Ember (56 page)

“Evelyn, is something?—”

“Evelyn!” cried Ikovos behind me. He rushed
up. I was barely able to blink clear of my conversation with
Cornelius.

“There you are. We need to-. . .” He seemed
to notice Cornelius then, stopping in full force a few feet back.
“—to . . . check on the group in the sickbay.” He smiled to the
robed man then. “Hey, Master.”

Cornelius shifted his eyes a bit. “Hello,
Ikovos. How was the patrol?”

I kept quiet, not wanting to make anything
worse.

“Pretty uneventful,” shrugged Ikovos, eyeing
me once again as he continued. “Things have been quiet since the
attack the other night.”

Cornelius nodded, one brow going up. “I wish
the fact were more comforting.”

Both he and I looked down.

Ikovos gave me an urging face then. I think
Cornelius caught it, because his gaze narrowed suspiciously on
Ikovos again.

“
Where
is it you’re in a hurry to?” he
asked.

The blond boy smiled, features lifting. “To
check on the boys downstairs, Evelyn’s been helping me with it . .
.”

Cornelius matched the smile, but there was no
way he was buying this.

“I’ll let you two get going then,” he said
simply.

Ikovos nodded to him then turned to me.

I smiled in parting to Cornelius, meeting an
odd awareness in his eyes. It made me do a double-take, but Ikovos
was urging me, walking backwards. I followed him then turned back
severely. “Goodbye, Cornelius.” Without waiting for a response I
was off.

Ikovos rushed me out of the kitchen. As soon
as we got into the hallway, he swung me around against the
wall.

“We have a problem.” His face was incredibly
intent. I looked back earnestly, but made no comment. “It’s Thoran.
He knows I told you.”

“What?” My brow narrowed. “How could, how
could he know?” Even as I asked it, I felt like I’d done it
myself.

“I don’t know,” he said, head shaking, “I
just—”

“Did he confront you about it?” I
interrupted.

He looked hard at me. “No. I could just
tell.” He turned off pacing and running a hand through his hair.
“And I don’t know what we can do, because he’ll definitely be
watching us from now on . . . “

“You mean we won’t be able to leave.” I
guessed.

He snorted, “Not without a legion trailing
behind us.”

I sighed, putting a hand up to my head and
leaning backward against the wall. “I’m sorry. This is my fault.” I
felt a little winded.

Next thing I knew Ikovos was right up in
front of me.

“Are you alright?” His face was close to me,
clear eyes searching.

“Yes. I’m fine. It was just . . .” I put a
hand out “. . . Adzamaruha today, he was leaving. Then
Thoran.
A
nd Cornelius was acting strange. . . .”

“Wait, what happened with the old dude?”
asked Ikovos, lifting suddenly.

I blinked. “Oh, right. I have to . . .” I
reached into my back pocket “. . . He’s leaving, but he knew why I
was coming. “I opened the paper, passing it to him. “He says that’s
where we’ll find the Gaeln.”

Ikovos took it, blue eyes studying hard. I’d
pointed to the circle then watched him. After a moment his brow
lifted. “That’s less than two days walk from here.”

I’d guessed something close to that at my
first glance.

“What about with horses?”

His head shook, eyes lifting to me. “A day,
but there’s no way we could get one right now.”

I bit my lip, thinking hard. But then
relaxed, sighing slightly. “I suppose it doesn’t matter anyways . .
. If Thoran won’t let us go . . .”

His lips pursed and I retrieved the paper,
folding it carefully. It wasn’t so bad all in all, I guess. We’d
tried, and . . . things would still be okay, right? My eyes
dropped. Adzamaruha’s foreboding words were still buzzing through
my head.

“Not if . . .”

I turned up at Ikovos’s voice. His expression
was hard.

“We could go now,” he finished.

“What?” My skin quivered at the proposal.

“Thoran won’t be back till three,” explained
Ikovos, “and I doubt he has anyone watching us yet.”

My knees suddenly felt a bit weak, but I
tried to focus on the logic of it.

“What about your?—”

“Evelyn—” he interrupted, glancing down
either side of the hall “—we have one shot at this, and a narrow
one at that. If we leave today we can be back in under a week. You
need to make a decision, and quickly because we’re running out of
time.” His gaze was severe. I held it. Then my shoulders
lifted.

