Duty and Devotion (15 page)

“Then why so upset? You know better—she can't take you away from me.”

“Yeah, she could. If you got hurt or something, like last time? If you were in the hospital—we had to go with her. She's our legal guardian if something happens to you.”

“Is that true?” Miranda said from the kitchen. She had Elizabeth on her lap, her small frame barely able to fit the growing nine-year-old against her shoulder and not topple over. “Grandma and Grandpa are still our legal guardians?”

“Yeah,” Evan said slowly. Matt's jaw twitch was visible enough to be seen across two rooms, and Evan caught a bit more of the clue bus. “I didn't change my will after your mom—after your mom passed away. They're still legal guardians.”

It was set up that way when the kids were babies, the “just in case” clause because of Evan's job description and Sherri's parents' insistence. He was young at the time, with no family of his own. Of course, they were the obvious choice. But times had changed, and he no longer considered the pair appropriate.

Frankly, if something happened to him, there was only one person he truly could imagine taking care of the little ones.

And that person was standing on the other side of the first floor, steam all but coming out of his ears.

“I'm going to have to change that—as soon as possible,” Evan heard himself say. “I'll call the lawyer first thing, and we'll take care of it,” he repeated, kissing Katie on the top of the head. “Your grandparents won't be your legal guardians.”

“Then who will be?” Miranda asked. There was a level of challenge in her voice.

Evan cleared his throat. “Matt. And your Aunt Ellie. If something happens to me, they'll take care of you.”

Elizabeth unburrowed herself from Miranda's shoulder. “But we'll live here, right? With Matt?”

“Right, of course.” Evan didn't hesitate. And this time the look he shared with Matt wasn't an angry challenge. It was the receipt of a look of surprise.

Elizabeth was mollified by the answer, as was Katie. She gave him a final squeeze, then muttered something about needing a tissue. She went upstairs after exchanging looks with Matt.

“Come on, Elizabeth. Let's go upstairs and wash your face,” Miranda said, shooing her little sister off her lap. She gave her father a pointed glare.

“You're too young, and you know it, so don't even start, okay?” Evan read the look perfectly. “Talk to me in ten years.”

“Fine.” Miranda herded her sister upstairs.

Evan's knees gave out, and he sat down hard on the easy chair.

“Fuck me,” he wheezed, hands covering his face.

He heard Matt approach, felt the cold bottle touch his wrist. He peered out to see a slightly shell-shocked Matt standing there with a bottle of beer.

“So hey, how was your day?”

“I haven't slept in like two days—legally I'm a danger to society.” Matt slumped down onto the nearest couch. “I used the worst profanity in front of your children today when Miranda showed up and told me what happened.”

“Forgiven.” Evan drank a hearty sip of the beer, then put the cold glass to his forehead. “I'm really going to enjoy calling Josie tomorrow to politely threaten her with never seeing the kids again.”

“That's sarcasm, right?”

Evan sighed. “Yeah, sorta. Because I can't do it. I just can't. She's out of her fucking mind with grief, and chances are it's going to be that way until she dies. If I take the kids away from her… I'm not that cruel.”

“I am.” Matt kicked the coffee table. “Fuck 'em. All they do is guilt-trip the kids and make them uncomfortable.”

“They're family.”

“What does that even mean? Put up with shit you wouldn't take from a stranger because of DNA? Such bullshit.”

Evan smiled sadly. “Yeah, it is. But I still can't do it, Matt. I'm going to lay down some law for her, and we'll hope it sticks. When the kids get older, they can make a decision about whether or not they want contact.”

Matt huffed and puffed, punched a pillow for good measure.

“Stop that. I'm giving you legal guardianship of my kids—I need to know you can control your temper.”

Matt's eyes narrowed. “You're serious?”

“Of course. Why? Don't you want to be their legal guardian?”

“No, I want the chance to dump them at the first opportunity and run to Aruba with your life insurance money.” Matt poised himself on the edge of the couch. “It's a big step.”

“You see them more than I do. That's a big step. Paperwork is just…”

“A legal and binding document that says I'm your choice to raise your kids.”

“Right. Because you're the person I trust most in this world. And the person I love. And the one who I know will protect my kids as fiercely as I would.” The words came from a deep well in Evan's heart as his voice softened. “It makes sense.”

“Okay.” Matt looked at the rug, the ceiling, the picture over the fireplace. “Okay.”

