Essential Beginnings (15 page)

“I already showed you my calculations. The measurement won’t be enough to cause much more damage here than that of a heavy winter’s storm with a full load of snow by the time it travels around the continents. The cabins and the lodge were constructed with twice that average load in mind when they were built.”

“Other than what it will do to our air, soil, and ground water,” Henley added on wryly, not even going to debate this with him. She’d lose and right now…she wasn’t in the mood. She put the pot back onto the burner and then collected their mugs. “Our phones still work. Why don’t you call him so that at least he knows and then let him make that decision?”

“Communications won’t work that much longer with the exception of the single channel radio sets in the bunker, and I can guarantee that the sheriff is tending to his own family instead of sitting in front of that short range two-way radio in his patrol car,” Ernie replied, finally looking over his shoulder. He’d taken his baseball cap off and it was sticking out of the back pocket of his dark grey pants that he usually wore fishing. His words stopped her in her tracks. “You would have known about the satellite relay coverage taking a crap if you’d been listening to Truman and me when we were having our conversation instead of taking a not-so-private moment with Mav.”

“It wasn’t a private moment,” Henley snapped and all but shoved Ernie’s coffee into his hands. It was really hard to remember that he was in his sixties, especially at times like these. “And are you telling me we’ve already lost contact with the outside world?”

“I explained to you the chronological order of things last night.” Ernie lifted the mug to his lips and took a sip, somehow the liquid not touching his mustache. “Now it’s a matter of making the right choices to survive. AM radio maybe—FM is mostly line of sight or relayed over landline and transmitted for thirty to fifty miles in this kind of environment. SHF is toast, although UHF might still be working for airborne platforms in the unaffected areas and that will only last until the ash cloud arrives. VHF and HF are all that we have left. The military will soon assume control of the landlines that remain in operation, assuming newer generation microwave towers can still operate covered in ash and of course while the power grid is still working. Doubtful beyond the next three days at best.”

Henley startled when a bang came on the front door, causing her coffee to slosh over the rim of her cup. She cursed and gave Ernie the honor of letting in Mav, who’d already announced his presence through the thick wooden planks. She turned and walked back to the small kitchenette for a hand towel.

“Well?” Ernie moved back and then closed the door behind Mav. He immediately went back to his station at the window, taking another long sip of his hot beverage. “Anyone out there?”

“Not that I can tell, but Owen always was a better tracker than me.” Mav glanced over Henley’s way but didn’t address the elephant in the room. She gave him credit for being smart, because she would have lost her temper had he brought up the fact that he’d just treated her like a five-year-old girl. Right now he was carrying two Rock River LMT 4 .223 caliber AR style rifles along with two pouches containing five extra thirty round magazines and a Lula speed-loading tool for each. He handed off the spare rifle and the second pouch to Ernie. She knew the caliber, brand, and what it could do because she’d been taught. Mav needed to understand that she could walk by his side and not hide behind him. “It’ll be good when they finally get here.”

Mav had stressed the word
when
and had purposefully not used
if
. Henley understood his need to have faith in the fact that his friends would arrive here safely, but she still couldn’t fathom having to travel the distance needed in the ever increasingly hazardous conditions. The harsh elements would make traveling all that much harder given that they wouldn’t be able to breathe without a mask that would require a new, clean, unclogged filter every few hours, let alone dealing with groups of terrorized people in search of someone to help them—people that would take what they couldn’t get by any means and kill for what they couldn’t steal. Mav thought she wasn’t listening to him, but she was.

“We’ll tell the sheriff tomorrow morning what we heard from this Truman character and then give traveling supplies to those who don’t want to stay here,” Ernie said with a tad bit of resignation. He couldn’t make everyone see things as clearly as he did. Look how long it had taken him to convince her and Mav. “In the meantime we need shifts. We can’t be caught off guard sleeping if Truman has ulterior motives. I’ll take the first two hours and then we’ll rotate. We’ll figure out the angles needed to secure the property and the likely avenues of approach once the others arrive. We will subsist inside the perimeter until we have to retreat to the bunker. We can survive for years once we’re inside if we have to.”

