Emily Calls It (The Emily Series) (12 page)

“There’s more, isn’t there?”

I ran my tongue across my teeth trying to think of how to tell her. I spoke quietly. “Graham came over Saturday night.” I looked at her sideways as I took another drink of coffee. Her mouth hung open.

“Have you forgiven him? I thought that was out of the question.”

“It
was
.
I don’t know. I just miss him so much. And when he showed up I couldn’t … I didn’t want to be alone.”

“Emily,” she said my name with such concern. “Is that all th
at’s changed? You, being lonely?
” The way she asked, I couldn’t believe that was the only reason I let him back into my bed.

“No. I don’t know.” And I truly didn’t. All I knew was that after Joel let me down, I was scared that I would always be alone.

“And why do I have a feeling Kyl
e has something to do with this?
There’s a reason he’s not a contender anymore, right? Oh let me guess, he saw you together.” She was perceptive.

“Pretty much. He saw Graham leave yesterday. Anyway, it doesn’t really matter. We only had a couple of conversations, and he mentioned we should go out sometime. It’s not like we’d been on a date. But it was still a little awkward.”

“Yeah, I’ll bet.” Trish said jokingly. “So what are you going to do about Graham? Do you still love him?” She was always so direct.

“I do…
but.” I didn’t know how to finish that sentence.

“Just be careful.” She rested her hand on mine.

“I am.”

“No, I mean, be careful with the way you answer that question. It says a lot.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“I mean the ‘I love him, but,” she said in her most concerned voice.

I looked down at my hands as if they would give me the answers I needed. I seemed to remember having this conversation before and that worried me. I was confused and really needed to get a handle on how I felt. I mulled over her words. Trish noticed I was quiet and changed the subject.

“Are you working this afternoon?” She avoided my blank stare.

I looked up, “Yeah. From 2 to 5.”

“And, after that?” I shrugged, not having any concrete plans. I did, however, remember Graham and his half question about getting together. Trish went on as if she heard my thoughts.

“Huh. This is going to get interesting.” She smiled over her cup and I pushed the stack of napkins over, spilling them onto her hands.

“I’m glad this is so en
tertaining for you.” I took
another drink. She laughed; how coul
d she argue with me?
It obviously entertained her.

“I better go. I need to grab a couple books at the bookstore before my next class.” I scooted out of the chair and pulled my book bag strap over my shoulder.

“Call me. I really want you to see the apartment. You can help me decide what it needs,” she said.

“Sure, I’ll call you later.”

“Oh, and if Colin’s back, say ‘hi’ to him for me.” She just couldn’t help but poke at me. I rolled my eyes and walked in the opposite direction.

When I got to the bookstore, it was buzzing with people. I remembered last fall feeling overwhelmed at the sight of crowds, and walls and tables covered in books. The cash registers never seemed to take a break. I walked in like a pro, selecting the textbooks I needed, and fell into line behind a big guy who was going on and on about football season. I’d been here a year and never attended one game. And, I thought to myself, I didn’t care. As he droned on, I looked down at my feet and around the store not really searching for anything but a place to rest my eyes as I waited for the line to move. It was slow, but moving nonetheless. I took another step forward, and felt a wave of heat come over me when I spotted Joel reaching for a textbook on a wall not five feet from me. I held my books closer to my chest and looked around for a place to hide. I cursed myself internally for not knowing the big guy in front of me. Being able to tuck myself in his shadow would’ve been perfect. I looked the other way, curling myself around my books, making myself as small as I could. It didn’t work.

“Em’ly?” He was behind me in line.

“Hey Joel, I didn’t see you.” I lied, of course.

“Grabbin’ your books?” He pointed out the obvious. Maybe he too was a
little uncomfortable after the
almost-kiss.

“Yeah. You know how it goes.” I couldn’t have sounded more ridiculous.

“Hey, how about gettin’ some lunch later? I’ve got a class, but what about after? You free?”

“Oh, I can’t today. I have back-to-back classes, then work. Maybe some other time?” I suggested, but in the back of my mind I knew I had no intention of following through. I knew I wasn’t being a nice friend at the moment, but I was still too embarrassed. We moved up the line; I was next.

“Have a good day.” It was an awkward moment but I still meant it.

“Yeah, you too.” he called after me. I nodded
and
put my books on the counter. I finished paying quickly and turned to go. Joel was at another cash register and waved. I smiled - and bolted out of there as fast as I could. I made it through the doors and down the ramp thinking I was home free. I paused at the bottom of the ramp and readjusted everything.

“Em’ly?” I felt a touch on my shoulder. I slowly turned, wishing I hadn’t stopped for him to catch up with me. “I don’t want things to be weird. Ethan is one of my best f
riends and
…”

“Don’t worry about it! I know he’s your best friend.”

“No, that’s not what I meant. What I was gettin’ at is I want
us
to be friends.” He rested his hand on my shoulder and waited for me to respond.

“Of course. Everything’s fine. Of course we’re friends.” Suddenly I felt stupid. I couldn’t believe I’d been so presumptuous at the party. He was obviously just trying to be a good friend, especially now that his ex-girlfriend was back in his life. And I knew how special and rare that was. I needed to get over myself
.
Friendship is a gift, that I knew.

“So, lunch sometime,” I said.

“Yeah.” He squeezed my shoulder.

“O
K
, see ya.” I gave his arm a pat. He smiled, and that was that.

We walked in opposite directions and I turned to watch him go. He was right, I was being silly. Friends would be good. When I turned around, I almost walked straight into Graham. I  really wasn’t going to get a break today, was I? I had such conflicting feelings when it came to Graham and I had no idea how to deal with them.

