Eleanor & Park (35 page)

against it, letting herself fall apart.

Just for a minute. God.
God
.

There was a trash can sitting

right outside the door, and she got

up and hurled the Food 4 Less bag

into it. She wiped her eyes with

her

gymsuit.
Okay
, she told

herself, taking a deep breath,
get it

together. Don’t let them get to

you
. Those were her new jeans in

the trash. And her favorite shoes.

Her Vans. She walked over to the

trash and shook her head,

reaching down for the bag.
Fuck

you, Tina. Fuck you to the moon
.

She took another deep breath

and started walking.

There were no classrooms at

this end of the school, so at least

no one was watching her. She

stuck close to the building, and

when she turned the corner, she

walked under a row of windows.

She thought about walking right

home, but that might be worse.

It’d definitely be longer.

If she could just get to the

front door, the counselor’s offices

were right inside. Mrs Dunne

would help her. Mrs Dunne

wouldn’t tell her not to cry.

The security guard at the front

door

acted

like

girls

were

wandering in and out in their gym

clothes all day long. He glanced at

Eleanor’s pass and waved her on.

Almost there
, Eleanor thought.

Don’t run, just a few more doors

…

She

really

should

have

expected Park to walk through

one of them.

Ever since the first day they’d

met, Eleanor was always seeing

him in unexpected places. It was

like their lives were overlapping

lines, like they had their own

gravity. Usually, that serendipity

felt like the nicest thing the

universe had ever done for her.

Park walked out of a door on

the opposite side of the hallway

and stopped as soon as he saw

her. She tried to look away, but

she didn’t do it soon enough.

Park’s face turned red. He stared

at her. She pulled down her shorts

and stumbled forward, running

the

last

few

steps

to

the

counselors’ offices.

‘You don’t have to go back there,’

her mom said after Eleanor had

told her the whole story. (Almost

the whole story.)

Eleanor thought for a moment

about what she’d do if she didn’t

go back to school. Stay here all

day? And then what?

‘It’s okay,’ she said. Mrs

Dunne had driven Eleanor home

herself, and she’d promised to

bring a padlock for her gym

locker.

Eleanor’s mom dumped the

yellow plastic bag into the bathtub

and started rinsing out the clothes,

wrinkling her nose, even though

they didn’t smell.

‘Girls are so mean …’ she

said. ‘You’re lucky to have one

friend you can trust.’

Eleanor must have looked

confused.

‘Tina,’ her mom said. ‘You’re

lucky to have Tina.’

Eleanor nodded.

She stayed home that night.

Even though it was Friday, and

Park’s family always watched

movies and made popcorn in the

air popper on Fridays.

She couldn’t face him.

All she’d see was the look on

his face in the hallway. She’d feel

like she was still standing there in

her gymsuit.

CHAPTER 41

Park

Park went to bed early. His mom

kept bothering him about Eleanor.

‘Where’s Eleanor tonight?’ ‘She

running late?’ ‘You get in fight?’

Every time she said Eleanor’s

name, Park felt his face go hot.

‘I can tell that something

wrong,’ his mom said at dinner.

‘Did you get in fight? Did you

break up again?’

‘No,’ Park said. ‘I think maybe

she went home sick. She wasn’t

on the bus.’

‘I have a girlfriend now,’ Josh

said, ‘can she start coming over?’

‘No girlfriend,’ their mom

said, ‘too young.’

‘I’m almost thirteen!’

‘Sure,’ their dad said, ‘your

girlfriend can come over. If you’re

willing to give up your Nintendo.’

‘What?’ Josh was stricken.

‘Why?’

‘Because I said so,’ his dad

said. ‘Is it a deal?’

‘No! No way,’ Josh said.

‘Does Park have to give up

Nintendo?’

‘Yep. Is that okay with you,

Park?’

‘Fine.’

‘I’m like Billy Jack,’ their dad

said, ‘a warrior and a wise-man.’

It

wasn’t

much

of

a

conversation, but it was the most

his dad had said to Park in weeks.

Maybe his dad had been bracing

for the entire neighborhood to

swarm the house with torches and

pitchforks as soon as they saw

Park with eyeliner …

But almost nobody cared. Not

even

his

grandparents.

(His

grandma said he looked like

Rudolph Valentino, and he heard

his grandpa tell his dad, ‘You

should have seen what kids

looked like while you were in

Korea.’) ‘I’m going to bed,’ Park

said, standing up from the table. ‘I

don’t feel well either.’

‘So if Park doesn’t get to play

Nintendo anymore,’ Josh asked,

‘can I put it in my room?’

‘Park

can

play

Nintendo

whenever he wants,’ their dad

said.

‘God,’ Josh said, ‘everything

you guys do is unfair.’

Park turned off his light and

crawled onto his bed. He lay on

his back because he didn’t trust

his front. Or his hands, actually.

Or his brain.

