Eight Days (Love Always #1.5) (3 page)

Day 2

I jolt awake, sweat dripping into my eyes. I wipe my face with my palms and push them through my hair, shaking the moisture free. Even though daylight creeps into Dad’s office, the clock says it’s too early for him to be here and too early for visiting hours to have begun.

That won’t stop me, though. Screw the nurses and their ridiculous rules. I need to see her now. Need to see that she’s breathing.

I pull on a clean t-shirt from my bag and head down the hallway to her room. No one’s at the nurses’ station to stop me. I might have been able to sweet-talk Tammy, but I doubt it would have worked with the others. They know me too well.

Marcy is probably sound asleep at this hour, so I enter as quietly as I can, careful not to disturb her. I’m right; she lies in the other hospital bed, unmoving.

The machines around Kate’s bed hum, and as much as I hate the sound, it’s strangely comforting. Even though the monitor signals out a heartbeat, I lean over her, my ear pressing against her chest. I have to hear it for myself, from the source. It thumps softly as her lungs fill with air then deflate. Slow and steady.

I breathe out my relief.

My dream last night; it was only a stupid dream, but damn it felt real. Kate shouldn’t have to go through this by herself. As I sit with her now, listening to the beeps and whirls of hospital equipment, I know I won’t be crashing in Dad’s office another night. Not until she’s safe.

Yeah, her mom will stay all night too so she won’t be alone, but my decision isn’t for Kate. If she slips away and I’m not here, I’ll never forgive myself.

I wish I knew how this girl got to me, and what makes me come back for more. Even unconscious she draws me to her. She radiates strength and goodness that calls out to me, taunting me with its power. Telling me it could be mine if I can grasp onto it.

I won’t. I can’t. I’d just fuck it up.

I run my fingers over her face, letting her warmth sink deep into me. It feels so damn good to be this close to her. “I’m here, baby. I’m not leaving again.”

Even as I say it, I wonder if I mean it. Every second I’m with her is another reminder that she’s too good for me and I’m a weak son of a bitch who crossed paths with her.

When my fingers trace her lips, I peek over at Marcy. She’s still asleep and I smile. I need to feel Kate’s lips against mine before everyone’s awake. Maybe she’ll wake up.

I kiss her lightly because I don’t want to break her. Her mouth is so soft, and I can still taste a faint hint of strawberries lingering from her lip gloss. Damn, I don’t want to stop. I suck one of her lips between my teeth, then roll my tongue over the tender skin, allowing her to consume me.

My whole body instantly warms, and I mold my mouth to hers with an urgency I’ve never owned before. It’s scary how much I need this girl.

I break away and stare at her, waiting. After a minute, her lashes don’t even flutter.

She doesn’t wake up, and I’m powerless to help her.

~*~

The day slinks by, and I leave once to gather my shit from Dad’s office. Otherwise, I stay by Kate’s side the whole time. Marcy brings me food when she goes to the cafeteria. Even though we don’t talk much, I think she enjoys my company. She spends her time reading a slew of medical books she borrows from Dad. When she finishes with one, he brings her another. Once in a while, she’ll cross-reference something she read on her laptop.

My phone buzzes, but when I notice it’s a text from Ellie, I don’t read it. I should cut off our arrangement. It’s the right thing to do—what
Liam
would do—but I can’t.

With Ellie, it’s complicated. We have a history, and when we’re together, it’s like we’re keeping a little piece of Liam alive because he belonged to both of us. If I let her go, I’ll have to let him go, too. I’m not ready for that.

I stroke Kate’s arm; I can’t stop touching her. God, I’d give anything to fight this battle for her. She shouldn’t have to do this alone.

When Mr. Browdy arrives after work, my dad follows him in. He hasn’t spoken to me all day, and that’s fine by me. I have nothing to say to him.

“Damian,” he says, and I don’t bother acknowledging him. “Can I speak with you out in the hall, please?”

Fuck, really?

I kiss Kate’s hand. “I’ll be right back,” I whisper against her skin.

I nod at Mr. Browdy on my way out. Doc is waiting for me at the nurses’ station, which I’m relieved to see is empty.

“I see you’ve cleared your things out of my office,” he says, leaning against the counter.

“Yeah, so?”

“Look, Damian, I don’t know what you’re doing with Kate Browdy, but she isn’t Ellie or any of the other girls you bring home at night. This is serious.”

“You don’t think I know that?” I point to Kate’s room, keeping my eyes focused on the asshole in front of me. “Kate is in there fighting for her goddamn life, and what the hell are you doing for her? Aren’t you her doctor?”

“I’m letting her fight. It’s all I
can
do.” He sighs, takes off his glasses, and pinches the bridge of his nose like this conversation exhausts him. “But her illness isn’t what I was talking about, Damian.”

I understood what he’d asked before. Clearly. I just didn’t have the answer.

