Eclipsed by Midnight (22 page)

“Mon amour, êtes-vous prêt?” Etienne steps between his father and me to offer his hand.

“Yeah, let’s go.”

“You can’t leave now. We’ve only begun first course. You haven’t even eaten. What’s going on?” Sophia wrings her napkin.

“I’m sorry, my friend needs me.” Ang is calling me and I don’t know why, but her cries for help have me on my feet and moving quickly.

“Surely, the girl talk can wait until—” Sophia begins, but I don’t give her the chance to finish. Fuck this shit, I don’t care anymore. I’ve absorbed enough information from the few minutes of this little dinner to give Etienne whatever he needs for the trial of his dad.

“Sophia, I appreciate you effort, I really do. But this is not open for discussion. We will have to take a raincheck.” I have to get to Ang, now. Looping my arm through Etienne’s, I fight the urge to warp us out of here.

“Anu, don’t do it,” he whispers, knowing exactly what I am up to.

“I am trying!” I hiss as everyone sees us to the front door.

Donning our coats in a hurry, we make it outside and I grab the keys from Etienne’s hand and toss them to Niall.

“Sasha!” Etienne growls as his eyes flick back to his parents still standing on the porch.

Niall starts whistling an Irish tune that he is inclined to under direst and calmly flashes into the car, firing it up and taking off without us.

I can’t help it; I can’t stop it. Squeezing the bulge of Etienne’s well-endowed arm, I let the all-consuming need to be where I am needed take flight right in front of his parents. Fuck em’. They want to send the priests after me, then I’ll gut them all and not even think twice.

Etienne tried to use every avenue to stop me in the process, but it was useless. We didn’t come to a stop until we arrived at Ang’s house, right where the beacon of pain was calling me. As I march up the lawn of the little bungalow home that had been my refuge from hard times for as long as we have friends, an iron grasp halts me before I get to the door.

“What the fuck was that about? You couldn’t have waited until we had driven down the road to the first bend?” Etienne fumes, flipping me around to face him.

“Etienne, Lil, love of my life… I will fucking kill them all if they try anything. Now, I suggest you remove your hands.” My voice holds that gravely tone that scares even me a little when it comes out. With a startled change in his features, he obliges and I rip open the front door.

Storming through the cozy house, I find the image that had been bombarding me over and over, driving me to get here as fast as possible. Ang is collapsed over Christian’s cold and lifeless body, wailing so deep and so loud that her pain becomes mine as I go to her. Struggling under the crippling waves stemming from her buckled figure, I move slowly and attempt to syphon the pain away as I go in hopes of giving her a break from the endless black hole attempting to swallow her.

“Lil, search for the girls and bring them home please,” I whisper as I sit next to Ang, the mattress dipping. “Shhh, Ang, come here.” I pull her off Christian and cradle her in my arms like a baby.

“Sash, how’d you know?” She sniffs through the onslaught of tears.

“You called for me.” I lean forward, grab the tissues off the nightstand, and begin to mop up her puffy, red-streaked face.

Her eyes find mine and the connection makes her face screw up as she whimpers. “We just got back last night. He wanted to come home early. He slept all day, I kept checking on him, he was breathing, I swear! All day! I came to wake him for dinner and he was still breathing… I saw his chest go up and down… and then it just stopped. He heard my voice and just fucking stopped!” She rolls into another fit of sobbing, her pain darkening the world, making the continuation of life feel so damn pointless… and hopeless. It really is true. In the blink of an eye, your life can be derailed by a single, desecrating event.

“Why, Sash? Why? Why, why, why, why…?” She screams on and on, allowing the nonsensical to take the place of her sanity. Tears finally spring to my eyes, her sorrow and the grave sense of loss breaking them from my forged exterior of understanding. The years of our entwined lives flit through my mind as we attempt to grasp the inexplicable. That was human nature, to want to quantify and examine every facet, every detail, to pick it apart until nothing remained and the mess at our feet was a far cry from the truth. We habitually place every detail into confined holdings, under the pressure of an egocentric-driven microscope so that we can figure out how to conceptualize and to control every facet. The blinding ego is the leading enemy in our fight for growth and understanding. A hazy screen standing between truth, compassion, and the road to peace and happiness, especially through muddy times.

