Elemental Fear (31 page)

“Dominic?”

“Hmm?” He replied sleepily

“That was my very first orgasm
.” I smiled again. Afterglow was definitely not a myth, my cheeks were flushed, my heart beat erratically and my body felt so relaxed I could melt through the mattress.

“Really
?” He asked and I could sense the smile in his voice.

I lifted my head and rested my chin on his chest and nodded the best I could. Still smiling like a goof.

“Fuck me...I was wrong...that is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

I chuckled “I think you will find it happened to me
.”

“Hmm
.” He lifted his hips “I think there is messy evidence I was right there with you babe.”

“Is it...” I paused my cheeks heating with my inner thoughts

“Is it what?”

I cleared my throat and lifted my head and resting my chin on his chest “Is it weird I like feeling your...our come on my skin...it feels...sexy
.”

He ran his fingers through my short hair “Not weird at all
.” his voice was low and raspy. He took a deep breath his chest rising and lifting me. “But I need to wash you before bed, and babe you’re sleeping with me tonight.” I squealed when he sat up, pulled my legs around his waist and stood carrying me bare arse naked into the bathroom.

*****

The next morning I roused from my sleep to light pouring into the room. I turned my cheek into the soft cotton of my pillow and let out a low moan. I lay on my stomach, my arms tucked under the pillow. I realised with a delicious shiver that I had fallen asleep completely naked, the sheets were caressing my bottom but my back was fully exposed. I froze when I felt a finger trailing circles over my naked back, then gentle warm lips kissed my shoulder.

“Morning beautiful. You sleep like the dead
.” He sniggered.

“Orgasms clearly aid a restful sleep
.” I muttered into the pillow. He laughed louder.

I flinched when his finger traced over a particularly sensitive spot on my back. “Will you tell me about them
?” He asked circling over the marks.

I shook my head and heard him let out a disappointed huff. I took a deep breath and realised I needed to take steps in trusting him, he knew the darkest part of me and was still here, loving me.

“The ones on my upper back and the one near my ribs and lower back are from being whipped. Elliott has taken his belt to me on more than one occasion...he...if he couldn’t find anything else he took his belt off and used the buckle end to...”

When I heard grinding I looked up at him and saw his jaw clenched so tight he was grinding his
teeth, hard enough for me to hear.

“Sorry
.” I whispered.

He shook his head and cleared his throat “No I'm...keep going
.”

“Most of the time I just bruise and the cuts heal without needing medical attention, but one time he caught the back of my head and I needed to go to the hospital for stitches because no matter what I did the bleeding wouldn’t stop.”

“Fucking bastard.” He growled. He leaned forward and kissed the tender flesh of the scars. “What about these on your lower back and...” He pulled the sheet further down to expose my buttocks and thighs. “These little white scars, they look like a mass of paper cuts.” Dominic fingered the silvery slivers of skin.

I swallowed closing my eyes and burying my face into the pillow. He didn’t say anything, didn’t force me, he simply sat by my side tracing the contour of my spine with his finger. I lifted my head and turned my face towards him, resting my cheek against the pillow.

“Those are my fault...” I swallowed against the lump in my throat “remember when mum and dad went on holiday and they took Ellie with them but Lou and I stayed home...or should I say I stayed home, she used the time to spend it at Darren’s student flat.” I smiled weakly.

“I remember
.” Dominic agreed.