“Kate’s been through a lot,” he continues, “and she has a long road ahead of her. Now, I didn’t say anything when you started messing around with Ellie—the two of you can figure it out for yourselves—but you need to think long and hard about your intentions with Kate.”

The more he talks the lower his voice drops, his gaze digging into me, and I realize that after seven years of treating her, he’s worried about the direction her disease is taking.

“Cancer will always be a part of her life, and the fact is, it may consume her in the end. Kate’s different, Damian. Her leukemia makes her different.”

From the corner of my eye, I notice Leslie round the edge of the nurses’ station. She’ll act as if she’s minding her own business, but I’ve been here long enough to know better. All the nurses on this floor know everything that goes on, and it’s not because they keep to themselves.

Dad’s eyes flick to her, and he slides his glasses back on. “Don’t hurt her, son. She deserves better.”

I stare at his back as he walks away, and, as much as it pisses me off coming from him, I can’t help agreeing with him.

~*~

It’s getting late, and visiting hours end in fifteen minutes. I have no clue if Marcy will be okay with me staying. Fuck the hospital staff; I don’t care what
they
think. All I know is I can’t sleep in Dad’s office another night, wondering if Kate’s okay.

Yet Dad’s words stick with me. I shouldn’t care about this girl so much. I’ll end up hurting her like I hurt everyone else who enters my life.

Mr. Browdy leans over his daughter and kisses her on the forehead. I wonder if I should step out and give them a moment, but I don’t because what if one of the nurses catches me and doesn't let me back in? I can’t risk that.

“I love you, princess,” he tells her. “Hang in there, and I’ll see you tomorrow. Your mom and Damian are here if you need anything.”

Him mentioning my name like that knocks the breath out of me. We haven’t talked much, and even though I know he was grateful for me calling my dad when Kate got sick, I wasn’t sure what he thought about me hanging around her room.

He nods at me before taking his wife’s hand. “Walk me out?” he asks her.

After they leave, I’m happy to have Kate all to myself for a few minutes. I run my fingertips over her lips before I kiss them. One thing’s for sure, I haven’t kissed her enough.

“When you wake up, Kate, I swear I’ll…” I trail off because I’m not sure how to finish my thought. I’ll what? Kiss her forever or just one more time before I run off with my tail between my legs?

I don’t have a clue, so I clear my throat and start over.

“When you wake up, Kate, I’ll be right here.” As of now, that’s my plan.

I chew on the inside of my lip, thinking I should say more. Let it all out in case she doesn’t wake up. Problem is, I haven’t figured out what "it" is. So, I ramble, hoping to fill in the missing pieces as I go. “You’ve been asleep for two days now, and I don’t have a fucking idea what I’m still doing here, Kate. When I saw you the first time, hooked up to the IV, I wrote you off as another chemo patient I’d see hanging around until you either went into remission or you…”

I don’t want to say the rest. I take a deep breath and keep talking. “Then I saw you in the parking lot, and my first thought was how beautiful you were. I couldn’t figure out how a girl like you could be throwing up in the parking lot like that. But then I recognized you from the chemo room. The two didn’t fit together—the girl outside with the girl with cancer. The girl outside was normal.

“You know, the day we had dinner in the cafeteria, I almost bailed. Even now, I don’t know how I ended up in the chemo room with you. Then we got to talking, and I realized that after all you’ve been through, you still smiled. Still hoped. Cancer didn’t take that away from you. That moment I knew how much better you are than me.” I feel the corners of my lips tug upward as the memory envelops me. “And how much I loved seeing you smile.

“I know you think you’re broken, but you’re not. You are so fucking far from being broken, baby. So far. Me on the other hand? Well, I see you and you make
me
less broken.”

My gaze wanders over her, and I lean in to kiss her again. How many more kisses I have left I don’t know, but I’ll enjoy each one until then.

The shifting of clothing alerts me to someone else in the room, and I look up. Leslie is standing in the doorway, her eyebrows perked.

“Don’t you knock?” I ask, irritated that she interrupted Kate and me.

“I’m sorry. I saw the Browdys leave, and I assumed she was alone.”

“Yeah, well you assumed wrong.”

She steps toward the bed. “Damian, what you said—”

Of course she was listening. Nosy bitch.

“What do you want, Leslie?”

She folds her hand over Kate’s. “To see her for a minute. That’s all.” The nurse watches Kate for a few moments. She wears the same expression my father had on earlier: worry. “She’ll pull through this. She always does.” What she says doesn’t match the tone in her voice.

Leslie pats Kate’s hand and heads for the door, but suddenly turns around. “Visiting hours are over, by the way.”

“Yeah, I know.”

She nods once at me before closing the door behind her.

~*~

“It’s late, Damian,” Marcy says as she digs through her overnight bag. She pulls out a toothbrush and toothpaste in a plastic bag.

