“Like, Saturday, you mean? We have a project to work on,
remember?”
“Yes.” He said nothing else, and that bothered me.
“See you in school tomorrow?” His response was a simple nod.
I opened the door and grabbed my purse before glancing at
him one last time. Brandon was watching me intently, his eyes locked in a look
of determination, one I was not particularly enjoying. That haunted look of
loss and defeat in his gaze was not very reassuring and gave me the impression
he was letting go of me and not the other way around.
What are you planning, Brandon?
Reluctant to leave him, but aware that my mother was waiting
for me; I hurried out of the car and shut the door. Fortunately, he waved at me
before driving off and that made me feel somewhat better.
The sight that greeted me when I walked into my apartment was
not exactly what I was expecting. My mother was usually a high-maintenance type
of person who wore expensive clothing, always had her hair and nails done, and
who never missed the opportunity to smear her face with about a pound of makeup.
So I was taken aback to see her in a pair of sweatpants, a plain tee-shirt, and
a pair of white and black running shoes, with no face paint on, and her long
brown haired pulled back in a ponytail.
“Hello, Daughter.”
At least her cold, calculating tone was the same.
“Hello, Mother.” I walked in, closed the door, and placed my
purse on the dining room table before continuing on to the living room, where
she was standing perfectly still, her brown eyes assessing me with an emotion I
could not quite read.
“What I came here to say won’t take much time.”
Oh, thank God!
“Okay.”
“But I think you might want to sit down for this.” She
gestured to the couch next to her, but I decided to sit on the recliner across
from the sofa instead.
“I’m sitting.”
My mother reached for a manila folder lying of the coffee
table, picked it up, and shook it slightly in front of her before saying, “Your
father’s lawyer came to see me a few days ago and gave me this.”
“Dad had a lawyer?”
“Yes. And apparently he wanted this document kept secret
until you turned twenty-one.”
“Why?’
“That I don’t know, but your father went through a lot of
trouble to keep this under lockdown until after your birthday.”
“What’s in it?”
My mother shrugged as she answered, “I don’t know, but I can
guess what some of the contents might reveal.”
“A hint would be nice.” I tried my best not to sound
sarcastic and arrogant, like she did. I succeeded to some extent, barely.
“I’ll give you more than a hint.”
Maybe that’ll get her out of here sooner.
“Good.”
“You’re adopted, Leah.” Blunt and to the point. She did not bother
with easing the truth to me – no. She just blurted it out as if she was talking
about the weather or something unimportant like that.
“What?”
“You’re not our natural-born daughter.”
“What? How? Who…?” I grabbed my chest. The truth behind my
mother’s— Diana Parker’s words caused my heart to constrict painfully inside my
chest.
“Josh brought you home when you were just a baby. He said
that you were the daughter of a very good friend and you needed a home to stay
in until you were old enough to fend for yourself.”
The reality of her words was beginning to set in, and as
they did, my entire body shook with dread and anticipation.
“Who am I really?”
“You’re Leah Parker, our daughter.”
“I mean, who were my real parents?”
“I don’t know. Josh never told me. He said it was safer for
you that way.”
“Safer?” I asked.
“Yes.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I don’t either, but I’m guessing you’re going to find a lot
more answers in here.” She handed the sealed folder to me. “I’m sorry I wasn’t
such a good mother to you. Hell, I wasn’t much of a mother at all, but…” she
appeared uncomfortable as she uttered, “but I do love you.”
I had waited all my life to hear her say those words and she
finally says them right after she confesses she is not my real mother? What the
hell?
“You had a funny way of showing it.”
“Truth is, I didn’t want you in our house at all,” she
confessed.
Adding salt to the wound! Just like her!
“Was there a particular reason why?”
“Yes.” And she looked straight into my eyes when she added,
“I knew you would be the cause of Josh’s death.”
Stunned, I could only stare in shocked silence for a second
or two before snapping at her.
“How dare you? I loved dad! And, unlike you, I let him know
it every day! He was a great father! It wasn’t my fault he took his own life!”