“Well Elliott decided to stay with me, we were fine and it wasn’t too bad having him there...he was nice...for a while. But one morning when I got up needing the loo, I forgot that he had stayed and I barged into the bathroom. He was shaving and I made him jump which caused the razor to slip nicking his jaw...” I lifted my chin and pointed to the spot where I’d caused him to cut. “I apologised and started to leave the bathroom but he was furious, he screamed at me and said I was a ‘fucking stupid, inconsiderate bitch’. I kept apologising but that only made him angrier, so I stood there silent whilst he shouted at me. But my silence also made him mad so I turned away from him and started to walk away...that was the biggest mistake I could have done. I should have stood and took his verbal tirade, because he exploded. It was terrifying. I remember hearing the cabinet mirror shatter; he must have hit it or something. I panicked and started to run for the front door...” I looked up at Dominic’s pale face. He was staring intently at my scars. “He grabbed my hair and yanked me back into my room. He threw me on the bed and...the way he pinned me down face first panicked me because I couldn’t breathe, I honestly thought I’d suffocate because he knelt on the back of my neck and pinned me to the bed. Each time he moved it killed my neck, and then he winded me by pressing his other knee onto my shoulders. He held me down whilst he used the broken mirror to...to slice at my skin.” I coughed out a sob “the pain was horrendous Dominic, I screamed out but the more I screamed the less I could breath and I started panicking and gasping for breath which made me lightheaded. And do you know what he did?” I looked up at Dominic’s face, noticing tears in his eyes. He shook his head.

“He laughed; he said that it would teach me some manners about knocking on the bathroom door. I eventually stopped screaming and breathed through the pain, I started feeling numb to it, so he...he grabbed my perfume from my dresser and started spraying it on the cuts...”

“Fuck me
.” Dominic gasped, I looked up in time for him to wipe angrily at his face. “How the bloody hell did none of us know...we were all fucking blind idiots whilst you went through hell. Eve I am so sorry”

“Like you’ve said, he was never there when I was hurt so it always appeared like I had genuinely had an accident.” I turned to my back then I sat up hugging my knees to my chest.

We sat silently for a while, me staring at the white bedding on Dominic’s bed. He stared out of the window deep in thought.

“The attack outside the nightclub..
.” He turned to face me and the look on his face when I nodded hurt my heart.

“That was him?”

I nodded again.

“He nearly fucking killed you Eve...Jesus! And...the little prick actually visited you in the hospital...Alan said he made a show of being all upset and the concerned boyfriend. We always wondered why he was so dismissive of you an
d rarely spends time up here.” He turned to face me “What made you cut your hair?” He asked surprising me.

“I...”

“Did he force you to do it, because I know you’ve always loved your hair long?”

“He...he didn’t force me as such, he hates it short as much as I do but...” I trailed off because I could sense the anger within Dominic.

“Bonfire night he...he was pissed at me...so he pinned me to the floor and hacked my hair off, but he made such a mess the hairdresser had to cut it this short.” I pointed to my head.

“What had you supposedly done to piss him off
?” He asked sarcastically. “We all had a great night; I thought it was a laugh?”

“I
...” I shifted nervously moving away from him slightly, but he caught the movement and objected pulling me closer to him, he positioned me between his legs and wrapped his arms around me, cocooning me in.

“Tell me baby
.” He whispered into my ear.

“It would have happened anyway, he just found the perfect excuse
.” I said quickly.

“Which was?” Dominic asked patiently.

“You won’t remember but when we were in the kitchen you were stood beside me, well I kept blowing my hair out of my face and you tucked it behind my ear.” I finished and waited.

“That’s it
?” He asked incredulously.

“Yeah
.” I answered confused.

“He hacked off your hair because someone tucked it behind your ear
,” he said a total look of bemusement on his face.

“Not someone...you
.” I whispered guiltily.

“Me? He did this simply because I touched your hair
.”

“I don’t think it was just that, he would have found something to argue about, he was in that
mood. But he used that as an excuse yeah.” I said trying to placate him.

“He knows how I feel about you
,” he said quietly.

“No. I think it’s more like he knows how I feel about you and –“

“He’s a twisted bastard and he needs help. I’d love to see him rot in jail but he is...there’s something not quite firing in the old noggin.” He tapped his temple.

“You think?” I said sarcastically. I squealed when Dominic tickled my sides. “Smart arse
.”

“Sexy arse
.” He retorted.

I smiled and leaned against him, melting into his warm embrace. He nuzzled my neck sending tingles down my body.

“Lie on your stomach baby.”

“What?”

“I want you to lie on your tummy, please?” He pleaded.

I did as he asked my blood running cold, I had been ordered to do this numerous times by Elliott, I knew rationally that Dominic wasn’t going to hurt me, but what my heart knew wasn’t always what my body felt. A lump choked my throat; I tried in vain to swallow it. I hugged at the pillow burying my face wanting to hide my tears, I could feel him scrutinising me, I was a fool to believe he would want to see this, that he would be any different.

