Eternal Soulmate (7 page)

~Ashlynn~

I work four days a week at the shelter. I love my job but it is stressing. There are days I come home and re-live so much. I listen to these women’s stories and my childhood comes back to me. I wonder if that will ever stop. I do what I do so I might save other women. If I can help them heal mentally and physically and get them on their feet to safety, I have done my job.

Some days are harder than others and today is one of those days. I had a young mother come in with two little girls. They were all beat up. The boyfriend had picked the young girls up from preschool and the mother was on the way home.  He was yelling at the girls when the mom walked up to the door. The door was locked and she couldn’t get in. When she finally got in after screaming and panicking at the door, he had already beat the young girls. The mom lost it and went after him and got the worst of it. She’s a hero. She doesn’t feel like she is, but, she is in every definition of the word. She finally got the nerve to leave when he went to work this morning. He is a lawyer in Waco. The model citizen, but, then he comes home and does this. She had tried to leave before but he was able to convince her to come back.  He had never laid a hand on the girls until last night and that was the final draw. She had nowhere to go and that’s why she came to the shelter.

The second I got the first woman settled in another comes in. She is much worse off. She only had herself, but, she has been beat so badly that she’s almost crippled. She finally got the nerve to leave. She is probably one of the worst cases I have seen ever. Her bruises were everywhere. Half her hair missing from having her hair being pulled out, but she has the most beautiful smile. Her eyes look sad. I’m hoping we can make those happy again. She has hand mark bruises all over her neck. She has a bruise on her temple from a gun barrel. She doesn’t talk, she just nods. She finally told me her name is Crystal.  She won’t open up to me more than that. I asked her if she knows who did this to her and she wouldn’t answer me. Not that I am surprised - most don’t.

I got her clean clothes, a shower and a warm meal and tried to get her settled as best I could. I took her to a cot and she layed down. She asked me to stay in the room with her since she hasn’t slept in as long as she can remember.  She finally fell asleep and I checked my phone for any texts or messages, nothing there. I sat there drifting off in my thoughts, thinking of how lucky I was to escape when I did. As a child, it was horrible, but, as an adult, I don’t know if I could have fought through it. The lady started to cry and shake after a short time asleep. I tried to wake her but she was turning her body back and forth.

Oh my God, please give me the will to get through this day. Just watching this poor woman breaking down hurt me. I get flashbacks of mom and Nick.  I try to picture what he would be like now. It has been eight years. I’m sure he has aged and not gracefully. I might not recognize his looks but his smell, his voice and his presence, I would notice him out of a million people.  Everything about him screams abuser. He smelt like a brewery - that stinky BO beer smell. If I walk past anyone and smell it today, I instantly am reminded of him in my face or my mom’s.

ღ

~Ashlynn~

Age 7

I hear the yelling and try as hard as I can to block it out, but to no avail nothing can get the yelling and wails of my mommy out of my head. Usually it is over pretty quick, but this beating seems to be taking longer than normal. Nick has started to drink more and more.  Mom is not smiling as much anymore like she used to and it makes me sad. I hear my mom crying. I listen to hear Nick’s yelling about how useless she is and how she never removes the superglue from between her legs. I don’t know what that means but it sounds scary. I hear my name and Nick saying she better find the superglue remover or he will use me. I hear mama screaming; a slap, and then silence. I count to 100 and hope it is safe for me to go find mama. I finally open my closet and pull off the mountain of blankets I have piled on top of me for protection.

I finally see her in the bathroom trying to wash her face. There always seemed to be only a little bit of blood, but this time, her eye is black as night. She sees me coming around the corner and stops. She knows I heard everything as I do every time this happens. He normally hits her where she can hide it with her clothes. She is trying so hard to keep me safe from this monster she has married. He promised to love me and my mommy and is now killing her in more ways than one. I often would go into the kitchen in the morning after he leaves for work before my bus, and pour out any beer cans I see. He used to be nicer to us when he wasn’t drinking them. It doesn’t really matter though because I know he will buy more. I have not heard from my daddy in months now.  He must have forgotten about me just like I knew he would.

