Authors: Samuel Beckett
Ends and Odds (8 page)
A: It is now ⦠ten ⦠twenty-five. We have no train before eleven twenty. Let us kill the time here, talking of this and that.
B: What do you mean, eleven twenty? Ten fifty.
A
takes a time-table from his pocket, opens it at relevant page and hands it to
B.
A: Where it's marked with a cross. (B
consults the time-table, hands it back to
A
and sits down again. Long pause.
A
clears his throat. Pause. Impassionately
.) How many unfortunates would be so still today if they had known in time to what extent they were so! (
Pause
.) Remember Smith?
B: Smith? (
Pause
.) Never knew anyone of that name.
A: Yes you did! A big fat redhair. Always to be seen hanging round World's End. Hadn't done a hand's turn for years. Reputed to have lost his genitals in a shooting accident. His own double-barrel that went off between his legs in a moment of abstraction, just as he was getting set to let fly at a quail.
B: Stranger to me.
A: Well to make a long story short he had his head in the oven when they came to tell him his wife had gone under an ambulance. Hell, say he, I can't miss that, and now he has a steady job in Marks and Spencer's. (
Pause
.) How is Mildred?
B (
disgustedly):
Oh you knowâ(
Brief burst of birdsong. Pause
.) Good God!
A: Philomel!
B: Oh that put the heart across me!
A: Hsst! (
Low
.) Hark hark! (
Pause. Second brief burst, louder. Pause
.) It's in the room! (
He gets up, moves away on tiptoe
.) Come on, let's have a look.
B: I'm scared!
He gets up none the less and follows cautiously in the wake of
A. A
advances on tiptoe upstage right.
B
tiptoes after.
A (
turning):
Hsst! (
They advance, halt in the corner.
A
strikes a match, holds it above his head. Pause. Low
.) She's not here. (
He drops the match and crosses the stage on tiptoe followed on tiptoe by
B.
They pass before the window, halt in the corner upstage left. Match as before. Pause
.) Here she is!
B (
recoiling):
Where?
A
squats. Pause.
A: Lend me a hand.
B: Let her be! (A
straightens up painfully, clutching to his belly a large birdcage covered with a green silk cloth fringed with beads. He starts to stagger with it towards his table
.) Give it here.
B
helps to carry the cage. Holding it between them they advance warily towards
A'
s table.
A (
breathing hard):
Hold on a second. (
They halt. Pause
.) Let's go. (
They move on, set down the cage gently on the table.
A
lifts cautiously the cloth on the side away from the audience, peers. Pause
.) Show a light.
B
takes up the lamp and shines it inside the cage. They peer, stooped. Long pause.
B: There's one dead.
They peer.
A: Have you a pencil? (B
hands him a long pencil.
A
pokes it between the bars of the cage. Pause
.) Yes.
He withdraws the pencil, puts it in his pocket.
B: Hi!
A
gives him back his pencil. They peer.
A
takes
B'
s hand and changes its position.
A: There.
They peer.
B: Is it the cock or the hen?
A: The hen. See how drab she is.
B (
revolted):
And he goes on singing! (
Pause
.) There's lovebirds for you!
A: Lovebirds! (
Guffaw
.) Ah Morvan, you'd be the death of me if I were sufficiently alive! Lovebirds! (
Guffaw
.) Finches, pinhead! Look at that lovely little green rump! And the blue cap! And the white bars! And the gold breast! (
Didactic
.) Note moreover the characteristic warble, there can be no mistaking it. (
Pause
.) Oh you pretty little pet, oh you bonny wee birdie! (
Pause. Glum
.) And to think all that is organic waste! All that splendour!
They peer.
B: They have no seed. (
Pause
.) No water. (
Pointing
.) What's that there?
A: That? (
Pause. Slow, toneless
.) An old cuttle-bone.
B: Cuttle-bone?
A: Cuttle-bone.
He lets the cloth fall back. Pause.
B: Come, Bertrand, don't, there is nothing we can do. (A
takes up the cage and goes with it upstage left.
B
puts down the lamp and hastens after him
.) Give it here.
A: Leave it, leave it! (
He advances to the corner, followed by
B,
and puts down the cage where he found it. He straightens up and moves back towards his table, still followed by
B. A
stops short
.) Will you have done dogging me! Do you want me to jump too? (
Pause.
B
goes to A's table, takes up briefcase and chair, goes to his table and sits with back to window. He switches on his lamp, switches it off again immediately
.) How end? (
Long pause.
A
goes to window, strikes a match, holds it high and inspects
C'
s face. The match burns out, he throws it out of window
.) Hi! Take a look at this! (B
does not move.
A
strikes another match, holds it high and inspects C's face
.) Come on! Quick! (B
does not move. The match burns out
, A
lets it fall
.) Well I'll be â¦!
A
takes out his handkerchief and raises it timidly towards
C'
s face.
(
Translated by the author
.)
HE
: (
gloomily):
Madam.
SHE
: Are you all right? (
Pause
.) You asked me to come.
HE
: I ask no one to come here.
SHE
: You suffered me to come.
HE
: I meet my debts.
Pause.
SHE
: I have come to listen.
HE
: When you please.