As much as I want to be able to wrap all of these thoughts up with a pretty bow and say something profound to her or to call the elements and insurmountable amount of power around me to take it all away, I know I can’t. I have to allow her this process in order to fully heal and move forward when the time comes. Instead of intervening on every possible level, I hold her and wipe her tears. We sit like this for a long time. Nothing else could tear me away from this very moment as I struggle to be what she needs in the lowest moment of her life.

As her emotions slow and the abyss of numbness and shock slowly settle in, her tears taper down to a trickle.

“I knew this was coming, we’ve been preparing… but I wasn’t ready, Sash. I wasn’t ready to lose the love of my life. I feel so empty.” She snags a tissue from me and sits up to blow her nose.

Giving her the time and space to breathe, I sit and wait. There’s nothing I can say to make this right on any level, nor do I ever want to personally know this level of pain. Living it through her is bad enough.

“Can you bring him back, even for just a minute? I didn’t get to say goodbye.” Her eyes spear mine in search of a thread of hope, believing I can give her this one last wish.

“Ang, it doesn’t work like that.” I sigh, my body feeling weighted. I’d give it to her if I could. Even if I could call that kind of magic, something told me it shouldn’t be messed with. I had to respect that.

“Something? Anything? Please, God, I am begging you!” She collapses forward on her knees, heaving in another wake of profound loss. My hand comes up to rub her back when I feel a shift in the air around us. Looking up, I see a shimmering form coming forward free of its human vehicle. Christian.

“She won’t be able to see you,” I say to it, unafraid yet surprised as it kneels in front of her and looks to me. My head tilts as I examine its presence and origination. A howl of sadness rips through Ang, breaking the form’s focus on me as it dives for her hands, squeezing them tight. Warmth radiates out and around from the two interlocked figures. Ang finally lifts her head from her wet knees. She’s meeting the spirit eye to eye and doesn’t even know it.

“Sash, is he here? I can feel him somehow,” she breathes.

“Yes, babe, he’s here. Say your piece, he can’t stay long.” The spirit world is a finicky one and I had a pretty good idea on what Christian was playing with in an attempt to say goodbye himself.

“Christian? Of course it’s you… I don’t even know what to say now.” She hysterically laughs to herself, sniffing to clear her congestion and buy a second to think.

The veil ripples across the room, readying to take the ghostly form back, a vacuum slowly powering up.

“Ang, hurry, babe,” I urge, not really understanding how this was all happening but happy that it was.

“Okay! Christian, I love you, with everything I am. You were it for me—my sun, moon, and stars. Please be at peace now. Please rest easy and go with God.” She chokes on the last words, her eyes springing another heavy leak as she lifts her oversized nightshirt to crudely chase away the offending fluid.

The glimmering form leans forward and kisses her on the lips with a longing that should not be possible. She gasps as her fingers come up to hold the sensation in place, unsure of its reality.

“Christian, I will take care of her. You can’t stay here. You have to transition,” I tell him. He looks at me in surprise, his facial features slowly becoming more visible through whatever layer he is projecting through. “Yes, this is real. Yes, you are hearing me. There are things we never got to share with you, my friend.” I smile as the vortex behind him opens wider.

His face bunches in thought before urgency claims his handsome features, the sucking sound from the veil growing stronger. “Then tell her to live her life to the fullest and not waste it pining over me. Tell her I want her to do whatever she needs to do to be happy. She was my greatest gift, her and the girls, and that is enough. Tell her I don’t hurt anymore and thank her for me. Thank her for everything she’s ever done. Please take care of her, Sasha. Please don’t let her wallow over me. I will wait for her on the other side.” His voice rings through in my conscience loud and clear.

“Okay, old friend, now go before you miss your chance.” I nod to the window now slowly shrinking, tired of waiting on him. He stands, kissing the top of Ang’s head before turning and diving into the dwindling hole. With a loud snap, it shuts just as he passes.

Normally, that probably would have freaked me the fuck out, but after all I’ve seen, it was a welcome and oddly comforting experience. Many never get the chance to have that level of exchange with a dearly departed one. Many never get to say goodbye.

