Emilie's Christmas Love (23 page)

She was going to wait up for Nick that night and tell him her plans. She wasn't going to wait any longer.

About midnight, she heard the downstairs door close and heard footsteps coming up the stairs. She shook herself and tried to gather her scattered wits. She must have fallen asleep while she was waiting for him. Not that it mattered. She was awake and Nick was home. It was time to make him listen to her.

She smoothed down her hair and put on a lacy red nightgown that left little to the imagination. It had only been delivered that day after Emilie’s secret, Internet purchase. Emilie put on new lipstick but left her hair a little mussed, hoping it made her look sexy.

All of the lights were out in the house, except for the Christmas lights that covered the tree and the rail going up the stairs.

Emilie crept from her room and looked for him. The door was open to Amber's room. She pushed it open a little more and followed him.

He was kneeling beside Amber's crib, his head resting on the brass rail that circled it. The lace comforter was a halo around his dark hair. He had one hand in the crib, holding the baby's hand. Emilie stood back in the shadows, watching him.

"I hope I'm doing the right thing," he whispered. "I don't know anymore. I don't want to give you to these strangers, even if they are stable and they'll probably love you because you're so good. I love you, too."

Emilie heard the thick emotion in his voice. She took a step back further into the shadows.

"I know I promised your mother that I wouldn't try to raise you alone. I know that meant a lot to her. I don't know if she knew what was best. I don't know if I know what's best either. What if she was right? What if no matter how much I love you, it's wrong to keep you?"

Emilie pressed her hands to her mouth to keep from making any sound. Her eyes filled with tears. She wanted to go to him and comfort him but knew he wouldn't welcome her presence.

"So, I guess we'll stick with plan 'A' and you'll never really know about me or your mother. You'll have a good life with those people. You'll grow up to be as beautiful as Renee. I'll never see you again, but I'll always love you."

Emilie slipped out of Amber's room and back into her own. So much for seducing him, or asking for the children to stay with her. What could she say?
“I know you don’t want to give up the children, but I'll take them? Oh, and by the way, let’s make love.”

Instead she ruminated on the stubbornness of the man. He wanted to keep the children but didn't believe he was enough for them. The children probably need him more than they needed her or any two-parent family. He was their flesh and blood. No one else could ever replace that bond.

Yet, she knew that he was determined not to keep Amber and Adam, even if it broke his heart. She could at least offer an alternative. He could see the children, if she had them. That wouldn't be a problem. He could continue being their Uncle Nick.

Armed with that incentive, knowing it was another point in her favor, she got up early the next morning. It was still dark when her alarm went off. She dragged herself out of bed and dressed quickly in a warm flannel shirt and jeans. She ran a comb through her hair then went quickly down the stairs.

She’d thought about her plan during the rest of the night and had determined that she might be going about it in the wrong way. Maybe they needed to seal the deal about the kids first. Maybe then they could share the night she’d envisioned.

It wasn’t like she’d ever done anything like this before. Sometimes plans needed to be changed.

Nick was still in the kitchen drinking coffee. He was thinking so hard, staring straight ahead of him, that she had to clear her throat twice before he even noticed that she was there.

"Good morning," she said warmly with a showy smile. "I haven't seen much of you the last few days."

"Is there a problem with Amber or Adam?" He put down his coffee cup.

"No, not at all." She poured herself a cup of coffee. "They've been fine. I wanted to talk to you about them. It's been wonderful having them here."

"They can go to the daycare if there's a problem."

"They're great kids," she reassured him, taking a seat opposite him at the table.

"The house is almost finished," he told her. "It'll probably be done before Christmas after all."

"That's good. You're welcome to stay until after Christmas since we put up the tree and everything—"

"The kids would probably like that." He looked at her for the first time since she’d sat down. "I've been thinking seriously about what you said the other night. About not giving Amber and Adam up for adoption."

Emilie's heart snagged on her next words. "Oh?"

