Dumfries (43 page)

  “Aye,” The Stalker croaked.

  “Well, call me suspicious if ye want tae, Paddy, bit that young lassie, Rose Bain, looking up at ye fae the photo oan that page in front ae ye, is none other than the mouthy wee thing that wis working in the room, the night Haufwit croaked it,” Bumper said, leaning back in his chair, looking across at his boss.

  “
Good evening.  My name is John Turney and these are the news headlines in Scotland tonight.

Two youths have been sentenced to life in prison for the murder of a man in Waterloo Street in June of this year.  Mr Charles Grey was kicked about the head and body to his severe injury after leaving a bar.  He later died in the city’s Western Infirmary.  The youths, John Smith and Patrick Maguire also robbed Mr Grey of a sum of money believed to be just over four pounds.  The youths showed no emotion as they were sentenced…

  Glasgow has once again been praised for its tourist attractions by the city’s Tourist board, citing Kelvingrove Museum and Art Gallery and The Museum of Transport as the top destination for tourists travelling north of the border…

The body of an unknown man was fished from the River Clyde beside the Prince’s Dock in Govan today.  It is not known how long the body had been in the water, but police believe it may have been there for some time…

  Traffic came to a standstill in the city centre this afternoon after a lorry containing ducks was in collision with a bus at the corner of Argyle Street and Hope Street.  A substantial number of the birds were said to have escaped and are believed to be wandering about the lanes of the city centre.  Passers-by have reported seeing the birds wandering about as far apart as George’s Square and Garscube Road, Cowcaddens…

  And finally, the tour bus taking rock stars, Blood Sweat and Tears, who are playing the Greens Playhouse tonight, broke down in Argyle Street outside Lewis’s.  Band member, Jerry Fisher, laughed off the incident and told journalists that that was just ’Rock and Roll’…”

Chapter Forty

  Johnboy stretched, erms upwards, forcing his toes forward towards his cell door, before jumping up aff ae his bed in agony as a spasm ae cramp goat a grip ae his instep.  He could get used tae this, he thought tae himsel, efter returning tae the position he wis in before being painfully interrupted.  He turned the volume oan the radio up, jist as Rod Stewart finished whining aboot Sailing away wae Britt Ekland and David Bowie arriving oan the scene, trying tae connect ground control tae Major Tom.  The only thing missing wis a decent book.  He leaned o’er the side ae the bed and pulled wan ae his crisp boxes oot fae under it, hoping that, miraculously, a book other than the first three volumes ae Winston Graham’s Poldark series and R F Delderfield’s, A Horseman Riding By, wid’ve somehow found its way intae his box.  He’d awready read them aw twice in short succession, so the thought ae gaun through them again jist didnae appeal. The last time he’d tried tae raid Tony’s box ae books, he’d goat the short, sharp, shock treatment ae being telt tae fuck aff.  Wance Tony goat a book, he kept it furever, underlining key passages that meant nothing tae anywan, bit clearly hid some future use fur him.  The last raid hid been a disaster because ae the subject matter oan display. Johnboy couldnae make up his mind whit tae steal, so hid goat caught red-haunded.  Tony liked reading aboot generals.  A few years back, he’d goat his hauns oan a book aboot some Chinese wan called Sun Tzu and wis furever quoting him…‘Keep yer friends close, and yer enemies closer’ or ‘If ye’re strong, appear weak, bit if ye’re weak, appear strong’ being a couple ae quotes that sprung tae Johnboy’s mind.  Seemingly, this hid been Tony’s bedtime reading material jist before he’d set the trap fur Tam Simpson in Tam’s love-nest up in High Possil.

  “Ah’m no interested in the actual battles themsels, bit it’s the thinking that went oan in the heids ae the wans that put the plans thegither before everything kicked aff that interests me,” he’d retorted tae Snappy, who’d accused him ae being a boring basturt wan night when Tony wis trying tae explain whit no tae dae when taking oan somebody much bigger than yersel.

  He tried tae remember whit Tony hid been intae lately.  Johnboy hid goat a good insight intae where Tony wis coming fae, efter listening tae him spouting aboot aw these mental generals when they wur sitting in the sewing machine shoap, whiling away the hours.  Tony liked Frederick The Great and spoke aboot some war that he fought fur seven years before winning.  Another wan Johnboy knew Tony liked wis Genghis Khan.

