Early Spring 01 Broken Flower (15 page)

"I knew who your father was, of course. I expected him to be more stuck up, but he was more a flirt than a snob. Snobs don't make good lovers, you low." she had told me, and laughed. That was only last year.
How different our world was now.
Going to the horseback riding ranch in the mountains was a good idea. It took our minds off the family crisis. It was a beautiful day with a nice breeze, so it wasn't too hot for the ride. Mama made sure both Ian and I put on some sunscreen. She gave me one of her hats to wear. Ian had a cowboy hat that had been left at the cabin.
Even though we had gone horseback riding before. Mama insisted we take another lesson. Ian was annoyed about that. The young girl instructing us had no idea what she was in for when she began.
They had mounting blocks for us to stand on. "You always mount on the left side," she began.
"You mean the near side," Ian corrected.
"Huh?" she said. The other children and adults in the lesson looked at Ian.
"It's called the near side. The right side is called the off side," he explained.
She just looked at him a moment and then returned to her memorized directions.
"Hold the reins tight so your horse doesn't wander while you're trying to mount it, but not too tight or it will start to back up. Keep the reins in your left hand and take hold of the pommel with the same hand. Then with your right hand, turn the stirrup clockwise so you can get your foot in it. Be careful not to kick the horse or it will think
it
should move. Place your right hand over the back of the saddle."
"The cantle," Ian said. Again, she paused and looked at him. "That's what the back of the saddle is called," he told her.
She forced a smile. "Thanks, but for now, let's just get everyone mounted."
"It helps to know what it all is," he said.
She was obviously warned to always be pleasant because she kept her plastic smile and nodded. "Straighten your left leg as you spring up and swing your right leg over like this she said, doing it. "Then turn the right stirrup clockwise for your foot and put the reins into your right hand. See?" she said, speaking quickly so that Ian couldn't interrupt with any corrections.
Everyone tried it. Some of the adults were very clumsy and had to be lifted up and over the saddle. Ian mounted perfectly and sat straight.
"Okay, everyone, be sure you're balanced on your saddle. Sit at the lowest point and make sure your heels are lined up with your hips. Just keep the ball of your foot in the stirrup firmly. Keep your lower arms bent like this so your arms are like extensions of the reins."
She trotted by each of us to be sure we were sitting correctly. She went past Ian quickly and instructed everyone else in how to hold the reins. She advised us all to try to keep straight and balanced as best we could. Many people were looking at Ian, who sat perfectly. It was as if they thought they should watch and listen to him more than the instructor.
"We'll start with the walk," she said from the front of our line. Ian was right behind me. "Move your arms with the horse's head so you keep your hold on it firm."
We went around in a circle and she gave each person some more instructions. Ian was obviously riding perfectly, as was Mama, who was behind him.
After that, she instructed us on how to turn our horses and then slow them down and stop them. For our first ride, she said she would avoid trotting. This was the beginner's ride, after all. Ian was immediately upset about that.
"If you feel you can go faster, go on," she told him. She made it sound like a challenge.
Mama stayed alongside me all the while. Ian did break out of the line and was so good at controlling his horse, the instructor finally pulled alongside him and complimented him. When she heard how little he had really ridden, she was even more impressed.
It was a beautiful ride and very scenic. It took us nearly an hour and a half and
I
was sort when we finally stopped and were instructed in the proper way to dismount. My scratch was hurting again as well, but I didn't utter a single complaint because the whole time. Mama seemed happy. What was happening between her and Daddy was forgotten.
Ian was right about horseback riding. I thought. We were disabled emotionally and it had, for the time being, stopped the bleeding of our tears inside or out.
But reality was waiting for us when we returned to the cabin. It took the form of Grandmother Emma.
She had been brought up in a limousine and she was waiting in the living room. Her chauffeur sat in the car like a robot turned off and waiting.
"I half expected this," Mama muttered. "As soon as we get inside, say hello and then excuse yourselves and go wait in your rooms or together in Ian's room, Jordan."
I looked at Ian. As usual it was hard for me to tell what he was thinking, but he certainly didn't look as frightened as I felt. My heart was thumping.
We followed Mama in and saw Grandmother Emma sitting in the living room.
Even the rustic chairs looked like thrones when she sat in one. "Hello, Grandmother," Ian said first.
"Hello, Grandmother," I followed.
She looked at us, but mostly at Ian, who still had some swelling around his eye. "What happened to you?"
"Nothing," Ian said.