Pause.
SHE
: May I squat on this hassock? (
Pause
.) Thank you. (
Pause
.) May we have a little heat?
HE
: No, Madam.
Pause.
SHE
: Is it true the music goes on all the time?
HE
: Yes.
SHE
: Without cease?
HE
: Without cease.
SHE
: It's unthinkable! (
Pause
.) And the words too? All the time too?
HE
: All the time.
SHE
: Without cease?
HE
: Yes.
SHE
: It's unimaginable. (
Pause
.) So you are here all the time?
HE
: Without cease.
Pause.
SHE
: How troubled you look! (
Pause
.) May one see them?
HE
: No, Madam.
SHE
: I may not go and see them?
HE
: No, Madam.
Pause.
SHE
: May we have a little light?
HE
: No, Madam.
Pause.
SHE
: How cold you are! (
Pause
.) Are these the two knobs?
HE
: Yes.
SHE
: Just push? (
Pause
.) Is it live? (
Pause
.) I ask you is it live.
HE
: No, you must twist. (
Pause
.) To the right.
Click.
MUSIC
(
faint): ....................................
Silence.
SHE
(
astonished):
But there are more than one!
HE
: Yes.
SHE
: How many?
Pause.
HE
: To the right, Madam, to the right.
Click.
VOICE
(
faint): ....................................
SHE
(
with
VOICE
):
Louder!
VOICE
(
no louder): ................................
Silence.
SHE (
astonished):
But he is alone!
HE
: Yes.
SHE
: All alone?
HE
: When one is alone one is all alone.
Pause.
SHE
: What is it like together?
Pause.
HE
: To the right, Madam.
Click.
MUSIC
(
faint, brief): ....................................
MUSIC | Â |
 | (together):...................................... |
VOICE | Â |
Silence.
SHE
: They are not together?
HE
: No.
SHE
: They cannot see each other?
HE
: No.
SHE
: Hear each other?
HE
: No.
SHE
: It's inconceivable!
Pause.
HE
: To the right, Madam.
Click.
VOICE
(
faint):.............................
SHE (
with
VOICE): Louder!
VOICE
(
no louder):.............................
Silence.
SHE
: And
â(faint stress)âyou
like that?
HE
: It is a need.
SHE
: A need?
That
a need?
HE
: It has become a need. (
Pause
.) To the right, Madam.
Click.
MUSIC
(
faint):................................
SHE (
with
MUSIC
): Louder!
MUSIC
(
no louder):............................
Silence.
SHE
: That too? (
Pause
.) That a need too?
HE
: It has become a need, Madam.
Pause.
SHE
: Are they in the same ⦠situation?
Pause.
HE
: I don't understand.
SHE
: Are they ⦠subject to the same ⦠conditions?
HE
: Yes, Madam.
SHE
: For instance? (
Pause
.) For instance?
HE
: One cannot describe them, Madam.
Pause.
SHE
: Well, I'm obliged to you.
HE
: Allow me, this way.
Pause.
SHE
: (
a little off):
Is that a Turkoman?
HE
(
ditto):
Allow me.
SHE (
a little further off):
How troubled you look! (
Pause
.) Well, I'll leave you. (
Pause
.) To your needs.
HE (
ditto):
Goodbye, Madam. (
Pause
.) To the right, Madam, that's the garbage
â(faint stress)âthe house
garbage. (
Pause
.) Goodbye, Madam.
Long pause. Sound of curtains violently drawn, first one, then the other, clatter of the heavy rings along the rods. Pause. Faint pingâas sometimes happensâof telephone receiver raised from cradle. Faint sound of dialing. Pause.
HE
: Hello ⦠Miss ⦠is the doctor ⦠ah ⦠yes ⦠he to call me ⦠Macgillycuddy ⦠Macâgillyâcuddy ⦠right ⦠he'll know ⦠and Miss ⦠Miss! ⦠urgent ⦠yes! ⦠(
shrill
)⦠most urgent!
Pause. Receiver put down with same faint ping. Pause. Click.
MUSIC
(
faint):.....................................
HE (
with
MUSIC
): Good God!
MUSIC
(
faint):....................................
Silence. Pause. Click.
VOICE
(
faint):.....................................
HE (
with
VOICE,
shrill):
Come on! Come on!
VOICE
(
faint):....................................
Silence.
HE (
low):
What'll I do? (
Pause. Faint ping of receiver raised again. Faint dialing Pause
.) Hello ⦠Miss ⦠Macgillycuddy ⦠Mac-gilly-cuddy ⦠right ⦠I'm sorry but ⦠ah ⦠yes ⦠of course ⦠can't reach him ⦠no idea ⦠understand ⦠right ⦠immediately ⦠the moment he gets back ⦠what? ⦠(
shrill
)⦠yes! ⦠I
told you so! ⦠most urgent! ⦠most urgent! (
Pause, Low
.) Slut!
Sound of receiver put down violently. Pause. Click.
MUSIC
(
faint, brief): ...............................
Silence. Click.
VOICE (
faint, brief):...............................
HE (
with
VOICE,
shrill):
It's crazy! Like one!
MUSIC | Â |
 | (together):...................................... |
VOICE | Â |