Escaping Christmas (Contemporary Romance) (5 page)

Angie lay awake in the dark, lost in thought. After a hectic night of lovemaking, Alex had fallen asleep immediately. That was hours ago, and she was still awake. She had no idea what to do. Alex had feelings for her, he’d said as much in that strange declaration he’d made in front of his cousin several days ago. And if she was honest with herself, she was more than a little crazy about him. Every time she looked into his eyes, it did funny things to her. But she was not interested in a long-term relationship. It could never work with her living in the States. He had his business and his life here, and hers—or what was left of it—was back in Boston.

Angie sighed impatiently. Why was she even thinking like this? Alex was a good man, salt of the earth, true blue and whatever other noble epithet applied. He probably wasn’t the kind of guy who could spend several nights in a woman’s bed without feeling something for her, so there was no need to read too much into his words. Still, she couldn’t help thinking about it, and the idea that he’d been with other women pierced her deep in her chest. He was rich and incredibly handsome; of course he would have had other women. He was thirty-two for goodness’ sake, and there was no way a man could make love the way Alex did without having had a lot of practice. She was not naive. But the thought still bothered her.

Suppressing a sigh of impatience, Angie crept out of the bed. Shrugging on the silk robe that was hanging on the door of the wardrobe, she made her way to the living room and stepped out onto the balcony. The sultry heat of the Kuala Lumpur night embraced her as she stared out at the palm trees standing so still in the night. A slight breeze brought some relief to the air but it was not enough to move the trees. They reminded her of Alex.

There was something so sturdy and unshakable about him. She knew it had been unfair of her to dismiss the strength of his feelings just now—there was nothing fickle about the man she’d come to know. True, he was not all brooding machismo like his cousin. He was more open and friendly, using his charm to make others feel comfortable. But there was also an intensity to him that she only saw when they were making love, or in the way he looked at her sometimes when he thought she didn’t notice.

She felt torn in several directions. She would be leaving for good in a couple of days, and she was coming to the dreadful conclusion that when she did, a large chunk of her heart would stay behind. At that realization she wrapped her arms around her waist in an attempt to ward off a chill that had nothing to do with the night.

Alex watched Angie hug herself on the balcony. The lamps outside illuminated her slender form, and he felt something tug in his heart. He’d woken up and missed her. The space beside him was empty so he had come to find her. He supposed he needed to get used to sleeping alone now, though God knew how he would manage that. He was so crazy about this woman and he was going to lose her in just two days; he had no idea what to do about it. He had tried to show her in every way possible that they belonged together, and though he could see that she had feelings for him, she was still holding back. He fought down despair as he raked a hand through his hair. He knew in his heart that Angie was the woman he’d been waiting for. He had never truly been in love before so he wasn’t even sure if that was what he was feeling. All he knew was that he didn’t want to live without her, but he was quickly running out of options. He suspected that her holding back had a lot to do with her late husband. She never talked about him, and that in itself spoke volumes.

He went to her now and wrapped his arms around her. She sighed and leaned into him. He felt the simplicity of that gesture deep in his heart and knew that whether she wanted to admit it to herself or not, Angie Scot was as crazy about him as he was about her. Now he just had to make her see that they were irrevocably bound to each other. They needed to talk.

“Can you make us some coffee?” he asked her.

She turned to look at him with an enquiring glance but didn’t say anything, just nodded and headed for the kitchen, flicking on lights as they went.

After the coffee had brewed and she’d poured them each a cup, they sat at the breakfast bar where it had all started. Alex was having a hard time believing it had been just a little over a week before that they had shared that container of ice cream. His life had changed so completely since that day he couldn’t even remember what it was like before he’d met Angie. He sat staring at the black coffee she set before him, for once at a loss for words.

“Alex?” She nudged him gently with her knee.

He turned to look at her and was struck by how absolutely adorable she looked with her sleep-tousled hair. She had a small smile on her lips, a secret smile she saved only for him. He couldn’t bear the thought that she would walk away in a few days and would smile that same secret smile for another man somewhere down the line. The idea made him clench his hands instinctively, and he spilled some of his coffee. Before he could react, she was there with a kitchen towel, wiping up the spill.