He nodded, warming to his subject. "Maybe my sister was wrong. And maybe you're right. Maybe I’m different than my father or my sister."

Emilie sipped her coffee, her heart and mind in turmoil. Her heart wanted to say one thing while her mind wanted to say another. She wanted to have the children with her, but she wanted Nick and the children to be happy. She wanted what was best for everyone. She wasn't sure if that was the same thing.

"Well?" he prompted.

"Well?"

"This is where you're supposed to reinforce your ideas by convincing me that you're right. Because this idea scares me, Emilie. I think it might be the only way that I can live with myself, but I’m terrified."

That was enough for Emilie's soft heart to overrule her mind. "Of course you'd be wonderful taking care of the children! They need you more than anyone else, two parents or not."

"Thanks." His slow smile warmed more than her heart. "I still have some time to think about it, but I'm leaning toward keeping them, daycare, diapers, and all."

"I think that's great! They need to see you and be around you. You're their link to who they are. I've taught enough children to know that your family is an important part of your future."

"You really believe that?" He frowned. "You really believe it would be important for me to keep them—even though I might not ever marry?"

"I think one good parent, the right parent, has a lot to offer," she concluded. It was part of her speech that she'd prepared to make herself a viable candidate to adopt the children. Since that seemed to be out of the question—

 "Thanks." He stood up quickly and leaned over to touch his lips to her cheek. "You've helped a lot. It's not going to be an easy decision. I've spent the whole time since Renee died thinking about it and preparing to give them up. I haven't liked it, but I thought it was the right thing to do. Now I think that there might be other possibilities."

"You know there might be another possibility as well." Her mind coerced her into finally setting out her own case.

"What?"

"There's 'open adoption' where someone you know adopts the children and gives them a good home, but you stay a part of their lives. You'd always be their Uncle Nick, without the responsibility."

He thought about her words. "I might consider that if I decide to adopt them out after all. Right now, I'm trying to decide. I appreciate your help, Emilie."

"Sure," she said. "I just wanted to give you something else to think about."

He took her hand suddenly and pulled her gently to her feet. "Something else to think about? You've given me a whole world to consider." His arms closed around her and she was pressed tightly to his chest. Her arms scampered around his neck like an eager child.

"Nick," she cautioned near his ear as he kissed the side of her neck.

"Emilie." He drew back from her a little and kissed her mouth as though he had never said that they shouldn't be together or that it wouldn't work.

He drew her closer yet and his hands slid across her back, easing the tension that he found there. He held her fragile form as though he could protect her from everything.

His lips didn't hesitate, taking hers, drawing her breath from her, and giving back his own. She pressed against him, wanting more, always more. She grumbled when he moved away from her and kissed the tip of her nose.

"I have to go," he whispered. "Someone in this house has to do more than decorate and bake cookies all day!"

She smiled a silly little smile that she couldn't keep from her face and waved goodbye to him as he left. Her plans were in disarray and her mind was muddled from his kiss. She knew that she'd done the right thing. She might be unhappy in the long run, but she couldn't deny him the happiness that she saw on his face. He loved and wanted those children in his life. He needed them as much as she did.

She looked around the quiet kitchen and apologized to her ancestors for not being more single minded and tougher. She was going to help Nick and she was going to spend that one beautiful night with him. Then if she had to, she was going to let him, and the children go, and hope she'd find someone else to fill her life.

Carefully, as though someone might see her and know what she was doing, she crept up to Nick's room. She looked through the old desk until she found not only the poems he'd written, but also the book that Adam was always talking about. It appeared to be a novel set in a small town. It was about a man who was torn between the family that he loved and his freedom.

Emilie glanced up at the door and the time then started to read the manuscript.

Time passed quickly. She looked up and was surprised to find that an hour was gone. She was amazed at the emotion that had come from the pile of smudged papers in her lap.

