Eternally Yours (21 page)

I decide, with great sorrow and hear-wrenching
grief
, that he’s probably come to the same conclusion, and therefore the sorrowful look
. The goodbye
. With my mind made up but my will weak, I decide that I understand, and agree. I will let him go, for both our sakes. I look up one last time and Lillith is still latched onto him like a leach. She has both legs wrapped around his hard body and strong legs and very nice backside. But his eyes are focused on me, and I nod.

“Alexia!” Gabe chastises me. “What the hell?” He’s been waiting on me, a little ways away but everyone else is way off in the distance, almost back to the Aerie.

“Sorry,” I mumble. He is too far away to hear it though. “Coming,” I speak louder but still not sure if he can hear it. I jog to a mad-looking Gabe and I don’t look back. But I will find a way soon, to say goodbye properly.

Gabe didn’t talk to me the whole walk back to the condo. He insisted on sending me glances that clearly showed me how upset he is with me. As soon as we walked in the door to the Aerie he started ignoring me, and as of right now I’m getting the cold shoulder and silent treatment.

I stand in the shower letting the warm water wash away the dirt and sweat on my body, wishing it would wash away these horrible feelings inside me. A few tears are lost in the water running down my face. They don’t make me feel any better. I thought if you let it all out you were supposed to feel better? I guess that was just
fable. Luckily
, I am good at holding things in.

I draw shapes in the fogged glass on the shower door. Ironically the only shapes I can think of right now are hearts. Stupid hearts! I miss Shadow. I wonder what he and his mate are doing and if he’s happy. If he is glad with the decision he made. Then my heart feels tight and it hurts, to think of him happy that he chose her over me.
Even
after all the convincing I did myself to let him go, knowing that we are each better off if we do. It’s impossible for us to be together. And, supposedly it’s even wrong. So why can’t I just let it go? I need to see him one last time, to tell him goodbye in person. I will tell him I feel, not holding anything back. It will eat me alive the rest of my life if I don’t tell him how I feel. I will always wonder what could have been.

The only question is, how do I find him and how do I find him by himself?

Today we will have been mated for two months. Yes, today is the eighth week I have been with Gabe. I am not going to bring it up, because I am hoping Gabe doesn’t remember it. If he does, I am screwed, literally. All couples are required to
consummate
their marriage and complete the bond by tonight at midnight. I have no idea what happens to the ones who don’t do this, because I’ve never heard of any. My pessimistic mind suggests the
Overlord
probably took them to the Hell Horde as his monthly offerings. But that’s just me being negative, of course. I keep picturing Gabe initiating it, and I can never make my mind up to do it or not. This totally sucks because if I can’t make a decision now, how am I going to under pressure? I fear for my safety and well-being if I don’t, but my heart hurts. I
really
love Gabe, but only as a friend. Crap, another tear rolls down my cheek.

I smudge all my fog hearts in a fit of temper and I jump in surprise, seeing Gabe standing there with his arms crossed over his chest staring at me intently.

“Y-You scared me!”

“Sorry.” He really doesn’t sound like it.

“You don’t really sound like it.”

He shrugs. I feel a little
angry
about this. I don’t like his devil-may-care attitude here.

“What do you want?” I snap. He’s interrupting my private time. And I’m in the shower for gods sakes!

He sighs, and all his ire seems to deflate with his lungs.

“Alexia, I don’t like this,” he motions between us with his hand. “I don’t like how I feel, I don’t like the distance between us, and I don’t like the situation with you and that stupid
demon
.”

That
demon
has a name! I want to say this to him really badly, but he isn’t finished rambling.

“I don’t know what’s going on. I feel a little left out of the loop here and honestly...it hurts.”

Aw, okay now I feel sorry for him. It’s just so sincere sounding and he really looks sad.

“Look, Gabe, I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings or anything. Let me just finish washing and then we can talk more abou--“

He interrupts me, “I can’t wait!” he hisses quietly.

“I can’t wait any longer...I feel...I feel like my chest is going to explode and my head is thinking of every horrible
scenario
there could be. You’re to be my bonded mate by tonight Alexia!” He’s worked up again. “What’s the big deal you’re in the shower? If anything we should be in the shower together...and not arguing!” He flings his hands up for effect.

“Fine,” I say quietly.

“Fine? What exactly do you mean? Fine, we can take a shower together? Fine, we should not be arguing? Fine, we can keep talking now instead of after your shower? Fine--“

I fling the door open and step out, completely naked. I mean hell, the water was getting cold! I walk by him, dripping wet and cold, if you know what I mean, to the sink where I
laid
my fluffy pink towel.

“Fine,” I say enunciating it very clearly, “we can continue talking right now. I’m done with my shower anyways.” I put a leg up on the sink and dry it off with the towel, do the same to the other leg. He sure is quiet now. I continue to dry myself off without even looking at him.

“For someone who insisted on talking now, now, now, you sure are quiet,” I say, with attitude.

“I’m quiet,” he rumbles right into my ear, so close I feel his warm breath on it and I shiver, “because I can’t multitask very well, Alexia. And right now, I’m busy appreciating.” He wraps his arms around my stomach, sidled up to me against my back. I look at him in the mirror in front of me and he has a hungry expression. His eyes are the most intense I have ever seen them. He boldly rakes his eyes down my body in the mirror and then kisses my neck hungrily. He turns me toward him, and now we are facing each other. His lips latch on to mine and he kisses me fiercely. My skin breaks out in
goose bumps
all over but not because I’m cold. I don’t know what I feel but it’s a bunch of different things and not all of them good. I feel confused, and uncomfortable, and greedy, and reluctant and obligated. I am seriously conflicted here. My towel is trapped at my waist, his hands planted over it, so when I try to pull it up to wrap around myself it doesn’t budge.

