Effortless With You (29 page)

He smiles, brushing the hair from my face. His Adam’s apple gulps before he rolls off of me, letting go of my palm. Disappointment washes itself over me with a wave. I welcome the water, giving me a moment to recover from his rejection. He knew, in that second, he knew that I wanted to be his. He had to.

When I’ve got control, I use the rejected energy to bolt from the water, making sure to splash in his face on my way out. I’m totally cool. Nothing happened. Just having fun. Friendly fun. I dash up the beach.

He doesn’t miss a beat, sprinting past me. “Race you to the truck!”

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

The best part of every day is my time with Justin. I thrive on his laughter. My heart aches when I crawl out of his truck in the evenings, hurting worse every day. He is my last thought of the day and my first every morning. After that moment on the beach, I have raw determination to stop thinking about him. But the more I try, the more Justin consumes my thoughts. Thankfully, or crappily, the constant flow of texts he receives from girls helps remind me just where we stand. I now love that chime of his phone. It keeps me grounded in reality.

As we pull into my driveway after a miserable, humid week of painting, Justin’s phone chimes four times.

“Your following beckons,” I say, handing him the phone from the console.

Justin sighs. “All in a day’s work, right?” He checks the messages.

I fold my hands in my lap, remembering the way his hand grasped mine at the race. My back warms, still radiating from the heat of that touch. He hasn’t touched me since. I squeeze my hands together, restraining myself from throwing the phone into the pile of fertilizer Mom has dumped on the driveway.

“It’s from Jen. She’s grilling out at Lake Nokomis. Want to come with me?”

My heart stops. Another evening with Justin? Yes!

Justin repeats himself, thinking I didn’t hear him.

“Sure, that sounds like fun.” My insides are reeling.

“Great.” His broad smile accentuates his right dimple. I smile back like a fool, opening the truck door and sliding out of the seat.

“How quick can you get ready? I’m starving and they already started the grill.”

“Twenty minutes?” It’ll be tight but I can make it work. It’s a lake so wet hair will be fine.

“Wow. You can be ready in twenty?” Justin whistles. “I can’t even do that. How about I’ll pick you up in forty?”

“I’ll be ready.”

“Sweet. See you soon.” The motor sputters and a cloud of white vapor goes poof in my face. He leans out his window, “Sorry about that.” I wave the cloud away, coughing.

“Sure you can make it home in that, Justin?” Dad’s voice calls from the garage. I spin around. I had no idea he’d been standing there.

“She’s never failed me yet, Mr. Zwindler.” He laughs as he slowly pulls the truck out of the driveway.

Dad puts his hand on my shoulder. “If that boy dares to pick you up tonight in that vehicle, I’m loaning you my car.”

I roll my eyes at him. “The truck’s fine, Dad.”

Dad shrugs. “It may be but it doesn’t matter. It’s the principal.”

“What are you talking about?”

“A rule of thumb. Don’t pick up a girl for a date in a vehicle that makes her father doubt her survival.”

“It’s not a date.”

Dad laughs.

“No, really. We’re hanging out with friends.”

He lifts his right eyebrow at me.

“Jennifer will be there,” I add. I’d never felt the need to tell Mom and Dad that Justin and Jennifer’s relationship was over. The Jennifer card eliminated most awkward conversations whenever they brought up Justin.

Dad opens the door to the mud room. “Well, I stand corrected.”

It isn’t a date.

I can’t think of this as a date.

“You know Mom was dating someone else when we met?” He follows me through the kitchen. “I’m just saying, it can be a date.”

I spin around and glare at him. He responds with a toothy and teasing grin.

“Dad.” I scowl. I sound just like Mom.

Dad throws his hands up and walks away. “Okay, okay. It’s not a date.”

“Thank you.”

I bolt up the stairs and throw myself into the shower. Dad has stolen a few precious minutes from me. I multitask while scrubbing vigorously, choosing my outfit from memory. I’ll go with my new jean shorts and the purple and white polka dot tank that I bought with Laura a few days ago. I’m so thankful I went on that shopping trip.

I pull open my makeup drawer, swooshing on a light layer of foundation and some mascara. We’re going to the beach. I don’t need anything more.

My heart pounds as I play with my wet hair. Is this really a date? The butterflies that have taken up permanent residence in my stomach zoom around like they’re in the Daytona 500. I pull my hair to the side, braiding it down the edge of my neck. I wipe the steam off the mirror so I can see the final result. I look fresh and dewy. Perfect for a skin commercial but not exactly perfect for a date.

My reflection tells me what I know deep down.

This is not a date.

I sigh, momentarily hating Dad for planting the idea. I know better. Justin isn’t the type of guy who’d spring that sort of thing on a girl. He's old fashioned. If he was asking me on a date, he would’ve made that clear. I urge my heart to slow. I need to relax. This is not a big deal.

I wait for Justin on the front porch. I'm not that surprised when Dad conveniently decides to mow the front lawn. I let my gaze meet his with daggers when he passes in front of me.

He’s such a dad.

A tinted Cadillac Crossover pulls up the driveway. Dad looks at me and sighs in defeat. I think he was really looking forward to telling Justin and his truck off. Too bad.

Justin steps out of the Crossover and waves. “What happened to the truck?” Dad calls over the hum of the mower

Justin’s face turns sour. “It wouldn’t start,” he shouts back.