“Um, about that. Would you mind if I stayed in here? I can sleep in this chair. I want to be here when she wakes up.”

She pauses, contemplating my request. “I’m sure the chair won’t be very comfortable.”

“Probably not, but I’ll make it work.”

“Hmm, all right. I’ll go ask one of the nightshift nurses for an extra pillow and blanket.”

I puff out a sigh of relief. If she said no, I’d have respected that. I wouldn’t have liked it, though.

My cell goes off, and I check the text. Another one from Ellie. I stare at the screen before I silence the phone without checking her message. Again. It stings, but I can’t deal with Ellie right now, and I sure as hell won’t be meeting her tonight for another round of playtime.

No, tonight I’m staying with Kate.

Day 3

When I open my eyes, the first thing I see is Kate, and it’s amazing. She has that effect on me. The only thing that could make it better would be waking up next to her outside this goddamn hospital.

I lift my head off the pillow I laid at the edge of her bed sometime in the middle of the night. My muscles are sore, but it’s a small price to pay to be this close to her. Marcy’s not in the other bed; she’s probably in the cafeteria eating breakfast. I’m not hungry yet—well, not for food anyway.

All I want to do is lie in bed with Kate. Have her wrapped inside my arms where nothing can hurt her. I fucking need this girl. I know it’s stupid to be with her. The longer I stay, the more entranced I become.

And that scares the piss out of me.

As my gaze wanders over her, I think of how it’s a risk I’m willing to take. I don’t know why, but I’m beyond caring about the reasons. In fact, all I care about is that Kate wakes up.

I push the pillow to the bottom of the bed, and carefully, I lay myself out on the small sliver of mattress on Kate’s side. I move the tubes so I don’t stop the flow of chemicals running into her veins. Even though they’re supposedly helping her, I want to rip them off. She shouldn’t have to depend on this shit to survive.

The machines beep steadily, and I assume I’m in the clear. I haven’t fucked anything up. I press my lips on her cheek and keep them there, breathing her in. The sterile scent of latex and bleach sticks to her, but underneath it I can make out her personal aroma. It’s something floral, I think. Whatever it is, it’s permanently etched into my memory.

“Come on, baby. Pull through this,” I whisper in her ear.

The medication is keeping her in the induced coma, and I don’t know how long my dad plans on maintaining this spectacle. It’s insane.

I glide my fingertips over her jaw, her lips, and down her neck. I can’t help pausing to feel her pulse. Actually feeling it thump against my finger is comforting. More so than hearing the stale, mechanic beep of the heart monitor.

“The offer still stands.” I’m not sure why I say it, I just do. “I can be better for you, Kate. I
will
be better for you.”

My phone goes off, and by the ringtone, I know it’s Ellie. I don’t know what she wants at this early hour. I haven’t checked the text she sent me last night, and even though I’m lying here with Kate, a part of me wants to jump off this bed and answer the call. It’s what I’ve done since Liam died—take care of his girlfriend.

I squeeze my eyes closed until voicemail picks up. When I open them and see the hoses sticking into Kate’s nostrils, something inside me shatters. I can’t keep doing this—needing Kate but unwilling to break it off with Ellie. I don’t know if I can stop, though. Not after all this time.

Not after what I promised Liam.

“Why me, Kate? I’m a broken mess.” I sigh, gliding my fingers over the exposed skin on her chest.

I can’t figure out her hold on me. I just know that when I’m with her, it feels like she’s beginning to piece me back together.

~*~

Today, Marcy has her laptop out, her eyes moving from one side to the other as she reads. Her concentration reminds me of the zones Liam used to get into when he studied. If I had to guess, this has always been her custom when Kate’s in the hospital. Research the shit out of what’s happening to her daughter. Find answers. Something to explain why Kate is suffering and how to fix it.

I understand Marcy. I crave answers too.

Unlike Marcy, though, I don’t think there are any. Answers imply that life makes sense. That life’s fair. But it’s not, and no amount of research or hoping will change that. Life is just fucked up sometimes.

After lunch, Ellie texts me again. I stare at the screen, debating. Obviously, she needs me, but I know if I check the message, I’ll end up high-tailing my ass out of here to give her what she wants—an escape.

My gaze settles on Kate. There’s been no change since they admitted her, and I can’t decide if that’s good or not. No one seems bothered by it, so I guess I shouldn’t be either. Maybe it’s what’s expected at this point. Still, what if she takes a turn for the worse and I’m not here?

Not just
not here
. Not here because I’m out fucking Ellie, drowning myself in her so that I don’t have to deal with my own weaknesses.

No matter how much I want to be there for Ellie—numbing the both of us—I shouldn’t.

With my eyes on Kate, I slide my finger across the screen to silence the phone. If I can’t hear Ellie call me, I won’t think about her.