  “Totally fucking mental, so he wis, and great at playing wae people’s heids,” Tony hid delighted in telling him.

  Another wan hid been Hannibal who’d taken a herd ae elephants aw the way fae Africa o’er the Alps tae hiv a go at the Romans.  According tae Tony, it wis the first time that the Romans hid goat gubbed and their arses well skelped by anywan.  Efter Sun Tzu, his next favourite wis Napoleon.

  “Ye’ve heard ae people hivving a Napoleon complex, hiven’t ye?” he’d asked Johnboy, Snappy, Silent and Stu recently at break time.

  “Naw,” Snappy hid replied oan behauf ae them aw.

  “Youse fucking hiv, ya bunch ae knob-end, thick pricks, ye.  Napoleon wis gaun oan two foot two, bit could fight like a giant…hated people being taller than him, so he did, bit it never stoapped him knocking fuck oot ae aw they big tall Russians, Prussians and other bampots who thought that height mattered,” Tony hid lectured and they’d aw laughed and taken the piss oot ae him fur the rest ae the efternoon.

  He’d take a run across tae Tony’s cell when they goat opened up tae see whit he hid.  In the meantime, efter reciting Senga’s Dear John letter oot loud tae John Lennon’s ‘Dear Prudence’ fae the radio, satisfied he hidnae missed a word or beat, Johnboy lay his heid back oan his pillow and thought back tae the events in the sewing machine shoap.  Wance the screws hid realised that the clip hid definitely gone AWOL, they’d kept everywan anchored until aboot seven o’clock that night before marching the Garthamlock/Carntyne, Barlanark, Mankys and Stu straight doon tae the digger.  Anywan that Stafford could remember hivving gone up tae the table wae bandoliers during the period ae when he’d hid and then lost the ammo clip, hid ended up in the dungeons.  Fur everywan else in the workshoap area, starting in the paint shoap next door, they’d taken each YO forward and strip searched them before they’d escorted them back across tae their cells.  The next batch tae be searched hid been the YOs through in the joinery shoap.  When it’d been the turn ae the sewing machine shoap, the YOs who’d been up at the quality assurance table hid aw been called oot last.  It hid been clear who wis getting the blame.  Fae where Johnboy hid been sitting, he’d been able tae see the YOs ootside in the corridor getting stripped naked and their clothes checked o’er.  Snappy hidnae taken this lightly and hid demanded tae speak tae The Chief, Baker the Basturt, and The Governor, Crawford.  It hidnae altered the course ae whit wis tae come, as they’d duly arrived oan the scene, looking well pissed aff, and hid telt him tae shut the fuck up.  As the sewing machine YOs wur waiting their turn tae be searched, they’d heard the paint shoap and the joinery shoap next door being pulled apart.  Efter hinging aboot, the accused hid aw been frogmarched individually, wan at a time, tae the digger.  The next morning, and fur the next two days, Stafford and Dickheid Dick, alang wae The Governor and The Chief hid interrogated everywan aboot why they’d aw happened tae be up at the table at the same time.  Efter that, the lot ae them hid been left tae stew in the digger, hivving singing competitions and quizzes through the cell doors o’er the next week.  When they’d eventually been let oot, Johnboy’d thought they’d aw be kicked back oan tae the bottom flair ae B Hall, bit hid been surprised tae be taken back tae his fourth flair penthoose suite in C-Hall.  That hid been oan the Friday evening, jist o’er a week previously.  Johnboy wisnae sure if it hid been in revenge or jist oot ae playfulness, bit wee Pat Daniels, the boy who looked efter the office in the sewing machine shoap and who hid the misfortune ae hivving tae make the tea fur the screws at break time, hid decided tae up the ante.  Above the office there wis a big space where aw the completed bundles ae bandoliers wur stored.  On the same Friday as The Mankys and Co hid goat huckled doon tae the digger, Wee Pat hid been up above the office, stacking the bandoliers and hid used a flint embedded in a shaving brush and a wee bit ae burned pyjama cotton tae leave a smouldering tinder in amongst the bandoliers.  Pat hidnae been sure if it wid work and he’d hid tae wait until the middle ae the Sunday night tae find oot, when the whole place, including everywan in the digger, hid been awakened by the alarm bells clanging and the sounds ae fire engines entering the nick.  The YOs in the cells oan the same side ae B-Hall as the workshoaps, hid said that they could see part ae the roof above the sewing machine shoap buckling and smoke billowing oot ae it.  Since then, aw the YOs fae the sewing machine shoap hid been locked up during the day, apart fae being let oot fur their breakfast, lunch and evening meals at night.  The only real victims hid been Silent and Father Leonard.  Nowan fae the screw side ae the nick hid said anything tae them, bit Silent hidnae started in the barber shoap efter being let oot ae the digger and Johnboy hidnae been allowed oot tae hiv a chat wae the priest aboot playing guitar at his service…which hid suited Johnboy jist fine.  Snappy hid been in his element.  He preferred tae be locked up rather than hiv tae work in whit he called the sweatshoap.  Johnboy wisnae bothered either way, seeing as they wur allowed oot tae rec at night.  Life wid be a lot better though, if he could only find himsel a decent book.  Johnboy stood up and peered oot ae his windae.  The summer wis drawing tae an end and winter wis jist roond the corner, he thought tae himsel, as Pink Floyd’s ‘Us and Them’ wafted oot ae his Roberts radio, that wis sitting oan the chair beside his bed.

