Echoes of Us (27 page)

The audience quieted, and I stepped further away from Jade. Dave was in front of the stage, and he gave me the thumbs-up signal. He was probably going to get fired for helping me, but I was so grateful he hadn’t ratted me out.

“Thank you for everything, for believing in our music,” I told the audience. My voice filled the entire arena, and I had to take another deep breath. “It really has been one hell of a ride.” I caught a glimpse of Andy freaking out behind the curtain, waving his arms and making a slash signal over his throat. When I didn’t shut up, he started yelling at one of the sound guys to kill my microphone.

“I’ll never forget this night as long as I live, but I’m handing over my spotlight to Jade.” My voice cracked and the tears started to drip down my cheeks.

Several girls in the front row started sobbing. It was difficult to think when everyone was freaking out. Everywhere I looked, people were unhappy, but I stared straight ahead, because I knew if I saw Jade, I’d fall apart. I squeaked a few more words out, but suddenly my microphone went dead, so I shook my head, walked to the center of the stage, and set my microphone on my stool. The houselights went down, and the only light shining was on that microphone. The crowd erupted, and I raced to the edge of the stage and jumped toward Dave. I thought I heard Jade screaming, but I couldn’t turn back. I’d made my choice. It was over.

A huge part of me hoped he would jump into the crowd and run after me to confess his undying love and whisk me away from all this shit. I wanted our story to end like every good romance novel. But it was Dave who grabbed my arm and shoved his way through the crowd, getting me away from the screaming fans.

“Run, Rylan,” Dave said. I raced down the hall, through the maze of hallways, until I spotted another exit door. Dave was hot on my heels, shouting at people to stay the fuck away from me. He caught up with me when we made it to the door to the underground garage.

“There’s a car waiting,” Dave said.

“Thanks, man,” I said, shaking his hand.

“Rylan,” he said and pulled me into a bear hug. He knew the story. He knew everything, and he protected me until the end, and I would forever be indebted to the man. “I know. Now go.”

I ran outside and climbed into the waiting car that whisked me away from this stupid lie of a life I’d been living.

The doorman at the hotel recognized me when I jumped out of the limo. I waited for him to say something, but he only tipped his hat. I asked him to get me a cab and have it wait at the coffee shop down the street. I’d be there in fifteen minutes.

My ears were still ringing from the crowd. The hotel was surprisingly quiet. I quickly gathered my stuff and shoved everything back into my suitcase. I had spent the last year living out of a fucking suitcase. We were always on the move. I sighed and shoved some more clothes into it and quickly zipped it closed before I changed my mind.

The last thing to pack was my journals, and I almost had them in my bag when I stopped. I didn’t need these anymore. They were for him. All the lyrics I’d written were for him, and I couldn’t take them with me. I threw them in a plastic bag and jotted a quick note. It was a garbled message at best, one I didn’t think he would understand.

I never did any of this for the money. It had always been for him. It hurt more than anything I’d suffered through in my life to think that the money was more important to him. But I understood. Money changes people. Just like love changes people.

This whole mess was the fault of falling in love, and I would never allow it near me again. It hurt too much. I closed my eyes and lowered my chin to my chest.

“Bye, Jade,” I breathed. “I hope you find your happiness.”

The last thing I did was drop one of my favorite pens in the bag with the journals. I hung the bag on his door. I made it down the stairs and out into the pouring rain, running until I came to the small coffee house that was open all night. Once inside, I slowly typed out the words for a text to Maggie.

Most people think falling in love is a wonderful thing. It isn’t. It fucking ruins everything.

I stared at it for a few seconds and pushed send. Her reply came within moments. It was good to hear her sweet voice.

“Oh my God, Rylan? Are you okay? Say something? It’s all over the Internet.”

“It’s done, Maggie,” I whimpered. “I want to come home.”

It was raining when I boarded the plane in New York, and it was raining when the plane landed in Chicago. Everywhere I went I brought rain.