I slip the phone into my pocket, hoping the decision doesn’t come back to bite me in the ass. I’ve never
not
answered Ellie’s calls.

Marcy has returned to her computer, so I pull a notebook out of my bag. I’d rather work on this song with my guitar in hand, but I don’t want to disturb Marcy, and I sure as hell don’t want any of the nosy nurses on this floor sticking their heads in here uninvited. They do that enough as it is.

As I brush my fingers over Kate’s hand, I read what I wrote the other night. The song is damn promising, and the thought of singing it to Kate makes me smile.
Really
smile.

The right words never seem to come to mind

So tell me you love me

Or tell me you hate me

Tell me the world’s not over me

No, the world’s not over me.

I’m still scribbling over lyrics, tweaking them, when Mr. Browdy arrives after work. Marcy lays her laptop on the floor to greet him.

“Dr. Lowell said he’s going to keep her under until her blood work improves,” Marcy tells him.

“Any idea how long that might be?”

Marcy shakes her head in reply, and I glance away.

Did my dad know
anything
? Isn’t it his fucking job to know?

Mr. Browdy clears his throat before he walks over to Kate’s bed. Instead of addressing Kate, though, he says my name.

“Damian?”

I look up. “Yeah?”

He sets a sack on the nightstand and pulls out Styrofoam boxes. “I, uh, didn’t know what you liked to eat, so I ordered you a burger and fries. Is that okay?”

The man brought me dinner?

“You didn’t have to do that,” I say.

“Kate mentioned once that you and she share a dislike for hospital food. It’s my pleasure.” He grins, handing me the box.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

Kate’s parents sit opposite me, Kate’s between us, and I wonder if this is the routine families follow in the hospital. Using the bed as a table with the patient as the centerpiece. I’m not sure if that’s sort of funny or a tad bit creepy. Either way, I go with it.

“What are you working on?” Mr. Browdy asks, nodding at my notebook.

I’m not sure what he’d think of my music writing hobby. Normally, I don’t give a flying fuck what adults think of me. They don’t know me and they don’t care to, so it’s strange that I hesitate before I answer.

“It’s a song I’m writing,” I say.

“I noticed your guitar over there in the corner. You been doing that long?”

He seems genuinely interested. Huh.

“Yeah, since junior high.” I don’t mention that my father thinks it’s a waste of time or that my mother was the one who encouraged and supported me.

Mr. Browdy grins. “I used to play some when I was your age. I never had any formal training, though.”

Didn’t see that coming. Cool.

“I stopped taking lessons a couple of years ago,” I say.

After Mom died.

“You can learn a lot if you’ve got a good ear. Keep practicing. Music is a lifelong skill and well worth the effort you put into it,” he says, and just like that, I feel more at ease.

“Yes, sir.”

~*~

I can’t sleep. Marcy conked out two hours ago, but I’m awake as Tammy comes in to check on Kate and take her vitals.

“How much longer do you think my dad will keep her like this?” I ask.

“Well,” Tammy sighs, “he’s keeping a close eye on her blood work and—”

“That’s not what I asked,” I interrupt.

Tammy scribbles on Kate’s chart before her eyes land on me. “Kate’s cancer came back more aggressive this time. There’s no telling how long her body will take to fight the virus off, but I promise, Damian, your dad is doing everything he can.”

From where I’m sitting, it doesn’t look like Dad is doing shit. The longer I’m in this room with Kate and she’s not responding, the more pissed off I get. Has he even been here to check on her today?

My next question is on the tip of my tongue, but I have to force myself to ask it. “Is she going to be okay? No bullshit, Tammy.”

Tammy’s gaze moves to Kate’s face. She sees what I do: a girl that doesn’t deserve to be here. A girl on the edge of her life.

“Honestly, Damian, I don’t know.”

~*~

With the uncertainty Tammy laid out, the need to protect myself kicks in. I have to separate myself from this. From Kate.

After Tammy leaves, I dig my phone out from my back pocket. As soon as the screen lights up, I already hate myself for what I’m about to do. Maybe I can’t be better, because when things begin to fuck up, I run to Ellie as often as she runs to me.

She’s an addiction, like whiskey. It burns and soothes at the same time. I loathe it, I hate it, and I crave it.

I frown when I see how many missed calls and waiting text messages I have, all from Ellie. Nine texts and six calls since last night. She’s never been this desperate before.

What the hell is wrong?

It’s the only conclusion I come to, and it frightens the shit of me. If anything happened to Ellie and I wasn’t there, I don’t know what I’d do. I swore to Liam I’d take care of her, and I can’t break that promise.

Those were the last words I ever spoke to my brother, and I won’t let him down.

I take a final glance over my shoulder on my way out of Kate’s room. “Goodbye, Katie,” I mutter and close the door gently behind me.