AGE 10

I am outside playing on my bike playing cops and robbers with my next door neighbor. It’s a beautiful day outside and we’ve been out for hours. We haven’t wanted to go in not even to go potty or get water. We pee on the side of the house and drink water from the hose. The day is ours.  I see Nick pull up from work and within 10 minutes the fighting starts. My mom had been inside cooking dinner. I guess it wasn’t what he wanted when he got home. I try to ride my bike further down the cul-de-sac so I couldn’t hear it, but I can’t tune it out. The voices get louder and louder and I hear my mom begging for him to stop. I head back to the house and try to get into the door. I can’t get in. It’s locked. I know if I ring the door bell it will not be good. I am scared to do it, but, I am also scared not to cause my mommy is inside getting hurt. I finally ring it one time, and then run behind the bush on the right side of the door. The door opens up and my mom comes flying out the door. Nick had picked her up and threw her out. She hit the sidewalk and slid across the cement. I ran next to her and tried to hug her. She was crying, but trying to be brave for me. I helped her up and she hugged me back. She sat outside with me for the rest of the day and drew with me with my sidewalk chalk. Then we layed down in the grass and looked up at the clouds moving. She didn’t say anything and neither did I. I just could hear her breathing and I started to think how her breathing was keeping me protected. She was protecting me. She could not leave and she took the beatings to protect me.

The doors opening and the lady’s voice wakes me up out of my flashback to bring me back to reality. I
shake the lady and was able to get her up. She wakes with a jolt but sees she is safe. My co-worker comes into the room and then leave. I am in a daze myself reliving the feelings with my mother.  I call for some assistance and leave the room.
Deep breath Ashlynn. 

I decided to go put some gas in my truck so I don’t have to do it on the way home. It’s just down the block from my work and I can get a little fresh air. As I’m pumping gas, running my to-do list in my mind, I see a man in a truck staring at me. He hasn’t gotten out of his truck for gas and I haven’t seen him go into the store.
Good Lord Ashlynn chill
… He’s probably just waiting on someone. I finished pumping and get in.  I can feel his eyes on me the entire time. Maybe he’s just checking me out.
Will I ever get to where I don’t assume the worse?

ღ

~Nick~

I knew I’d find her. Not that she was hiding in the sense of the word. My ex-wife just died, and now I can handle unfinished business with Ashlynn, the stupid bitch. She was fine as a little girl but as she grew up, she’d put her nose in my business. She was a big pain in my ass. I knew I had her mom trapped, and there was no way in hell she was leaving me. The lady couldn’t wipe her ass without me; I made sure of it. She even got to where she would fight me back and I got a little excited.  She didn’t have a chance, but it was funny as shit to see her try. She was one woman I enjoyed hitting. She just didn’t know her place. What I wanted was what I got. If she couldn’t follow my rules or my expectations, she was punished. Bottom line. After the years we were together, I thought I had her isolated enough that I had my woman brainwashed just as I needed her to be. You see, my father did this to my mother, my grandfather to my grandmother and on and on. This is how the men in my family operated. Women were to obey their men and if they didn’t, we would teach them to. I threatened Liz for years that I would kill Ashlynn if she didn’t obey me. This was one of the reasons I knew I had her committed to me. She’d do anything to protect her little angel.  Well looky here. Now Liz is not here to do anything about it. I have had dreams about how my fist is going to feel going across her face. She’ll be a fighter, too.  I’ll love that.

I got the call, I’d been waiting for. Russell my buddy I used to hang out with, called me today. He told me he saw the little snatch at Copeland Dance Hall. She was with that rich bitch McKoy. Now, I’m just buying my time.