I was vaguely aware of the stares and whispers as I traipsed through the terminal. No one approached me for an autograph or photo, and for once I was incredibly thankful for social media. The breakup was all over the Internet. I’d gone online before I boarded the plane for Chicago and was inundated with RheartJ stuff. The heart between our initials was broken. It was the first time the RheartJ shippers and the rest of the fans united. No one wanted the band to break up. I turned Internet access off on my phone.

I sent a quick text to Maggie telling her my plane had landed. She told me she was waiting by our usual spot. I pulled my hat down lower and hurried toward the exit. It shouldn’t have surprised me to see Mrs. Morgan standing beside Maggie. She patted my cheek and slipped her arm through mine. Maggie took my other hand and squeezed. I heard the familiar clicking of camera phones, but I didn’t give a shit.

Maggie had parked illegally, slipping the parking lot attendant some extra cash, so the car was close to the door. I climbed in the backseat, thinking Mrs. Morgan would sit up front, but she slid in next to me and let me put my head on her shoulder. Maggie started the car and quickly turned off the radio. I was thankful for the silence.

The familiar landscape of Chicago was a welcome sight, and when Maggie turned down our street I went numb. It was nice that there weren’t any reporters lurking, but maybe they hadn’t gotten wind I was in Chicago.

The memory of the first time we met Jade flickered through my mind. But he wasn’t here anymore and he wouldn’t be here tomorrow or the next day or the next day. Tears streamed down my face and I leaped out of the car, raced into the house, and headed straight for my old bedroom.

The door was closed, and I came to a skidding halt. This wasn’t my home anymore. I had no right to just barge in and think things were as I left them. I sank to the floor and buried my face in my hands.

“Rylan,” Maggie said.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know where else to go.” I choked the words out in between sobs.

She turned the knob and pushed the door open. It was still my room, and I threw myself into her arms. She helped me to the bed, and we lay down, spooning like we did the night I outed myself to my parents.

Mrs. Morgan put a blanket on us and told Maggie to call her later.

I
STAYED
in bed for three days. Maggie played my protector, answering my phone and shouting a lot. Several times I heard her crying, but most conversations ended quietly. When Maggie was fielding all my calls, Mrs. Morgan was sitting by my bedside trying to coax me to eat or at least drink something. Mrs. Morgan had also enlisted the aid of all the neighbors, telling them it was their job to protect one of their own. If they saw anyone who didn’t belong in the neighborhood, they called the police.

On the fourth day, Maggie stomped into my room, ripped the shades open, and shouted at me. “Rylan, I know you’re upset, but you stink. Go take a fucking shower and change clothes. You have five minutes, or I’m going to tie you to your bed and let Mrs. Morgan give you a sponge bath.” Her evil laughter echoed through the entire house. I took a shower and put on clean clothes.

More days passed, and we fell into an odd routine. I’d get up and put on my running clothes. Maggie would grab her car keys. Mrs. Morgan would be waiting by the car wearing a brightly colored jogging suit and white tennis shoes, holding two cups of coffee.

The ladies would climb into the car and follow behind me while I ran. If we spotted any reporters, I’d jump in the car and we’d roar away and drive in circles until we lost the vultures and I could resume my run.

During the afternoon, Maggie would go to work and leave me with a detailed list of chores to keep me occupied. Thinking was dangerous. Remembering was worse. I stayed off the Internet. I didn’t read the newspapers or any magazines. I barely spoke to anyone. Kelli called every day, but I couldn’t carry on a conversation. Usually, I ended up apologizing for the hell I’d put her through. She always told me it had been her choice to play Jade’s girlfriend. Most of the time I whimpered and listened to her talk. She put up with me, and I loved her even more.

