Earth Star (12 page)

‘He was certainly helpful.’

‘I’d better sort out that palaeontologist.’ I tapped rapidly at my lookup. ‘Done.’

Fian blinked. ‘It’s that easy?’

I nodded. ‘I just tell Recruitment a name and within minutes another victim is as grazzed as we were yesterday. We could get Ventrak Rostha himself!’

‘Dalmora’s father makes history vids about modern history. I thought the idea was the aliens might have been here back in pre-history when humanity only lived on Earth.’

‘True, but it would be fun to have Ventrak Rostha.’ I used my lookup to access my personal messages. ‘I’ve got a mail from Issette. Keon’s got an off-world agent to try and sell his light sculptures. Utterly zan!’

‘Didn’t getting an agent involve a lot of effort?’

‘I’m sure Issette did most of the work. There’s a mail from Playdon too.’ I giggled. ‘Even the Alien Contact programme can’t get us out of watching his lectures, because he’s going to send us vids of them. I’ll ask for permission to talk to him about what’s going on, because his advice would be a big help. I can’t tell Issette of course, so I’ll have to make up a reason for being back in Earth America time zone or she’ll be calling me in the middle of the night.’

‘I’d better call my parents this evening.’ Fian paused. ‘Can we talk now?’

We’d been happy, sharing jokes together, but now the sick feeling in my stomach returned. Fian had his stubborn look on his face, which meant I wasn’t going to be able to avoid this.

‘I suppose we’d better.’

‘You’d no idea about the Betan clan?’

I shook my head. ‘When I first asked for information about my parents, their place of birth was listed as Military bases. Nobody has said a word about Beta sector or clans until today, and even Drago only mentioned it in passing. I suppose everyone thought I knew. For chaos sake, no one tells you the blindingly obvious. As a child, I had a random surname given me by Hospital Earth, but at my grandmother’s Honour Ceremony I was given her surname. The clan prefix has been right there in my name ever since, but I’m not used to looking for them.’

I gave Fian a wary look. ‘I suppose you’re not very happy about it.’

‘I’m not ecstatic, no, but I can see you’ve got your wildly enthusiastic look.’

‘Well, you must admit it’s kind of zan to have Tellon Blaze for an ancestor. I’ve always had reservations about Beta sector because of the way they split off from the other sectors during the Second Roman Empire, but that ended a hundred and thirty years ago. Beta sector is still a bit … different, and they’re known for making sex vids, but how many Betans are actually involved in that?’

I realized I’d made a tactical error there, even before Fian gave the obvious reply. ‘The only two Betans in our class are.’

‘Yes,’ I said. ‘Lolia and Lolmack’s clan are, but they admit it’s regarded as a low class trade. My clan is Military, so they won’t make sex vids.’

‘It’s not just the sex vids. It’s the triad marriages, the suggestive clothes, and the lack of a nudity taboo. The way Lolia and Lolmack behaved …’

‘They deliberately behaved badly at the start of the course, but that was because they were trying to scare the rest of us away. They didn’t want us to find out they had a Handicapped baby. They’ve acted perfectly reasonably since we found out about Lolette.’ I shook my head. ‘But none of this matters, Fian. The Tell clan won’t want anything to do with me.’

‘Drago wasn’t exactly rejecting you,’ said Fian.

‘Drago may be happy to accept me, or feel he has to pretend he is while we’re at the same Military base, but the clan is a very different matter. Lolia and Lolmack have to go to incredible lengths to keep their daughter a secret, doing a pre-history course that they hate just to have an excuse for being on Earth, or their clan will disown them to avoid losing status over a Handicapped baby.’

I shrugged. ‘The Tell clan won’t want anything to do with me, and I wouldn’t change even if they did. Some kids go wild when they leave the Hospital Earth residences and get the freedom of being adult; even Issette has been having some nardle moments since she left Next Step, but I haven’t been behaving that way, have I?’

Fian sighed. ‘I’m not expecting you to go wild just because you have Betan ancestry, but the idea of you being Betan is a bit unnerving, and if my parents find out … There’s no problem with them knowing you’re descended from Tellon Blaze, I agree that’s incredibly zan, just don’t talk about Betan clans.’ He frowned. ‘Nobody ever mentions Tellon Blaze being Betan.’

‘Well of course they wouldn’t. People are still suspicious of Beta sector, so no one wants to hear a legendary glittering hero of humanity was Betan.’