I still feel the piece of my ear that is missing from her grazing it. Stupid bitch. Every time I run my hands across it I get pissed.  I should’ve and could’ve taken care of her earlier. Liz leaving that day was the best thing that could have happened to me.  She was drinking as much as I was, and we were fighting worse and worse. I probably would have ended up in prison from killing her worthless ass. Ashlynn actually did me a favor. Now I need to do mankind a favor and take out Ashlynn so no other man has to train her like I did her mother. After all the years I beat her mother she still never learned. Ashlynn would be the same way. She thinks she has won, but on the contrary. Revenge is sweeter when you’ve had time to work up a plan.

Saturday night

~Ashlynn~

What the hell was I thinking?
Letting a man I barely know come to my house to pick me up? I know what I was thinking as I was about to hyperventilate. I was thinking I am falling for this man I have only seen 3 times and have had the best conversations in my life with. He says all the right things. Everything Cooper did was genuine. He has shared more with me than any man I have ever talked to. He is honest, gorgeous and sexy. Could he be made for me? What if he hurts me? Am I going crazy for not letting anyone in for so long and now I am just lonely? No, that can’t be it. The feelings I’m having aren’t feelings that can be imitated. These feelings are the real thing. I need to call McKoy to get her opinion.

McKoy comes over around 5:00 that afternoon and I gush and gush over Coop. I tell her everything. She sees me smile, hugs me and starts to cry.

“Cooper is just different, I feel like he has taken over my heart. When I am with him, I don’t think about keeping that wall up.”

McKoy smiled. “That’s great sweetie, take a chance on him then. What will it hurt? You’ve never felt this way about a man. Doesn’t that have to mean something?”

I can tell you what it hurt. It can hurt my heart.
I have seen my mother left by a man she loved more than life itself, a second man that beat her and left her for dead more times than I can count. That was misery. She had no help and had to keep her and her little girl in a hell pit, barely able to fight.
Shit, here I go again.
My mom is in heaven, my dad well, not sure where he went nor do I care. My stepfather is doing God knows what. He finally let us leave his shit hole after I held a gun to his head and told him we were through. He said he was done with us anyway and he had already gotten the best years of my mother. Yes, I guess he was right about that. He sure did. My mom was never strong enough to leave. He had made her so mentally weak. I knew when I was 17 and graduated, I would do what I had to do to get the hell out of dodge.

“I know what you’re thinking Ash. Stop it. Just stop it. Maybe this is the man that was made for you. Maybe it’s right.”

“I’m just scared. I am brave in so many areas but, not with love. I’ve always heard there is a cosmic pull that is uncontrollable when it is the real thing. I never understood it until I met Cooper. What are the chances of me meeting him on the way to spread mom’s ashes?”

McKoy pulled me in for a hug. “Ashlynn, there are not always explanations for everything. Just because you can’t find an answer doesn’t mean it’s not meant to be. Stop trying to figure everything out. Let it be.”

I felt like crying, but I didn’t want to look like I have puffy eyes for my hot date. I already had dark circles underneath my eyes naturally.

Pull it together Ashlynn.

“I gotta get ready. Go pick me out something.”

“Sure thing. I love to dress you up like you’re my own Barbie.”

Oh Lord, she really does and always has.

McKoy picked out my sleeveless black dress with the brown belt that matched my brown boots. She knows I love my boots. This dress is very casual but can be dressed up or down. McKoy matched a bright chunky necklace I have that has all sorts of my favorite colors. Purple, pinks and blues. It looked like little rocks. I don’t wear it very often, but looks perfect with what I am wearing tonight. McKoy has a gift at putting an ensemble together. She has since we were kids.

~Ashlynn~

Cooper showed up right on time. He pulled up to my house and casually walked up to my door. I was waiting beside it looking out the window. I was acting like a nut case, shuffling around like I was about to perform in front of a million people. Max warned me as he usually does that someone was here. I opened the door and threw my arms around Cooper secretly wanting to wrap my legs around him. I knocked the breath out of him hugging him so hard.

Way to play hard to get Ash.

