Effortless (42 page)

I sighed, my heart cracking a little. “You’re basically telling
me that you won’t have any time to spend with me…for a while…aren’t
you?”

He swallowed, shaking his head. “I’m sorry…we need to do this,
so I won’t be able to visit, like I’d hoped. I’m sorry.”

Now I swallowed. “It’s okay…I understand.” I looked down as I
considered all of the moments together that we’d already missed,
that we were going to miss…our first Valentine’s Day as a couple
had already gone by, the flowers he’d sent me long wilted. Our
anniversary was fast approaching, in a couple of weeks, mid-March.
Kellan’s birthday was in April, mine was in May. My graduation…

My eyes snapped up to his, watery. “Could you make it back in
June?”

He nodded, cupping my cheek. “I’m not missing your graduation…no
matter what. I don’t care if I have to walk out on a recording
session…I’m not missing it, Kiera.”

I smiled and sighed, knowing that I’d at least get to see him
then…three months from now. And after that…I supposed they’d be
touring again, to promote the album. As a little bit of sadness
washed over me, he held me close and rubbed my back. So quietly
that I almost didn’t hear him, he whispered, “And there was
something you wanted to tell me?”

I stiffened, not wanting to say it. He’d never go to L.A. if he
knew that Denny was back in my life. He’d flip out if he realized
that Denny was the friend that I was having lunch with, quite
frequently. But really, I didn’t want to tell Kellan about
it…because I knew, with everything in me, that he’d lied about what
he’d wanted to tell me. I was sure that the bit about not coming
home was true, and it probably was something that he’d wanted to
mention, but I was also sure that it hadn’t been on his mind last
night. I was sure it had nothing to do with whoever was calling
him.

I bit my lip, not sure what to tell him. Propping myself up to
look at him, I shook my head. “I love you, Kellan, and you’ve got
nothing to worry about when it comes to me, but I don’t think I can
tell you just yet.”

Frowning, he sat up on his elbows. “What? Why not?”

Guilt sweeping over me, I shook my head. “You’re just going to
have to believe in me.”

His mouth dropped open a little and he glanced at his phone
really quick. His mouth closed and I knew that he understood. He
knew that I was aware that he hadn’t really told me anything. That
what he’d briefly wanted to tell me last night, and what he’d ended
up telling me this morning, were two entirely different things. My
eyes watered as I waited for him to open up, to tell me the truth.
His eyes glossier, he only stared at me. 

Swallowing, he nodded. “Okay,” he whispered, and it broke my
heart.

Kellan and I cuddled a lot and kissed a lot, but we didn’t talk
a lot after that. I felt a gap between us, and I hated leaving him
with a wedge there, scared that it would only be driven deeper if
we were apart. But he wasn’t opening up to me, and I couldn’t open
up to him. There was no way around it but for one of us to cave,
and I knew that neither of us would…not in the short time we
had.

Sometime after I’d fallen asleep last night, Kellan had arranged
a flight for Anna and me. When the bus finally arrived at its
destination, Kellan arranged for a car to pick us all up later in
the afternoon, just so we could spend as much time together as
possible. Surprisingly, when it was time to go, Griffin came out to
the airport to see us off. I wanted to take that as a good sign,
but really, Griffin could’ve just wanted to get away for a
moment.

Saying goodbye in the drop-off area, I searched Kellan’s face,
silently begging him to talk to me, and equally terrified that he
would. Cupping my face, he kissed each cheek, then rested his head
against mine. “Don’t be mad about the flight,” he murmured.

I gave him a sullen expression as I glanced at the departure
board behind him. He’d booked us tickets straight back to Seattle,
making my roundtrip ticket from Boise pretty much worthless.
Shrugging at my expression, he smiled. “You have to work tonight.
You don’t want to have to mess around with a layover.”

I sighed, knowing he was right. Shaking my head, I kissed him.
“I know…thank you.”

Kissing me back, he muttered, “Worth every penny.”

Pulling back from him, ignoring Anna and Griffin molesting each
other beside us, I tilted my head. “Kellan…?”

He raised his eyebrows, looking a little nervous and very
reluctant. “Yeah?”