  “
Good evening.  My name is John Turney and these are the news headlines in Scotland tonight.

A grim warning was issued today by Glasgow Fire Service Officers that they are at their wits’ end of endurance in the city’s week-long strike by fire-fighters.  More than 60 officers have been carrying out ‘pathfinder’ and supervisory duties with the service’s task force during the union stoppage…

Gang violence has erupted in Easterhouse for the fourth evening in a row after the stabbing of a local youth by a rival gang in Duntarvie Road on Saturday night.  Police have asked local residents in the area to keep their teenagers indoors…

  Meanwhile, in another part of the city…this time Yoker…police have named the seventeen-year-old-youth who was stabbed to death in East Barnes Street last Friday evening as Thomas McCann.  His parents were still too distressed at the loss of their only son to comment on the tragedy…

  Twenty five Vauxhall cars were on loan to Scotland’s first team football squad and were not presented as a bonus, Vauxhall’s Luton-based executives claimed today. However, the Scottish FA secretary has backed his players by stating that the cars were gifted to the players and were not loans…

  Crime has risen in the city for the third consecutive year with house burglaries at epidemic proportions, according to statistics revealed by researchers at Strathclyde University…

  A thirty-eight-year-old mother of seven has been charged with breach of the peace and child desertion after she left her ten-month-old baby on the desk of a staff member of the National Assistance Board in Springburn Road yesterday.  The distressed mother, who claimed she couldn’t afford to feed the baby, stormed out of the offices, after being refused an emergency payment…

  Holly, a cross-Labrador has been reunited with her delighted owners after going missing on a family outing to Rouken Glen Park in April.  The two-year-old bitch made her way to the family home in Binns Road, Garthamlock, yesterday afternoon.  The dog, thought to have had a litter of pups whilst she was missing, appeared to be in good health and was last night tucked up in a blanket with her favourite toy…

  A hundred and fifty women donned their coats and jackets and walked out of the upmarket outdoor garment company, Pennilees, in Govan today over male workers being paid more than them, whilst doing the same job…”