“He kissed me, didn’t he?” she turns and asks me in wonder.

“Yeah.” And word for word, I deliver his message to her.

“Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.” She falls back into my arms with another sob as the girls come into the house.

“Ang, I didn’t do that. He did it,” I clarify and pull her face out of my shoulder so that I can look her in the eye. “I can’t begin to enumerate in human equivalent terms to explain what he had to do to say goodbye, but he did it. Don’t piss away this gift. Do you hear me? Don’t let a piece of yourself die only to wither away to a sorry excuse piece of flesh until you rot and die, do you understand?” She nods and wipes her nose with the back of her hand as the girls come into the room, a new wave of tragedy hitting the environment.

Moving off the bed and into Etienne’s waiting arms, I make room for the twins to come to their mother and say their goodbyes over the empty vessel. When it comes down to it, the flesh is simply an opportunity for the spirit to have a human experience. So many miss the mark on the experience portion.

Chapter 14

“In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.” ~Buddha

Sasha

The sound of the chains rattling above reminds me to calm down before I blow the roof off the entire house.

“Steady, if you let go, you will lose that pretty little release you’ve worked so hard for,” Etienne warns with an edge that makes my clit throb on verbal impact.

Slowing my breathing, I clench my teeth harder around the leather strip in my mouth. Its taste isn’t entirely unpleasant, but the whole task is harder to do than I thought, especially considering the naughty fingers now rolling my nipples and making it damn near impossible to stifle the groans of pleasure threatening me now.

“Very good, Anu. Now, let me in,” he purrs as his gift for emotional manipulation knocks on the door of my barrier power.

Fear grips me as that is the last thing I want to do, but I don’t have a choice if I ever want out of this precarious situation. The very situation I put myself in by not practicing a little patience yesterday at his parents’ house. We spent all night with Ang and her girls, came home, slept… then the minute I woke up, he got me hot and bothered in the bed before masterfully talking me into this. After dealing with what came with grave loss, it’s understandable that two people who don’t ever want to imagine that kind of pain might be inspired to cling to one another… in any way possible.

When I let my barriers down with a cautious, mental sigh, he quickly seizes my vulnerability in an instant, holding it tenderly, yet forcefully, showing it who, in fact, is in charge in an overwhelming shift in power on his part. My breathing hitches in excited lust, causing me to gasp under the extreme mind fuck he is now serving up. The little piece of leather flies out of my mouth, searing my nipples in pain as the lever drops. Etienne catches it midair and brings it back down, giving me much-needed relief as tears of frustration threaten my eyes.

“Was this simple task too much to ask for?” He devilishly grins, tracing my lips with the little tail end. His bare chest flexes as my eyes travel down to his leather pants gripping his tight ass.

“No, sir.” I pant. The pain is now simmering down into a delicious warmth, shooting straight to my pussy as he teases my mouth. The little device he had fastened to my nipples also had a clamp for my lower regions, but he is going easy on me. Holding the leather handle in my teeth assured slack to my nipple clamps and endless amounts of delicious attention being bestowed upon them. The minute one lets go, a sharp tug turns up the pain to a terrible level as the weighted lever falls. Thank fucking goddess he didn’t clamp anywhere else. This pregnancy already has my body sensitivity turned way up, something he is thankfully taking into account.

My thighs begin to ache as pulsations lick my pussy. Being chained and dangling from this rack with my feet barely touching the ground has me wriggling like a horny, needy fish on a hook. I was scared shitless when he first told me what he had planned, but this is amazing. Steady hands begin to command my body, willing it to comply as they release my clamped buds, one into the cool air and the other into his hot, wet mouth. The blood flow rushes back as he sucks hard, making me throw my head back in an ecstasy-filled hiss. A strong hand comes around to the back of my head and lifts it forward. His possessive gaze holds a level of intimacy that strips me bare while simultaneously consuming me on the spot. As his tongue rolls over my bottom lip, one of his naughty hands drops to work the fly on his pants while the other grips my hair tighter.

“Put your legs around my waist,” he orders, stepping into me. Using the chains resistance, I quickly counter balance to comply.

