Echoes of Us (24 page)

“Rylan!” Kelli shouted.

“I’m going home. Tell them I had a headache or something,” I said. I got in my car, turned the music up, and drove around for two hours.

The house was quiet when I got home. Jade was asleep on the couch, curled up in a ball. I was actually surprised to see him at home. I figured Andy would have had Jade and Kelli stay at some hotel. There was a slip of crumpled paper in Jade’s hand. I took it and scanned it. It was a list of our upcoming shows. They were all major venues.

Mrs. Morgan would be pleased. The United Center was listed. The last show on the list was Madison Square Garden. We were going to be playing Madison Square Garden. Big acts played that venue. Jade and I had only been a band for a little over a year. It was crazy. I stumbled to my room, staring at the crumpled piece of paper.

I lay in bed with the paper sitting on my chest and stared at the ceiling.

There was a quiet knock on the door. “Go away,” I shouted. Jade never listened to me, and he walked in and sat on the bed. He laid his hand on my shoulder and squeezed.

“Rylan,” Jade said. “It’s only a few months.”

“It’s always only a few months.”

“We have three months of touring, and then we get a vacation. We’ll go somewhere secluded. Just you and me.”

“Right,” I snapped. “There is no way they’ll let us go anywhere without the girls and our own private paparazzi. They’ve probably got us booked for separate vacations on the opposite sides of the world this time, so there’s no chance either one of us can sneak away.”

“Rylan,” Jade said.

“I don’t want to do this anymore. It sucks. I don’t give a shit about the money.”

I flipped on my stomach and buried my face in my pillow. He climbed on top of me and started massaging my shoulders. I could feel his cock pressing against my ass. It felt good, but I wasn’t done being angry.

“I need this,” Jade whispered against the back of my neck.

I jerked and shoved him off me. He hit the floor with a loud thud.

“Why?”

“Are you kidding, Rylan?”

“By this,” I gestured wildly, “you mean the money and the fame.”

“Rylan,” Jade said.

“Fuck off, Jade. I hope you’re fucking happy with your money.”

I slammed the door and ran into Kelli.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” I said.

“Rylan, I need to talk to you,” Kelli said.

“Can we go downstairs?” I asked. “What’s going on?”

“I wanted you to hear this from me. I asked Andy if I could go home for a few days. He said no. I told him to fuck off. He’s now decided that Jade and I are going to break up. He thinks it would be good for him to sleep around or some shit.”

“Kelli, I’m sorry about this afternoon.”

“Don’t worry about it,” she said. “I don’t know how you’ve held together this long.”

“Is everything okay at home?”

“Yeah, Rylan, it’s fine. Um, Lucas is going to be a dad,” Kelli said.

“Really?”

“Yeah, he and Kate finally worked things out, and they’re going to get married.”

“Was anyone going to tell me?”

“Ry, they know the kind of pressure you’re under. I’m telling you,” Kelli said. “I just need to go home.”

Her eyes filled with tears and she started sobbing. I knew there was something she wasn’t telling me, but she was too upset for me to press her anymore.

“When are you leaving?” I asked.

“Tomorrow,” she said.

“So soon.”

“It’s for the best, Rylan,” Kelli said. “I need to go pack.”

Everything was falling apart, including me. I grabbed something to drink from the fridge and went out by the pool. The night was calm, but the sounds of the city were always close by. The lights and pollution hid most of the stars from view. I looked at my phone and called Andy, putting him on speaker as I searched for Maggie.

“We have a few days off before we go on this tour,” I stated to Andy. “Maggie and I would like to go back to Chicago. I need to be away from all this.”

“I think we can arrange that,” Andy said.

“Good,” I said and clicked off my phone. I didn’t really give a shit if he couldn’t arrange it. I could fucking arrange it.

Maggie was sitting in the laundry room on top of the dryer. She smiled sadly but gave me a hug when I told her we were going back to Chicago for a few days. I didn’t go back to my room. I stayed with Maggie, sleeping spooned against her. I felt terrible.

In the morning, Jade showed up and said good-bye to Kelli. He wouldn’t talk to me, but scowled at me when Maggie and I hauled our bags to the front door.

“You’re welcome to come with us,” I said. “I need some quiet before we hit the road again.”

