Eternally Seduced (18 page)

          “I fucked up.”

         
Can’t believe him, can’t listen to him, can’t---

         
“I talked to my mom about you. I told her everything.”

          My head jerked up at that. “You
what
?”

         
His eyes bored into me. “You didn’t want to talk to me, and I didn’t know how to reach out to you.”

          “B-but why your mom?”

          “Do I look like the kind of guy who has a platonic girl friend?”

          He had a point, but…I glared up at him. “Seriously, your
mom
?”

          Constantijin bit out, “It was either my mom or Charli. Do you prefer I had talked to your boss instead?”

          Darn it. He had a point with that, too.

          Constantijin seemed visibly struggling to find the next words to say. It was rare for him to be lost for words, and I couldn’t help but stare at him even as my whole body prickled in acute awareness of his nearness, his scent, his very hardness.

          “Yanna---I never had a relationship in my whole life.”

          I tripped – or would have if he hadn’t swiftly caught me, his hands tightening around my waist. My eyes were locked with his, which blazed with emotion. “Never?” I whispered.

          He said roughly, “There was a girl I dated briefly when I was in my teens, but other than that---I never found a reason to tie myself to one woman, never been interested in being faithful.” His grip tightening even more, he said, “I hated how you always seemed to have the upper hand between us, never giving me a straight answer---”

          “Because you were asking things you didn’t have the right to ask!” I half shrieked.

          Constantijin coughed.

          That alone was enough to remind me we had an audience, and a very interested one at that.

          Lowering my voice belatedly, I added, “
Sir
.”

          His eyes laughed at me, and the secretive, wicked grin I so loved re-appeared on his lips when I made a face at him. “People are going to talk about us tomorrow,” I muttered. “I should leave now---”

         
“No
.” The laughter was gone from his eyes, replaced by a furious glitter. “Don’t go.” His hands tightening around my waist, Constantijin muttered, “We still haven’t talked about us.”

          “Constantijin---”

          “I’m sorry I fucked up. I can say it again and again, but it won’t change things. Give me another chance and it will be different this time.”

          I so badly wanted to believe him, but he’s already hurt and left me hanging
twice.
Shaking my head, I mumbled, "I forgive you, Constantijin, but---”

          “One more chance, Yanna. That’s all I ask.”

         
No, no, no,
my head shrilly protested, but it was too late. Constantijin got under my skin again and he’s found his way back to my heart. “Just give me time and space to think,” I said.

          “Fine.”

          Just when I thought that was all he was going to say – and that was frankly disappointing – Constantijin spoke again. “But I want you to know…it’s not just sex between us, Yanna.” The music we were swaying to switched tempos, and he suddenly whirled me around. As he did, he said, “You
matter
to me.”

          Then he was walking me back to George.

          I was literally shell shocked for more than a few minutes, unable to believe that Constantijin Kastein had made such a declaration. From the very first time we met, it had
always
been sex between us, or at least I thought it had been for him until now.

         
You matter to me.

          Oh my God, oh my God. Constantijin with his overtly sexual magnetism took my breath away, his cock a weapon I was helpless against. But Constantijin actually growing a heart?

          “
George
.” I was back to being talkative, and I was dying to tell someone about what had just happened.

          George took one look at my smitten expression and started laughing.

          I couldn’t help laughing, too, my heart still melting at Constantijin’s words. It was the very first time he made me feel soft and mushy rather than hot and wet. It was…a
good
feeling.

          “George.” It was all I could manage to say.

          George patted my hand. “I know, hon, I know.”

          Constantijin liked me. He cared for me. I was pretty sure of it now.

          I turned to George again, intending to share with him what Constantijin’s parting words were – so much better than the last time, weren’t they? Instead I found myself staring at Mr. Fix It instead. I mean, Drake. Dear Lord, I had to stop thinking of him as the guy who fixed my problems. Because he couldn’t be that. In the future, it would be Constantijin who would be fixing my problems since he liked me, cared for me, was in lo---

         
Bad Yanna, bad Yanna. Stop jumping to conclusions.

          “Care to dance, Ms. Everleigh?”

          Without thinking, I looked over my shoulder, searching for a pair of silvery eyes. In a little while, I found Constantijin’s wry gaze taking the situation in.

          I let out a sigh of relief, amazed that he wasn’t going berserk.

          My phone beeped.

          Heart racing, knowing who it was from even before I saw Constantijin’s name on my screen, I opened his message.

         
Don’t think I’m not jealous. I am. Too fucking much.

         
The words made me smile, my toes curl, and my face heat up.

         
Ah.
Constantijin and his rudely romantic words – what did it say about me that I couldn’t get enough of his unique way of showing I, umm,
mattered
?

          Drake offered his hand. “Shall we?”

          Taking it, I laughed when he immediately whisked me to the dance floor with a little twirl. I had a great time dancing with him – and a number of other men. There wasn’t a moment I had to myself, with one guy after another asking to dance with me. And I did, with all of them.