Sliding my naked body up his and wrapping my legs tightly around what is only mine fulfills me in ways that can’t be explained. He is pure power, muscle, and dominance. And he is mine. Etienne reaches over to another lever and cranks it a few times, raising me a bit higher. My skin glides over his glistening body as I go, electrifying the moment. Wrapping an arm around my back for support, he brings my mouth to his and sears me with a possessive kiss. Groaning aloud, he hungrily swallows the madness overcoming my hyped-up body. His erection brushes my bottom, causing my hips to surge, eagerly beckoning him.

Etienne pulls his lips away while still maintaining control over my head. “Why don’t you ask nicely?” His brow rises.

“Please, Lil, will you please fuck me now?” I beg. Goddess in heaven, I need him so bad right now or I might just combust on the spot.

“I think that can be arranged,” he says with a groan as he lowers a hand between us to line up the head of his cock before sheathing himself in me in one rough, visceral movement.

“Fuck yes!” I scream in pure ecstasy as my body trembles in delight, pain and pleasure edging me closer to a high like no other.

“Dirty girl.” He hums in approval as both hands come down to crudely grab my ass like a handle as he pounds into my flesh, my head lulling back for a second as the blissful waves progress through me, taking me higher and higher. My flesh quakes as my core gets wetter with each pass of his cock sliding in smoother and farther as he goes.

Bringing my head up again to watch him fuck me, I damn near come on the spot. He is all male, each flexing muscle defined beyond perfection, his broad chest the epitome of strength, his long hair falling just below his jaw in waves as his glowing eyes lock onto mine. His mouth falls open in fever as his fangs elongate and sweat glistens across his skin, his heavenly masculine scent permeating the air, drugging me into submission. Watching his abdominal muscles clench and deepen the definition across his stomach as he tightly grips my ass and dives into me as deep as he can possible go, I feel that white-hot tingling flow through my core and down my thighs. My pussy flutters around him, tightening and releasing, over and over as an endless orgasm splinters me wide open. I scream his name as he thrusts a few more times, finding his own release in a bout of slapping skin, shouts, and growls. It is a raw moment bred in perfection.

Breathless, his head collapses onto my shoulder as he clutches my body to his, his length still very much buried deep. I revel in the moment of being held tight, our sweat-slicked skin bonding to one another as electrical currents dance across our flesh and his cock twitches in aftershocks inside me. I fucking love it. I love every minute with this male and will revel in every second I get to have with him. Even with our expanded lifespans, the problem we tend to get caught up in is thinking there will always be time. I’ve wasted too much living in that mindset. I will do it tomorrow. We will get our chance later… nope. Not anymore. In this moment, and every following moment in sequence, strung together by each gifted breath, I will enjoy life. I’ve wanted him to chain me up for years, and damn it, I am so glad I let him.

∞

Walking into our newfound little gem of a coffee shop on Quince Street not far from home, I eagerly seek out my friend. It’s been a week since Christian passed, and Thanksgiving is just around the bend.

“Hey babe, how are you doing?” I embrace my best friend as I walk up to the line in front of the barista. Ang gives me a tight hug and smiles a ghostly, partial smile.

“As good as I can, I guess.”

I drape my arm around her and lean my head on hers. Gardenia from her shampoo fills my nose. “The memorial was lovely. Did you decide if you want to spread the ashes?”

The family had a quick, small memorial on Saturday. They wanted to keep it to a limited number of people, something I understood. The boys have been spending as much time as possible with Ang’s girls, both sets of kids respectively trying to keep their minds off everything. The boys will be turning any day. We’ve been saying that for a little over a week, but I can feel it hanging on them now.

“Nah, I will do it soon. I think the girls want to take them up into the mountains this week.” Her feet shuffle along the hardwood floor of the café.

“You want one of us to come with you?” Whether she said yes or no, it was happening. We’ve all but given Roman a free pass from his regular duties as he refuses to leave her side. Well, metaphorical side. He stays in the shadows and watches from afar should she need anything.

“Nah, we are good. Kinda need the alone time as a family. The girls are a mess. I thought we had been preparing them this whole time, but how can you really ever prepare children for this kind of thing?”

