Dying Wish: A Novel of the Sentinel Wars (21 page)

The only attractive man whose mouth she didn’t mind touching her was Iain, and they both knew that that wasn’t going anywhere. “I think I’ll pass.”

A young, blond teenager came by the table with a small notepad. She set a glass of water in front of Jackie. “Do you want something to eat?” she asked.

“Sure. Whatever you have is fine.”

The girl listed several choices, and Jackie picked one, not really caring what it was. She was hungry enough to eat anything, which hadn’t happened in a long time.

Miss Mabel lifted her cup. “I’ll take a warm-up when you swing back by. And then you need to get back to your room and study. There’s a secret pop quiz on chapter seven tomorrow.”

The girl smiled at the tip, and scurried off.

“She’s so young,” said Jackie. “What’s she doing working in the middle of the night?”

“It’s her turn to work the night shift. I make allowances for the kids’ schedules, but they all have to learn to step up and take responsibility. This place takes a lot of effort to keep running, and we all have to earn our keep.”

“But she can’t be more than fifteen. She needs her rest.”

“She makes do. Besides, she doesn’t sleep much these days—not since her family was killed and eaten last year.”

Jackie swallowed hard, her appetite fading by the second. “That’s horrible.”

“No more horrible than what you suffered, I’d wager. All the kids here have their share of nightmares. Sad truth is, they’re the lucky ones. The Sentinels found them in time to save them.”

Just like they’d saved her. And yet, here she was, refusing to help them find Murak for fear that it would force her to go back into a cave.

What about the kids that were trapped underground right now? Would they be found in time to be saved? Or would they be like so many others, dead before they’d even had a chance to really live?

“You okay, child?” asked Miss Mabel. “You went all pale.”

“I’m okay. I’m just trying to make sense of things.”

“What things? I’ve been here a while. I might be able to shed some light on the subject—whatever it is.”

Jackie sipped at the water, feeling the chill of it slide all the way down. “I don’t want this life. I don’t belong here.”

Miss Mabel nodded toward the luceria. “Seems to me you fit in just fine.”

“This is just a temporary fluke—something I had to do to save a man’s life. Once it comes off, I don’t plan on putting another one on again.”

“Are you sorry you did it? Are you sorry you put it on?”

“No. Of course not.”

Miss Mabel nodded. “See. There’s your answer.”

“I don’t see anything, especially not an answer.”

The older woman sighed as if dealing with a stubborn pupil. “You were willing to change your life to save the life of another.”

“Yes. So?”

“So, you’ve already made the choice once and didn’t regret it. All you have to do is make that same choice and you won’t regret that, either.”

Jackie shook her head. “I don’t follow your logic.”

“It’s simple. You’re not the kind of person who walks away from responsibility just because it’s hard. I’ve heard about what you did for the women in those caves. My guess is you did the same thing for the kids.”

Jackie looked away, not wanting to think about that time. It was too grim, too disturbing to have in the foreground of her mind. “Please, don’t.”

“My point is you’re a good person. You put the welfare of others before yourself. If you walk away from a job only you can do, you’ll never forgive yourself.”

“I’m not the only one who can do it.”

Miss Mabel gave her a disbelieving glare. “You know
that’s a lie. You’re special. You might as well get used to it.”

“I don’t want to be special—at least not like that.”

“And I don’t want to die before I finish reading every book on the planet. We can’t have everything we want. Heck, half of what we want isn’t even good for us.”

“I can’t go back there,” whispered Jackie. “I can’t face that darkness again.”

“Sure you can. There’s some child out there right now, praying for a miracle. I hate to be the one to deliver the news, but you’re that miracle. You have to be. No one else knows what you do and has the power to act on that knowledge.”

The girl came back and laid a plate of pasta in front of Jackie, who stared at it like it was some kind of alien text.

“Is something wrong?” asked the girl.

“No, dear. Everything’s fine,” said Miss Mabel. “Jackie here is just having a moment. Let her work through it in peace.”

The girl wandered off, glancing over her shoulder as if expecting Jackie to fall over.