He is wearing a pair of blue jeans, Levis, I think, but who the hell cares. He looks jaw dropping. The front cups his man parts perfectly and he has an ass I can’t wait to grab. He has on a black button up shirt and gray ball cap. He smells so good. I don’t know what came over me, but, I kiss him. You could see the shock on his face and I could feel his hesitation. He lets me kiss the worry out of him. Finally he moved his tongue in my mouth and boy what a kiss. It almost brought me to my knees, but luckily, he was holding me up. I had this sudden urge that I wanted this man- and NOW!  I’ve been with two other men in my life and neither were anything to scream about. In the other serious relationships I have had, I went through the motions just doing what I thought the next step was.  It was not something I craved like I crave Coop. Everything about this man drove me crazy. Was it because I was being the aggressive one and he wasn’t? I backed him up against the wall in my living room and kissed him more. I rubbed just slightly up against him. Holy shit, he is definitely responding.
YES!!

He reached up taking my face in his hands.  “You look stunning, as always baby. Look Ashlynn, I did not come here for this. I want you to know I will wait for this at long as it takes. This relationship we have started to build in the short time we have known each other has meant more to me than any relationship I have ever had with any woman.  I don’t want anything to screw it up. Please know I want you, but this can’t happen tonight. I need to prove to you I am worthy of you and that I’m a gentleman.”

Well Shit...He keeps saying the right things.
“Well Coop, if you say so. You’re probably right anyway. Let’s just stay here for dinner. I can make some chili and cornbread. We can eat and then sit on the porch. I have an amazing view of the sunset unless, you made plans in town for us.”

“You don’t have to ask me twice. I’d love to stay here rather than going out. There is no place I would rather be than here with you Ashlynn.” He looked around and smiled. “I love your home. It is exactly what I thought you would have, very warm and welcoming - like you are.”

I brought Cooper a glass of sweet tea and he stands beside me in the kitchen watching me get the chili and cornbread started.  He laughs at Max trying anything to get his attention. Max is really looking him up and down like he is checking him out. I think it’s cute. Cooper does too, whether he wants to admit it or not.

When I’m done preparing everything we, go sit on the porch swing. He pulled me in for a kiss when I sat next to him and it takes every inch of energy I can muster to pull away. He is so gentle, but so masculine at the same time. He runs his hand up and down my leg slowly just showing affection. He seems so at home and relaxed. His hand goes up pretty high on my thigh and instead of backing up, I lean in to him.  I really can’t explain these feelings of want that I feel for this man. He looks in my eyes and kisses me again and continues to run his index finger right under my dress. It almost gets to my panty line and then he stops. I lean in to him and just spread my legs slightly giving him the okay. He barely runs his finger on the outside of me and I think I am going to come just from his light touch. Still looking in my eyes he kisses me again as he pulls his hand back.

“Why can’t I control myself around you? I’ve never wanted a woman as much as I want you Ashlynn? I lose all sense of thought. It’s like some higher power is bringing us together. I’m not a horny teenage boy wanting a girl. I’m a man that wants you Ashlynn. You are reeling me in from my heart to my soul. You taste amazing and the way I can feel you want me turns me on to no end. Do you feel it too Ashlynn?”

“Ditto Cooper, everything you said.  Control is a big issue I have trouble letting go of, but with you it seems so easy. Hell yes, I feel it too. EVERYWHERE!” I shake my head. “Cooper you are teasing me, which is not nice!”

Just then he leans in to kiss me again, the timer goes off telling me the cornbread and chili are done. Holding my hand he leads me into my small kitchen. I put everything on the table and he pulls out my chair for me ever the gentleman. I could get used to this. I have never seen a man treat a woman with any respect other than the movies and it sure was nice. We dig into our food and chatting back and forth.

We finished our dinner and he helped me do the dishes, another first for me! We went and sat on the porch swing and he put his arm around me. The sun was going down just perfectly and you could see it over the horizon. It was getting a little cooler.  He pulled me close to him and I cuddled next to him. I’ve never felt the safety I feel when I’m in Cooper’s arms. I never wanted to move.  He feels like home.

“Ashlynn, what do you do for a living? I hope you don’t mind me asking, but I see how passionate you are about everything you do. I was just curious.”