A shudder passed through my body when I felt warm lips press against my shoulder blade, then another, and another as he traced a pattern over my body.

“How many are there
?” He asked quietly. I lifted my head slightly to look at him. I felt his hands stroke against the sensitive scars the buckle of a belt or razor had made.

“I...”

“Eve baby don’t cry.” He pleaded and when he noticed my arms shaking he leaned forward banding an arm around my waist “I scared you didn’t I? Sorry baby I didn’t think –“

“No it’s me I just –“

“Tell me...when I do something that worries you...shout it out. Promise that if it worries you, even if it’s the socks I wear that reminds you of him...tell me.” He smiled reassuringly at me. “No matter how small or ridiculous you think it is, or how you think I will react, tell me, okay?”

“I’ll try
.” I whispered feeling foolish. “Last I counted I believe there were hundred and nineteen.” I whispered, hoping not to be heard really.

He frowned.

“I’m going to kiss every single one.” a shiver snaked through my body, I turned in his arms and pressed my lips against his mouth, I couldn’t stand not kissing him any longer. “I’m going to lay my lips on them so when you think of them, you know I was the last person to touch them. And every time they hurt or make you remember him I will kiss them all over again, until the day all you think about is my lips on your body.”

A tear streamed down my cheek.

“I love you Dominic Layton.” I kissed him again, relishing in the feel of his mouth beneath mine. He smiled against my mouth. “Do you mind if I kiss you better now, I need to feel you?”

“You
okay?” Dominic asked quietly as he switched the ignition off and turned to face me in the passenger seat. He took my hand from my lap and laced our fingers together “It will be okay I promise, I won’t leave you unless you ask me to okay?”

I nodded but I really didn’t share in his confidence that telling my parents everything that had happened was going to work out
okay, I had a really horrible feeling things were going to dramatically change and I would be left alone living in disgrace. We had caught a late morning flight home; we were no longer needed in Paris. Dominic and I talked this morning about me telling my parents about Elliott and having him finally face the consequences of what he had been doing.

“What if they don’t believe me?” I said looking at my lap no longer able to stare at my family home.

“They will, they love you and they have absolutely no reason to doubt you would be telling the truth.” He squeezed my hand reassuringly “I know you’re worried –“

“I’m bloody petrified. I won’t be able to handle it if they think I’m lying. Maybe we should

wait...tell them –“

“Baby trust me, you have a fantastic
mum and dad and yeah I admit they are likely to be shocked and seriously upset by it all, but they love you. And when all’s said and done you have me, regardless of what they say or do, you have me.” He lifted my hand to his mouth and softly kissed my palm.

I took a deep breath and nodded, looked out of the windscreen at their house and grabbed the door handle opening it before I could talk myself out of doing this. I got out of the car and stood on wobbly legs, my stomach churned, I was certain at some point between now and the short walk up the drive to the house I would empty the contents of my stomach. Strong arms wrapped around my waist pulling me back against a warm comforting chest.

“I believe you baby, so will they.” He whispered in my ear. I turned my head to look at him offering him a weak smile. I stared at his crystal blue eyes, his cheeks were ruddy from the cold winter air, his hair tussled by the chilly breeze. I lifted my hand and placed it on his cheek, turning my body to face him fully; I lifted my other hand cupping his face.

“Thank you
.” I whispered and pushed up onto tip toes and kissed his warm lips. I started to pull away but he tightened his hold on my waist.

“What we are about to do deserves a good old snog not a peck
.” He smiled winking at me. I smiled which turned into a small genuine laugh.

“Any excuse
.” I snorted.

“Oh trust me I have loads
.” He rolled his eyes smiling at me “Now come on smooch me.” He scrunched his lips in a ridiculous pucker, making me laugh loudly at his antics.