“He didn’t take his life!” she yelled back. “Josh was killed
because he was protecting you!”
It was at that moment that I felt as if the world had
suddenly stopped and Diana and I were the only two people in the world.
“What are you saying?”
“Too much apparently.” She shook her head and sighed
heavily. “This isn’t the way I wanted things to go, or how I wanted you to find
out, but it obvious that no amount of love can erase the tension between us.”
“How can you sit there and tell me you love me when it’s
obvious you don’t?”
“I do love you, Leah. I loved you enough to protect you,
even after I lost my Josh because of you!” She picked up her purse and rose.
“Making sure you reached adulthood was Josh’s dream, and I made sure you did. I
complied with his wishes. Even now. I delivered that document to you so that
you can find out the truth about your past. I’ll always love you, because I
raised you as mine. But the harsh reality is that I also hate you because had
Josh not brought you home, he would still be alive and with me.”
“All this time, I thought my father took his own life, only
to find out now that he was killed. And you have the nerve to tell me it was
my
fault, when I never had any choice in what happened.”
Diana raised her chin and squared her shoulders.
“Who killed my father?”
“I don’t know exactly who. It could have been anyone.”
“Then how can you say it was because of me?”
“Josh wasn’t what you would call normal, and neither were
the circumstances of your birth, or how he came to have you in his custody.
Besides, he knew
they
would find him, he told me as much.”
“They? Who exactly are
they
?”
“I don’t know! All Josh told me was ‘they.’ Josh was very
adamant about keeping me in the dark, so I have very little information to
provide you with. What I do have are dozens of unanswered questions, which are
probably going to remain that way, unanswered.”
I sunk back down on the couch and squeezed my eyes shut.
“Josh would’ve never taken his own life. He loved us too
much. I never told you the truth because before he died, Josh asked me to wait
until your twenty-first birthday before revealing the truth, and I did.”
The pain her words caused speared through my body faster
than a lightning bolt. I could have sworn my entire form went instantly numb. My
eyes filled up with tears of guilt, shame, and absolute denial of what she was
saying to me.
“I would’ve preferred not knowing at all. Now I don’t know
who I am, where I came from, who my real parents were. Worst yet, I have my
father’s death weighing down my shoulders.” I opened my eyes and glanced up at
her face.
For the first time in my life, I saw compassion cross
Diana’s features, but it was gone so quickly I could have just imagined it.
“I’m sorry I was so blunt. I guess I’ve been holding back
all this resentment for so long that I couldn’t control myself anymore.” She
shrugged. “I wish I could provide you with more information, but I really don’t
have more than what I’ve already said.”
Perhaps my father was not only protecting me by keeping my
real identity secret, but his wife, too.
“I need to be alone.” I did not really want to be alone. I
wanted companionship, just not from her.
“I understand.”
And just like that, she walked out of the apartment without
another word.
****
Matt walked in carrying a plastic bag with the name and logo
of our favorite Chinese take-out restaurant just as Diana was leaving. Upon
seeing the haunted look on my face, he placed the bag on the dining room table,
came running toward me, took me into his arms, and held me close while I let
out the water works.
“What happened, Leah? What did she say to you?” The concern
in his voice touched me deeply. If there was one person in the world that truly
cared for me, it was Matt.
“Matt…” my voice broke as my eyes filled up with more tears,
“she told me I’m adopted.”
Matt tensed before pulling back to look into my eyes. “What?”
“She told me that I’m adopted. That I’m not her biological
daughter. That my father’s death is my fault!”
“Oh, Leah.” He shook his head. “That’s not true.”
“Nothing I ever believed is true. And she hates me…”
“She doesn’t—”
“She told me as much!” I tried withdrawing from his warm
embrace, but Matt held on tight and planted a kiss on the top of my head.
“It doesn’t matter. It’s her loss, Leah. You’re a great
person. That’s why I love you so much.”
I shook my head, forcing more tears to spill out.
