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Authors: Matt Beaumont

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Praise for Matt Beaumont’s
e

“A brilliant update on the epistolary novel”


Kirkus Reviews

“Fun . . . The ad firm Beaumont conjures up is depicted with a sure hand . . . The humor is as viciously wicked as the folks themselves, and plenty of readers will be nodding their heads in recognition.”


Library Journal

“A genuinely enjoyable page-turner.”


The Times
(London) Metro section

“Lively, viciously funny, and about as switched on as a novel can be . . . Matt Beaumont gives good e-mail.”


The Mirror

“Original and funny”


Heat

“Hilarious . . . Read it, wipe away your tears, then read it again.”


Company

Matt Beaumont
is a copywriter and has been fired by some of Britain’s leading ad agencies. This is his first novel. He lives in North London with his wife and children.

e

A NOVEL

Matt Beaumont

PLUME

Published by Penguin Group

Penguin Group (USA) Inc., 375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014, U.S.A.

Penguin Group (Canada), 90 Eglinton Avenue East, Suite 700, Toronto, Ontario, Canada M4P 2Y3 (a division of Pearson Penguin Canada Inc.)

Penguin Books Ltd., 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England

Penguin Ireland, 25 St. Stephen’s Green, Dublin 2, Ireland (a division of Penguin Books Ltd.)

Penguin Group (Australia), 250 Camberwell Road, Camberwell, Victoria 3124, Australia (a division of Pearson Australia Group Pty. Ltd.)

Penguin Books India Pvt. Ltd., 11 Community Centre, Panchsheel Park, New Delhi – 110 017, India

Penguin Group (NZ), 67 Apollo Drive, Rosedale, North Shore 0632, New Zealand (a division of Pearson New Zealand Ltd.)

Penguin Books (South Africa) (Pty.) Ltd., 24 Sturdee Avenue, Rosebank, Johannesburg 2196, South Africa

Penguin Books Ltd., Registered Offices: 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England

First published by Plume, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

First Printing, October 2000

Copyright © Matthew Beaumont, 2000

All rights reserved

REGISTERED TRADEMARK—MARCA REGISTRADA

LIBRARY OF CONGRESS CATALOGING-IN-PUBLICATION DATA:

Beaumont, Matt.

    e: a novel / Matt Beaumont.

          p.   cm.

    ISBN: 978-1-101-66301-1

    1. Advertising—Beverages—Fiction.  2. Advertising agencies—Fiction.  3. Soft drink industry—Fiction.  4. London (England—Fiction.  I. Title.

PR6052.E225 E18 2000

823’.92—dc21          00-028410

Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise), without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.

PUBLISHER’S NOTE

This novel is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

BOOKS ARE AVAILABLE AT QUANTITY DISCOUNTS WHEN USED TO PROMOTE PRODUCTS OR SERVICES. FOR INFORMATION PLEASE WRITE TO PREMIUM MARKETING DIVISION, PENGUIN PUTNAM INC., 375 HUDSON STREET, NEW YORK, NEW YORK 10014.

Version_1

AVE MARIA

Table of Contents

Monday, January 3rd

Tuesday, January 4th

Wednesday, January 5th

Thursday, January 6th

Friday, January 7th

Sunday, January 9th

Monday, January 10th

Tuesday, January 11th

Wednesday, January 12th

Thursday, January 13th

Friday, January 14th

Saturday, January 15th

Sunday, January 16th

Monday, January 17th

Tuesday, January 18th

Monday, February 7th

Monday, January 3rd

David Crutton – 1/3/00, 8:13am
to:
Fiona Craigie
cc:
 
re:
your butt

Take that fucking Walkman off, get your arse in here and show me how I do an all-staff e-mail. Every time I click “ok” on the address it copies it to Miller Shanks Helsinki.

David Crutton – 1/3/00, 8:27am
to:
All Departments
cc:
[email protected]
re:
NEW MILLENNIUM – NEW HEIGHTS

First, a happy new Millennium to each and every one of you. Thank you also for sacrificing your bank holidays today to come in and begin the bid for the Coca-Cola business. As you know, in two weeks we pitch for this most prestigious advertising account. To win it we must all perform out of our skins.

Daunting as it may seem, I know we can scale this peak. Those in doubt should take a look at what we have achieved in the last twelve
months. When I joined you at the beginning of ’99 we were in the doldrums and Jim Weissmuller in New York gave me a mountain to climb.

He said, “make Miller Shanks London big again.” Pitch wins for Freedom Mail Order, the LOVE Channel and Mako Cars, the Philippines’ premier automotive manufacturer, have catapulted us back into the
Campaign
top twenty for the first time in eight years.

He said, “make Miller Shanks respected.” In the
Marketing Week
survey that asked clients which advertising agency they would most like to work with, we rocketed from 45th to 33rd.

He said, “win awards.” I brought in Simon Horne to shake up the Creative Department and do just that. His efforts are already paying off, with Pinki and Liam’s fabulous ads for Kimbelle Panty Pads scooping bronze at Creative Circle.

We can all be extremely proud of our efforts. We are still a long way from the summit, but “base camp” has been established and the final assault beckons!

Let’s break camp, attach our lines and get off to a flier in 2000 by adding an $84 billion brand to our client list.

Go, go, go!

David Crutton

CEO

[email protected] 1/3/00, 8:46am (10:46am local)
to:
[email protected]
cc:
 
re:
NEW MILLENNIUM – NEW HEIGHTS

Your e-mail I think is coming to me in Helsinki by mistake, but it’s notwithstanding fun to be reading about my chums in London. I was not realising that mountaineering was possible in Old London Town. Most fascinating!

By the way, is there any help we give you with the Coca-Cola pitch? It is a very popular drink here in icy cold Finland, especially with our many “groovy” young folk. As fellow CEO, I am asking my red-hot creativity department to have lots of brilliant ideas for you.

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