Duty and Devotion (16 page)

“None taken.”

The waitress finally realized they were sitting in the corner and popped over to offer drinks and take their order. Evan demurred on something from the bar, but Griffin ordered a double martini.

“I'll behave, I promise,” he said as she walked away.

“Good, glad to hear it.” Evan played with the napkin for a moment. “And I hope for your friend's sake that she and Bennet are truly happy together.”

“Hmmm, yeah. I try not to worry about her, but I can't help it. It's second nature,” Griffin said sadly. “She's an awesome person for all her faults. I just don't want to be her keeper anymore. I have Jim, and I like concentrating on taking care of him.”

“You don't seem to be his—keeper.”

“Nah, it's not the same thing. It's actually much nicer to go home to someone who isn't sometimes a life-draining emotional vampire.” Griffin cleared his throat. “I say that with love.”

“Of course,” Evan smiled. “Jim's a—he seems like a very nice guy.”

“And you hate his guts.”

Evan held up his hand. “I never said…”

“You didn't have to. That night at dinner I thought you were going throw down at some point. Just…boom—right in the mouth.” Griffin made a fist.

“I would never punch him,” Evan said, uncomfortable now.

“Probably not, but you did think about it. Come on, it's okay. You're jealous.” Griffin's voice dropped conspiratorially. “Me too.”

“Of Matt?”

“Hell yeah. You know, Jim doesn't talk to any of his exes. Not a one. I couldn't even get a damn name out of the man. But Matt's his pal. That's kinda…”

“Weird.”

“Yeah, weird.” Griffin smiled. “But okay. I'm really okay with it. It's stupid to imagine being with only one person in your whole life.”

Evan huffed a smile of his own. “Not that stupid. For some people, it's a goal.”

“I guess. So you—you were with your wife for a long time?”

“Almost twenty years from when we first met.”

“And you never dated anyone else?”

“No, not until Matt.”

Griffin whistled. “Wow.”

“But weird.”

“Twenty years with a woman and then a guy? That's pretty intense.” Griffin looked at him speculatively. “Must've freaked you out.”

“In ways you can't even imagine.” Evan sighed. The conversation was segueing where he needed it to go even as he fought the urge to move it away.

“Oh I can imagine!” Griffin chuckled. “I always knew I was gay—or I should say, I never had a question, just the answer. Like I imagine most straight people just know they're straight. It was okay, till I started learning about sex. I mean—straight sex, shocking enough, but the rest of it? I was like—no way, seriously.” Griffin cracked himself up. “I briefly considered celibacy.”

“Then what happened?” Evan took a deep breath.

“High school boyfriend, slightly older with apparent access to a lot of information.” Griffin smirked. “He liked to play master/apprentice, and I got a good education.”

“So you and he…” Evan gestured, then blushed. “You did…everything.”

“Everything ever? No. I was willing, but I also had a lot of homework junior year.”

Evan rolled his eyes. “You know what I mean?”

“Yeah, I do, but it's kinda fun to tease you.” Griffin smiled sweetly. “You cop types, Jesus Christ on a pony. You're all so damn uptight. And you're in vice, for heaven's sake! You must've busted a few rings of like…stolen sex toys or something.”

“No. No, I haven't.” Evan's cheeks burned.

“You should. That would make an excellent porno. Speaking of which…” Griffin's voice dropped way low even though there was no one in sight. “You know, if you're like—looking for information or stuff, a good porno cannot be counted out. You have to remember these guys are professionals, and the first few times it's not that awesomely fun, and also most guys aren't hung like that. But you know, it's good information.”

Sweat pooled behind Evan's ears. Oh this was a mistake. “I already have—seen. Several things.”

“Good, good. I mean, I'll admit it. The first time I was like—no freakin' way. Just blow me or something.” Griffin caught himself and coughed. “But patience can be a good thing.”

Evan resisted the urge to crawl under the table. His curiosity still burned. “So you got used to it?”

“It?” Griffin shrugged. “Yeah. But that makes it sound like a chore.” He waggled his eyebrows. “And it's not. Especially when I figured out what I wanted.”

“So you've done…both.” Evan shrugged out of his suit jacket, letting the cool air of the fan hit the back of his neck.

“Sure. Best way to figure out what you like. And I like to mix it up now and then, but with Jim…” Griffin paused. “Okay, if I say stuff that's personal, you're not going to freak, right?”