Fian nodded. ‘And the ent vids about Thetis chaos year aren’t very accurate.’

I finally risked saying what neither of us had dared to put into words. ‘We keep hiding things your parents wouldn’t like, but they still aren’t too happy about me, are they?’

Fian ran his fingers through the long strands of his blond hair. ‘My father didn’t approve of me having a relationship with you, but he never approves of anything I do. My mother decided it was really romantic and talked him round. Everything seemed to be fine for the first few weeks, but then …’

‘Maybe they didn’t realize all the problems my Handicap would cause, or maybe they just don’t like me.’

Fian wore his stubborn expression again. ‘They’ll have to learn to like you. After all the battles when I chose to go history instead of physics, my parents must know I make my own decisions. Anyway, this isn’t just about us. There’s been some family stuff going on for a very long time. It’s just reached crisis point and …’

He shook his head. ‘I don’t want to talk about my parents now. I want to talk about us. Whenever I try and discuss our future, you change the subject.’

I frowned down at the fancy grid display inlaid into the top of my desk. ‘It’s difficult. I know people in Delta sector have different expectations about things like marriage.’

He pulled his chair across to sit next to me. ‘I know you find it hard to talk about anything emotional, but please try.’

I played with the grid display for a few moments while I tried to work out how to say this. ‘It’s not just differences in customs. It’s about the Handicapped and about families. Hospital Earth are given plenty of guilt money by norm humanity to care for their wards, and they do their best. We get ProParents. We get psychologists inflicted on us.’

I glanced at Fian and saw the creases on his forehead as he concentrated on my words. ‘They carefully keep groups of kids together all through their childhood so we can form our substitute family, but we see real families on the vids and know it’s not the same. Some Handicapped kids react by becoming grabbers, rushing into creating their own family to fill the gap in their lives.’

I sighed. ‘I don’t like saying it, but Maeth and Ross are classic grabbers. They were devoted to each other all through Next Step. At our last Year Day party there, after midnight passed and made us 18 and legally adult, they started their first Twoing contract. Earth law requires three Twoing contracts adding up to at least a year before you can get married. Next Year Day, they’ll get married, and Maeth wants to have three kids by the time she’s 22.’

I shuddered. ‘It’s Maeth’s life, her decision, and I hope she and Ross will be happy, but …’

Fian was silent for a second. ‘You think I’d want something like that? Some people in Delta sector do get married quite young, but I don’t want to rush us into anything, and I see children as something a very long way in the future.’

I relaxed a little and gave a foolish laugh. ‘The worst thing is Maeth’s plans terrify me, but sometimes a bit of me envies her. The thought of having a proper family, people who really belong to you …’

Fian nodded. ‘I understand, but I’m not pushing for anything drastic. I just want to know we’re both serious about our relationship. I get nervous when I see you with someone like Drago. You obviously thought he was pretty impressive.’

‘Drago’s impressive, good-looking, and a heroic fighter pilot, but you don’t need to feel threatened. He’s just looking out for his friend’s kid sister.’

Fian pulled an expressive face of disbelief.

‘Don’t be a nardle. Drago wouldn’t want to tie himself to an ape.’

‘Please don’t call yourself that, Jarra. I know you deliberately use the ape word yourself, so you can pretend it doesn’t hurt when other people say it, but I don’t like it. As for Drago, he’s Betan. He might not want Twoing contracts, just to …’ He stopped, inhibited by his Deltan background from putting it into words. ‘You know what I mean.’

‘If Drago wants a quick tumble, he’s out of luck. He must be ten years older than me, and he isn’t my type. Naturally I’m interested in talking to him, I’ve never met a relative face to face before, and I’d love to see his fighter.’ I frowned. ‘I wonder what really went on at Hera. If Drago was such a dreadful pilot that he flew straight into an asteroid, he’d never be leader of shift 2 now. Maybe …’

‘Twoing rings.’

I’d thought I’d escaped discussing the real problem, but now Fian firmly interrupted with the two words that brought the chimera out of the shadows. I shut up and waited nervously.

‘As Drago helpfully pointed out, we’re not wearing Twoing rings. Chaos knows what he thought when you said we hadn’t got around to it yet. I’d just told him we started our first Twoing contract during the solar super storm, and he must know exactly how many weeks ago that was.’

