Entrelacen (20 page)

Oh. My. God. What was supposed to be
hanging out with my kids, turns into a hot make out
session in the mud. I’ve made out with my share of
guys, not that I’m bragging or anything, but I have
never, and I mean never, been kissed like this. If
perfection is possible, I would say kissing Logan is
definitely perfection. His lips are softer than I thought
possible. The way he moves them slowly and
passionately, as he takes his time to explore every
inch of my mouth, has me coming completely undone.

You know when people say they see fireworks
behind their eyelids when they kiss someone? Well,
this isn't fireworks, or even stars, but love. Pure,
undeniable, crazy Love. It has completely taken me
by surprised. When he starts to pull away, I have to
pull him back to make sure what I was feeling wasn’t
from the excitement of a first kiss, but are my true
feelings. He tastes like chocolate. Sounds crazy, right?
But he does. When we finally stopped kissing, I lick
my lips. I can still taste him. It take everything in me
to let him help me up so we can go get cleaned up. All
my thoughts are trying to come up with a way to get
him to kiss me again.

I never thought girls would ever have to take a
cold shower, but just thinking about his kiss has me
reeling. The way he stroked my face to get the mud
off, the way he looked into my eyes, and the way he
smiled at me, had me feeling extremely excited. God,
this boy has me completely acting like a fool. I’ve
never been one to believe in fate. I know we all have
destinies and purposes in life, but maybe there is
something more. Maybe fate is real, and everything
that happened to both of us got us prepared for each
other. I gave Logan my shower and took one down
stairs in my mom’s bathroom. When I finish, I go
upstairs to check on the boys, who are all sound
asleep. As I’m walking out, I run into Logan.