"Nothing? Who struck you, and don't make up any stories."
"I got into a fight with another boy. It's not important."
"I'm not surprised," she said, even though Ian had never ever been in any sort of trouble at school or otherwise like this.
"You can be sure it was not his fault," Mama said sharply.. "Ian is a good boy."
"Yes," Grandmother Emma said. "I'm here to speak with your mother, children,'" she said.
Ian reached for my hand. "Call us when it's time to speak with us, too," he said, and pulled me gently to follow him to his room.
I felt guilty leaving, Mama behind. When I looked back at her, however, she was smiling.
And it occurred to me that she really did love Ian very much and appreciated his brilliant mind far more than Daddy did or even I did. How lucky we were to have him. I thought, and followed him more quickly.
When we went into his room, he surprised me when he didn't close the door completely. He left
it
open enough for us to peer out and listen.
"'Grandmother Emma will be angry if she sees us eavesdropping on her," I warned.
"Why? We'd be just like Nancy, her maid," he said. He put his finger to his lips so I would be quiet and we could listen and learn exactly what our fate would be.

"Did Christopher send you up here to do his dirty work?" Mama asked Grandmother Emma.
"Please, sit down, Caroline," Grandmother Emma replied. "Unlike my husband. I didn't and don't cover up for my son's failings and errors, as you should readily know by now, having lived in my home this long. I have never seen the value in helping someone avoid responsibility for his or her actions. I don't do anyone's dirty work."
"Really?" Mama said. "Refusing to admit to those errors and sins or pretending they don't exist is just as bad, and from what I know, that was your way of life when it came to your own husband."
I could just set Grandmother Emma bristling. Ian glanced at me, a tight smile of satisfaction on his face.
"Making small sacrifices for the greater good is not a bad thing, Caroline. You don't know all there is to know about my marriage and what life was like for me, for Christopher. I do not say I am beyond reproach, or that I didn't make mistakes. Of course I did. I'm human, but I don't dwell on them and wallow in self-pity either.
"Look," she continued, her tone suddenly softer. "I know you and I have not hit it off, as they say, and some fault for that resides with me, but like it or not, we are in a sense in the same boat and it does neither of us any good, especially at this particular moment, to be adversaries. I'm here not to cover up or do my son's dirty work, as you say, but to ensure that you, your children, do not suffer needlessly as a result of Christophes failings. That, indeed, none of us do," she added.
"Ifs too late for this conversation, Emma."
"Oh, of coarse it isn't," Grandmother Emma retorted instantly. "Believe me, I've seen many, many similar situations like this one. Probably ninety percent of the people I've known and socialized with have acme through identical crises. Some let it get the better of them and compounded all the misery for themselves and their families. Most took the sensible route and avoided unnecessary bloodletting.'"
"What is the sensible route in your eyes, Emma? Bury my head in the sand as you did? Pretending to be deaf and dumb when it came to your husband's indiscretions?"
"You don't know me after all, Caroline," Grandmother Emma said. "What the public saw was one thing, but what went on behind our doors, within our walls, was quite different, believe me.
Christopher's father paid a very high price for my deaf and dumb act, as you might call it. In the end it was he who came to me to plead for forgiveness and understanding. Yes, this powerful executive at one of the world's most successful companies groveled at my feet, not only because his future and his reputation were in grave danger, but because he couldn't sleep. Conscience is king after all.
"Oh, they put on their acts, their bravado performances, their macho faces, but in the dark, especially as they grow older and their own mortality comes into question more and more, they become little boys again, running home to Mother and seeking to be soothed, cuddled, and forgiven."
"I am not in the mood to soothe, cuddle, or forgive Christopher, Emma. In my heart I've always known how weak he is, how selfish and spoiled and..."
"Yes, yes, yes. We've both known that, but you married him. Caroline, and I can't believe you didn't know him for who and what he was then. What's more, you said. For better or for worse.. You took marriage vows."
"You didn't come here to hold me to that, Emma. I know what you think of religion, of sacraments and commandments. Of all things you are not, you are not a hypocrite. I'll give you that, Emma. What you believe in, you believe in strongly and consistently."
"Precisely," Grandmother Emma said. She was quiet a moment.
"Besides, you're not here because I violated my marriage vows. You're here because Christopher did."
"There are all sorts of violations, even violating yourself. Would it be possible to have something cold to drink?"
"I have juices, sodas, beer."
"Some plain soda water, if you have it."
"Fine," Mother said.