I cross in front of the SUV and pull open the passenger door. I don’t want to give Justin the opportunity to open it for me. I have to focus—this isn’t a date. Justin looks temporarily bewildered as I leave him standing alone in the driveway. He collects himself and climbs into his seat, waving goodbye to Dad.

“What’s the rush, Lady?” he asks. I love it when he calls me Lady.

“I thought you were hungry?” I lie.

“Oh,” he looks down at his stomach like Eric does when it growls “That I am.” He pushes the SUV’s power button and it softly hums alive. Justin sighs, “It just isn’t the same without the sputtering or churning. Not as rugged, you know?”

“Right. Rugged is good. A quiet, purring engine is bad.”     

“Precisely.” His laugh rolls as he pulls his fingers through his gorgeous dark hair. That’s it. My heart unhinges itself from my control. I’ve tipped over the top hill of a rollercoaster and there is no end.

I can’t live without hearing that chuckle for the rest of my life.

This is going to be a painful night.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

My stomach ties into hundreds of knots as we approach Jennifer and her friends. I can’t blame myself for being nervous. My history with social events is crap. But I'm not going to let Marissa and Zach ruin me. As much as it sucks, socialization is part of life. I have to learn how to do it, awkward or not. Of course, Justin senses my distress. Before we walk over the hill to the grill area, he places his hand on my back. “Don’t worry about it. These people are cool.”

Jennifer runs up the hill to greet us. She smiles at me and eyes Justin’s hand still resting on my back. I shift, knowing exactly what she’s thinking. I hope she can’t tell how badly I want it to be true.

“Hey, Jen. Is the food ready?”

“On the table.”

Justin runs down the hill toward the picnic table before she finishes the sentence.

Jennifer laughs. “He has an appetite of a thousand men. My dad’s happy he doesn’t have to feed him anymore.” She grabs my hand. “Come on. You should grab something before he eats it. Seriously.”

***

Justin introduces me to some guys from the basketball team. I recognize Jennifer’s friends, Allison and Tiffany. They seem pretty impartial to my existence. I like it that way.

Jennifer makes me grab a hot dog before she leads me over to another group playing ultimate Frisbee. I inhale the hot dog as a tall, green-eyed brunette steps out from the game to greet us.

Jennifer blushes as she approaches. “Lucy, meet Trish.”

I rub the crumbs from the hot dog against my legs. “Hey, it’s great to meet you.”

“Thanks. You too. Jennifer’s said some awesome things about you.” Trish catches my eye, letting me know that she knows I know, or something like that. She nods toward the group playing Frisbee. “My friends haven’t quite clicked yet with Jennifer’s.” I turn around, catching Allison and Tiffany eyeing them.

I laugh. “Maybe it’s the other way around?”

“Oh trust me. It’s definitely the other way around,” Jennifer adds. “Allison and Tiffany take some time to warm up. They’re okay though. You’ll see.”

“Do you want to play with us?” Trish offers.

Allison and Tiffany whisper to one another. The knots in my stomach tighten. I eye the ultimate Frisbee group. No expectations there. It seems like the safer bet. “Yeah, that’d be great.”  

I am horrible with the Frisbee. Trish tries to give me pointers but it never helps. Justin’s presence, even across the lawn, is way too much of a distraction for me. My heart aches with each laugh and smile. And then it starts to burn when his attention is directed at Allison.

Allison has somehow separated Justin from the rest of the group. They are sitting on the ground and Allison is throwing grass in his face. She flips her hair and I can pick out the dimples in his cheeks. Every time he laughs is a knife through my heart. He leans in close to her and whispers something in her ear. She giggles.

I bite my lower lip. My heart has been thrown into an inferno.

I excuse myself from the game, claiming I’ve left my phone in Justin’s car. I need a moment to recover. As I walk over the hill and back to the car, my head spins.

I close my eyes and lean against the Crossover.

My heart is breaking and it sucks.

I breathe deeply, praying for the pain to subside.

I have to get through this.

I knew this day would come. Justin was bound to find another girl after Jennifer.

He can’t just stay single forever.

We’re just friends. He’s made that clear. I have no claim on him in any way.

I press my hand harder against my heart. I reason with it. Allison is making Justin happy. Don’t I want him to be happy? He’s my friend after all.

The burning eases a bit. That’s the key. Justin’s happiness. I really just want Justin to be happy. I can mourn the loss of a relationship I never had later. Tonight, I will just be happy for Justin.

I open my eyes and sigh. Why did love have to be so confusing?

I walk back up the hill. Midway up, a mother plays with her baby girl on a blanket. She blows into her tummy and the baby’s legs thrash wildly. I lean against a tree and continue to trespass on their mother-daughter moment. They are absolutely enchanted with one another. It's beautiful. Such simple and pure love.

I wish Mom could have done that with me.

I jump when I realize Justin stands at my side.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Nothing. I thought I forgot my cell phone in your car.” My voice is lifeless.

“Yeah, that’s what Jennifer said.” He jingles his car keys. “I figured you needed these.”

“Thanks, but I looked through the window and I didn’t see it. Maybe I left it in my purse.”

Justin nods up the hill, “Which is back at the picnic table.”

“Right.”

Justin looks at the mother and daughter. “Weird.”

“Really? I think it’s awesome.” I study them, trying to figure out what’s so weird. The mother is now rocking the baby and singing her songs. They're perfect.