“Hey beautiful.” He smiled, gorgeous as usual. I felt the butterflies return at the sound of his voice. But at the same time, I didn’t want him to call me beautiful. Things weren’t like they were before. It was just one night. Like I said: conflicted.

“Hi, what are you doing here?” I wondered why he was suddenly inches from me.

“What do you mean? I go to school here, too,” he said jokingly.

“No, I mean, I didn’t see you, and here you are.” I was sure that sounded idiotic.

“I thought I’d walk you to class.”

“Oh, sure.” I moved in the direction of my next class. Graham didn’t reach to put his arm around me as he would’ve done in the past. But he did walk super close to me.

“So, you were getting your books?” He pointed out the obvious to make conversation, I presumed. I felt the awkwardness between us.

“Yeah, what about you? “

“I picked them up earlier today. What class do you have now?” he asked.

“Women’s Studies,” I said rolling my eyes.

“Oh, sounds like fun.” He mimicked my tone. “You know what?” He stopped. “I just remembered something I forgot at the bookstore. Can I call you later? Maybe we can get together.”

“Sure. I’m working this afternoon, but maybe after.”

“Dinner?” He was treading lightly. I nodded. “I’ll pick you up around seven?”

“OK.” I readjusted my book bag. Graham leaned in and kissed me right below my ear. A signature move on his part. One that always gave me goosebumps.

I took a step in the direction of my classroom. Graham reached for me and rested his hand on my shoulder. “Was that your brother’s friend you were talking to in front of the bookstore?”

“Uh huh. Joel.” I replied, wondering why the question.

“Oh, I just didn’t recognize him at first.” He played it off, but something about the way he asked bugged me.
             

While I wasn’t really looking forward to Women’s Studies, it was nice to have a break from my design classes. It wasn’t as big a classroom as I expected, but still bigger than a typical design class. About half the class was full when I came in, so I took a seat somewhere in the middle and waited while it filled up. I didn’t really look around, just minded my own business and pulled out a notepad and the assigned textbook.

The teacher came in last with a stack of syllabi and a big briefcase. With a thud she set it down on her desk and addressed the class. As usual, we passed
the syllabi from the front up
the rows until everybody had one. She covered the course objectives then asked us to split into groups of four for discussion. I thought it was early to tackle this kind of group participation, but who was I to question the professor? She didn’t give us the opportunity to pick our own groups, but instead numbered us off one through eight, grouping all the like numbers. I was a seven and moved toward the other sevens. There were three of us and I could see the reason behind the numbering system: we were a diverse group. We waited for our fourth team member before we introduced ourselves. Our last member arrived…and…I froze. There she was. Right in front of me. In the same class, and if I wasn’t being punished enough, in the same group.

“Hi, I’m Nicole.” She sat down meeting everyone’s gaze and lightly skipping over me. I froze then felt a little shaky. This wasn’t good. We went around and introduced ourselves. I simply lifted my hand an inch off my desk and stated my name.

“Emily.” This was now the last place I wanted to be. Even more disconcerting was that after our quick introductions, the professor informed us that these discussion groups were ours for the semester. I sunk into my seat further, trying to muster the strength to participate. Luckily, one of our group members liked to hear himself talk, so I don’t think anyone noticed I was shrinking into my seat. I knew I couldn’t do this all semester, but right then, I couldn’t do anything else.

Once she dismissed us, I bolted out of there and straight over to my last class of the day. Another design class. Thank goodness. I welcomed the History of Asian Design with open arms and absorbed every slide. Anything to get my mind off the thought of sharing a group with Nicole for weeks. Then I wondered if Graham knew we were in the same class? I guess not if they weren’t seeing each other anymore. Hmm. I still wondered.
             

FOURTEEN

And Back to Work

I pulled up to the office building and with a thunk put my car in park. After a summer here I was comfortable; a fixture in the office. I enjoyed the work and the feeling that I belonged. I left my books in the back seat and reached for my purse. I ran my fingers through my hair and added some lip gloss so I wouldn’t look like I felt: trampled. I dressed nicer than a regular school day, knowing I’d be here after class. No jeans or shorts.

Walking through the reception area and past the sea of cubicles, I nodded to colleagues. My desk was exactly as I left it. Two rolls of drawings and the half finished elevation I wanted to complete today. I sat down and got right to it. The office was quiet that afternoon because the rest of the interns were in class and my row of cubicles was essentially empty. I was fully engrossed, and had been working for about an hour when I heard footsteps pause.

“Hi.” He rested his hand on the partition of my cubicle then lifted it in a short wave.

“You’re back,” I said in a matter-of-fact way, but
smiling
widely
.

“I am. It’s good to see you, Emily. How’s it been around here?”

“Good. Busy, of course, but fine.”

“Good and fine. That’s it, huh?” He leaned into the cubicle more and whispered. “I’m sure there’s more to tell. I’ve been gone for weeks. How about dinner tonight?” I started to accept, then remembered I had plans with Graham. Oh to have to explain
that
, I thought. Better not.

“Oh, I can’t tonight. Rain check?” I titled my head trying to be cute. It may have been overkill.

“Sure.” His smile faded a little, but he didn’t seem put off by my lack of availability
.
He turned his attention to the drawings on my desk. “Can I take a look?” He didn’t have to ask, I thought.

“Of course.” I moved aside.

“This is good, Emily. Nice pen weight and sharp lines.” These were hand-drawn
,
as opposed to computer-generated work. I had little experience working with Colin on anything except computer work, so I was happy he found it satisfactory.