Ian closed the door a little as Mother walked past us to the kitchen. He left it open just a crack. I knelt down and looked out. We both saw Mama through the kitchen doorway. She paused after pouring Grandmother Emma a glass of soda and held her hand over her eyes. I thought her shoulders shuddered. Then she straightened up and returned to the living room.
"Thank you," Grandmother Emma told her.
"Listen, Emma, you're wasting your time here. I have already contacted my attorney. Papers are being prepared. Christopher has been cheating on me for years. I know only of one woman, but I have the sense there were many. You yourself have criticized him for being a poor father, for being self-centered. There is no point in prolonging anyone's agony."
"Very noble speech," Grandmother Emma said.
"I mean it, every word," Mama said sharply back at her.
"I'm sure you do. But that's the little girl in you, the bruised ego. I'm here to make sure you listen to the woman in you, the sensible and intelligent voice you bear as well. As it turns out, you and I are not so different after all, and it's not just that we both married March men. You have pride and you are stronger than your husband, just as I was stronger than mine. You've held your family together, just as I held mine. Now, unfortunately, you have reached a fork in the road, as I did, and you have to look down one side and ask yourself. Is this the road I want to take, a road that will satisfy the little girl in me, but not be as helpful to my children? Or should I take the other road, the road I'm willing to ensure brings great opportunities to my children?"
"Why aren't they your grandchildren as much as they are my children?"
"I wouldn't be here if they weren't,"
Grandmother Emma said, "but if you take them away from the March world, they will be less so."
"Is that a threat?"
"No, no, just a statement of fact, Caroline. I don't come here armed with threats. I come armed with promises.. I simply want you to avoid tragic mistakes."
"My God, Emma, this is the twenty-first century. People survive divorces and their children do, too. You're still living in that Golden age of yours. Those sorts of social mores, rules, and beliefs are gone. They're gone!"
"Not for me, they're not," Grandmother Emma said firmly.
"What do you want from me?" Mama cried.
"Call your attorney and tell him you've changed your mind. He's not the sort of attorney you would want involved in something like this anyway. He's an opportunist, an ambulance chaser, a low-class gutter fighter."
"Exactly the sort of attorney I would need to do battle with a March," Mama said.
"Don't be ridiculous. He's no match for what I can produce. It will be a long, drawn-out affair. You'll be in battle for every nickel and dime. We'll even fight you on custody of your children."
"Custody of my children? How could you even think..."
"Jordan's condition would be exposed and how poorly you've handled it."
"What? As soon as I found out--"
"You kept it secret. You were too embarrassed or whatever to take her immediately to the doctor. Never mind that you hid all this from me, another woman, you hid it from your own husband until she had an abnormal menstruation, and now you have her thirteen-year-old brother tutoring her about sex."
"Tutoring?"
"What did he give her for her birthday?"
The silence we heard thundered in both our hearts and minds. "Christopher told you about that?"
"Of course," Grandmother Emma said. "And also that you approved and even complimented him on the gift."
"He was just trying to be helpful, to be a big brother."
"A thirteen-year-old boy is now an expert on female matters? What other advice has he given her? Do you even know?"
I looked at Ian. His face was bright red.
"Did you say anything to Daddy or to her about my Sister Project?" he whispered. I shook my head quickly.
"Just imagine," Grandmother continued, "what it would be like to have such information, such embarrassing information, revealed in a public courtroom.
"The child will have to be brought in to testify as well" she added.
"You would do that?"
"Once it's in the hands of attorneys..."
"You're more of a monster than I imagined," Mama said.
"Don't be melodramatic. All I'm saying is we should avoid all that. I am prepared," she continued, "to give you a confident sense of independence. I will tomorrow go into my attorney's office and set up a very sizable trust fund for the children. I will deposit a quarter of a million dollars in an account solely in your name with no conditions whatsoever."
"What about Christopher?"
"Christopher will pledge to end his sexual travels," she said. We heard Mama laugh.
"Pledge? Promise? Even if he wrote it in his own blood, it would be no more valuable than the paper itself."
"I have already seen to it that the woman at the supermarket was fired. She is gone from the scene and will never return."
"You paid her off?"
"What I did is not of any importance. The dirty episode is over," Grandmother Emma said. "I am also taking a firmer control of Christopher's purse strings."
"He'll only resent me more," Mama said.
"Maybe. .maybe he'll finally grow up. In the meantime coexistence is the order of things. Countries that have adversarial positions to each other can do it, why can't a man and a woman?"