“Okay.” Evan finished his beer. “I need to go check on Danny. Maybe eat some dinner.”

“Leftovers in the microwave, coming right up.” Matt still wasn't looking at him.

Something gnawed at Evan. “Why did Danny mention day care? Do you know?”

“I picked the kids up in Bennet Aames's limo since I was late. They asked so I said I had a job offer.” Matt cleared his throat.

“That was quick.” Evan's stomach did a flip as he finished his beer.

“Quick and sexy. He wants to give me a ton of money to play bodyguard to Daisy Baylor. Serious bank, as Katie said.” He rubbed his hands together and stood up. “The kids weren't thrilled.”

“They love having you around.”

Matt frowned. “They miss their mom. They need someone here, and I'm their only choice.”

“Or you know—they love you.” Evan stood up, and Matt moved again, heading for the kitchen. “Where is this coming from?”

“A long day and no sleep.” Matt rummaged around in the refrigerator. “Plus Liz is the most irritating headshrinker in the world. She puts too many thoughts in my head.”

“Huh? What are you thinking about?” Evan put his hand against Matt's back, drew him around.

“It's a long story.” Matt pushed a foil-covered bowl at Evan and evaded his attempt at an embrace.

“So tell me the story.” Evan shut the door and put the bowl on the counter. He didn't let go of Matt's arm, because suddenly he realized they both needed grounding.

Matt's dark eyes burned, and Evan could see the weariness. “You don't want to be gay, but you want to be with me. You don't want other people to think you're gay, but you'll give me your kids—your kids, the most important thing in the world to you, because I'm the guy you love. Sometimes I wonder—sometimes I think this is just an exercise in stupidity, you and me. You wouldn't be worried about labels or custody battles or anything else if I wasn't here.” Matt stopped and shook his head. “I am so fucking confused at the moment, you have no idea. Because I don't want to leave, Evan, but sometimes, sometimes I think it would just be fucking easier if I did.”

“Don't say that.” Evan's hands clenched against Matt's shirt as his heart tightened painfully in his chest, and he pushed himself closer. “You need to be here.”

“No, I don't need to be.” Evan could feel Matt holding himself back.

“You're worth it, okay? Whatever we have to figure out…” Evan took a breath and paused. “Whatever I have to figure out—it's worth it. I can't do this without you. Hell, I don't want to do this without you.”

Matt relaxed, a tiny increment of release, and Evan closed the distance between them to nothing.

“Maybe it matters a little bit—what I label myself,” he whispered, his mouth hovering near Matt's. “Maybe it matters what other people think, and I need to live with that. I can't make everyone happy.”

“No, you can't. And why the fuck would you want to?” Matt said, resting his forehead against Evan's.

“I want to make you happy,” Evan smiled. He let the kiss bloom out of a gentle touch, opening his mouth for Matt as their bodies fit together comfortably.

“You're gonna call the lawyer tomorrow,” Matt murmured as they drew apart.

“Yeah. What are you going to tell Mr. Aames?”

“I think I have to tell him thanks but no thanks. Unless he plans to give me the limo for all school pick-ups.”

Evan soothed each of the kids individually, taking a few bites of dinner between conversations. Matt disappeared onto the back deck for a while with his cell phone; when he came back in he appeared a bit more relaxed.

“Mr. Aames?”

“No. Jim. He's feeling better—and he wants to get the hell out of Dodge, but Griffin has some meeting tomorrow, so he's stuck here for a bit.”

Evan put the empty bowl in the dishwasher. “How's Griffin?”

“He sounded okay. Said to remind you to give him a call.” Matt sat at the counter and gave Evan a raised eyebrow look. “Do I want to know?”

“We, uh—made amends that night when Jim got hurt. He told me to call him if I needed to talk.” Evan wiped the counter down; he could feel a flush heating his skin. “I was thinking of taking him up on it.”

“Do I even want to know what you'd be talking about?”

“Just—things. In general.” Evan threw the dish rag in the sink. “Things I can't really discuss with anyone else.”

“Such as…” Matt made a rolling motion with his hand.

“Such as—I don't know. Listen, I don't have any gay friends, and maybe I'd like some perspective on things.”

Matt looked shocked enough to tip over with a feather. “You're seeking a gay perspective on something?”