“No, I'm not going to freak. Just—go easy on the descriptive words.”

“Okay, sensitive soul—with Jim, it just fits. What he needs and wants and what I need and want—they fit. He doesn't care if I never want to, uh, okay, does 'bottom' work for you as a descriptor?”

Evan died a little but nodded. “Sure.”

“Good. So—he doesn't care if I never want to because what works with us is me on the top and him on the bottom and various other stuff.” Griffin's smile was teasing. “You want like little sketches on my napkin?”

“No.”

“Did our waitress go to Iceland for my vodka?” he asked, looking over Evan's shoulder.

“So Jim likes… Jim is…” Evan's voice cracked.

“Yeah.” Griffin crumbled up his napkin and threw it at Evan's head. “Come on now, no stereotyping please. He's older and bigger and hot like burning fire and I'm a nerd in glasses, so that's not possible?”

“I never said that!”

“But you kinda thought it.”

Evan picked the crumpled napkin from the floor. “It is a stereotype, and sometimes when you don't have a frame of reference…”

“Fine, whatever. You're excused, but don't make the same mistake again.” Griffin shook his head. “I mean, what if I met you when you were married to your wife and assumed you were a giant abusive asshole—because cops have a rep sometimes? What would she have done if I said that?”

“Given you an earful.” Evan smiled and ducked his head.

“As well she should. Maybe I'm right and maybe I'm wrong, but I should probably wait until I have more information than just shit I've heard from people who don't know. And oh, thank God. This better be the greatest martini ever.”

The waitress didn't apologize for the endless delay, leaving their drinks and a bread basket before disappearing again.

“Eat up, this may be the only thing we're getting.” Evan sighed.

“I'll make do.” He slurped down half his martini with a happy sigh. “Brilliant. Too bad I'll never see her again to ask for another.” He gestured toward Evan with his glass. “How am I doing with the help thing?”

“Pretty good,” Evan admitted. “It's kinda nice to talk to someone about this stuff.”

“What's next?”

“I think I'm okay for now. Thank you.”

Griffin pouted. “Aw, come on. Ask me something really dirty so I can watch your forehead turn that color of burgundy again.”

* * *

Evan dropped Griffin off on the same corner and waited until the younger man entered the building. He rested his forehead on the steering wheel with a sigh.

Oh that was an informative dinner. And he was sure he'd burned out a few brain cells from the sheer heat of his blushing. From the bottom of that empty martini glass came the sexual wisdom of Griffin Drake, very few holds barred. He had suggestions and tips, and “did you put a pillow under your hips? It'll help,” almost caused Evan to develop heart palpitations.

Which of course Griffin absolutely loved.

His phone buzzed, and he checked the number to make sure it wasn't Griffin with something he'd forgotten to share.

No, it was Ellie, and he pressed the call button with a frown.

“Ellie? Everything okay?”

“Yeah, everything's fine. I just wanted to let you know my mother and I had a… Let's call it a talk for the moment.” Ellie sighed deeply.

“Was it bad?”

“Epic and ugly.”

Evan turned off the car and leaned back, checking his rearview mirror for the meter readers.

“And?”

“And she got the papers about you changing guardianship. Then she called a lawyer.”

Evan's heart dropped into his stomach. He gasped.

“Who told her she didn't have a case,” Ellie continued, her voice tired and gentle. “Then I spoke to Father Deckard, who went to the house, and—it was just a mess. She's hysterical.”

Evan regained his voice. “I'm sorry, Ellie. I really am.”

“I told her to stay away from the kids for a while and then we'd do something in a few weeks, her and I with them for a few hours. I told her I didn't want her alone with them.”

“That must've gone over like a lead balloon.”

“She's just stuck in her grief and anger, Evan. I can't get her out.” Ellie's voice broke. “Father Deckard and I are trying to get her into counseling.”

“I hope you can, for everyone's sake.”

“Right.” Her tone wasn't hopeful. “Walt said I can't move this mountain and that we have our own life to live, but you know, I'm all she has now.”

The burden was heavy, clearly.

“You still have to have some boundaries.”

“I know.”

“Remember, Walt is there for you. And I am—as best I can. I mean, the kids are my first priority, but we're still family.”