“I’m not having a moment,” argued Jackie.

“Sure you are. You’re sitting there, deciding to do the right thing.”

“You don’t know that.”

“The hell I don’t.”

Irritation made Jackie’s words clipped. “How can you possibly know that?”

Miss Mabel’s red mouth lifted in a sad smile. “Because I’ve spent a lot of time with the people who came out of those caves with you alive. They talk about what you did, said you always did the right thing, even when your choices were impossible. You’ll do it again now, because that’s who you are.”

“You don’t know me. We’ve never even met before tonight.”

“No, but I know the body of your work, and there are several of those warm, tiny bodies safely asleep in their rooms tonight because of you. I have no doubt that you’ll stay true to form.”

Miss Mabel got up and left, taking her book, but leaving her declarations behind, hanging in the air.

Jackie was no hero. She’d done what anyone would have in her situation. Miss Mabel was wrong. And even if she was right and Jackie had been some kind of saint, then it was time for a vacation.

Wasn’t it?

She stared out the huge windows, acutely aware of the life outside these walls passing her by. That was where she belonged. At least she wanted to believe that was the case.

She toyed with the luceria, sliding her fingers over the smooth band. It seemed to have its own living heat, vibrating slightly in response to her touch. She kind of liked it. Not that it mattered. Any second now, Tynan would patch Iain up and the luceria would fall away. She’d be back where she started, with men falling over themselves to get a chance to touch her.

Unless she gave Iain a new promise—one that would last a bit longer than only a few hours. Maybe one that would last long enough for her to kill Murak for daring to go after Autumn.

The mere idea of going back into the caves scared her to death, while at the same time it filled her with a vengeful thrill. Payback was the least those demons deserved. And who better to inflict a little justice on them than her?

But what about her real life? The one she wanted so desperately?

It was hard right now to picture herself in a boardroom, going over production figures and profit/loss statements. That was where she belonged, where things made the most sense, but that seemed so far away from
where she was now. How was she ever going to get back there? And if she did, how was she ever going to put the past behind her?

She had no answers, and for now, it was a moot point. For as long as she wore Iain’s luceria, she was tied to his world. And while she was here, her only real option was to kill as many demons as she could.

It was time to go and see exactly what she was capable of.

Iain wasn’t sure what Tynan had done, but whatever it was, he was no longer screaming inside, fighting the constant need to kill. He could think clearly for the first time since Jackie had taken his luceria. The emotions he was feeling weren’t gone, but they were quieter, giving him space to think. Even the monster slept soundly.

His first reaction was that he wanted to share his good fortune with Jackie, but then he realized that he couldn’t say a word. Not even to her.

Tynan hadn’t been able to break their bond, which meant there was only one way to free her. He was going to have to die. The question was, how long would he keep up this charade before he accepted his fate? How long would it take him to convince her to choose Cain?

He felt a tug on his power and knew that Jackie was awake. He followed that strand of power outside to where a pair of Sentinel Stones sat at the side of the training field. They were taller than a man and carved with intricate runes. One had been there a long time, and was covered in lichen, while the other had recently been transported here. It had been found in the basement of an old building in Kansas City, and there was a dark stain creeping several feet up from the bottom, where the Stone had been sitting in water.

These monoliths served as gateways between worlds, and keeping them safely behind the walls of Dabyr was vital
in keeping the Synestryn from spreading their evil out beyond Earth.

Jackie was dwarfed by the Stones, standing still under the night sky.

“Why aren’t you asleep?” he asked.

She kept her back to him. “Something woke me up. I couldn’t get back to sleep.”

The moon shone down on her glossy hair and highlighted her delicate bone structure. A long leather coat skimmed her curves, keeping her warm. She stood between the two Stones, staring up at the stars.

“What are you doing out here?”

“I like it here. I’m alone, but I don’t feel lonely, you know?”

The idea that she was lonely bothered him. He took a step closer, catching her scent on the night breeze. “I’ll keep you company, if you like.”

She nodded absently, staring at something, reaching her hand up near one of the Stones. “Can you feel it?” she asked.