Jade left the room.

“Let’s go,” I said sadly. Pete was waiting for us. I sat between the girls. Kelli laid her head on my shoulder and Maggie held my hand, staring out the window. Maggie cried when Kelli left us standing at our gate. All I could do was apologize for putting her through all this shit.

W
E
’
D
BEEN
back in Chicago for two days, not doing much but sleeping. Jade called a few times, but I refused to talk to him. I knew it was childish, but I was pouting. He could have fucking come home with me.

“Are you okay?” Maggie asked.

“Not really. I’ve never been so happy and fucking miserable at the same time,” I said. “What about you?”

“The same.”

“Sucks,” I said.

Maggie sprawled on my bed and stared at me. “I’m worried about you.”

“Yeah, I’m worried about me too. I think we’ve had this conversation before,” I said. I took my shirt off and tossed it in the corner. “I’m worried about Jade and you too. And something’s up with Kelli, but she refuses to talk about it.”

“This isn’t what I thought it would be like,” Maggie admitted.

I snorted, because it wasn’t even close to what I thought being a pop star would be. I’d been on Twitter earlier, and there were pictures of Jade out with some stupid movie star. It made me jealous and angry. Kelli had barely left, and already they had Jade dating someone else.

You’d think I’d be used to it by now, but it was different when it was Kelli. She knew about us. This actress didn’t know Jade belonged to me.

“I talked to him,” she said. “It wasn’t his idea.”

“And yet, there he is, kissing some woman he barely knows.” I frowned and clicked off the picture, switching over to Twitter. I scrolled through hundreds of tweets.

“It’s getting worse,” I said.

“What is?” Maggie rolled on her side to make room for me on the bed.

“The hate,” I said.

“I stopped looking online. Now I only check my private e-mail.”

“I’m sorry, Maggie,” I said, wrapping my arms around her.

“Quit apologizing. You have no control over what people say about me or you.”

“I don’t know what else to do.”

“I’m tired,” Maggie said. She closed her eyes, and I stroked her hair. Not many people would do what she was doing for me. She shouldn’t have to do this. I shouldn’t be forced to have a fake girlfriend, to hide my feelings for someone who I loved deeply, because society wasn’t ready for us. Or so everyone said. I was starting to believe no matter what we did, or who I dated, fake or not, we could never satisfy everyone. Some people liked to bitch.

My phone buzzed, and I pulled it out from under my pillow. Jade’s face was looking back at me. I almost shoved it back under my pillow, but I hadn’t talked to him since we’d been back in Chicago.

“Hello,” I said quietly. I shifted Maggie out of my arms and pulled the blanket over her.

“Rylan,” Jade whispered.

“Yeah, you called me. Who else would it be?”

“You haven’t been answering your phone.”

“I needed a break,” I said.

“I miss you,” Jade said, his voice cracking. “Babe, I miss you so much.”

I could tell he’d been drinking.

“I’ll be back in a couple of days. You should get some sleep.”

I shut off my phone before he could reply.

Mrs. Morgan found me sitting on the deck, staring at the sky. There weren’t a lot of stars here either. Maybe they didn’t exist anymore. I used to wish on shooting stars all the time back on the farm. Out in the country, in the dark of the night, you could lie on your back and map out the constellations. In the city, I was lucky I could see the North Star.

“Rylan,” Mrs. Morgan said. She was carrying a bottle. I eyed it suspiciously.

“It’s only water,” she said.

“Too bad,” I said.

“You look like someone stole your lunch money.”

“I’m losing him,” I said. “And I don’t think there’s anything I can do to stop it.”

“I don’t have the answers,” she said. “You’d think after eighty years on this earth, I’d know something about love.”

“We’re going to be playing here,” I said.

She sat down and smiled. “I know. I follow a lot of people on Twitter. I think they know things before you do.”

I laughed. “Do they know I’m here?”

“I don’t think so. Things have been focused on Jade these last few days.”

“Right,” I said.

She touched my hand and leaned back in her chair, staring at the night sky. I pointed out the North Star and described what the sky looked like at the farm.

“I would like to see that before I become one of those stars in the sky,” she said.

“I bet Kelli would love to have you come to the farm,” I said.

“I bet your family would love to have you come home,” she said quietly. I didn’t respond.