“I’m a social worker at AUS Shelter for women. I love my job. I want to make survivors out of as many victims that I can and to give them hope for tomorrow.”

“Shit Ashlynn. I send victims there on a weekly basis. I am a police officer for APD.”  He spoke with pride once he started. He told me hesitantly he had a bad childhood growing up and that’s why he had decided to go into this business. He had his uncle and grandmother that took him in. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have had anyone. I understood what he was saying and was so proud of him for stepping up to defend and try to protect others. I wish I would’ve had someone on our side growing up. Hell, even the police failed us. If just one of the officers would have taken the steps and stood up for me, like Cooper is for these victims, maybe, the misery me and my  mom lived in would’ve been short lived.

“I have no doubt your incredible at your job, Cooper. You should be proud of yourself. Knowing what you do for a living only makes me like you more. One day you’ll understand why I feel that way. Now, no negative talking tonight. I will tell you though, you are probably the first police officer I have ever trusted.”

“I’d love to be your first for everything sweetheart. I’m sorry you haven’t been able to trust people, especially people that should be trusted the most, like police. When you are ready to tell me, I would be honored to hear it.”

He leaned in and gave me a quick sweet kiss. He is still trying to judge me to see if I am moving away or pulling him in. We talked for a while longer and I realized it was getting late.

I would have loved to ask him to the stay the night with me. I wanted to go to bed in his arms and wake up in them. Would it be too much if I asked him this though? I didn’t want him to get the wrong impression of me.
Yeah right Ashlynn, I just about pounced on him when he came in the door.

It was like my mouth had made the decision for me and had decided
what the hell-
  “Cooper I know this sounds like I am trying to push things super fast in whatever this is, but would you stay the night with me? We don’t have to do anything. I just want you to stay with me. I want to go to sleep in your arms and wake up in them. What do you think? You just feel like home to me.”

“I would love to stay the night with you Ashlynn; I don’t know that I would be a gentleman if I did though. Maybe you can convince me with a kiss?”

I leaned in and kissed Cooper and we both broke out in laughter. Max started barking and stopped us.

I grabbed his hand and led him into the house. My room is in the back of the house. It is light gray and tranquil. I don’t have a TV in my room because I love to read and relax with no interference. My bed is a queen with a purple and white quilt that my grandmother quilted for me before she died. He smiled when he walked in. He looked around and then he started laughing.

God I love his laugh. I could listen to it for hours. “What is so funny?”

“This room looks exactly like what I would picture you to have. It’s perfect, just like you.” He looked at my pictures on my dresser. I have a picture of my mother, and my grandmother, one of me and McKoy and one of me, and McKoy, and Grace.

He pointed to the books on and around my nightstand. “Think you got enough books there, sweetheart?”

I just smiled and felt no shame. I threw my hands up like who me?

There are stacks of books on my floor around both of my night stands. Yes, I have a weakness for romance novels, but you can’t blame me. It was the only romance I’ve had and it was safe. I kept any man that attempted to get to know me at arm’s length.

Which makes me think even more about Cooper. Here I am asking a man to stay the night with me by just following my instinct
. I excused myself to my bathroom to do my nightly routine and come out in my panties and a tank top.  I felt so comfortable with Cooper and it’s as if he has been in my bed a million times. He is in his blue jeans and no shirt. He has his shoes off and his hat on backwards. Damn, Cooper gets better and better every damn time I see him
.  I think I might jump him…… God…….. Hold it together Ashlynn. It doesn’t help that I can see his hard on through his jeans.

I crawled over him to get to my side of the bed and gently grazed right over him. He moans. I could’ve easily walked around to the other side of the bed but this was more fun. Taking off my tank top I straddled him and kissed him. I started to grind my hips to feel his hardness through his jeans. We both moaned and I decide that was my okay to go ahead. I unbuttoned his pants and he wiggled out of them with my assistance. He threw them to the floor.

“Ashlynn you feel so good. I want you so bad right now more than I’ve ever wanted anything.”