Ella's Wish (17 page)

Ella tried to breathe.
My parents like this man, he has an impeccable reputation, and I will heal with time
.

“I could make popcorn,” Ella said, getting up from the couch.

“Nee,” his said, waving his hand in the smallest of motions, “it’s good just to speak with you.”

Ella sat down and waited in the silence, feeling as if her body would never move again.

“Since we spoke last at your parents’ place, have you given thought to the question we left each other with? I know it was a little early then, and perhaps it still is now. That’s why I was a little hesitant to return, but I had said six months. I didn’t wish for you to think I had forgotten you.”

“You were over to speak with Eli?” she asked. This subject felt much safer.

“Yah, I heard talk of his
Englisha
girlfriend, and I thought at once of what this would do to your parents and the heartache his actions would cause. I know our young people often do things out of emotions and passion, things which can lead to much error. I hope I was not out of order in speaking with him. I know I wasn’t asked, but my heart was stirred in concern for your brother.”

“Eli seems much better,” she said because this was true and she was thankful. “He seems a lot less stubborn about the girl than when I and
Daett
spoke with him.”

“That’s how those things go,” he said, smiling broadly. “Many times it’s hardest to take things from those closest to us. Sometimes when one hears from the outside—from others not so close—the hearing gets better. I guess we all are like that, not just Eli.”

“I suppose so,” Ella said, thinking of Preacher Stutzman and his sermon. She had heard the same things said by her parents but had finally listened today. She had come to her senses, her dad would say. “I guess it goes that way for me too.”

“All of us are human,” the bishop said with his blue eyes turned in her direction. “Eli’s a good boy.”

“He could have done a lot of damage to himself,” Ella said. “It might not have been stopped in time if you hadn’t spoken to him.”

“The girl will forget before long,” the bishop said. “Eli’s a
gut
-looking boy. I think he’ll stay true to the faith till his dying day, especially with one of our
gut
girls at his side.”

Ella smiled at the image. The bishop was so natural about the subject. “We are all thankful,” Ella said with a slight blush. He was so close to her, almost as close as Aden used to sit.

“I really didn’t do much, plus that’s what I’m called to do…to help our people in their time of trouble.”

Silence settled between them for a long moment.

“You sure you don’t want popcorn?” Ella asked, starting to rise again.

He shook his head, cleared his throat, and motioned with his hand for her to be seated. “I really want to come over…quite often and see more of you.”

Ella paused.
What is there to say?
“My door is open to you,” she said with a voice that trembled.

“Have you thought about—what we talked about?”

“Yah, I have.”

“Perhaps I rushed a little too fast by asking for your hand in marriage the first time I came.”

“Yah,” Ella said with some relief.
The truth is good, and I might as well speak it. Of what worth is a marriage if truth cannot be spoken?
“Your question—so soon—troubled me a lot. The pain was still great then. It still is, I guess. Sometimes I don’t know whether I can ever love again, at least like that. I suppose it’s best to tell you that now.”

“I am clumsy sometimes, Ella. I know I am. I’ve never been married. Yet the Lord has given me grace. I see now why. The reason I waited so long was so my heart could love you. I hope I don’t speak too plainly. I have just never felt like this before.”

She shook her head. “No, your words are fine. It’s just—”

While Ella paused, the bishop took up the opportunity. “I am sorry again for my haste. Yet perhaps it was best that way. By approaching you that early, your heart has been given a better time in which to begin healing. Sometimes wounds are that way. If they are left alone, they only fester, but with the proper care, they can begin to heal.”

“I can’t promise to marry you. Not yet,” she said plainly, meeting his eyes, which were so blue they startled her.
But they aren’t Aden’s eyes
. “It must be enough for you if you just come over…whenever you wish.”

“You are a woman of great courage, and—yah—honesty. In this
Da Hah
has given me a great gift. I hope in time to be worthy of your love. I love you, Ella,” he said, reaching out and taking her hand.