After he saw Eleanor today, it

hadn’t occurred to him, not for at

least an hour, to wonder why she

was walking down the hall in her

gymsuit. And it took him another

hour to realize he should have said

something to her. He could have

said, ‘Hey’ or ‘What’s going on?’

or ‘Are you OK?’ Instead he’d

stared at her like he’d never seen

her before.

He
felt
like he’d never seen her

before.

It’s not like he hadn’t thought

about it (a lot) – Eleanor under her

clothes. But he could never fill in

any of the details. The only

women he could actually picture

naked were the women in the

magazines his dad every once in a

while remembered to hide under

his bed.

Magazines like that made

Eleanor freak. Just mention Hugh

Hefner, and she’d be off for half

an hour on prostitution and

slavery and the Fall of Rome. Park

hadn’t told her about his dad’s

twenty-year-old
Playboy
s, but he

hadn’t touched them since he met

her.

He could fill in some of the

details now. He could picture

Eleanor.

He

couldn’t
stop

picturing her. Why hadn’t he ever

noticed how tight those gymsuits

were? And how short …

And why hadn’t he expected

her to be so grown up? To have

so much negative space?

He closed his eyes and saw her

again. A stack of freckled heart

shapes, a perfectly made Dairy

Queen ice cream cone. Like Betty

Boop drawn with a heavy hand.

Hey
, he thought.
What’s going

on? Are you okay?

She must not be. She hadn’t

been on the bus on the way home.

She hadn’t come over after

school.

And

tomorrow

was

Saturday. What if he didn’t see her

all weekend?

How could he even look at her

now? He wouldn’t be able to. Not

without stripping her down to her

gymsuit. Without thinking about

that long white zipper.

Jesus
.

CHAPTER 42

Park

His family was going to the boat

show the next day, then out to

lunch, and maybe to the mall …

Park took forever to eat his

breakfast and take a shower.

‘Come on, Park,’ his dad said

sharply, ‘get dressed and put your

makeup on.’

Like he’d wear makeup to the

boat show.

‘Come on,’ his mom said,

checking her lipstick in the hall

mirror, ‘you know your dad hate

crowds.’

‘Do I have to go?’

‘You don’t want to go?’ She

scrunched and fluffed the back of

her hair.

‘No, I do,’ Park said. He

didn’t. ‘But what if Eleanor comes

over? I don’t want to miss the

chance to talk to her.’

‘Is something wrong? You

sure you didn’t fight?’

‘No, no fight. I’m just …

worried about her. And you know

I can’t call her house.’

His mom turned away from

the mirror. ‘Okay …’ she said,

frowning. ‘You stay. But vacuum,

okay? And put away big pile of

black clothes on your floor.’

‘Thanks,’

Park

said.

He

hugged her.

‘Park! Mindy!’ His dad was

standing at the front door. ‘Let’s

go!’

‘Park staying home,’ his mom

said. ‘We go.’

His dad flashed him a look,

but didn’t argue.

Park wasn’t used to being home

alone. He vacuumed. He put his

clothes away. He made himself a

sandwich and watched a
Young

Ones
marathon on MTV, then fell

asleep on the couch.

When he heard the doorbell,

he jerked up to answer it before

he was awake. His heart was

pounding, the way it does

sometimes when you sleep too

hard in the middle of the day, like

you can’t remember how to wake

up.

He was sure it was Eleanor. He

opened

the

door

without

checking.

Eleanor

Their car wasn’t in the driveway,

so Eleanor figured Park’s family

wasn’t home. They were probably

off doing awesome family stuff.

Eating lunch at Bonanza and

having their portraits taken in

matching sweaters.

She’d already given up on the

door when it opened. And before

she could act embarrassed and

uncomfortable about yesterday –

or pretend that she wasn’t – Park

was opening the screen door and

pulling her in by her sleeve.

He didn’t even close the door

before he put his arms around her,

his entire arms, all down the

length of her back.

Park usually held Eleanor with

his hands on her waist, like they

were slow-dancing. This wasn’t

slow-dancing.

This

was

…

something else. His arms were

around her, and his face was in

her hair, and there was no place

for the rest of her to go but against

him.

He was warm … Like
really

warm and fuzzy-soft. Like a

sleeping baby, she thought. (Sort

of. Not exactly.) She tried to feel

embarrassed again.

Park kicked the door closed

and fell back on it, pulling her

even tighter. His hair was clean

and straight and flopping into his

eyes, and his eyes were nearly

closed. Fuzzy. Soft.

‘Were you sleeping?’ she

whispered. Like he still might be.

He didn’t answer, but his

mouth fell on hers, open, and her

head fell back into his hand. He

was holding her so close, there

was nowhere to hide. She couldn’t

sit up or suck in or keep any

secrets.

Park made a noise, and it

hummed in her throat. She could

feel all ten of his fingers. On her

neck, on her back … Her own

hands hung stupidly at her side.

Like they weren’t even in the same

scene as his. Like
she
wasn’t even

in the same scene.

Park

must

have

noticed,

because he pulled his mouth back.

He tried to wipe it on the shoulder

of his T-shirt, and he looked at

her like he was seeing her for the

first time since she got there.