“Yes.” Evan reached into his pants and pulled out his wallet, fished around for Jesse's GOAL card, and threw it on the counter. “Gay Officers in Law Enforcement. I think there's a picnic in a few weeks. Maybe we'll go.”

Matt pretended to fall off the stool.

“You just used the word gay like six times without flinching.”

“There was inside flinching. A little,” Evan admitted. “But I think I'm doing okay.”

“I'm shocked.”

“Don't be.” Evan picked the card up and put it on the fridge by the calendar of all importance. “Just—enjoy the baby steps.”

Chapter Sixteen

Griffin was standing outside Serena Abbott's apartment building when Evan pulled the sedan up after work two days later. He honked, and the younger man waved, sliding his BlackBerry in his pocket as he reached for the door handle.

“Sorry I was late. Meeting ran over,” Evan said by way of a greeting as Griffin put his seatbelt on.

“No problem. I was just talking to Bennet on the phone.” He didn't look pale or stressed anymore; that cheeky enthusiasm Evan caught the first night at dinner had returned. “So you probably don't care because you're a cop person and not a showbiz person, but he's really into my script, and I think he might make me an offer.” Griffin bounced a little in his seat.

“That's good, right?” Evan pulled into traffic as Griffin sighed dramatically.

“I need to get back to Hollywood where someone cares.”

“An offer is good—I'm guessing that means money?”

“It means I can make this movie the way I want to and not sell my soul to a big studio.” Griffin adjusted his sunglasses against his nose. “And yeah, a shitload of money.”

“Mr. Aames seems to be on the loaded side.”

Griffin whistled. “You have no idea.” He tapped his fingers against his khakis. “Jim said he offered Matt a job. Taking care of Daisy.” He was clearly curious.

Evan pulled up at the red light and nodded. “Yeah, but I think it might be a little more commitment than Matt's interested in.”

“Daisy is a full-time job,” Griffin said drily.

“Mr. Aames seems to have volunteered for the job.”

“Yeah. I don't quite understand that deal at all.”

“What?”

“Do you really want to hear this? It's like—crazy gossipy relationship crap.”

“I have teenage daughters, I can handle it.” Evan pulled into a parking garage and slowed as they cruised down the ramp.

“I think I'm insulted,” Griffin muttered as they got out of the car.

In the small dark Irish pub Evan had selected for this early dinner, the lunch crowd was gone, and the supper crowd wasn't anywhere to be seen. Even happy hour didn't seem to be carrying much steam. They sat a small corner booth.

“So are you going to tell me?” Evan asked as he looked at his menu. He wasn't sure he cared, but it was easier to listen than to force himself to actually utter the questions he had lurking in his skull.

“You asked for it.” Griffin put his elbows on the table. “I've known Daisy since we were kids, and she has literally the most hideous taste in men ever. Her ex-husband was a massive tool, all her in-between extracurricular boyfriends have been residents of Loserville, and her most healthy relationship to date has been with me.”

“You and she?” Evan's eyebrows went up.

“Not like that—like…married without sex or passion or anything physical.” Griffin sighed. “And even that got pretty screwed up. So when she picks a guy, you just have to know there's something wrong with him.”

“There's something wrong with Mr. Aames? I thought you were hoping to work with him?”

“Work with him, not date him.” Griffin gratefully accepted water from a bus boy and took a giant gulp. “Daisy, meanwhile, is apparently not only dating him but living with him.”

“And there's something wrong with him?” Evan asked again.

“Well yeah, there's the small problem that he's gay, and she's talking about marriage!” Griffin sat back in his chair, incredulous. “Seriously—she's telling me they're getting married and talking about kids…yada yada yada… Meanwhile he's gay.”

“Maybe he's…” Evan struggled for a moment. Changed his mind? Experienced something new and surprising. “Maybe he's not entirely gay.”

“Not entirely gay?” Griffin made a face, then bit the inside of his mouth. “Oh right, sorry.”

“I believe the proper term is bisexual,” Evan said quietly.

“Yes. Yes, it is. But—” Griffin bit off his words. “It just sounds far-fetched. He's got this major player rep on the East Coast, and all of a sudden, boom! He meets Daisy Mae and that's it.”

Evan put down his menu. “It happens. You think one thing the majority of your life and then that changes.”

“I really don't want to be fifty and suddenly want to sleep with women.” Griffin drank the rest of his water. “No offense.”