Ella didn’t resist. This was his right. She had just told him he could come to visit, and a touch of affection would perhaps help. With a deep breath, she smiled and laid her other hand on top of his. He squeezed her hand and laughed softly. His laugh was melodious and deep, but this wasn’t the laughter that she had so long loved. The emptiness was an echo that roared in her ear.

“So tell me what you plan to do with this great big house of yours.”

Ella leaned against the back of the couch and folded her hands on her lap. “Well, Preacher Stutzman’s children come tomorrow, and I plan to care for them during the week, for a while anyway. Between you and me, Preacher Stutzman has paid—or soon will be paying—someone a call. A wedding is well on the way, I think. Also I have Joe and Ronda renting this floor of the house. They are moving in after they marry next week. The house should be quite full then, I think, and I sure can use the money.”

“Ivan,” he said in a tone that was still soft but with an edge on it. “You are taking care of his children?”

Ella turned to meet his eyes and laughed.

“He hasn’t called on you, has he?”

She laughed again. “Preacher Stutzman?”

He seemed to relax against the couch. “You never know.”

Ella wanted to tell him he ought to go thank Preacher Stutzman personally for his sermon. For that reason, she was more willing to accept his visits. She almost laughed again at the look he would get on his face if he knew.

“Well, I really don’t mean to hold you up,” he said, getting up. “So I’m welcome to come back when I wish?”

“Anytime,” she said. Her smile was a little weak, but she was just thankful she had a smile to give.

“Let’s not leave like this, though, without a solid plan. How about I come on Saturday nights? I’ve never courted before, you know. Is that how it’s done?”

The pain shot through her again. Surely her distress didn’t show too much. “Saturdays will be fine,” she said, glad he hadn’t chosen Aden’s schedule.

“It has been good to see you,” he said as he put his hat on, quietly motioning for her to remain seated. He opened and shut the front door quickly. She sat still on the couch for a full five minutes, until the sound of his buggy wheels had completely disappeared.

Twenty-two

E
lla had set the alarm clock but awoke well before its jangle shook the early morning air. Fragmented thoughts from last night returned. The bishop had been here, and she had consented to his return. She had slept soundly—no dreams—so perhaps she had already begun to accept the inevitable. The bishop’s wife would be her fate before all was said and done.

She swung her feet out of the bed and onto the floor.
Who really cares? Without Aden, what difference does this make—or matter? Little, really. I will never care for another man anyway. If everyone else is happy with this arrangement, they should all leave me in peace
.

Perhaps I’m being rebellious like Eli this morning. Well, so be it. At least I have my house for now, work I want to do, and hopefully the quilt shop to start up
.

She dressed quickly and went downstairs. After lighting the lantern, she prepared a cold cereal breakfast and ate by herself. Cold cereal couldn’t always be for breakfast—not with three little girls to care for. The thought of food preparation startled her. There was no stove upstairs or in the basement. The chimney wasn’t designed to work with another stove on the second floor, and it couldn’t safely be adjusted now. How like a woman, to forget something like this.

Yet there must be a way around this problem. Ella’s mind spun.
Ronda will simply have to share the stove for food preparation. The girls can eat later, after Joe leaves for work, and the food can be stored upstairs or in the basement. Will Ronda need to be told about this before she moves in? No, likely not. Ronda is a sensible girl
.

Buggy wheels rattled in the driveway, and Ella jumped up. Preacher Stutzman was early. The girls would likely be bundled up against the morning chill and surely have at least one suitcase full of clothes and diapers. Ella rushed to the front door to help, forgetting her own coat that hung in the closet.

The knock sounded before she got there.
How did Preacher Stutzman get to the front door with three small girls so quickly? Maybe he left them alone in the buggy. But he doesn’t seem to be that sort of man
.

“Yah,” she said, opening the door.

His figure was surrounded by the early morning rolling fog. “I thought I’d come and tell you myself, so you won’t worry.”

“Yah?” she said, repeating herself, completely puzzled.

He clutched the brim of his hat as the fog swept around him. “The children won’t be coming after all. I suppose Susanna and I can handle them.”

“Did I…do something?” She asked the burning question and wondered,
What did he see in me yesterday to cause this decision?