          They flattered me outrageously and asked for my number. I felt like the belle of the ball, but even I knew it wasn’t because I was the prettiest girl in the room. It was because they thought Constantijin Kastein was interested in me – and I had rebuffed him. That made my “market value” rise pretty high in the men’s eyes.

          Constantijin wasn’t doing anything to stop the speculations, standing next to his mother throughout the evening, never dancing with anyone else.

          An hour later, my phone beeped again and I couldn’t get it out fast enough.

         
Dance with me again?

         
Smiling, I typed my reply.

         
No.

         
Let me see what you could say to that, I thought, almost humming to myself. A waiter offered me champagne and though I normally didn’t drink any kind of liquor, I found myself accepting a flute.

          My phone beeped just as I was lifting the glass to my lips.

Have sex with me?

         
I choked on my champagne.

Sometimes, you have to make a choice with your billionaire:

To fuck or be fucked up.

It was a Monday again, and I had two snowflakes and a mysterious red-colored Post-It stuck to my LCD screen. By now, I had totally given up beating Charli to work. I had even arrived an hour earlier than my call time one day but lo and behold, Charli was already sipping a cappuccino in her office by the time I rushed in.   

          The first sticky note was a congratulatory message. Or at least I assumed it was since 70% of it was written in French. One day, I really had to tell Charli that my multilingual skills didn’t exactly extend to her native tongue.

          The second snowflake had me gulping.

Do you think smutty
manga
set in high school will be accepted by American TV audience?

Explain and present. Due Friday.

          Just my luck to get this question…this would have been so much more suitable for Arian, who had no qualms talking about anything sexual in public. In last Friday’s event, I totally heard her ask Constantijin very innocently if he thought her breasts were too huge.

          Yeah. I know. I totally wanted to puke after that.

          Staring at Charli’s troubling sticky note, I mulled over my choices. God, smut in high school was, like, so difficult to tackle. If you thought bedroom and smutty scenes in
Gossip Girls
or
Vampire Diaries
were hot, wait until you read
shoujo manga
by, say,
Kanan Minami.
That girl totally redefined high school sex.

          Peeking at George, I saw him frowning similarly at his own snowflakes. “Huge assignment for Friday?”

          He nodded, saying feelingly, “
Super-
y.”

          I laughed, the nervous knots in my stomach easing a bit at George’s newest made-up word. I loved it when he did that. Glancing back at my LCD, I realized that I still had one Post-It left. Unfolding it, I recognized the bold scrawl immediately.

         
Constantijin.

         
Just the thought of him writing this note had me catching my breath. It felt like he was writing me a love letter, which was totally romantic and totally unlike him. I loved it.

MISS YOU.

I snatched my phone from my bag, unable to keep myself from replying.

Got your sticky note,
I texted him.

He texted me back immediately.
That’s not the answer I was hoping for.

I didn’t bother answering, but I was smiling the whole time I worked.

It was already half-past twelve by the time George nagged me to have lunch with him. Apparently, the official boyfriend of the guy from 25/F was having lunch here, which meant no playing hooky for George.

The cafeteria was noisier than usual, even for the usual lunch crowd. It seemed like everyone was still talking about last Friday’s party, and everyone I passed by either congratulated me or stared at me. Well, most of the women stared at me. As for the men---

I found myself wriggling closer and closer to George until I was practically hiding behind him. It wasn’t an easy feat, with my four-inch heels causing me to tower over him. Men actually nudged each other when I walked past them, and some of them even
winked
at me.

“You’re an overnight sensation, honey,” George exclaimed.

Boy, did I hope that was true. If it was, then that meant all this weird furor would be gone by tomorrow – right?

          As George and I queued up at the American station, a voice behind me asked, “Late lunch?”

          Oh my God, oh my God, oh my---

          It was him. Of course it was him. I had recognized Constantijin’s voice, but a part of me couldn’t believe I’d see him again this early.

          Stay calm, stay calm, I told myself as I summoned up a smile to my lips, trying to ignore the way my heart was near to popping out of my chest in excitement. Constantijin looked utterly sophisticated and gorgeous in his black and white suit, minus his usual tie. His eyes possessively roamed over me, and I tried not to squirm when his gaze slowly traveled down my bare legs.

          Remembering his question belatedly, I grabbed my just filled-up tray as I said, “Charli gave us a lot of work for this week.”

          He nodded sympathetically. “Friday’s presentation, right?”

          My eyes widened. “You’ll be there?”

          “Yanna,” he said very gently, “do you think I’ll ever miss a chance to see you shining?”

          Oh dear. Someone please help me keep my heart still or I’d be melting any second.

“Next,” the waitress in front of me said impatiently. Then her eyes lit up when she saw Constantijin next to me. “Sir?” She bent close to take Constantijin’s tray, and I reluctantly moved away.