Chapter Forty One

  Fanny felt nervous, excited and despondent aw at the same time.  Despite hivving goat a wee reassuring smile fae Father Leonard jist before the break, she wis struggling tae keep her feelings in check.  She looked aboot the room.  The YOs seemed impervious tae her nervousness although she couldnae say the same fur the prison officers who seemed tae be taking immense pleasure in her discomfort, especially since The Chief hid growled at her.  The Chief wis staunin wae his back tae her across at the door, talking tae the security escort officers, SO Dick and Officer Hamilton.  She could guess whit he wis saying by the gesticulating hauns being waved aboot in front ae the faces ae the smiling staff.  She wid’ve preferred different officers being present, given that William Johnston hid been accused ae breaking Officer Hamilton’s nose in retaliation fur the assault by prison officers oan Samuel Smith, who’d insulted The Governor and his wife when he first arrived in Dumfries.  It also didnae help that SO Dick’s vote-ae-nae-confidence by the majority ae staff, aw members ae the Prison Officers Association, in who should represent them in their dealings wae management, hid been caused by Gucci being taken aff ae Rule 36 the previous year and allowed back intae general circulation.  As if that wisnae bad enough, there wis also stiff opposition fae the majority ae the prison officers tae letting the YOs fae the sewing machine shoap oot ae their cells, despite them aw hivving been locked up fur practically twenty four hours a day, other than being let oot at mealtimes and fur evening recreation.  Her plan hid seemed a good idea a few days earlier when she’d spoken wae Chief Baker.  Father Leonard hid reminded her, in the passing, that during the miners’ strike earlier in the year, a series ae events, that didnae include the use ae electric power, hid been held, tae keep the YOs occupied during the three-day week, such as the use ae the gym, snooker and table tennis competitions in the rec room.

  “And whit dae ye hiv in mind, Mrs Flaw?” The Chief hid asked her when she’d sat doon in his office.

  “Well, I was thinking of utilising the classroom on the top floor between B and C-Halls…perhaps run a few quizzes…that kind of thing…get the YOs to open up a little.  It would assist me in developing a closer working relationship with them,” she’d said hopefully.

  “Oh, Ah don’t know aboot that.  Ah widnae want tae gie the impression that we wur rewarding bad behaviour.”

  “I can understand that, but even if there were one or two who were responsible for the missing ammunition clip, surely it doesn’t mean all of them should be punished collectively.  I think it would show leadership on the part of management if we were to show that, despite the actions of a few, the establishment was taking the well-being of those who didn’t undermine the system into consideration also.  We wouldn’t be letting them out of their cells as a result of Mr Stafford’s missing quality assurance tool being stolen, but as a result of the fire that is preventing them from going to work.”

  “Hmm…mind you, Ah wis a wee bit ae a dab haun in the competition world masel, in ma day.  Ah wis a finalist in the inter-prison quiz league competition in 1970 when Ah wis beaten by that wee pri…er…Chief McGrory fae Perth, so Ah wis.  Whit dae ye plan tae dae aboot the stoat-the-baws then?  We cannae exclude them, kin we?” The Chief hid asked, a sly smile appearing across that piggy face ae his.

  “I would love to include them, but I don’t think it would work.”

  “So, jist because they’re sick sex offenders, they should suffer by being excluded?  Is that whit ye’re saying?  That disnae sound too social-worky tae me, if ye don’t mind me saying so, Mrs Flaw,” he’d taunted her.

  “Oh no, not at all, Chief.  I totally agree with you, but by using those vulnerable prisoners, who are on protection, to search for Mr Stafford’s quality assurance tool, their participation would almost certainly undermine what I am trying to do and might act as a catalyst for further disruptive behaviour during the sessions.”

  “Hmm…aye, ye may hiv a point there.  So, whit aboot staffing levels?  Hauf the Dumfries staff fae here ur currently working across in the H Blocks in Northern Ireland and the other hauf ur skiving aff, oan the sick.”

  “We could use the existing workshop security escort staff.  I’ve spoken to Father Leonard and he’s willing to become involved too.  To ensure equality, you could also allow the vulnerable YOs out of their cells in the afternoon into the rec room to play snooker or listen to their records.  There’s probably too few of them to run a quiz like the one I’m proposing anyway.”

  “Hmm…right, Ah’m prepared tae gie it a go, bit let me warn ye right noo.  Any lip aff ae any ae them and it’ll be straight back tae their cells.  Ah’m no hivving any ae ma staff getting the pis…er…mickey taken oot ae them, especially since it’s us that ur daeing them the favour.”