I grabbed the lapels of his coat and pulled him down to me. His hand slid into my hair pulling me closer to him, holding me to him and I loved it. Our mouths devoured each other desperately; I moaned softly into his open mouth his tongue tangling with mine. His arm banding around my waist pulled me even closer, I both heard and felt the low rumble in his chest as he groaned. I fisted handfuls of his coat, clutching to him for dear life.

“Dominic!” a loud screech echoed into the crisp air. We both pulled away and turned to the noise. His mum stood on the doorstep of her house gawping at us. “What in the world are you doing?” Her eyes shifted from me to Dominic, her expression one of total and utter shock. A black rubbish sack suspended over the wheelie bin.

“Oh shit
.” muttered Dominic. He pulled me to him again and kissed the top of my head.

“You go speak to your
mum, I’ll be fine.” I said in such a quiet shaky voice I wasn’t sure he would hear me.

“No it’s fine, she can wait
,” he said putting his index finger under my chin lifting my face to look at him.

“You need to tell her, I...once I’ve told
mum I don’t think...I won’t have it in me to go through it again. She should hear it from one of us, don’t you think?” I asked hoping, deep down that he would disagree and come with me.

He nodded and looked in the direction of his mother. He swallowed then leaned his face down and
kissed me again.

“Dominic!” shouted his mother.

“I’m coming, jeez.” He snapped. “I love you.” He whispered “I’m only next door, once I’ve told mum I’ll be over I promise. Even if she grounds me.” He winked and I smiled and gave a nervous laugh.

I turned and faced
mum and dad’s house again looking to my left and giving a weak wave and shy smile to Jill. She smiled back but I could see the puzzled look on her face.

I took a deep breath and walked up the driveway ready to confess my sins.

The house was extremely quiet, I expected mum busying herself in the kitchen, it felt strange her not being in here.

“
mum?” I shouted.

“Ayup baby girl
.” said from the living room.

I walked down the passage into the lounge and saw
mum was sitting reading the newspaper and dad sat watching the footy.

“Did you have a nice time in Paris?” Dad asked. I nodded tears springing to my eyes at the sight of him smiling at me, I never wanted that to change; I never wanted him to look at me with anything other than what I saw now – genuine joy at seeing his daughter.

“Where’s Ellie?” I asked my voice trembling.

“At Lou’s, making a nuisance of herself with Johan I think.”
mum laughed.

I stood staring at the family photos displayed on the mantel and swallowed the large lump swelling in my throat. Ellie smiling proudly for her first ‘big’ school photo, Lou in her cap and gown on graduation day. My hands started shaking and my heart pounded in my chest so hard I was certain they would hear it before long. The tears welling in my eyes started falling and I sucked in a shaky breath.

“Eve? What’s wrong? Did something happen –” mum asked haphazardly putting her paper on the chair arm.

Dad turned to look at me concern clouding his expression.

I shook my head and closed my eyes tightly.

“I need to tell you something..
.” I sobbed and covered my face with my hands “I...I’m sorry...but...” I paused looking down at my dad perched on the edge of the sofa.

“Dad do you...can...can I talk to
mum...alone...” I watched as his face furrowed with hurt but more evident was his worry, he stood slowly and nodded. As he walked through the door I turned to him “Dad...I’m sorry.”

I really hoped that later he would remember that I said that. It was important to me that he understood how sorry I was.

I walked shakily to the sofa and sat down; mum remained in the chair adjacent to me, our knees almost touching. She reached out placing her hand on my knee.

“I need to tell you something, and I...you won’t like it and I’m sorry. I understand if what I tell you may make you see me differently –“

“Are you pregnant?” She asked quickly.

“What? No...no it’s not that
.”

“Well you’re clearly nervous I’m just trying to think what a child could confess to a parent and feel this nervous about...are you on drugs
?” She asked scandalised then her face paled “Oh God...” She covered her mouth with her hand “it’s Louise, something’s wrong with the baby.” Her eyes glistened with tears.

“No, Lou is fine, the baby is fine. I’m not pregnant, I’m not a junkie, I am offended you came up
with that crap but it’s not that it’s...I...I...I’m not the daughter you think I am...I’m...dirty mum, I’m...things have happened and...and...I...I...” I looked up into her face and my nerve shattered; obliterated and dissolved into ash “I can’t do this.” I choked.