“No, Matt. I’m not a great person at all. I used to run with
the crowd of people who enjoyed tormenting others because they were different.
I was
that
girl, you know, the follower. The pathetic girl who joined
the popular crowd in order to avoid being picked on. I turned my back on my
best friend and let him suffer through their ridicule alone while I watched
from the sidelines. I stopped talking to him and disassociated myself from him
completely. And now life has turned things against me.”
“What are you talking about?”
“That guy you saw me kissing…”
“Yes?”
“We used to be inseparable when we were little, but the
second the other kids started picking on him because his black hair was too
long, his clothing too big, because he walked funny, was too shy, his only
friend was a girl, he was too small, or hardly ever spoke, I pulled away from him
and forgot he existed. Now I’m hopelessly in love with him, but he belongs to
someone else.” I cried finally, unable to keep the strong stream of emotions
locked up anymore.
“Everyone makes mistakes, Leah. It’s called being human. The
real question here is, have you learned from yours?”
“I can honestly say that I have,” I muttered, knowing full
well that in order to change, I had to let go of the only guy I have ever been
in love with.
“There you go.” Matt drew away again and smiled as he added,
“You’re not a bad person, Leah. Maybe you were a little misguided back then,
but you’ve been an angel to me all these years. You’re the best friend I’ve
ever had, and no one understands me as well as you do, not even Xavier. And not
once since we met have you ever been judgmental toward me.”
“There are still so many things I need to learn,” I
confessed, aware that the morning of my twenty-first birthday was just the
beginning of whatever life was about to toss my way. “So many things I still
need to find out.”
“And you will, Leah. Right now, though, I think you should
calm down some and not think about the negative. Diana and you were never close
to begin with. Maybe it’s a blessing that she’s not your real mother.”
His soft tone and warm embrace calmed down my wounded heart
some and I silently thanked God for putting a person as wonderful as Matt in my
life. I do not know what I would do without him.
“Yeah, but what about my real parents? What if they didn’t
want me either?” How could I deal with two mothers who did not want me? How
would I take the news if that happened to be the case?
“Then it’s their loss. They don’t know what they’re
missing.” He smiled.
“I don’t… know… anymore.”
“Right now, you don’t have to beat yourself up over
anything.” Matt planted another kiss on the top of my head before adding, “Why
don’t we eat and then head out to Xavier’s place and hang out for a little
while?”
Staying home and crying for hours on end would not change
things, and if I were left alone, that’s exactly what I would end up doing.
After two painful blows in one day, I needed to unwind, so taking up Matt’s
offer was the best way to distract myself from the pain of both.
“That sounds good.”
“All right then, come on.”
After we finished eating and doing the dishes, I called in
sick to work and headed out to Xavier’s place with Matt to spend the evening
watching movies, having a few rounds of card games, and drinking a few beers,
which ended up in me getting completely drunk and having to be carried home by
my two male companions. I was asleep as soon as they placed me on the bed and
took off my shoes.
****
Due to the fact that I drank myself into near
unconsciousness the night before, I woke up late the next morning with a
massive hangover. I hardly had enough time to shower, dress, take a couple of
Tylenols, and run out the door to make it to school before my first class
started.
Vanessa came to pick me up as usual, but I did not mention
anything about Brandon at all during the short drive to Direct City Community College.
Knowing me well enough to grasp when I was avoiding a subject, she did not pry
for information and, instead, let me ride my migraine headache in peace.
Unbeknownst to her, I was also suffering from a severe case of a broken heart.
The only ray of sunshine I was clinging onto was gone in a
flash when the first hour of classes ended and I realized that Brandon had not showed
up. It was unusual for him to miss classes. I knew this because I rarely
skipped classes myself. His absence worried me and after recalling the haunted look
in his eyes as he drove away the previous afternoon, I was sure that something
was wrong. So as soon as Mr. Lynne dismissed the class, I walked out into the
hallway, took out my cell and called him. Unfortunately, there was no answer,
so I ended up leaving him a voice message.