“Yes.” He narrowed skeptically. I reaffirmed.
“Yes. Let’s do it. We’ll be back before long, and . . . Yes. It’s a
good plan.”

“Alright . . . ,” he said, nodding and
backing of. I could see his mind was working. I, on the other hand
was just trying to keep myself together. “It’s gotta be close to
one now. How long will it take you to—”

“I can be ready in thirty minutes,” I
assured.

He considered it. “Make it an hour. That will
give us plenty of time and we’ll still be in the clear.”

“Okay.” I nodded once and he took a step
closer to me.

“Don’t forget anything you might need. Bring
the map, the book . . .”

I continued to nod, tucking a hair behind my
year. “Where will we meet?”

“The gate,” he said. The one near the exit by
the study.

“Right,” I acknowledged.

He stared, and there was a short pause.

“You sure you’re ready for this?” He searched
my face as he asked it.

I smiled, though it was entirely forced. “I’m
sure.”

“Okay. . . .” He lightened, backing up.
“Remember, we’ll be back before you know it.” I smiled again. “See
you at two.”

Then he was off at a rapid pace. I’m sure he
had a lot to do before we left.

I leaned my head back.

This was all good. I was grateful we were
going, and now was as good a time as any. It was okay, I think,
that the Masters wouldn’t know - they had enough on their minds
already. I
knew
that we needed to find the Gaeln, and I felt
more assured at the fact that Ikovos would be coming.

Still . . . there was a problem. I had this
feeling, one that I couldn’t shake, that I
wouldn’t
be back
before I knew it . . . maybe not back at all. . . .

I tightened my jaw, straightened up, and
forced the thought down, it was negative, and pointless and that.
What will be will be, right?
With a breath I started off
towards the study to pack.

Within twenty minutes I was done. I really
didn’t like that I had to wait a whole hour with this lurching
feeling in my stomach. My bag was packed. A change of clothes, the
map, two blankets, and some books were mostly all it contained.
Tanis was coming with of course. He was still rather sick though.
I’d bundled him up in a blanket and set him carefully in the top,
side, pocket.

After packing, I’d cleaned up the study and
bathroom, just to make sure things were tidy. I, myself, was a bit
of a mess. Hair more un-brushed than usually as I’d now showered a
few times and skipped the process. I had on good travel clothes
already: leather pants and a dark tank-top.

Standing there with a heavy-laden heart, a
full bag, and forty minutes to kill, I had nothing left to do but
face the simple fact of all this that I
really
didn’t want
to. . . . I furrowed and plopped down onto the couch.

No seeing Jaden for a week at least. No
chance to say goodbye.

My eyes drifted to the flame on the table.
Deep and orange, very rich. It was always enough to tie my stomach
into knots. Especially lately because I rarely got to see it.
Whenever Jaden was gone I had to make do with the normal, yellow
flame of a candle, which-

My body lifted up suddenly, eyes flashing.
“It’s orange.” They widened now.
He’s here, he’s back, he must
be back.

With a gulp I checked the clock, I had about
half-an-hour. In the next second I was rushing out the door, bag in
hand. Of course when I gone on a ways, into the high-ceilinged bed
chamber close to the cafeteria, my pace abruptly slowed.

No, no, this isn’t a good idea. What am I
going to say? What is it that I want to do? I can’t say goodbye
-what am I thinking?

Shaking my head out, I headed around and
marched back dutifully . . . only this slowed after a moment
too.

I don’t need to say goodbye. I can just
see him, ask how his patrol went, make sure he’s okay, and then
leave.
This was a good plan!

Again, I spun around towards the
cafeteria.

But what if he’s busy? He’ll hardly be
wanting me bothering him with pointless conversation.

I stopped, looked back down the hall behind
me, then started again.

I’ll be really quick.

Now all shaking from my indecisiveness, I
went to the doorway . . . slowly . . . cautiously. The funny thing
about this was I didn’t even know if he was going to be in
there.

I didn’t want to risk running into a Master
again, so I peeked my head in first against the frame, teeth biting
hard into my lip.