Ellie sniffled. “Thanks, Evan. I just wanted to let you know what was going on.”

“Thanks, Ellie.”

They hung up, and Evan's chest squeezed out another stuttered heartbeat.

* * *

That night in bed, Evan stared up at the ceiling as Matt feigned sleep beside him. Finally at two a.m., Evan rolled over and poked his boyfriend in the side.

“What? I'm sleeping,” Matt grumbled.

“Me either.”

Matt sighed and turned his head. “What's wrong?”

“Nothing. Or you know, everything.” Evan kicked his legs under the blankets. “I will fucking head for the Canadian border if my in-laws try to take my kids,” he said.

“I'll drive,” Matt said simply.

“Okay.” That made him feel a tiny bit better. He reached under the covers, hands moving restlessly over Matt's chest. “You wanna…?”

“Want to what?” Matt asked drily, already wiggling out of his shirt.

“Shut up,” Evan muttered. He lifted the covers off Matt's body, suddenly ravenous for some physical contact. His mouth sank down over the flat brown nipples, hair tickling his nose as he teased the tiny bud one side to the other until Matt shifted.

“Zero to a hundred.” Matt moaned and rolled over toward Evan, scissoring their legs together.

Evan didn't say anything, he just moved lower, hands pulling at the waistband of Matt's boxers.

He didn't let Matt slow it down, didn't let him undress Evan as well. He got Matt naked and under his hands, under his mouth as fast as he could, the bed shaking below him at the effort.

“Turn around,” Matt moaned. “Let me suck you.”

But Evan shook his head. He swallowed Matt down frantically, tight fingers on his hips.

At the last second, he pulled off, leaving Matt straining against him, begging for just a little bit more.

“No,” Evan whispered. He swung one shaky leg over Matt, positioning himself over him. For one confused moment his boyfriend froze under him, and Evan almost lost his nerve, but then he leaned down for a kiss and settled over Matt.

It took a moment of coordination, but then Matt's hard, wet dick was pressed against his stomach and Evan rubbed the length of it against his ass. And that's when Matt's startled moan told him his idea was fucking brilliant.

Matt's hands closed on his hips, keeping the pace. Evan held onto the headboard and rocked, the tease of flesh from root to tip rubbing him intimately as his own dick brushed wetly against Matt's chest.

“Touch yourself,” Matt whispered, and Evan didn't hesitate for a second. In the dark bedroom the bed creaked, and Evan jerked himself off as his boyfriend rutted up against him in a frantic attempt to come. It didn't take either of them long. Evan shook in a desperate attempt to hold on as Matt stiffened and a warm, wet sensation covered Evan's ass. But it was too much.

He couldn't wait. He stroked down hard and leaned back, feeling Matt's hand cradling his lower back as he shot against his lover's chest.

Evan slept after that. Four solid hours with Matt draped over his back, pinning him to the mattress. It felt so good he cursed the alarm when it started beeping.

“Pencil me in for Saturday night,” he murmured to his boyfriend as he got out of bed.

Matt mumbled something in his sleep.

Evan took a ridiculously cold shower and tried not to stare at the predatory expression in his eyes in the mirror as he shaved.

He dialed Jesse from GOAL's number after nine and got directions to the meeting. The young officer was clearly delighted at his acceptance. Evan wrote it down in his datebook and set an alarm on his phone.

He was going to go.

When Moses got up for a coffee refill, Evan followed him and shadowed him for a moment as they filled their cups.

“Everything okay?” Moses asked, his dark face curious as always.

“Yeah.” Evan dumped some sugar into his cup. “I wanted to know if you had anything to, uh—say or… I know you've heard about my living situation.”

Moses's eyes widened, and he snorted, clapping Evan on the back. “Evan, my God, you've been living with Matt for what? Almost a year? Are you just getting around to giving out announcements?”

“No, this isn't an announcement. I just wanted to make sure it wasn't an issue.” Evan put his shoulders back and looked Moses in the eye.

The older man shrugged. “None of my business. Just like knowin' what's going on.”

“You don't have an opinion?”

“Why would you care about my opinion?” Moses looked genuinely surprised. “Like I said, none of my business. Just do your job and watch my back when you have to.”

Evan wanted to poke him until he said something—approval, disapproval. Sometimes. But Moses refused to offer anything else. Evan couldn't even read his expression.