Fian stood up and began moving restlessly around the room. ‘Like I said, I’m feeling insecure and want to know where I stand. You don’t want us to wear Twoing rings. In Delta sector that signals someone regrets registering the contract, and intends moving on as soon as it ends. It wouldn’t bother me if Twoing rings weren’t worn on Earth, but I’ve seen your own friends wearing them, so …’

‘I don’t regret anything, Fian. I just don’t like wearing rings.’

‘Jarra, I’m finding it hard watching heroes like Drago sniffing around you. I’m asking you to help me by wearing a Twoing ring while we’re on this base.’

That sounded dangerously close to an ultimatum. I made a last attempt to lighten the mood. ‘If I could, I’d wear my top that says “I TAGGED FIAN”. It’s not exactly Military uniform though.’

He just stood there in grim silence. I looked at the pain in his face, and gave in. I stood up and faced him.

‘All right. I surrender. I didn’t want to tell you, because it makes me look such a coward. Nobody knows this except Candace. I’ve even kept it hidden from Issette. It’s not just that I don’t like wearing rings. I’m terrified of them.’

Fian frowned. ‘What do you mean? What’s frightening about a ring?’

I groaned. ‘You know I had to have my left little finger regrown after a dig site accident when I was fifteen?’

He looked grazzed. ‘That was …?’

I nodded. ‘All the kids at my school were wearing stupid snake-shaped rings that year. I wore mine on my left little finger, and it didn’t fit properly. I knew I shouldn’t wear it under an impact suit, but one day I forgot to take it off. There was an accident, the suit material triggered to protect me, going rock hard, and the ring cut … Ever since then, just thinking about wearing a ring has given me a creepy feeling.’

Fian shook his head. ‘Jarra, why didn’t you tell me? I’d never laugh at you. What did your psychologist say?’

‘I never told him, only Candace. You know I hate psychologists.’

‘There must be rings that are safe to wear under impact suits.’

I shuddered. ‘I know there are special rings that are safe, I’ve seen Rono Kipkibor of Cassandra 2 wearing one, but my head still …’ I broke off. ‘Oh this is stupid. Tellon Blaze was the only human being who wasn’t afraid of the chimera. His descendant can’t be scared of a nardle ring. I can face this. I’ll find out about the special rings and …’

Fian grabbed me and gave me a fierce kiss. ‘You don’t have to do that, Jarra. You’re serious about your relationship with me. That’s all I needed to know. You should talk more.’

‘Issette always says I talk too much.’

He shook his head. ‘Not about important things.’

‘Blame my psychologist. He was always trying to force me into talking about things that upset me, like being Handicapped and my parents dumping me. Issette thought her psychologist was wonderful, but …’

I shrugged. ‘Maybe Issette had a better psychologist than me. Hospital Earth tries to give the Handicapped the sort of jobs they want, whether they’re any good at them or not.’

‘I’m not your psychologist. You have to talk to me, Jarra. I’ve been worrying about the rings for weeks. When I saw you hero-worshipping Drago, I was wondering if I should just give up, pack my bags, and head back to join the class. The Military don’t really want me here, and I can’t stay in a relationship, however good, if I know the other person is already planning to walk away at the contract end date. It would be pure emotional torture.’

I had a painfully sharp mental image of what might have happened. ‘I’m really sorry. I know I keep dodging discussions, and I’m not very good at saying sentimental things, but …’

He laughed. ‘Not very good? Jarra, it’s easier to dig up a stasis box than get you to say a word about how you feel. I have to look for other clues. That’s why the ring symbol was so important to me.’

I pulled a face. ‘It’s just that some things are hard for me because … well, growing up in residences run by Hospital Earth can be tough sometimes.’

‘You’ve never talked to me about your life in the residences.’

‘You’ve had such a different childhood that I didn’t know how to start explaining. All that really matters is that I’m not used to sharing emotional stuff. I didn’t want to talk to my nosy psychologist, Candace always had a lot of other kids to worry about as well as me, and Issette had too many of her own problems for me to bother her with mine. When something hurt, I tried to pretend to myself that it didn’t, tried to avoid thinking about it. I know that’s not …’

I broke off for a moment. ‘I can’t totally change the way I am overnight, Fian, but I’ll work on this. I mustn’t keep shutting you out, so I’ll try and talk more, and I’ll do something about the rings as well.’