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It’s 11:30 and I’m still here, collating time sheets. E me back if you, too, are still “at the coal face”!

Nige

	Carla Browne – 1/3/00, 11:36pm
to:	Nigel Godley
cc:
re:	anybody out there?

Yes, I am!!!!!!!!! Who are you? What floor are you on? And can you make those stupid wedge shapes in pie charts in PowerPoint? If you can help, e me immediately – I want to go home!!!!!! Carla on the 4th.

	David Crutton – 1/4/00, 7:57am
to:	Harriet Greenbaum Simon Horne
cc:
re:	Mako

Last night the entire dress circle at the Royal Opera House was disturbed by my mobile phone. The Marketing Director of Mako UK wished to know how many times he has to tell us he doesn’t like Little and Large before we get the message. What were his precise words? “Putting comedians who’re about 20 years past their sell-by date behind the wheel of my £22,000 executive car is not my fucking idea of sexy car advertising.” I think he made his point.

I’d like the pair of you in my office in thirty minutes and perhaps we can work out how not to lose this account before we’ve made a single ad for them.

	[email protected] 1/4/00, 8:02am (10:02am local)
to:	[email protected]
cc:
re:	Mako

It’s good to see you starting off your day with the early worm too! How we are loving your Little and Large here in Finland. All of their 70’s
Seaside Specials
are on Satellite Golden Hits Station. Such a pity Mr. Mako isn’t sharing your cutting-edge excellent good taste. Oh, well, clients like these are the crutches that we who are choosing advertising must be bearing.

Pip pip! Pertti

	David Crutton – 1/4/00, 8:09am
to:	Chandra Kapoor
cc:
re:	P45’s

Yesterday lunchtime I informed you that my e-mails were misrouting to Finland. I expected an immediate response. So far, sweet fuck all. I’ve met plumbers more reliable than your department. Do you actually want to end up washing windshields on the Mile End Road?

	David Crutton – 1/4/00, 8:17am
to:	Rachel Stevenson
cc:
re:	IT

In the midst of some grief I’m having with my e-mail, I had a brainwave. During WW2, when the Nazis were having difficulties with the French resistance, they’d round up the population of an entire village. Then, for every hour that the partisans didn’t give themselves up, they’d shoot a villager in the head.

I’d like to do something similar with our IT department. I suspect that shooting is out of the question, but how about firing one of them for each hour they don’t sort out my problem?

I’d be obliged if you could check out the legality of this under current employment legislation.

	Rachel Stevenson – 1/4/00, 8:32am
to:	David Crutton
cc:
re:	IT

David, I’m so sorry. I just got Chandra on the phone. He was unaware of your trouble. If you’ve been trying to reach him by e-mail, he hasn’t been getting them. He says IT is extremely busy but he’ll get straight onto it.

	Nigel Godley – 1/4/00, 8:43am
to:	All Departments
cc:
re:	for sale

BREVILLE WAFFLE IRON

Call x4667 – Nige

	Harriet Greenbaum – 1/4/00, 9:04am
to:	Simon Horne
cc:
re:	Mako

For the record, Simon, I didn’t forget to tell you about Mako’s dislike of Little and Large. There was no need. You were at the client meeting before Christmas to hear it for yourself. If you’re going to tell
lies to David about what I have or haven’t done, I’d prefer you didn’t do it when I’m in the room. It insults my intelligence.

	Simon Horne – 1/4/00, 9:10am
to:	Harriet Greenbaum
cc:
re:	Mako