I almost put my hand out and asked for his phone. I wanted to.
Especially when it had chirped this morning as we were eating
breakfast. He’d ignored it, like he always did, and it drove me
crazy, like it always did. But prying through his phone was not the
girlfriend that I wanted to be. I’d asked him to believe in me, I’d
have to do the same.

Exhaling slowly as I shook my head, I whispered, “I’ll miss
you.”

He smiled, looking relieved. “I’ll miss you too. I’ll call you
tonight, okay?”

I nodded, giving him a final kiss before heading to the gate.
Kellan waved as I walked down the hall, dragging my sister with me.
Twisting around as the boys disappeared, Anna giggled and leaned
into my side. “See, Kiera, I told you that would be a blast!”

I contained the frustrated sigh I wanted to make. It had been
many things, some good, some bad, but none of it was what I’d refer
to as a blast. Well, maybe the concert part…that had been a lot of
fun. And holding Kellan, kissing him, falling asleep with him,
smelling his scent again…that had been fun too.

Smiling up at her, I nodded. “Yeah, you were right. It was…a
blast, Anna.”

She giggled almost the entire way home.

I was a little melancholy after my adventure with Anna to Boise,
thinking about how long Kellan was going to be gone, wondering just
what he was keeping from me, wondering how to tell him what I was
keeping from him.

Denny, still attentive, even though he had no reason to be,
noticed.

Sipping on a green beer, green in honor of today’s Irish
holiday, St. Patrick’s Day, Denny watched me during my shift,
concern clear in his warm eyes. It had been two weeks since I’d
left Kellan’s side, two weeks without any clear answer from him on
what he was doing. And Kellan hadn’t asked again about what I was
doing either. He understood that if I was going to open my door for
him, he’d have to open his door for me. And he didn’t seem to want
to do that.

Sighing as I cleaned off an already-clean table, I felt Denny
step up behind me. Looking back at him, dressed in his very
debonair work clothes, I watched him look up to where Poetic Bliss
was performing on the D-Bag’s stage. “It’s strange, isn’t it?
Having someone else play up there?”

I smiled and glanced up to the stage, watching Tuesday jam out a
solo on her guitar. Tuesday…ridiculous name. “Yeah, it’s
definitely…odd.”

“You alright, Kiera? You’ve seemed down since your trip.
Something happen in Boise?” Denny looked back at me and raised his
eyebrows, holding my gaze.

I bit my lip and looked down at the table. No one else had asked
me about my mood. No one else had even noticed, not even Jenny. Of
course, she’d missed the impromptu trip and had been a little
sullen about the whole thing. It had surprised me a little, since
Jenny was so easygoing about everything, but she missed Evan as
much as I missed Kellan, so I understood her being a little
snippy…even though I apologized for not inviting her every chance
that I got.

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “Maybe…”

I looked back up at him, at his bunched brows and the honest
concern in his features. “You want to talk about it?” he asked
softly, just over the volume of the music.

Knowing I really didn’t have anyone else at the moment to talk
about it with, I nodded. “Want to come over after my shift?”

Denny smiled softly and nodded. “Sure. I’ll meet you over there.
I’m sure everything will be fine, Kiera.” He patted my shoulder
before turning and walking away.

I smiled at him, amazed by him, and watched as he twisted to go
chat with Sam, leaning against the far wall. I’ve thought it before
and I’ll probably think it again, Abby is a very lucky lady.

Anna was surprisingly already in bed when I got home, so I was
quiet as I put on some water for tea. I didn’t generally like the
stuff, but if I could put a good dose of honey and a lot of milk in
it, it wasn’t so bad. But Denny loved it like I loved coffee, so I
did it for him.

About ten minutes later, a small knock signaled my ex’s arrival.
Smiling at his timing, I unlocked the door and I let him in. He
gave me a brief, friendly hug, which I returned. Smelling the tea,
he walked over to the small kitchen with a goofy grin on his face.
“I was just having a craving.” He leaned over the cup, inhaling the
Earl Grey. “And my favorite, too.” He faked a surprised expression.
“How did you know?”