"I don't know," Mama said, but she sounded like she was softening.
"He's truly a little boy. He came running to me just the way he did when he broke something or got into trouble as a teenager. I was the one he came to when he was asked to leave his first college. Once, you saw something of value in him, some reason to tit your own destiny to his," Grandmother Emma reminded Mama. "Think about that."
"As you said. I closed my eyes to what I knew he was. I was too young and impressionable to see the truth back then."
"Well, now you do. I hope. He wants to come back to apologize to you. Listen to me, Caroline. You have problems with your children. You don't want to be out there alone. Jordan needs the best of
everything, medical, therapeutic, everything. She has new and heavy emotional issues. Why load on the horrors of a broken home, a mean divorce
proceeding?
"I realize Ian is a brilliant young man, but he has issues as well that will require stability. As I said, you and I are in the same boat. Let's keep it afloat for the sake of the children," she concluded.
Once again, there was a heavy silence. I looked at Ian. He lowered his head slowly like a flag of defeat.
"When is he returning to perform this apology?"
"The moment I call him," Grandmother Emma said. "I have a suggestion in that regard."
"What?"
"A man and a woman sometimes need time alone, time to restore their relationship. Let me take the children back to Bethlehem. I'll have them brought back here in a few days. I did start up the pool. This cabin has possibilities as a romantic retreat," she said.
"You never used it for that."
"I never had the opportunity you have," Grandmother Emma responded quickly. "All the money issues I promised will be concluded by the end of the day tomorrow."
"You enjoy the power of arranging and rearranging people's lives, don't you? It's what you did with your own sister."
"As I said before. Caroline, you don't know all there is to know about me, my marriage, and my family. It's easy to jump to conclusions about people and make judgments."
"You did that to me.'
"What's that saving, 'Do as I teach, not as I do?' So be a better person than I am."
"That might not be as difficult as you imagine."
Grandmother Emma laughed. "You're right. I have underestimated you. In an ironic way, this episode might just bring us closer. If you don't mind being closer, that is."
"Let's just concentrate on doing what's best for my children for now," Mama told her.
"Yes, let's. Well, let me look around the property and see just how miserably this caretaker has done his job while you get the children ready to leave with me. I'll stop on the way back and take them to dinner."
"It will be the first time you've ever done that, taken them anywhere alone."
"Yes. I realize
I
have my own new challenges and responsibilities to face, thanks to my errant son."
"Jordan has medicine she must take every morning."
"I'll see to it myself."
The silence told us they were finished talking. Ian closed the door softly.
"What's an errant son?" I asked him
immediately.
"A screw-up.," he said. He walked over to his bed and sat thinking.
"What's going to happen to us?"
He looked up to answer, but Mama stepped into the room before he could speak.
"Well, it looks like your father is going to return to apologize for his behavior,'" she began. She had no idea we had eavesdropped on the whole conversation. I was still unclear about some of it, what it meant. "When a husband and a wife have problems like this, it's better if they can spend time alone. It wouldn't be pleasant for the two of you. I'm not sure how it will end or how it will be and I'll only be worrying about you.
"So," she said, "for the time being. I'd like you to return to Bethlehem with Grandmother Emma. You don't have to pack much because you'll be coming back very soon. Jordan, you should take your new bathing suits, however, because she has opened the pool for you two. I'll call you every day. Jordan, you'll have to be sure you take your medicine in the morning. She knows about it and will see to it as well."
"You mean she'll come to my room?" I asked.
"Yes," Mama said, smiling. "She'll cross into no-man's-land. Ian, I'll be depending on you to see that all this occurs and you look after her, okay?"
"Yes,," he said. "We'd better get started packing anything we want for those days:" he said to me.
Mama smiled at him, at how efficient and businesslike he could be.
"I love you both very much and want only what's good for you," she said, hugging me and then him.
Ian fixed his eves on her. "If it's not good for you. Mother, it won't be for us," he said.
She pressed her lips together and nodded. "I know, Ian, my little wise man. I know."
She kissed him again. He looked very content. Then she told me to follow her into my room to get what I would need together. When we stepped into the room, however, she closed the door and took my hands into hers.
"Jordan. I know how unfair it is to you to ask you to be grown-up at a time when you should have nothing in your head but bubbles and lollipops. It's not the way I wanted it to be for you, but I have to ask you to be as mature and as grown-up as you can be until this storm we're in passes over us.