“Enjoy your lunch, Yanna,” he murmured.

“You, too,” I said shyly.

He smiled.

I floated.

George had already found us a table, and he was grinning at me widely when I joined him.

"Your face is red," George told me as I placed my tray on the table.

"Is it?" I controlled the urge to fan myself. "It’s just so hot, I guess."

George smirked.

“I mean it!”

“Yeah, yeah. I heard that before.”

He made me feel defensive and embarrassed at the same time. About to dish out another retort, I found myself suddenly surrounded by a small group of guys, and I recognized them as some of the most recently hired batch of sales agents.

          “Err…yes?” I asked hesitantly.

          That seemed to be
their
cue and they all launched into their own conversations at once, making me giggle. A few minutes later, in the middle of an embarrassingly flattering conversation with the guys about how I so did not look pretty, my phone beeped.

Still fucking jealous
.

          I didn’t reply, but those three words had me giddy and confused all day. One minute I was all excited, thinking about those words over and over. The next minute I was annoyed, telling myself that I shouldn’t be this happy. If I sent Constantijin the same kind of text, he wouldn’t be as happy as I was. He’d probably be, like, all arrogant and smirking, thinking it was time I admitted how irresistible he was. 

The digital clock said it was 7pm by the time I finished with work, and I was all alone in the office since George had already left an hour earlier. I stretched my arms over my head slowly and leisurely, savoring the release of tension from my muscles and joints.

          Constantijin hadn’t called me for, like, hours. I knew I shouldn’t, like, be all messed up about it, but I
was
. And I was, like, super mad at myself for, like, caring---

         
Stop, Yanna.
This see-saw thing Constantijin and I were in was turning me more and more into Alicia Silverstone during her
Clueless
days. Usually, when I panicked, I only went as far as sounding like Reese Witherspoon’s
Legally Blonde
character. This was, like, so much worse.

         
Sighing, I clicked the function key shortcut to save my file and got to my feet.
Relax, Yanna.
I had to stop obsessing over Constantijin. I tiptoed, stretching again.

          “Tired?”

          I froze.

          Oh. My. God.

Why was he here?

Turning around slowly, I saw Constantijin leaning against the doorway, minus his blazer, shirt hanging loose over his pants and several buttons undone, revealing more of his gloriously hard chest than usual.

"I thought you'd be out the whole day," I blurted out. He had texted me just this afternoon about having to leave the office early. I had texted back a simple
TC
, all the while trying not to think how
boyfriend-like
he sounded.

"I came here to pick up certain documents and I saw the lights were still on here."

"Oh." I started fixing my things. "So, where are you going next?"

"Yanna?"

"Mmm?"

He walked towards me and stopped just before my cubicle, leaving a few feet of distance between us.

For some reason, I hated that he did that – putting space between us. I knew it was silly of me, but that was how I felt.

"Why do I have a feeling that something's not right?" he drawled.

          He was smart – really smart! I knew he couldn't have been a billionaire without being smart. I shrugged uneasily. "I don't know," I lied.

"Yanna." His voice held a warning note.

I continued fixing my things, but it was a delaying tactic that couldn't last longer than a minute. I forced myself to look back at him. "It's just that---" Damn! How should I say this?

"What is it?"

"It's weird," I burst out.

He raised a brow.

The moment I started speaking, it was as if I couldn't stop. "Every time you look at me, it's weird! Every time I think of you, it's weird! And I don't think it's fair because it's not as if you find it weird, too! You talk to me like it's an everyday thing and yet when I'm with you it's like I can't breathe!"

And then I realized what I had just revealed. I gasped and slapped my hands over my mouth. My super big tactless mouth!

But when I looked at Constantijin, he wasn't smiling like I feared he would. He actually looked...furious. "Maybe you're just not as sensitive as you think you are," he retorted.

"What?"

"How do you think I feel? All the fucking men here can look at you and talk to you freely but I'm not allowed to do that, am I? I'm the one who's courting you but I can't tell anyone that and I can't warn the other guys off!" He shot me another look of irritation. "And you think I'm not affected?"

Wow.

I wanted to throw myself at him after that, but I controlled myself. It took every ounce of my control, but I succeeded. "Good!"

He glared at me.

I lifted my shoulders helplessly. "Do you want me to lie? You're out of my league, Constantijin. So I'm really happy to see that I affect you."

"Would I fucking court you if you didn't?" he snarled.

I wanted to comfort him but I didn't know how. Or maybe I wasn't ready yet. I sighed. "I know you're impatient. But it's too soon. Just too soon." I looked at him pleadingly. "You understand, right?"

He placed his hands inside his pockets and nodded. "But you have to trust me one day. You either do or don't, Yanna. I know I fucked up. I've already owned up to it. But we need to get past it. If you don't...then there's no point for me to continue courting you, right?"

          I nodded.