  She’d left The Chief’s office oan a high, never expecting him tae agree in the first place.  Given that The Chief hid claimed he wis an expert oan quizzes, she’d allowed hersel tae be persuaded that he’d be the best person tae put the questions thegither.  Father Leonard felt that this hid been a smart move oan her part because he felt that The Chief wis clearly wan ae these people who needed a mission in life.  The session hidnae goat aff tae the best ae starts though.  When the YO’s hid trooped in, it hid been apparent that some ae them wur absent.

  “Er, who’s missing, Mr Dick?” The Chief hid enquired.

  “Taylor, Johnston, Smith and Gucci, Chief.”

  “And whit’s wrang wae them then?”

  “They didnae want tae come,” the SO hid replied, realising his mistake too late.

  “Oh, they didnae, did they?  Well, jist you get that arse ae yers across tae they landings and get them in here pronto!” The Chief hid barked.

  “Bit, er, nowan telt me that it wisnae voluntary, so they didnae,” the SO hid whined, red-faced, as the YOs within hearing distance snickered.

  “It’s a bloody nick, Mr Dick, no a bloody holiday camp, fur Christ’s sakes…oh…er…sorry, Father, “ The Chief hid muttered apologetically, as the SO and The Tormentor scurried oot the door in search ae the missing YOs.

  Wance everywan hid settled intae the wan big circle, The Chief hid nodded tae Fanny tae lead aff the session.

  “Good morning, boys.  As you all probably know by now, my name’s Fanny Flaw and this is Mr Baker, the recently appointed chief of Dumfries YOI,” she’d begun nervously. “After a meeting to discuss how we could best assist and support you all, whilst the work on the fire-damaged sewing machine shop roof progresses, we thought we would get everyone out of their cells to take part in a quiz and perhaps have a general discussion and use the time to get to know one another better.”

  Silence.

  “Er, as you can see, Father Leonard has agreed to join us.  They told me not to mention it, but I believe both The Chief and Father Leonard are active quiz enthusiasts and have been participants in quiz competitions for a number of years, ha, ha,” Fanny hid said, chortling.

  Father Leonard and The Chief hid joined in, in the mirth, while the majority ae the inmates hid sat staring, silently, maist wae quizzical looks spread across their faces.

  “Aye, Ah hope ye’ve aw goat yer brains back oot ae yer pants and back intae yer skulls this morning, lads, because they’re no easy questions that Ah’ve put thegither, so they’re no,” The Chief hid said, jumping in tae assist Fanny tae try and instil a bit ae jolliness intae the room.

  “Quiz?  Quiz?  Did she jist mention a quiz?” William Johnston, the wan they called Snappy, hid asked oot loud, tae nowan in particular.

  “Aye, she did.  Whit aboot it?” The Chief hid challenged him, jumping in before Fanny could reply.

  “We’re no intae quizzes, so we’re no.”

  “Oh, is that right?  And since when hiv you become the spokesman fur everywan, aw ae a sudden, Johnston?” The Chief hid snapped.

  “Since you’ve miraculously become the expert oan whit us YOs like and whit we don’t, aw ae a sudden,” Johnston hid retorted.

  “Oh, er…” Fanny hid said, attempting tae jump in and save the session, bit The Chief hid been hivving none ae it.

  “So, we’re wasting oor time here then?  Is that whit ye’re saying?” 

  “Well, being the expert, you said it, no me.”

  “Right, is there anywan else here who thinks the same thing?” The Chief hid demanded.

  The YOs in the room hid darted wee glances at each other, as the two escort screws hid sat wae big grins splashed across their faces.

  “Whit’s a sociopath?” Samuel Smith hid suddenly asked oot ae the blue, causing everywan in the room, including SO Dick and Mr Hamilton, baith sitting back aboot four feet ootside the circle, tae aw turn and gawk at him in astonishment.

  “Eh?” The Chief hid exclaimed, brows furrowed and erms ootstretched, looking aboot the room in bewilderment, as if Jesus Christ himsel hid jist resurrected his heid up through the flair and said hello tae everywan.

  “I, er, well…” Fanny hid mumbled.

  “Nice wan, Silent,” Snappy Johnston hid piped up, grinning.

  “Whit’s this goat tae dae wae the quiz…” The Chief hid started tae blurt oot, as aw the YOs focused in oan Fanny and The Chief.