“What is it?” she asked quietly.

“Tell me about him,” Alex said. He knew he sounded abrupt, but he didn’t know how else to introduce the subject.

She stilled for a fraction of a second then slowly raised the cup of coffee to her mouth. She took a sip and then set it down in front of her. “Who?”

She was stalling. Alex knew she was perfectly aware what he was asking, but he decided to answer her, anyway. “Tell me about your husband, Angie.”

Angie had been expecting the question since the day they’d met so she was not particularly surprised. That didn’t keep her from tensing, though; this was not a subject she wanted to talk about, especially not at 3:00 a.m. But she knew she owed Alex an explanation. Maybe if she told him something about the man she’d married he would understand why she could not afford to let things between them move beyond the physical. Oh, he hadn’t said anything about taking things further, but she was no fool. She knew he was crazy about her. And if she had to talk about the poor excuse for a man she had been foolish enough to fall in love with and get married to, she supposed it might as well be now.

“What do you want to know?”

“Anything, Angie. Everything. I want to know it all. What was his name? What was he like? What did he do to you to make you so distrustful of men?” At her look of surprise he shrugged and said with a wry smile, “Credit me with some intuition.”

Angie gulped down some of her coffee, which had rapidly cooled in the air-conditioned kitchen. It wasn’t Dutch courage by any means, but it would have to serve.

“His name was Michael. He was an only child, and his parents, who were very wealthy, spoiled him rotten. He was used to getting his way. But he was so charming, so full of life and laughter, that most people would let him trample all over them and thank him for it. At least, I know I did.” She went quiet for a few moments, lost in her memories of Michael and his boyish charm. With a sigh she continued. “When we met I had been running my business for a few months. I’m an interior decorator,” she informed him. “I needed money desperately. I needed a cash injection so I could expand my business, but more important, my mom had cancer, so I needed to pay for her treatment. He heard about me from a friend of a friend, or a cousin of a friend, I’m not sure which now.” She frowned then shook her head. “Whatever. Anyway, he wanted to be an angel investor. I would make him a partner with fifty percent of the business. My mom was dying of cancer by then and I was just so grateful that he was willing to invest in my business. He supplied the money and sent quite a few new clients my way. I couldn’t believe how lucky I was.” She let out a bitter laugh.

She could still remember how excited and grateful she’d been. Lord, she had been so naive. “We started dating, and when my mom died he helped me through the process. He asked me to marry him, and after a few months I finally agreed. Three months after our wedding, on Christmas Day, we were on our way to his mother’s when he said he wanted an annulment. It turned out that my accountant was not just an accountant, but also his lover. He’d been having an affair for even longer than we were married.”

Alex had listened without interrupting, but at this he couldn’t help but interject. “Why did he marry you if he was already in love with another woman?”

“That’s the irony.” She laughed bitterly. “He knew my father came from a wealthy and influential family, so he felt that even though I didn’t bear his name, I was still more respectable than the no-name accountant. Can you believe that he actually sat there calmly and told me that he’d married me because he’d thought my father’s family would eventually claim me, and that since that hadn’t happened, he didn’t see the sense in continuing with the marriage? I was a bad investment.” She wiped at the tears that had escaped and trickled down her face.

“A bad investment. That’s what he called me. Then he said that his mistress was expecting his baby and he was going to marry her. I just sat there and listened as my life crumbled around me. Somehow he lost control of the car. We skidded and ended up beneath a truck. He died instantly. I wasn’t so lucky.” Her voice broke.

“Angie,” Alex murmured.

“What I don’t understand is how I could have been so completely blind. I worked with them. How did I not notice that there was something going on?”

Alex stood then and lifted her into his arms. Her pain was almost more than he could bear. He walked with her to the sofa and settled her on his lap. “Angie, hear me. You married a man who was a bastard. How on earth is that your fault?”