“I’ll be included in that rotation,” Henley stated loudly, staring at Mav and daring him to contradict her. His lips thinned out but he didn’t argue. She wanted to ensure that it would remain that way. “Mav, could I speak with you in private?”

“That’s a good idea,” Ernie commended with a nod of his head. Henley’s irritation rose at the fact that there was little privacy, but it wasn’t like it was something she could change. He started for the door but then added on one more thing before he left that lifted her spirits. “You two need to sort out your baggage because anything left up in the air will only pull us down.”

All that could be heard was the low murmuring of the emergency radio, giving as much detail of what was occurring in the Midwest as possible. Volcanic ash was raining down from the sky, visibility was nil, there were high casualties in the blast area, and the people who had survived were either trying to drive their way out of those areas or staying put. Unfortunately, neither option was useful unless properly prepared. Mav’s brown eyes sought hers and in them was a touch of helplessness, diluting their previous tension but not totally erasing it.

Mav slowly walked through the living area, the rifle still slung over his shoulder. He reminded her of one of those actors that had a distinctive swagger that let everyone know he wasn’t one to mess with. She doubted he would take kindly to that comparison and truth be told, she knew from Ernie that the vast majority of those actors wouldn’t have lasted a day in real combat. Mav didn’t acknowledge or agree with anything that she or Ernie had said, but at least he wasn’t arguing with her. It was progress.

“The coffee is fresh,” Henley offered and followed that up with a wave of her towel. Mav didn’t immediately head that way, but instead stopped directly in front of her and lifted the cloth off of her hand. His touch was hotter than the coffee had been. “Mav, it’s fine. What’s not fine is you thinking I can’t take care of myself or help you when or if the need arises.”

Mav sighed in resignation as he released her and then let the strap of his rifle slide down his arm. He set it carefully on the counter behind her and then poured himself a cup of coffee. She got the distinct impression that he was going to say something that would change things between them and she wasn’t sure that’s what she wanted. A lot of things had occurred over the past twenty-four hours and she honestly didn’t like the whiplash she was experiencing. She stayed where she was and didn’t follow him when he took Ernie’s place by the window.

“Do you find that the past has made its way into every little thing we do now?” Mav worded that question as if he didn’t expect an answer and Henley relaxed a little, walking slowly to the couch and sinking into the corner. It was the first time that she’d sat down since this morning and yet her body still felt on edge. It didn’t take long to realize why and her previous unease returned. “This morning, well, I didn’t mean to compare what you went through to my childhood. I diminished what you went through and that wasn’t fair. We each have our personal battles and the only thing that matters is that we’re here. We just need to do our damnedest to make sure we stay here.”

“I take it your mother has passed on?” Henley almost regretted inquiring about such a sensitive subject, especially when his haunted eyes met hers in the windowpane. This really wasn’t the time or place, especially when she wanted to clarify their earlier non-verbal disagreement about whether or not she could carry her own weight. “I’m sorry. You mentioned several times that you had no family, but I didn’t know if it was by choice. That was too personal.”

“Too personal?” Mav did turn around at that statement and then leaned against the wall. He slowly brought the mug up to his lips and drank, initiating thoughts at the wrong time and place. That whiplash was likely to leave her hurting. “I’ve been trying for three years to get to know you personally, so your question doesn’t faze me. Honestly, I’m surprised Ernie hasn’t told you. My mother died of an overdose when I was sixteen years of age. My biological father only claimed me because his name was on the birth certificate and I managed to be an all-star athlete in high school, despite that I had to work at the grocery store stocking shelves to pay for the transportation to and from practices during the summer. He stayed around for about a month until he finally got the hint that I didn’t want anything to do with him. The only family I have is Ernie and the rest of the guys who I consider my brothers. My life started from the moment I turned eighteen and joined the Marines. That choice gave me more than you could ever imagine and I usually don’t think of the days that occurred before that. At least until now.”

