Enduring Everything (Marked Heart #1) (7 page)

12

The
Conversation

The Roberts' house was unusually quiet when I arrived. Emerson and all of their kids, except for Lola and Charlotte, were at the Rec Center for sports night. Lola was sick, so she was already down for the night and thankfully Charlotte was upstairs in her room. Too bad out of sight wasn't out of mind because Charlotte was the topic of the evening.

Sighing for around the twentieth time
, Amila shook her head after explaining all the problems they were having with Charlotte.

Giving a sigh of my own, I said, "Well, it sounds like you and Emerson need to just lay down the law with her and if she refuses to obey..."

"Ren you don't understand what all has happened to her. Its beyond hurt," she interrupted.

Clearing my throat, I asked, "Amila, if I don't understand, how do you think I'm gonna help her?"

Almost as if she was telling a secret, Amila replied, "Ren, you know Emerson has told me some of what happened to you when you were young. She won't talk to anyone about anything that has happened to her and we just found out that she has missed her last two appointments with the psychologist."

Glaring at Amila, I questioned, "Why does she have to talk about it?"

With a confused expression she informed, "Its part of the recovery process."

I didn't know
whether to laugh or be angry with Amila.

Shaking my head at her, I shared, "That's really dumb."

Defending her statement, Amila argued, "No it's not. It's very important. There are several steps to recovery and she won't be a functional adult without them."

Scowling at her, this
was no longer about Charlotte, at least not in my mind.

I
never talked about what actually happened when I was growing up, most of what everyone knew was assumed by what they thought. Hert was the closest and he never even saw what took place, just the aftermath. It was the same with my relationship with Henley. It never really goes away, the things that happen stay inside you but when you're no longer in the situation, you recover. The only truly horrific thing that had happened to me, I never spoke to anyone about. I wrote it down once, but that was for a purpose and that in itself almost pushed me over the edge. Yea, I had an issue here and there but I was functional.

Sitting back against the couch, I
thought of a way to get out of this.

"Obviously she told someone at some point, because you know what happened to her," I said, feeling particularly brilliant at the moment.

Shaking her head, she said, "No she hasn't, I only know what was in the police report and hospital records."

Realizing whatever happened to Charlotte that landed her with the Robert's exceeded my experiences, I said, "Look Amila, I'm sorry y'all are going through this but..."

Suddenly a voice came from behind us shouting, "Sorry for them? I never asked to come here!"

Amila stood as I turned to see Charlotte coming down the stairs.

Caught in the act of what Charlotte would consider a betrayal, Amila pleaded, "Charlotte, please we love you."

Charlotte marched towards us, pointing at me saying, "I don't need anyone's help. Especially hers."

Thinking, 'good' I tried to let them work it out.

"Charlotte honey, Ren can help you. She knows what you're going through," Amila swore.

As I mentally snapped, 'no I don't', Charlotte glared at me and patronized, "Awe, was your mommy mean to you?" then looking me up and down she added, "Yea, you look like you've had a rough life."

That was it, I couldn't take it anymore.

Unsure if it was that she mentioned my mother or the condescending way she looked at me, I was no longer able to keep quiet.

Standing up, I walked right in front of her and cautioned, "You need to shut your mouth right now."

"What, are you going to make me?" she challenged.

Refusing to look her in the eye, I glanced over her expression and noticed
on the left side of her mouth she had a scar that ran from the top of her upper lip all the way to the bottom of her lower one.

Narrowing my eyes at her, I snapped, "Looks like somebody already tried that and obviously it didn't work."

Charlotte didn't say a word.

"Ren," Amila scolded as I turned to see the hurt on her face.

Feeling terrible for hurting Amila, I apologized, "I'm sorry, I can't help you," before stating, "And I won't help you," to Charlotte.

Shaking my head as I left, I thought, 'Ga
h, I hate her'.

Wishing Charlotte hadn't gotten under my skin like she did, I
felt bad for upsetting Amila. I turned the radio up in my car on the way home, trying to drown out anything other than making up with Jackson when I returned home.

13

A
Situation

After hearing a ding, I looked at my gas gage and pulled into the first gas station I came to. I pumped my gas and went in to pay, deciding I would call Amila and apologize to her first thing in the morning. The more I tried not to think about Charlotte, the more I realized, Amila was desperately trying to help someone she truly cared about and I made it worse.

Stepping out of the gas station,
I stopped for a moment to focus before clenching my teeth as I continued to my car.

"What are you doing here?" I questioned.

Henley took a step towards me, answering, "I saw you pull in."

Giving him a stupid look, I snapped, "You know damn well that's not what I meant."

"No part of you missed me over the years?" he asked with a sly smile across his face.

"Nope," I stated, walking to my driver's side door.

"I bet I know a part of you that will always miss me," he insisted, following close behind me.

Swinging around to face him, I asked, "Why are you here?"

"I think you know," he stated.

Shaking my head, I said, "No I don't and you promised not to come back."

"I never promised you anything. You told me not to come back," he replied before narrowing his eyes and saying, "And now, I know why."

Feeling my heart beat faster, I shared, "Because I never wanted to see you again. That's why."

Uncomfortably close now, Henley lowered his voice, asking, "Or was it because I would see Sophia?"

"Get away from me," I growled before warning, "And stay away from my family."

I couldn't quite decipher the expression on his face.