“We really need to stop meeting this way,”
Logan says with a chuckle.
My face flushes immediately, and I laugh
embarrassingly, “Well, if you would watch where you
were going, we wouldn’t have this problem.”
“Hey! I was coming out of the room when you
walked into the room.”
“Come on. Is that the best you've got?”
I love playing with him. I’ve missed this kind
of interaction. I’m laughing as I walk further into my
room to throw my clothes in the hamper. I’m walking
out of my closet when I’m lifted off my feet and
thrown on my bed. Logan is laughing above me as
I’m trying to catch my breath. He’s terribly gorgeous,
smart, and funny. Best of all, he wants me too. At
least I think he wants me. He’s looking at me like he
wants me.
“What’s going on inside that head of yours?”
He asks curiously.
No secrets, remember April? Own it up, and
spit it out if you’re going to think it. “You want this,
right? This being me. I mean I really like you Logan,
but I won’t jeopardize my kids. They don’t need me
bringing people in and out of their lives like their
parents did. So I need to make sure this is something
you really want.”
I hold my breath and look away from him. I’m
not sure I could go back to the bookstore if he walks
out right now, no matter how much I love being there.
I wouldn’t be able to face him if this, whatever this is,
doesn’t work out.
“April, why wouldn’t you think this would
work out? What makes you question whether or not I
want you? Have I not proven that I do want you?”
“Logan, did you hear my thoughts? I totally
didn’t say any of that out loud.”
He looks really confused at my question, and
you can tell as soon as the light bulb goes off. His
eyes are shining bright with excitement, his smile is
brilliant, and he is vibrating with energy. He looks like
my kids when they get a new toy.
“I thought you said it out loud! It was like you
were speaking in my head, and my mind just assumed
you actually spoke. Does that mean you projected
your thoughts to me, or I read your mind?”
“Umm, I’m not sure. Gran said when I feel
really strongly about something, that’s when I project-
," I let myself trail off, hoping he stays focused on
being able to hear thoughts, instead of on the content
of what I was thinking.
“Let’s try it again! Wait! You just said when
you feel strongly about something. What exactly
where you feeling April?” His voice is serious and so
different from the playful banter we had going on a
little while ago.
I try to come up with something to say that’s
not going to dig me a bigger hole or make me admit
more. I know its crazy ridiculous to be having the
intense feelings that I have for him, but if he can pick
up on my thoughts, I need to develop some kind of
shield or something. Crap! I look over at him, and he
has that look again. The doe-eyed, amazed look, but
then he gets serious. He walks up to me. I take a step
back, and then his hands are framing my face. His
face is about an inch away from mine, and all the
serious thoughts I was having vanish. The only
thought that remains is that if I lean forward, our lips
will connect. I lick my lips in hope. Anticipation.
“April, stop looking at me like that and licking
your lips. This is serious. Trying to distract me like
that won’t work.”
Sighing, I nod my head but bite my lip out of
habit. He groans. I smile.
Shaking his head, his voice is husky, “I
honestly don’t know what I’m going to do with you,
but I do need you to know something.”
I mentally prepare to put up shields I’ve
perfected my whole life for whatever It’s he has to
say, just in caseIt’sn't what I want to hear.
Controlling my emotions and wearing a mask
have become second nature to me. They help protect
me from heartache, rejection, and basically anything
that can hurt me. Being around Gran and Logan has
made me soft. I’ve never felt the need to hide b
ehind a
smile with them, but that could all change now.
Instant regret is seeping its way through all the cracks
and crevices. How could I be so stupid to believe this
would be any different from anything before?
“First of all, you need to know you can trust
me. I wouldn’t do or say anything I don’t mean. So
with that being said, I want to be here with you. I’ll
admit I was worried about the boys, but not in the way
you might think. I was worried that they wouldn’t like
me, and then you wouldn't want to be around me.
Second, what is a shield, and why would you need
that around me?”
Okay, I should feel relieved that he wants to be
around me and the boys, but I’m not yet. Honesty
April, he’s been nothing but honest with you, so it’s
your turn. “Okay, let me answer your question from
before. The intense feeling I was feeling before when
you heard me was all directed to you and was about
you. I feel really strongly about you. I was
overanalyzing my feelings for you and how they
could be possible when we barely know each other. A
shield is what you call my mask. It’s an invisible wall
that I surround around my mind and heart, so I won’t
get hurt.”
“Okay. So why would you need a shield
around me?” He sounds wounded, like I just took
away his favorite toy and told him he couldn’t have it
back, ever.
“Well it has more to do with myself than you,”
I sigh, hoping that would be enough, but with that
look he is giving me, I know it’s not. “Fine. To be
brutally honest with you, it's because you and I don’t
make sense Logan, I mean look at me. You are
gorgeous and perfect, and I'm, well, I'm me. Why
would you want me when I have three kids? You
could have any girl you want, so it’s hard to see how I
fit into that.”
“Stop. Stop right there. You can’t do that
around me anymore April.” He’s mad. I know I
should take his anger seriously, but he looks really
sexy like this.
“For the sake of not arguing and waking up the
boys, fine, I won’t say that again.”
“Thank you. You’re wrong though. If
anything, I don’t deserve you. You don’t see how
amazing you are, and maybe that’s because you don’t
have someone to tell you that, but it’s true. I care
about you April, and those boys won me over today. I
had more fun than I can ever remember having today
with you guys. Don't run away from me I don’t know
if I could survive that.”
I’m so happy that I don’t respond to him with
words, but I show him in a different way. He had
moved to stand by the door to my room, like I was
going to make him leave or something. I walk up to
him, grab his hand, shut the door behind him, and take
him to the bed. I push him down. I climb on the bed
and straddle him. He looks scared and excited, so I
lean in and whisper in his ear, “Breathe.” I kiss him. I
kiss him with every ounce of emotion I feel for him
pouring through my mouth. I drop all the shields I
held in place and feel him gasp underneath my mouth.
His hands find their way to my hips, and I’m
reminded of the day we first saw each other. I pull
back to look at his face, and I see all of him. He's
completely clothed, but naked to me.