With tears in her eyes, she knew what she could do to help Nick. It was a wonderful piece of work, but it might take years to be noticed on its own.

A good friend of her father owned a publishing company in Raleigh. She was on the phone with him five minutes later. After that, she sent the manuscript by FedEx to the publisher. By the time the children were awake and ready for breakfast, their uncle's work was on its way.

Emilie helped the children get dressed and ready to go shopping after breakfast. Excitement that had nothing to do with Christmas was building in her as they trudged through the snow and listened to carolers on the streets. The sky was bright blue, the sun shining down warmly on their heads.

"What are we getting Uncle Nick for Christmas?" Adam asked after they'd bought an antique fan for Aunt Joda.

"What would you like to buy for Uncle Nick, Jake?" She used his nickname casually.

"Amber and I wanted to buy him a watch. We've got this much." He counted his money out to her. "Three dollars and twenty-five cents."

"Hmm." Emilie considered the request as they stopped at a street vendor for warm carmel apples. "Let's sit down over here and talk about it."

They ate their apples and watched the carolers and the jugglers who were there for the Christmas shopping season. Traffic went by slowly. Emilie was glad that she'd brought a packet of moist paper towels. Carmel apples were messy when there were little hands and mouths.

"This isn't enough for a watch, is it?" Adam asked when they were finished.

"Well, since I was going to get Uncle Nick a present too, maybe we could go in together on a watch," Emilie suggested.

"How much money do you have? Want me to count it for you?”

Emilie shrugged. "I have enough for a watch."

Amber started dancing around on the bench where they were sitting, making faces and pressing her legs together.

"Amber has to go," Adam told her. "She has to go bad!"

They rushed to the closest restaurant. Emilie got Amber into the bathroom as soon as she could and told Adam to wait right outside the door.

There was no damage done to Amber’s pretty red tights or her candy cane-striped dress. She hugged Emilie and looked at her as though she was even better than the carmel apple.

Emilie closed her eyes and refused to think about what it would be like without Amber and Adam. She pressed her close to her and kissed Amber's cold little face.

"Let's go find Adam," she said to Amber who clapped her hands and laughed.

Emilie walked across the restaurant, holding Amber's hand. Adam wasn’t where he was supposed to be but she saw him by the front door leading to the street.

"Emilie!" he called. "Look who I found!"

Emilie looked up at Nick who stood beside Adam, holding his hand. He smiled at her, his dark eyes intent on hers. She swallowed hard on a sudden, terrifying realization.

She was in love with Nick Garret.

She hadn't asked for it, hadn't wanted it. She'd never wanted to feel vulnerable again with a man. She’d only wanted that one crazy night of passion.

But there it was, staring in her face and she couldn’t deny it.

"Hi there!" Nick crouched down beside Amber, lifting the girl easily in his arms. She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tightly. "I saw you as I was finishing up a job. I thought maybe we could have lunch," he said to Emilie over Amber's head.

"That would be great," she replied vaguely, still stunned by her realization. She pulled herself together and tried to put it from her. She might love Nick but she wouldn't make a fool of herself over him as she had David.

A waiter led them to a booth. The table had a green and white-striped cloth covering it. Adam rushed to tell Nick everything they'd done that morning while Amber blew kisses up into his face.

Emilie pretended to study her menu. She didn't have any idea what the cardboard said a few minutes later, and even less inclination to eat.

How could she have fallen in love with him? How could she have let herself be hurt like this again? Aunt Joda was right. She was lucky she hadn’t slept with Nick. How much worse would this be now?

"Emilie?" Nick tried to get her attention, tapping on the top of her menu with his finger.

She looked across the menu at him with a wide, bewildered gaze.

"Are you all right?" he asked, while the waiter waited impatiently.

"I-I'm fine." She faltered for an instant before gaining control of herself again. "I just want a salad."

"Was this too much of a change in your plans?" Nick asked her after the waiter had left with their orders. "Did you have something else to do?"