As I quickly hopped back in my car, I heard him assure, "This isn't over."

Still in shock
that my daughter's name came out of his mouth, I couldn't believe this was happening.

~

It was hard for me to concentrate as I sat on the couch waiting for Jackson to make it home from the Rec Center. What happened to the calm simple life I created? It had been so long since I lived with constant doubt and fear inside me. In a way it was familiar, like an old friend coming to visit. A part of me felt like I was being punished for being with Jackson. I came to terms with being alone for the rest of my life years ago. I knew it was in everyone's best interest. My worst fear was for Sophia to find out what my life was once like, what I was once like. I wasn't that person anymore. I was controlled and almost methodical in every aspect of my life. Now, a few weeks into being with someone again and it was all trickling back.

Thinking of a way to handle the situation before it got out of
control, my front door opened.

Walking right past me, Jackson greeted, "Hey baby, sorry I'm a little late. Roberts and I were..." before he stopped, turned around and looked at me, asking, "What are you doing?"

Shrugging, I replied, "Just sitting here."

"Was it that bad?" he asked.

Confused, I stared at him
, wondering what he was talking about.

Jackson set his gym bag on the coffee table before sitting next to me, saying, "Didn't you go talk to Amila about Charlotte?"

Nodding, I replied, "Yea."

Concern spread across his face as he questioned, "What happened?"

Shaking my head with a sigh, I said, "I can't stand her. She's such a..." stopping before I went too far, I shared, "She heard us talking about her and started acting stupid. I said something mean to her and she really deserved it, but it hurt Amila."

Scowling, he said, "I know why Roberts thought it was a good idea, but if it's too hard for you..."

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

Sliding his arms around me, Jacks answered, "I can see in your eyes how upset you are."

Knowing I needed to tell
Jackson what was going on and wondering how he could think it was over Charlotte, I pulled away.

Pulling my knees to my chest, I wrapped my arms around my legs preparing to tell him that not only did I run into Henley tonight
, but on our honeymoon too.

Shaking his head at me with a thoughtful expression, Jackson unwrapped my arms from around my legs, saying, "You don't need to do that."

Watching him carefully slide my legs away from my chest and replace them with himself,
I felt my heart starting to ache.

"I'm here," he whispered, placing light kisses across my cheek until his lips met mine.

Moving my hands to the sides of his face, I pulled back slowly, saying, "It's not about Charlotte."

"We're just going to keep moving forward," he softly replied.

Nodding
, I closed my eyes as he kissed me.

Wanting Jackson to make a joke or be silly with me, the seriousness of our moment made me even more afraid of losing everything.

~

A
combination of disturbing images filled my nightmare and everyone was in attendance. Hert was telling me I was disgusting and how much he hated me when my father arrived and drug me into another room. Inside the other room my mother sat quietly in the corner as my father grabbed my face as hard as he could before shoving me into a desk. I felt blood dripping down my leg before I realized I was lying on top of the desk. A man named Salvador was leaning over me. With a slow blink Salvador lifted me off the desk before falling to his knees. Rolling out of his arms, I felt something pressing into my cheek. When I pushed away I saw it was a gun. A loud shot rang out and I felt myself being drug out of the room into a long hallway. My whole body ached and there seemed to be blood everywhere. Pulled to my feet, I turned to see if it was my father again and saw Henley. He was less than an inch from my face. I could feel his breath on my lips as he whispered 'all mine'. My hands were suddenly bloody but I slid them into his hair anyway. Henley kissed me so hard it hurt then my body started to go numb until I could hear someone whispering in my ear. 'You're weak and pathetic'. Swinging around, I expected to see a woman but a man named Ramsden was standing there instead with a hand full of zip ties. I involuntarily went to my knees. When Henry made his appearance, I woke up screaming.

Frantically rubbing my wrists with my hands as I sat up, I looked across the bed to see Jacks sitting there, holding his hands up.

"Why is this happening?" I choked out.

Appearing wary of touching me, Jackson slowly scooted closer, saying, "You were shouting cut me loose and then I don't know what you said. It wasn't English."

Somewhere between still
being inside my nightmare and seeing Jackson sitting in front of me, I broke down.

Pulling me to his chest as he tried to wipe my tears away, Jacks whispered, "It was just a nightmare."

Shaking my head into his chest, I cried, "It happened."

"What happened?" he softly asked.

"All of it," I whispered, finding it hard to recover.

Tightening his hold around me as I curled my body into his, Jackson offered, "I think it's better if Amila finds another way to help Charlotte. I don't want to see you like this."

Frustrated
, I couldn't understand why he kept bringing her up.

How could Jackson think, with everything I had been through, some
disobedient girl would have any kind of affect on me? Yea she had made me angry and I hated her but she had nothing to do with me, except for causing me to hurt a dear friend.

Slowly pulling away, I snapped, "Don't compare me to her."

Jacks looked at me with a pitiful expression, saying, "I just think she reminds you of things that you've left behind you."

"What if I didn't?" I questioned.

Pulling me back to his chest, Jacks replied, "Ren, nothing can come back unless you let it."

Relaxing against him, I knew he was right. Amila's talk about sharing and steps w
as wrong. I wasn't going to let Henley taint my relationship with my daughter. I wasn't going to let him destroy the happiness I had with Jackson. And I sure as hell wasn't going to let him pull the past back into my present. Henley was a problem I created and I was going to handle it.