“No,” he said, looking at the ground. “The young Bishop Miller stopped by last night. He thinks this arrangement might not be appropriate because he’s seein’ you now.”

“The bishop?” Ella said as her hand flew to her mouth. “He came to speak with you last night?”

“Yah, I really didn’t know anything was going on between the two of you. I wasn’t tryin’ to cause problems—for you or for him. If I have, I am most sorry. I’m kind of clumsy since Lois passed. Perhaps before that, I was too, and she was just good enough not to tell me.”

“He really told you that?” Ella asked, still trying to absorb the news.

“Yah, well I’d best be going. I have more than enough work to do already, and now I’m starting a bit late.”

“Wait,” Ella said, causing him to turn back to face her. “I will speak with the bishop about this. I will be by later for the girls.”

“You will speak with the bishop?” he asked with a look of astonishment on his face. The question hung in the air.

“It’s not right,” she said, surprised at her own boldness. “The bishop told me nothing about this, and I didn’t know he would say this to you. I am the one who is sorry for his actions.”

“You are sorry for the bishop?” Preacher Stutzman asked and then laughed roughly as if he didn’t believe she had been so bold.

“Yes, I am,” Ella said, feeling a sense of resolve surge in her heart. “I will be down at your place soon to pick up the girls. That is if it’s still okay with you.”

“You—but how will you do this?” Preacher Stutzman asked while holding his hat in his hand. “He is Bishop Miller, not just any bishop. But perhaps I should not speak so…of your promised one. He is a
gut
man.”

“Whatever he is, he is wrong on this,” Ella said. “If you don’t object, I will be down later.”

“You will speak with the bishop first surely?”

“Yah, I will speak with him first.”

“You will tell him that I told you the girls could not come here and that I did not encourage you?”

“Yah, I will speak only for myself.”

“Then I would be more than glad if we could continue with our plan. I really don’t know what I’ll do otherwise. Susanna is already burdened with the girls’ care, and I have the summer farm tasks to care for.”

“I will come, then.”

“I hope you do,” he said and then was gone, swallowed quickly by the morning fog. Only the sound of buggy wheels lingered as Ella stood with one hand still on the open door.

“Well,” she said, “what nerve the
gut
bishop has.”

Then she took stock of her words and wondered at her boldness.
What have I just proposed to do? I—Ella Yoder—will speak with Bishop Miller and plan to change his mind
. Her spine tingled.
No wonder Preacher Stutzman had looked so astonished, standing on my front porch!

Courage returned quickly.
I really do have the upper hand. The bishop will, no doubt, realize this, and I will quickly gain his approval for the care of Preacher Stutzman’s girls. I’ll go at once
. Breakfast was already eaten. With a glance toward the road, she saw the problem, but the fog could be overcome. Preacher Stutzman was out riding the roads, and so could she.

The horse greeted her with a whinny and stuck his nose into her face, causing her to push him away. “I don’t like you that much,” she said.

He bobbed his head violently.

With haste she threw on the harness and led him outside. She swung him under the shafts, fastened the tugs, and tied the horse to the hitching post. In the rush, she had forgotten her bonnet and shawl and went back to the house to get them. That was not a good sign, especially for a trip to the bishop, but she really needed to do this, good sign or not.

Once on the road, the fog seemed to clear up some. She thought of Preacher Stutzman’s three girls, and a swell of emotion rose in her chest, driving her on and strengthening her courage.
They had looked so lost and so young on the day of their mother’s funeral. Why had sorrow come for them so early in their life? Da Hah must have his reasons, hidden though they were from human eyes
.

A car and then another one passed her. Both pulled out in plenty of time to avoid her and then slowly passed by. Thankfully she had remembered to keep her buggy battery charged. The blinker on the buggy frame sent its bright flash into the mist in either direction.

The rays of the sun soon came through in spots, enough to where the fog didn’t seem to cause any further danger. As she approached the bishop’s house, Ella saw a light still on, and she pulled in the driveway. This early in the morning, the bishop was likely still in the barn and in the middle of chores.