I saw him immediately, leaning against the
front edge of the counter. He had a mug in one hand, and the other
resting on the top of the bar for support. He wasn’t talking to
anyone or really doing anything. A few boys that I knew were from
his group were talking beside him, he might have been listening to
them, but he didn’t show it. He had his eyes fixed off . . . in
thought maybe, I don’t know.

My stomach knotted and my chest was so tight
I couldn’t breathe. It wasn’t right that just seeing someone could
do this to a person. His perfectly pieced hair and dark eyes, hard
skin, painfully evident despite the layers, the way he held himself
. . . he looked more like a painting than an actual person, but
that wasn’t it . . .

A pain erupted in my chest, like a growing
inconsolable hole. I focused my eyes harder on his face, trying to
guess at what he might be thinking. His mouth was drawn. His
features made the slightest shift and I couldn’t- I couldn’t bear
it anymore.

I pulled my head out, moving back against the
wall. I couldn’t go in there, not like this. I clutched a hand to
my chest, trying to still my heart, telling myself it wouldn’t be
long before someone walked through the room and I had to pull
myself together. Who cared if I was leaving or not, it didn’t
change the fact that I wanted something that would never be
fulfilled, that I felt something that would never be returned. My
throat constricted, but I forced myself to calm.

He’s safe, that’s all that matters.
I
stood there a couple more seconds, then took a breath and walked
forward.

I made it about five feet when three of the
books fell out of the bag, small silver one included. I looked at
them placidly, threatening to burst into tears. Then I assured
myself that would be an unjustifiable over-exaggeration, sighed,
and leaned down to pick them up. After grabbing two I heard some
footsteps come out of the kitchen, voices I didn’t recognize.

I tried to hurry. At this point I probably
only had about fifteen minutes left.

“Drop something?” asked a voice behind me.
Cool and haughty.

It made my shoulders shiver, hand freezing in
place. I almost wanted to run off to keep from crying. Crying or
worse yet jumping up straight and flinging my arms around him . . .
None of the options worked and I didn’t have forever to sit
here.

I slowly, shakily, picked up the last book
then turned around to face him. His face was casual and light,
everything I was
so far
from at the moment.

“A book,” I finally got out, gesturing the
small tome forwards.

He smirked at me, then my attention was drawn
by the two boys behind him.

“Jaden, are you coming?”

He spun his head around. “Ah, yeah.” Then
back to me. My body rushed. “Have fun reading then.”

God, he doesn’t have a clue.
He
started to turn around towards the boys - I couldn’t help
myself.

“Wait.”

He stopped, looking back at me. I’d said it
loud enough that the other two boys were watching us now. I held
his gaze though. It was surprised, and cautious. He narrowed, then
turned his back. “I’ll meet you guys down there.”

They nodded, seemingly apathetic either
way.

Jaden turned fully to me then, and I had to
face the mess I’d just put myself in. At first I waited for him to
say something, like “what’s up” or “why did you tell me to wait?” .
. . He didn’t. He just stared, more apprehensive than I’d ever seen
him really.

It would have been easier if he’d started . .
.

I swallowed. “I, um . . .” I blinked once,
throwing out a hand. “How was your patrol?”

His eyes narrowed, just slightly, though
there was no harshness to it.

“Fine,” he replied.

“That’s good . . . ,” I drawled out dumbly.
“Was there are new news about anything?”

His posture remained straight. “Probably not
that Ikovos hasn’t already told you.” The smallest hint a smile
crossed his lips as he said it. I think it was supposed to be
funny, but my sensor for that wasn’t quite working at the
moment.

I looked down hard, absolutely devoid of a
single coherent question. How could that happen? I knew there were
perfectly good ones to be asked.

Fifteen minutes, okay, this is stupid.
I looked up. “Um . . . alright, I, ah, I just wanted to see how it
was going. I’m sorry I made you lose . . .” I nodded to where the
two boys had been.

He shook his head quickly. “I’ll catch up.
Don’t sweat it.” His tone was assuring.

I was starting to get melty now, I needed to
get out of here.

One week, Evelyn. One week.

“Okay, um,” I smiled casually, “bye
then.”