He mistakes my intention and yanks the towel completely off me and tosses it somewhere far away. I open my mouth to tell him I wasn’t trying to get rid of it, that I was trying to cover myself, and that we should stop, but when I open my mouth he takes it as an invitation to plunge his silken tongue inside. My heart is pounding and my every instinct wants me to run. I
have
to fight my instinct and stay put, because this is what I’m supposed to do, where I’m supposed to be.

“Mmm,” he mumbles, kissing me very thoroughly, rolling his tongue over mine with expertise. It doesn’t, however, escape my mind at this time, that he is awfully good at this, practiced even. For some reason I can’t fathom I’m jealous. Either that or I
just don’t like that fact.
Here I am, pure and innocent and he has...what? Is he even a virgin?

“I want you, Alexia,” he manages in between making out. His hands are roaming now, and it feels nice. They slip around to my backside and squeeze. Then I am thrust against him and he moans.

This isn’t how I pictured it would be. Hot and heavy and wild and impatie
nt. I always pictured it be
nice and romantic, slow, and in bed. You know, pleasurable. It was definitely a bad idea to walk out of the shower to get my towel. I should have just asked him to throw it to me.

He suddenly bends down and picks me up, carrying me to the bed. He deposits me on the four-poster and shucks his pants in one motion, boxers and all,
and then
he flings his shirt off. Before I can even appreciate him he covers my body with his and his hand squeezes my breast.

Now I moan. I feel like I’m being taken advantage of. Do I want this? Shouldn’t I know whether I want this or not? I shouldn’t even be asking myself questions while this is happening!

He rolls to his side and his free
hand starts traveling down
my side, stomach, hip and thigh. When it starts slowly moving to the juncture of my thighs
, my heart speeds up so fast with
anticipation that it
blurs
into one constant thump. I plan on stopping this but my greedy body just can’t decide when. He presses his lower body into my thigh and moans, a deep rumble into my mouth. That does it for me for some reason. I press a hand into his chest and push really hard.

“Gabe,--stop...”

He jerks back like I slapped him, giving me a crazy look. “What?” he pants.

“I--I need just a minute...”

He scoffs. “What? What’s wrong?”

I shake my head, embarrassed and speechless.

“Are you scared?”

At this point I feel like this is the safer explanation, the one that doesn’t risk pissing him off at me even more so I just go with it.

I bite my lip and nod my head, acting shy.

He blows a breath out and rakes a hand through his hair, all while balancing on one elbow. This makes his bicep bulge and I try not to appreciate it.

“Babe, sometimes it doesn’t even hurt, other times it’s just a pinch and then you’re fine. After that it should feel really good.”

“Oh,” I mutter, still acting scared. “Could we maybe, I don’t know...”

“What? Could we what? Tell me, baby.” He has a sweet tone now, but I can tell he is impatient. His body is trembling. I feel slightly bad because I’ve gotten him so worked up and made him wait so long already. I have noticed his gazes on my body lately; they have gotten more often and lasted longer. They’ve also had that hungry look to them, but I have just been ignoring them, acting like they would go away or something. I never see the signs for what they really are.

“Could we wait until tonight?” I ask.

His face completely falls and then he frowns. I quickly interject my idea before he says anything. “The only reason I ask is because, you know,” I act bashful, “I always dreamed of how it would be. I dreamed that it would be night time, and romantic, and in a big four-poster bed. Not hot and heavy and fast in the evening sun with wet hair from my shower after a still unsettled argument.”

He examines my expression. Minutes seem to tick by. Finally, he tucks a piece of hair behind my ear and smirks, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “That’s fine baby. I’ve waited eighteen years, and then two long months while being married, what’s another few hours, right?”

I smile. “Right.” Happy to hear he is still a virgin when I had such doubts.

He kisses
my forehead and moves to the
edge of the bed, picking up his discarded clothes and putting them back on. I reach for the covers and climb under them. When he leaves I’ll get dressed, and then run out of here! I want to find Shadow! I want to ball my eyes out! I want to yell and scream at the unfairness of my life. Tonight I will have no choice but to be with him. I hate not having a choice. I hate that I have not had a choice for eight
een long years. Maybe it’s time. Time
that I finally made my own choice.

I finally got up and got dressed while Gabe took the longest shower I had ever
witnessed
him take. I really needed to get in there to grab my toothbrush so I could brush my teeth before I snuck out to find Shadow. But the door was locked. He never locks the door when he’s taking a
shower;
so of course, my dirty mind conjures up naughty pictures of him in the shower, doing things to himself that I wouldn’t do with him just now. Flames shoot up my face under my skin and travel lower until I nip that thought in the bud right there. Toothbrush. Focus.

So here I sit on the bed, waiting on him to come out so I can get my toothbrush, hoping it doesn’t ruin my escape plan since he will be out of the shower.

The door finally opens and steam rushes out and fills the bedroom, so does a very clean, soapy, smell mixed with Gabriel’s distinct scent. I sniff and sigh. It smells good, but not in comparison to Shadow. He gives me a stiff smile and walks to his closet. I finally get to go in and get my toothbrush. I brush my teeth at lights speed and hustle out of the room while he’s still sorting through the closet for something to wear with a towel around his defined waist.

Wraith is in the kitchen making something to eat and I pass him my most innocent smile, making my way past him.