“Yes you can baby
.” A deep gorgeous voice said from the door and all the air left my lungs in a shuddering breath.

“Dominic?”
mum said in a startled voice.

He ignored my mother and looked directly at me, his eyes communicating his belief, his encouragement and most of all his love for me. He walked into the room sat beside me on the sofa
and took my hand in his, dwarfing mine in his large masculine hands. “You can do it; I’m here, like I promised.”

I lifted my chin and looked at him, his lips curled in a tiny reassuring smile warming my heart. He leaned over and kissed me once softy on the lips. I blushed slightly at his display of affection in front of my
mum.

I turned to see
mum gawping, mouth open staring at us “Well now I see what a child needs to confess. But I don’t understand the nerves, I’d say it’s about bloody time you two –“

“That’s not it either, although yes we are...” I turned and smiled at Dominic beside me “We are
together.” I felt Dominic hands squeeze mine gently.

I took a deep breath and with him beside me I felt a new strength. “I...where do I start?” I turned to look at Dominic panic evident in my voice.

“Where ever you feel comfortable,” he said with a reassuring smile.

Notably my mother had stayed silent. I think the reality that whatever was coming would be a big deal and she let me gather myself.

I decided I would start at the beginning, but I couldn’t look at her whilst I confessed so I stared intently at the carpet.

“Do you remember that time I came home drunk...Elliott carried me home because I couldn’t...I’d
passed out?” I chanced a glance up at her and saw the confused frown on her face.  “It wasn’t long after my birthday...I –“

“I remember that. But I don’t see what that has to do with anything
.” She said her voice seeming more concerned than frustrated.

“That night...I did get drunk...I did drink too much
mum, and because of that...if I hadn’t done that...if...” I swallowed hard as a bigger lump lodged in my throat “I really wish mum...I really, really wish I...” I broke and the lump broke the damn holding back the tears “he did things to me mum...he...he filmed me and did things and...and...he took it all away mum.” I leaned forward as the pain in my chest crippled me, no matter how many times I heard it in my head or said it aloud the pain never dissipated. I thought that after saying it aloud to Dominic and part of it to Johan but admitting it to my own mother felt worse somehow. “He raped me mum, and he...he’s...” I gasped as it all flooded out. My vision blurred, my ears rang and I no longer sat in the lounge with my mother and Dominic I drowned in a personal hell of grief. Grief for the innocence I would never get back and for the girl I once was. I clutched at my chest gasping for breath, the pain of admitting the truth crippling.

“Dominic sweetheart, go make us a cuppa will you? We may need...I just need to be alone with my daughter for a bit. Girl time
okay?” I could hear the quiver in her voice, I knew she was either crying or close to crying and I hated I had done that to her.

I heard Dominic’s intake of breath readying to argue when
mum interrupted “Please.” She pleaded.

I felt his warm lips on the side of my head and whispered words of love as he released his hold on my hand; I felt the cold rush in as his body heat left me. I remained leaning forward my head between my knees; the shame washing over me rendered me numb. I felt cold and empty.

The sofa cushions shifted to the side of me. “Come on” my mum’s soft voice beckoned.

I lifted my head and turned to look at her leaning back against the cushions. Her arms held out to me. My face wrinkled as I broke down into another flood of tears, hers doing the same.

“I'm sorry...I’m so sorry mum.” I sobbed hugging her tightly, her arms wrapped around me and she cradled me like she used to when I was a child. She pulled my legs over her lap and I sat semi seated on her knee.

“Never apologise for what happened, you have nothing to be sorry for. But I would like you to tell
me what happened, if you can. Did you tell Elliott? Do you know who...who that man was? Was he at the party...” She paused when I sat up straight looking down at her. “What?” She asked her eyes searching my face for answers.

“It was him. Elliott
.” I whispered.

Her face remained blank then my words hit her like a freight train, I saw the impact and it was as devastatingly painful as I imagined. Her face contorted in physical agony and she leaned forward and pulled me into a tight hug, almost stopping my air supply. I felt her body shake with quiet sobs and I hated that I had done this to
her