“Because I remind you of your mother,” Henley said regrettably, still holding the hand towel. She was glad since it gave her something to hold against the pain she’d caused him. “That wasn’t my intention, Mav. In my mind, I made you out to be like everyone else. My past experiences clouded my opinion and I chose not to come to you to clear up my misconception.”

“Why?”

A one word question that should have been so simple and yet the answer would expose her in a way that the camera never had. His life was more horrific in ways she’d never understand and hers paled in comparison. Yet for the first time she wanted him to hear what had made her this way and hope that he could explain how his past hadn’t tarnished his view of others. Henley had been able to hide behind the lens and then basically do the same here, all so the public couldn’t see how messed up she really was. Maybe Stanley Ratliff was right when he said her mental breakdown was what had brought her here. If so, Mav deserved to know.

“The majority of what Rat said was right,” Henley reluctantly acknowledged, taking a deep breath and peering up at Mav through her lashes. His facial expression didn’t change and there didn’t seem to be any harsh judgments within those brown eyes of his. She slowly released her hold on the towel as she continued with her story. It wasn’t one she’d ever told to anyone and if she were going to share it before the world came to an end…she was glad it was with Maverick. “The lifestyle got away from me and I became as obsessed as the fans of my work had become. If the media thought I was overweight, I’d lose a few more pounds. If a photographer said my skin needed to be darker, I went to the tanning salon. If my agent requested I date a specific actor, I went to dinner with him. The last time I saw my parents they asked me to see a psychiatrist because they were worried about my mental state. It leaked to the press around the same time as their car accident. A week later I was in the hospital with what I thought was a heart attack only to be diagnosed with esophageal ulcers. Everything—mentally, physically, and emotionally—culminated until I couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t want to live that way and I found enough strength to leave, but apparently not enough to go forward with my life. I chose sanctuary over actually living.”

Henley leaned her head back against the cushion of the couch and gave a dry laugh. She stared up at the ceiling because she wasn’t ready to face the disappointment that had to be written all over Mav’s face. Rat had been right. Seeing her in this condition would have caused her parents a lot of sorrow.

“I’m not the same person that I was. I’m not insecure and I finally chose to be who I really am—
me
. I’m still hiding though. My parents had been so worried about me, making as many trips to California as they could each year, that they didn’t get a chance to live their own lives fully,” Henley whispered, closing her eyes against the pain while acknowledging that she at least had parents who loved her. Her words had come out too fast and she realized how all of this must sound to him. She’d wanted to tell Mav her story so that he understood her a little better, but she’d failed miserably. It paled in comparison to what he’d gone through. “I’m sorry. I—”

“Why are you sorry?” Mav was closer than he was before and when she finally opened her eyes, it was to find him sitting on the coffee table directly in front of her with his elbows resting on his knees. His brown eyes held compassion and she chastised herself for not seeing this side of him long before now. “Are you sorry you had parents who brought you into this world through love? Are you sorry because you rectified how you were living? Don’t be, Henley. I was wrong to say you hadn’t. Cherish every memory you had with them, but please don’t look at me the way you are right now. I don’t need you to feel sorry for me. My life has made me into the man I am today.”

“I don’t—”

“Yes, you do,” Mav corrected her gently, slowly reaching forward to take the towel away from her hands. He set the cloth next to his mug and then gently slid her fingers into his. “I’m a grown man, Henley. I’m not that little boy who questioned his existence. I’m an adult who was given confidence by a man who saw something in me that I couldn’t see myself.”

Henley had leaned forward when he’d taken ahold of her hands and she inhaled sharply when the air around them became instantly charged with emotion. There was so many things she wanted to say now—wanted to clarify—but he didn’t give her a chance. He leaned forward and tenderly pressed his lips to hers. It was over too soon, and he pulled away before she could say or do anything to prevent him from standing.