“But I should have known, Alex.” She looked up at him earnestly, her eyes shadowed by remembered pain. “How could I not have known? I trusted him. I loved him. How could I love such a person?”

He brushed her hair from her face tenderly. “Baby, you gave your love freely and he abused it. That makes him a fool. You can’t seriously think love goes through a selection process, picking out only those who are worthy of our love.”

She shook her head sadly. “I hear you, Alex,” she said softly. “But I felt so stupid. They made a fool of me, and I helped them do it.”

Alex rubbed her back gently, comforting her but also trying to comfort himself. “So who is taking care of your business while you’re here?”

“What business?” She laughed derisively. “By the time I got out of the hospital I discovered that he had left his fifty percent to his lover, who had emptied the account and gone MIA.”

“You can’t let her get away with that.”

“Actually, I don’t care anymore.”

“Wow. I hate to speak badly of the dead and all that, but the man really was a bastard.”

Angie laughed weakly. “You can say that again.”

“So you’re going to close yourself up to everyone because of that character?”

Angie couldn’t believe her ears. Where was that coming from? “Excuse me?”

“Angie, you have so much to give, and you are alive. You married a crappy man but your world didn’t end. We’ve been together practically every day since we met but you haven’t really been with me. You’re holding back.”

She jumped off his lap, suddenly agitated. Hadn’t he heard a word she’d said? “Alex, you don’t understand. I was with Michael for over a year before we got married. If I got it so wrong then, how do I know I won’t make the same mistake again?”

Alex stood up, suddenly angry with her. “You are selling yourself short, babe.”

“I have no guarantee I won’t meet another asshole.”

He stiffened. “I am not an asshole!”

Angie jumped at the vehemence in his voice. “We’re not talking about you.”

“Are we not?”

She sighed and looked away from the challenge in his eyes. “I’m sorry, Alex. I got it so wrong with Michael, and I’m not willing to take the chance that I could get it that wrong again.”

Alex stared at her, saying nothing, a muscle in his jaw ticking. Just when she thought she couldn’t take the tension anymore, he spoke. “So you’re not going to give us a chance?”

“What chance? I leave in two days!”

“And if I asked you to stay?”

Angie felt the shock of his words. It wasn’t like she hadn’t thought vaguely about staying, but it just hadn’t seemed like an option. She felt her heart flutter but ignored it. Michael’s betrayal had devastated her, but Alex was different. No, if Alex did the same to her, she knew with bone-deep certainty that she would not survive it. So she drew herself up and looked him in the eye. “I can’t stay.”

He glanced up and let out the breath he’d been holding. She almost flinched when she saw the pain in his eyes.

“Do you want to know why I live in an apartment and not a house?” he asked. “The home I grew up in was full of love and laughter. When my parents died, we were taken to this palatial house that was filled with people and yet was as empty as a tomb. There was no laughter and certainly no love. My grandfather was cold and hard. We were lonely until Hussein came along and did his best to create a family for us. I promised myself that I would never move into a house until I knew that house would be filled with love. I have houses, but I’ve never lived in one. I wanted to live in a house with you, Angie.”

Angie’s face was wet. She hadn’t even realized she was crying. “I’m sorry, Alex,” she said brokenly.

Alex stood there staring at her. Somewhere in the recesses of his mind, he could feel his heart splintering, or he would have if he weren’t so damned numb at that moment.

“I never had a chance, did I?”

“Alex…”

“Damn.” He swore softly then laughed at the irony. He stared at his bare feet and shook his head absently. “I had to go and fall in love with a woman who won’t love me back.”

He looked up and felt his chest tighten when he caught the stricken look on her face. He wanted to yell at her that she couldn’t do this to them. He thought about weeping and begging her to reconsider. But in the end he walked to her and planted a fierce kiss on her startled lips. Whether she chose to acknowledge it or not, they belonged together. She was part of him just as he was part of her, and running away was not going to change anything. He kissed her with everything he had in his soul, letting her know just how he felt. She closed her eyes and surrendered to the kiss, holding on to him like she would never let go. But he knew better. She had already let him go.