  “I believe a sociopath is a person who has a total disregard for the feelings of others and has no empathy towards the victims of a crime that he…or she, has committed on others,” Father Leonard hid come oot wae, shifting everywan’s attention o’er tae him.

  “Ye mean like aw us, Father?” a YO hid asked, as aw the YOs in the room burst intae laughter.

  “Whit dis ‘hivving nae empathy’ mean when it’s at hame then?” somewan else hid asked.

  “Fanny?” Father Leonard hid said tae her encouragingly.

  “Someone with a lack of feelings or remorse, I believe,” Fanny hid responded.

  Fur the next hour, a chaotic, bit tae Fanny and Father Leonard, an intriguing and often funny, sometimes anecdotal, black-humoured discussion hid taken place amongst the YOs oan how the victims ae crime must feel efter they’d been robbed, burgled or assaulted.

  “Well, Fanny, Ah hope Ah hivnae wasted ma precious time here and that ye’re gonnae steer this bunch ae thickos back tae whit we’re supposed tae be daeing or Ah’ll be calling it a day and they kin rot in their cells fur aw Ah care,” The Chief hid said coldly tae her, joining SO Dick and Mr Hamilton o’er by the door jist before the break.

  “Here you go, Fanny,” Father Leonard said, a happy grin oan that face ae his, haunin her o’er a cup ae tea.

  “Oh, Father,” she groaned.

  “Who would’ve thought this morning that that kind of discussion would have occurred, eh?  In all the years that I’ve been in Dumfries, that’s certainly one of the more interesting, and funniest discussions that I’ve ever heard YOs engaging in,” he said, taking a sip ae his tea.

  “Oh, Father, The Chief is threatening to return the YOs to their cells if I don’t bring it back to why we’re here in the first place.”

  “Is he now?”

  “I thought it was just me.  I couldn’t believe how they all opened up.  Okay, it was a bit chaotic at times, but nevertheless, some of them were actually talking about how they felt towards their victims.  Can you believe it?  What am I to do?”

  ”I think you just have to go with the flow.  I’ll go and speak with The Chief before we get back together.  He obviously views these proceedings differently from you or I. He’s clearly not used to working off-plan.  I’ve heard a lot of talk about people being institutionalised since I started working here, but to be quite honest, I don’t think I’ve ever come across an inmate that I could apply that to yet, unlike some of the people running the asylum,” Father Leonard said, smiling.  “The highlight of the morning for me was Samuel Smith’s interruption.  Like me, I suspect most of the boys sitting in this room haven’t heard the sound of his voice before…a rare occurrence, I think.”

  “Right, boys, chop, chop,” The Chief shouted, clapping his hauns tae draw the YOs back intae the circle fae the wee geographic huddles they’d formed.

  “So, whit’s next, Fanny?” wan ae the Maryhill YOs asked, clearly getting in there before The Chief.

  “We’re here tae hiv a quiz.  Youse hiv aw hid yer turn tae dae whit youse want tae dae.  Noo it’s oor turn,” The Chief reminded them, getting scowls back fae a significant proportion ae the inmates. “Look, if ye don’t want tae dae it, ye kin always go back tae yer cells, so youse kin.”

  Maist ae the inmates’ faces lit up, tae the displeasure ae The Chief.

  “So, whit did ye hiv in mind then, Chief?” Tony Gucci asked, as aw heids turned tae him.

  “Well, Ah’ve jist spent three days ae ma precious time putting thegither aw these good questions and answers and noo youse don’t want tae play?” The Chief retorted, scowling at Gucci.

  “Well, Ah never said that.  In fact, Ah’m quite enjoying masel and so ur maist ae the other YOs,” he replied, getting a few nods and grunts fae the circle.

  “So, dae youse want tae play or no?” The Chief demanded, clearly irritated.

  “The problem is, we don’t want tae play tae yer rules, so we don’t.”

  “Well, whit bloody rules dae ye want tae play tae then?  There is only wan rule when people take part in quizzes.  Ye either know the answer or ye don’t!” The Chief scowled.

  “That sounds like two tae me,” Chas McKinnon, wan ae the YOs fae Carntyne, said tae sniggers and laughter.