We stayed on the deck until the sun rose and Maggie found us.

“Have you been out here all night?” Maggie asked.

“Yes,” I answered.

“I’m going to sleep,” Mrs. Morgan said. “I’ll see you when you come to Chicago.” She kissed me on the cheek and walked back to her house.

“I called Andy,” Maggie said. “Instead of going back to LA, we’re flying directly to Phoenix for the show. Jade is….”

I sighed and held up my hand. I had no desire to know what Jade was doing or who was going to be draped over him the next time I saw him.

“Could you please call Ella and have her set up something for Mrs. Morgan at the Chicago show?” I asked.

“Sure, Rylan, no problem.”

She left me sitting on the deck. I didn’t move until dinnertime. Maggie forced pizza down my throat, yelling about how I looked too tired.

“I stayed up all night,” I said. “I am tired.”

“Go to bed, Rylan,” Maggie ordered. “I’ll pack your shit. We have to leave before the crack of dawn.”

I dragged my ass to bed, only to be hit with nightmares of losing Jade. Maggie woke me up at 2:00 a.m. when she crawled into bed with me. She stroked my hair, and I tried not to think that it should be Jade who comforted me. But if Jade was here, I probably wouldn’t be having these shitty dreams.

Maggie poked me before the sun was even up, telling me to get in the shower. I went through the motions of making myself presentable. I didn’t do a very good job. Maggie handed me sunglasses and a hat before we left the house.

There were a few fans at the airport. I did my best to smile for the pictures and sign some autographs. When we got on the plane, I put my headphones on and fell asleep before we were in the air.

It was way too bright and sunny and fucking hot in Phoenix. Pete was at the airport to make sure I made it to sound check. I was nervous to see Jade. Of course, the first glimpse I got of him was with some woman. She had her arm around his waist and my stomach plummeted into my shoes. I didn’t think I was going to survive the day.

Ella was the first to spot me and wrap me in her long, spindly girl arms. It should have been Jade. I could sense the minute he looked at me. I decided to ignore him and let Ella usher me into the dressing room.

She chattered about the clothing and the changes. I knew it all by heart. We’d rehearsed so many times, I was pretty sure I could do the damn show drunk.

Dave poked his head in the door and told me it was time to get on the stage. The sound check was uncomfortable and stiff. As soon as Ethan strummed the final chord, I jumped off the stage and raced down the hall until I found a bathroom. The cool water I splashed on my face calmed me down, but me fucking whole body ached. He was so close but so far away.

The door opened and Jade stepped inside. His face was flushed, and there was a faint bite mark on his neck.

“Rylan,” Jade said, reaching for me.

“I can’t,” I murmured. I started toward the door, but he blocked my path.

His fingers slid up my bare arm. All I could think of was that he touched that girl with that same hand. I backed away, but he mirrored my movements until he had me against the wall.

“Jade, please,” I said.

“I can’t do this without you,” he whispered. The heat from his body surrounded me, and I gave in. I didn’t have the strength to walk away from him. I leaned into his touch when he pressed his chest against mine.

He smashed his mouth against mine so hard my teeth rattled, and I drew blood when I bit his lip. I wanted to hurt him, to make him feel as bad as I was feeling. My fingers dug into his arms, leaving red dots. He pulled my hair, keeping my lips anchored against his mouth. He sucked on my tongue. There was a knock on the door, and I shoved him away from me.

Dave carefully opened the door. Jade grabbed the back of my jacket before I could get away from him.

“Can you get us to the hotel?” Jade asked.

Dave nodded, whisking us away before anyone noticed.

We took different cars to the hotel and entered through different doors. We didn’t make love. We fucked. Hard.

That night, with me sprawled on his chest, Jade called Andy and told him to get rid of the girl. She was too much of a distraction. For once, Andy agreed, and the woman disappeared.

I relaxed and tried to enjoy the shows, but in the back of my mind I knew what was coming. With each day that passed, our contract was getting closer to ending, and there was talk of a new one being drawn up for us to sign. The money was going to be astronomical, but once again there would be giant ropes attached to us, weighing us down. I sighed into Jade’s hair and went to sleep. Tomorrow was Chicago, and I wanted to be on top of my game.