Iain looked and saw nothing. Felt nothing. “No. What are you talking about?”

She took his hand, curling her fingers around his palm. Then she guided it into the air. “It’s warmer here.”

“I don’t feel any difference.” Except the way his cells perked up at her touch.

“Neither could Helen. It must just be me.” She sighed in disappointment and her hand fell to her side. Iain kept hold of her fingers, because he wasn’t yet ready to give up touching her.

“Do you want me to have it investigated? It could be some kind of Synestryn weapon.”

Jackie shook her head. “It doesn’t feel sinister. It feels…familiar, like the hug of an old friend.”

“Maybe that’s what they want you to feel.”

She gave him a pointed look. “I lived with them for two years. They wouldn’t know what it was like to hug a
friend even in their wildest dreams. They’re not like us, Iain. They’re evil, soulless monsters.”

He barely stifled a flinch at her words. They shouldn’t have hurt him—he shouldn’t have even been able to feel hurt. But he did.

He untangled his fingers from her slender ones and shoved his hands into his pockets. If his true nature was ever revealed before he died, she wouldn’t thank him for making her touch a soulless monster.

“You should go back inside. You need your rest.”

“No, what I needed was to find my spine, which I have. I’m going with them.”

“Going where with whom?” he asked.

“Hunting. With the others. Joseph is right. I know more about those caves than anyone. I should be out there, searching for the source of all this evil.”

He started shaking his head before she’d even finished speaking. “It’s too dangerous. You’re not ready.”

She held out her hand and a brilliant little flame sprouted up from her skin. “I’m ready. The magic stuff is simple. Exhausting, but simple.”

“The connection between us is too new and small for you to do much.”

“I feel it growing. Don’t you?”

He did. Too fast. Soon, he wouldn’t be able to block her from his thoughts and she’d know he was soulless. He didn’t want that to happen. He wanted to die with what was left of his honor intact. “Have you been suffering any ill effects?”

She frowned as if trying to puzzle something out. “I keep getting this odd feeling, but it’s not bad.”

“What kind of odd?”

Jackie hesitated for a moment as if trying to find the right words. “It’s like I’m surrounded by this black void, and every once in a while, a little light flickers to life. It happens right before I learn something new I can do.”

Iain had never heard of such a thing, and that bothered
him. She’d been at the mercy of Synestryn for so long, there was no way to tell what they might have done to her. “We should tell Joseph and Tynan. Gilda would probably have had some answers….”

“But she’s dead now.”

He nodded. “She and her husband died the night we freed you. They were the oldest bonded pair among us. Now that honor falls to Helen and Drake.”

“And they’re not exactly experts.”

“There’s a couple in England and another in Australia. They’ve been together for nearly as long as Gilda and Angus were. They might know something.”

Jackie shook her head. “I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about. It’s not like I’ll be dealing with it for long.”

At first he thought she knew of his plans to end his life, and then he realized she thought he only needed to get over a bad case of heartache. He couldn’t lead her to false belief. It wasn’t fair. She had to know the score. “Tynan wasn’t able to break our bond. If he can’t, I don’t know of anyone who can.”

She offered him a sad smile. “How do you mend a broken heart?”

The urge to blurt out that it wasn’t his heart but his soul that needed mending pressed at his lips. “I don’t want you to worry that you’ll be trapped, tied to me.”

“I miss my old life, and I really do want it back again, but first I need to do this. Being tied to you gives me more power than I’d ever imagined possible. And if you never get over Serena, then I’ll learn to live with it, somehow. I’ll move on with my life, and you can do the same. We’ll go our separate ways. At least you won’t die now, right?”

His gaze skittered away from hers. He couldn’t look her in the eye while he lied. She deserved better than that. “What will you do when we’re no longer bound?”

“Go back to my life, of course. I’ve never hidden the fact that that’s what I want.”

“What about the other men? Could you save one of them while you did so?”

Jackie’s mouth flattened. “I don’t know, Iain. I want to be the kind of person who would help, but I feel like I’ve already given too much of my life to the demons. If I accept another union, then what’s to keep me from being pulled back into your world?”