on us,’ I tell Danny. ‘Making sure we’re getting
some
work done.’

Everyone is sitting around the table now. All five chairs are occupied, so I sit myself on Danny’s lap, hooking my arm around his neck.

Everyone stares at us for a second.

‘So…’ Danny starts. ‘What time is our Clare getting here?’

‘Speak of the devil,’ she says, bursting into the room, dragging two small children by the hands. ‘Danny!’ she gasps, surprised to see her brother, before moving her gaze to me. ‘Holy shit! How much are you charging him per hour?’ she asks me.

I blink at her in disbelief.

‘Oh, I’m not saying you look like a prostitute,’ she backtracks. ‘Just that you’re way out of my brother’s league.’

I laugh politely, kissing Danny on the cheek.

‘How the fuck did you end up with my brother?’ she asks, jumping up on the worktop, ready to hear the story.

Danny looks at me, like maybe I had thought this through. My hesitation must tell him that I haven’t. Well, I’m making this up as I go along, aren’t I?

‘Well, we work together. We met at work,’ Danny tells them, but everyone looks disappointed, like maybe we might have had a better story for them, to explain how such a supposedly odd couple wound up together.

‘We actually didn’t get on very well to start with,’ I tell them honestly. ‘He annoyed the hell out of me.’

‘That I can believe.’ His sister laughs.

‘I actually asked her out during my first day on the job,’ he tells them as he gazes into my eyes.

‘Your first hour,’ I correct him.

‘Well who could resist you?’ he gushes.

‘I’m gonna throw up,’ Emma says, and we both shoot her a glance in unison before getting back to our story. The key is to make it believable, so it’s probably best I use as much truth as possible.

‘So he kept asking and I kept saying no. You see this?’ I ask, holding my wrist up.

‘That ugly bracelet?’ Emma asks, scrunching up her face.

I ignore her bitchy comments and tell my story.

‘One night we were on this work’s night out, and they can get pretty messy,’ I explain. I see a few eyebrows shoot up, like they can’t quite believe I am capable of messy nights out. ‘Long story short, there was a bit of a misunderstanding at the tattoo parlour that we all somehow ended up in, and I wound up with the most stupid tattoo on my wrist – I was mortified. The first thing Danny did was get me this bracelet, to cover up my mistake so that no one could see. So long as I’ve got this bracelet, no one will ever see it, and as long as I’ve got Danny, I know that I’ve got someone looking after me, cleaning up after me, fixing my mistakes.’

I lean forward and hug him, burying my face in his neck so I can smile to myself, proud of my Oscar-worthy performance. I don’t mention that this was less than twenty-four hours ago, that it was Danny who got me so ‘mortal’ I did such a stupid thing, and that I’m so mad at him right now I want to strangle him. In fact, I don’t even know why I’m doing this for him. Perhaps if I do, he’ll go easy on me for the rest of the trip, you never know. Protecting him just feels right, and even if he was instrumental in my stupid tattoo, he
did
get me the bracelet to hide it.

As his mum makes delighted noises over how cute we are, Danny and I look at each other, neither of us saying a word, but I can read his mind. He didn’t know I had this in me – both my acting skills and my kindness.

‘Well, enough mush,’ Paul says, clapping his hands as he springs to his feet. ‘Time to fire up the barbeque. Give me a hand, lads.’

Chris jumps to his feet like an excitable puppy. Danny places his face close to my neck, as though he was going to kiss it, but he doesn’t. Instead his whispers into my ear, ‘Thank you.’

I smile at him, to let him know that he’s welcome. I guess I just know what it’s like to feel hurt and betrayed by the person you care about. It doesn’t matter what they do to you – even if they cheat on you – you can’t just switch the feelings off. Had Will not betrayed me, I probably wouldn’t have done this for Danny. Then again, had Will not betrayed me, I wouldn’t even be here in the first place.

I grab my phone and check it – just in case Will decided to text me in the last ten minutes – but no such luck. I decide to text him again, so I’m not just the kind of crazy person who double-texts, I’m triple-texting, but I just need to hear from him. My missed call from Caroline is my in – I’ll text him and ask if he needed me for something work-related. It’s a desperate move, but I suppose I’m a desperate girl right now. I think for a second. No, I need to be smarter than this. I’ll leave it until later.

‘It’s just so weird that Danny has brought a girl home,’ his sister Clare thinks out loud now that it’s just us girls.

‘I wouldn’t have thought you were his type,’ Emma adds.

‘Well, types change,’ I say, reminding myself not to act like a bitch in front of Danny’s mum.

‘I’m just so pleased he’s found someone,’ Andrea says as she potters around the kitchen. ‘He’s not one for staying still.’

‘Well, I don’t plan on letting him go,’ I lie, smiling sweetly.

‘But, do you not think he’s a huge geek?’ Clare continues.

I suppose, being his sister, she’ll never realise just how attractive her brother is. To her he’ll just seem like a big IT dork.

‘We have our differences, but we accept them,’ I say. Another lie, considering I never have a clue what he’s talking about and he thinks I’m the most boring girl on the planet.

Thank God we’re not a real couple, huh?

Chapter 22

I’m just going to come right out and say it, spending time with Danny’s family has been so much fun. We’ve spent the evening eating, drinking and being merry. Well, I haven’t really been eating. The food looks absolutely incredible, and as much as I would love to shovel it in now that I don’t have Will trying to dictate my diet to me, I’m being silly and stubborn. After insisting to Danny that I have been healthy eating for myself and for no other reason, I don’t want to give him the satisfaction of seeing me pig out, so I’m stupidly keeping up the charade.

Danny walks over to me and holds out a glass of red wine.

‘No, no,’ I insist. ‘I can’t.’

‘Why not?’ He laughs.

‘You know I don’t drink well and I’m tipsy already.’ I laugh too.

It’s weird, but pretending to be friendly and happy with Danny has sort of tricked my brain into being that way. I’m still mad about the previous night, but right now I couldn’t care less. I’m just happy being happy.

‘Says who?’ he persists.

‘There’s a voice in my head telling me to stop drinking,’ I tell him.