I can’t believe she doesn’t realize how
amazing she is. The fact that she adopted
these boys so they could have a better life
proves I’m not good enough for her, not
the other way around. Now I’m lying on
her bed while she’s straddling me and
kissing me like that. Then I feel it. She’s
completely opened herself up to me. I can
feel the way she feels about me, the way
she loves the boys, and every other
emotion she has: her fear, her hopes, her
dreams and how I fit into all of it now. So
I do what she did. I open myself up
completely to her. At least I think that’s
what I’m doing. When I open my eyes,
she’s staring at me with that same look
she has when she is with her boys. I know
she sees me, all of me.

The connection between us is
humming; the air around us is charged. I
want her in every way imaginable right
now, but she deserves something more
than that. I’m not ready to leave her just
yet, but if I stay any longer, this could
lead somewhere that we’re both not ready
for. I feel the need to stake my claim on
her though; it’s an odd feeling, one I’m not
used to but find myself enjoying. So how
do I do that? ‘Will you be my girlfriend’
sounds so high school, so what am I
supposed to say?

What’s up?”
“I can tell. Your eyes got this far
away look in them. So umm, it’s getting
late. Do you need me to drive you back to
work to get your car?”
“Oh no, don’t worry about that. I'll
just walk home, and Gran can take me to
work in the morning.”
“Wait. Walk home? Do you live
close? I don’t mind taking you, really.”
“Don’t worry about it April. I only
live two streets over.”
“Alright, but call or text me when
you make it home.”
She takes my phone from me and
programs her number into it. She doesn’t
comment when she notices that the only
two numbers in the phone are for Gran
and the store. I know she’s confused by
her eyebrows furrowing in, the nervous
habit of her biting on the right corner of
her lower lip, and the way she avoids my
eyes. She wants to know why, but she
doesn’t ask. It’s one of the things I love
about her. When most people would ask
questions, she doesn’t. She clearly wants
to, but she will wait until I’m ready to
volunteer the information.
“Okay, you have my number now
so, call me when you get there.”
She still hasn’t met my eyes yet,
and her voice trembled when she said
that. How does she expect me to walk
away from her when she’s so damn cute? I
just keep thinking that I want to push her
back onto the bed and peel the clothes off
her. Shaking my head to get that image
out, I walk to the door.
We’re making our way down the
stairs to the front door when I feel it. I
turn to look at April, and she’s heading
back upstairs, taking the steps two at a
time. Completely confused, I turn to look
toward the backyard and see April’s mom
in the doorway.
“Is everything okay?” I ask her
because just staring at each other feels
awkward.
“I hope you are ready to fight again
Logan. It’s not going to be as easy as it
was the first time. A choice is going to
have to be made. You will have to decide
whether to protect the one you love or
protect your destiny.”
Her voice isn’t the same. It’s deep
and filled with a sense of foreboding. I look
more closely, and her eyes are a solid
black. It’sn't April's Mom anymore. The
darkness has taken over her body. I should
be afraid, but I’m not. All I feel is a sense
of urgency. What does she mean, a choice?
Why does it always have to be a choice?
“I have a choice between protecting
who I love and protecting who I’m
destined to protect?”
“Exactly. You are the new protector
in your family. You are destined to protect
something or someone great. Your loyalty
will be tested. Will you protect the one you
love or the one you were born to protect?
Be ready.”
Well shit.
I guess that kills my theory that
April is the one. Not the one in the sense
of a soul mate, because I know she’s that
ONE, but if she isn’t who I’m supposed to
protect, then who is? Turning away from
April’s mom, I head back upstairs to find
April. She’s sitting in the door frame of
the boys' room watching them sleep. God
she’s beautiful. How am I supposed to
choose between her and someone I haven’t
even found yet?
I sit with my back against the wall,
opposite her. April turns to look at me,
and she looks so sad. This isn't fair. I can
feel that anger I used to have clawing its
way back to the surface. This is straight
up bullshit. Why would our paths cross just
for us to be pulled apart? The anger is
building, my hands ball into fists, and
everything is taking on a red haze. I look
at April. Her eyes get wide, and she looks
scared. The anger dissipates. It’s gone as
quickly as it started.
That’s when I know that there’s no
choice to be made. If stepping away from
them keeps them safe, then that’s what I
have to do.