“You can’t.” We approach the counter, place our order, and walk to a comfy little corner in the back. This was a great local joint, my new favorite for sure. The owners had taken an old craftsman house and converted it. Local art and community-based projects adorned the walls as well as nestled amongst the comfy furniture, adding a personal touch as well as a brief glimpse into the world of each artist who allowed their pieces to be displayed with pride.

Falling into two leather chairs, we both exhale deeply, happy to take a break, yet burdened in our own ways. A staff member bounds over with Ang’s coffee and my tea, her kind smile the cherry on our needed, cathartic café experience.

“I still keep thinking about when he visited. Part of me wants to think I made it all up in my head in a moment of despair.” Her eyes fall to the ground as her delicate hands fold around the warm mug.

“Whelp, ya didn’t,” I assure her.

“You sure?” The pain that flashes through her energy is like a knife in my side, still so fresh, so raw.

“Positive. Even my mind isn’t that creative.” I wink at her, and her aura brightens momentarily.

“Phew! That’s a relief. Sometimes, I can still feel his lips on mine when I’m curled in bed.” She contentedly relaxes into the chair, her head falling back on the rest as she cherishes the memory. Warning bells go off in my head as I slyly grab my phone and pretend to nonchalantly check it when, in reality, I am asking Erik to check the security feed on her house. I saw Christian pass through, but it’s not him I am worried about.

“Enough of my sad life. How are the boys? How are you? What’s new?” My hand instinctively comes to rest on my belly as I filter through what I should exactly tell her as her big, brown eyes turn toward me, eager to talk about anything else.

“Boys are getting close to changing, so we are preparing for that. Training is going good, learning lots of cool tricks in the ring.” I haven’t divulged all the fine details or stressors to her. She doesn’t need all of that on her plate, and I most certainly don’t want her worrying about my boys on top of it all. Because she would, she can’t help it.

“Well, you think I am stupid, but I’m not.” She huffs, suddenly offended.

“What?”

“Girl, please. You are holding back from telling me something again. I’m not made of glass, ya know. I’ve stayed by your ass this long.”

“Too perceptive for your own good. We will talk more later. This is about you. It’s been about me too fucking long as it is.”

“While I appreciate that, forget it. It’s about living, so let’s do that? Okay? This giant chasm of grief and pain is always going to be there. It’s always going to hurt. But as time passes, maybe I will build some bridges and learn to navigate it a bit better so the pain isn’t as consuming. And by bridges, I mean doing what Christian wanted me to do—keep living. I don’t fucking know how to even get out of bed some days, but I’m going to figure it out.” Her eyes mist over as she leans over and reaches for a napkin.

“Okay! I’ll tell you. Geez, waterworks and all,” I sass and put my tea down with a subtle clatter. While I won’t tell her about all the drama, I guess I can give her a little piece of good news. “So, remember my wedding night and all the crazy worries around that…” I trail off. Her face and aura light up so bright that it damn near blinds me. Leaning away from her, it’s all I can do to keep from holding up a hand to block the rays stemming from her. I forget sometimes that not everyone can see all the crazy shit I now do on a regular basis. The world is no longer two and three dimensional. Now it is like seeing a fourth dimension added to even the simplest of views.

“Estas embarazada?” she sings, clutching her cup in hope.

“Yup.” The corner of my mouth slightly lifts in happiness. This is the first person I’ve gotten to tell, and she’s someone who is genuinely happy for me. Pride fills me and my connection to the little hummingbird, as Etienne has started to call her, grows. It sucks I didn’t even know she was there for almost two months, but I am glad that she is. As Ang jumps up to hug me, I suddenly remember that I haven’t told Etienne that it’s a girl. Shame rains down as I think about all the work we’ve been doing on our communication, and my blonde moment is seriously going to piss him off.

“Do the boys know?” Ang bounds up and down a few times before settling back into her seat.

“No, we haven’t told anyone. We want to wait until after the boys are safely on the other side of transition.” The need to dwell on that fact beckons me, but I ignore it, placing it safely in a box to be dealt with at another time.

“Jesus, I can’t imagine becoming a mother all over again at this age, but then again, I am old.” She laughs.

“Whatever, we are the same age, and you don’t look a day over thirty.”

“Ha. You are hilarious. I also don’t have superhero stats keeping me young.” She snorts.