I shook my head at him, enjoying the way his accent formed
phrases, tweaked syllables, made any plain word interesting.
“You’re such a dork,” I muttered, laughing a little.

Straightening, he grabbed the cup that wasn’t half milk. “That’s
why you love me,” he said, starting to drink from it. Realizing
what he’d said, he stopped and shook his head a little. “Well, I
guess loved would be more accurate.”

Denny’s face got a little hard on the word and I leaned against
the counter and sighed. He may seem completely fine and over what
had happened, but he wasn’t, not a hundred percent. I didn’t blame
him. Personally, I couldn’t believe he was in my kitchen at
all.

Knowing he didn’t want any more apologies from me, I shrugged
and said, “No, love is still accurate.” Sipping his drink, he gave
me a look that was both curious, and guarded. Clarifying, I said,
“You’re my best friend, remember? And best friends love each
other.”

Setting the drink down, he smiled at me crookedly. “Yeah, I
suppose.” Frowning slightly, he shook his head and crossed his arms
over his chest. “So, friend, what’s going on with you?”

Watching my untouched cup cool on the counter, I swallowed my
pain and my pride. “How did you know I was cheating on you?” I
whispered, my heart surging as the guilt hit me like a brick wall.
I’d never wanted to ask him that question, but it was suddenly
relevant.

I couldn’t look at him, but I heard his expression in his
silence. I could easily picture his contemplative eyes, slightly
filled with pain, but also concern. Finally, his accent filled the
room, thicker, like it sometimes got when he was hurting. “You
think Kellan’s cheating on you?”

I glanced up at him, only mildly surprised. My question hadn’t
been all that hard to draw conclusions from…and Denny was
brilliant. “I don’t know…maybe? How did you know? What did I do to
make you first start to think it?”

I swallowed again, hating what I was making him say to me, what
I was making him talk about. Swallowing, he looked down at his cup.
“Uh, I don’t know how to answer that, Kiera.” He looked up, his
dark eyes a little darker. “It was more a feeling than facts. You
were…distant, secretive, like you were holding something back,
something you wanted to tell me…but couldn’t.”

My eyes watered, catching the similarities. Denny sighed. “He
is
cheating on you, isn’t he?”

Not able to answer, I only shrugged as a tear dropped to my
cheek. Denny watched it fall, but stayed where he was. “I’m sorry,
Kiera. I’m not surprised, but I am sorry.”

I blinked and straightened. “You thought he would cheat on
me?”

Uncrossing his arms, Denny ran a hand back through his hair.
Looking uncomfortable, he sighed. “Look, I know you love him, but
I’ve known him a long time, and he’s not…” He looked at the ceiling
for a second and closed his eyes. Reopening them, he met my eye
again. “I like Kellan, I do, but he’s not cut out for a
relationship with one person. That’s never been his style, Kiera.
I’m sorry this is happening now, but honestly, I’m more surprised
that it didn’t happen sooner.”

My jaw dropped as I stared at him. I felt like he’d just punched
a hole in my heart. It was one thing to have those fears silently,
it was another for one of Kellan’s friends to confirm them. And
even though Denny had good reason to make me hate Kellan, playing
that sort of mind game wasn’t his style. He wouldn’t have said it,
if he didn’t believe it. Of course, Denny didn’t know Kellan as
well as I did. Denny only knew a small chunk of Kellan’s past.

Walking over to me, he grabbed my hand. “I’m sorry to have to
say that to you, I really am, but you should understand who you’re
involved with. And Kellan…doesn’t know how to be faithful, Kiera.
He just doesn’t.”

More tears building, I quickly swiped them away. “You don’t know
him like I do, Denny. You don’t know what he’s been through, the
pain he fights, how much he’s been tortured. You think he just got
beat up as a kid, but it’s so much worse than that…”

I shut my mouth, not wanting to spill anymore of Kellan’s
secrets, they weren’t mine to spill. Denny bunched his brows at me
and frowned. “A bad childhood doesn’t make up for being a…for
screwing around on people. You can come from a brutal background
and still be a decent person. It doesn’t give you a free pass to
hurt people.”