As the days turned into weeks, Jade was becoming nothing more than an echo, and every day, more of him was fading. I wanted to hold on to him, but I knew that one day there would be nothing left to grab. It scared the shit out of me, but Maggie kept telling me it was how it should be. There were steps in the grieving process and I was getting close to acceptance. There was never any denial on my part that he was gone. Maggie kept telling me that I needed to start to live again. I didn’t have the heart to tell her I didn’t think it would ever be possible.

A day-to-day existence with small bits of happiness was probable, but never again would I offer my heart to anyone. I truly did not think I had a heart to offer anyway. Jade had ripped it out, and I’d watched it disintegrate the moment he told me he was agreeing with Andy and signing that new fucking contract.

“Rylan,” Maggie said. She was leaning against the doorframe.

“Yeah,” I said.

“Have you thought about what you’re going to do now?” She spoke carefully and quietly. I knew she was afraid of upsetting me and sending me back into that black hole of despair.

“I think I may go back to school,” I said. “Maybe I’ll take a course or two online.”

“You should,” she said, smiling at me. “Mrs. Morgan made some lunch. It’s a beautiful day, so we’re eating on the deck.”

“Give me a minute,” I said.

She nodded and left my room. As I headed down the hall, my phone rang and Kelli’s picture popped up on my screen. She usually didn’t call me until the evening. I thought about letting the call go to voice mail, but it was time to get back into the real world. I should have ignored this one.

Maggie glanced at me when I walked into the kitchen. She was holding a large pitcher of lemonade. She took one look at me and knew there was something seriously wrong. There was always something wrong. I bet she was sorry she ever let me into her life.

“Rylan,” she said.

“I need to go home for a few days,” I muttered. “Kelli called and my dad is sick or something. She wouldn’t talk about it over the phone.”

“Do you want me to come along?”

“Thanks, but you have to work and other shit,” I said. She’d put her life on for hold for me way too many times.

“I don’t have anything going on that can’t wait. I’m only working to stay busy,” Maggie said. “You’re more important than a silly job.”

“I’ll call if I need you.”

She nodded and started to go outside with her lemonade.

“Maggie,” I whispered.

She turned back and the pitcher dropped to the ground, shattering all over the floor. She sidestepped the mess and had her arms wrapped around me before the first tears spilled.

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered into her neck. “I’ve never told you how much I appreciated everything you did for me. You stood by me through all the shit, my family, the fans, and Jade.”

She tightened her grip and sucked in a huge breath. “I’ve said it before, Rylan, I will always stand by you. You’re my friend, and I would do anything for you.”

“I don’t deserve you,” I whispered.

She took my face in her hands and squeezed my cheeks. “Oh Rylan, you didn’t deserve anything that happened.”

“Thanks, Maggie.” I hugged her again. “I better go. The taxi should be here shortly, and I still need to pack.”

“Call me,” Maggie said. “Okay? You don’t get to plead the Fifth on this one.” I nodded and sighed. As I turned to leave, she grabbed my arm. “Rylan, you are one of the best things in my life. Don’t ever forget that.”

“Thanks,” I said. She still knew me, and it was comforting. I slowly walked to my room to drag out my suitcase.

T
HE
SQUEAK
of my shoes on the tile floor made my skin crawl. The sight of my mother and brother leaning on each other in the family lounge made me want to turn and run. When Kelli spotted me, she dropped the magazine she was reading and rushed into my arms. Things were off. This was not a normal visit to see a sick person.

“What’s going on?” I whispered into Kelli’s hair.

“God, I’m sorry, Rylan,” Kelli said. “I wanted to tell you, but Dad wouldn’t let me.”

My entire body went numb. I didn’t want to feel the pain and sadness filling the room. It made me dizzy.

“Kelli,” I said, holding her tighter. “What’s going on?”

She sighed and went limp in my arms. “Dad is sick.” I glanced at my mom and my brother again. The definition of sick hit me hard, and I had to sit down in the nearest chair. From the look on everyone’s face, sick meant my dad was dying.