Ethan, Who Loved Carter (21 page)

“What happened?” Ethan asked. “Is Elliot in trouble?”

Elliot headed to the van, got in the back and slammed the door. He put his headphones on.

“Don’t worry about it.”

“But….”

“Ethan,” Mom said. “Get in the van.”

Ethan got in the van.

They were halfway home before Elliot broke the silence. “You’re not going to tell him?” Elliot asked. “Not going to tell him what I did?”

“What did you do?” Ethan asked.

“I broke the taillights on Mike’s car.”

“Why?”

“What the fuck do you mean, ‘why’, Ethan? Because he’s an asshole.”

“That is no excuse to turn to a life of crime,” Mom said.

“Overreact much, Mom?”

Mom reached behind her and smacked Elliot’s leg. “I’ll show you overreacting, young man.”

Elliot grumbled and put his headphones back on.

Ethan tried to imagine Elliot breaking Mike’s taillights. He didn’t know Elliot was that angry. Ethan hadn’t done anything about Mike and Douglas. He didn’t want to hurt them or take it out on their things. He wanted to forget about them. He’d been all right thinking about Before. He had it categorized and slotted, but now he had to fit hate into it. How had someone hated him enough to beat him almost to death? Ethan could spend a thousand hours thinking about it and never understand.

“Do you want to come home, Ethan?” Mom asked.

“Want to go to Carter’s.”

“All right.” It stayed quiet in the van until Mom dropped him off. She stopped in the road instead of pulling into Carter’s driveway, but she got out and gave him a hug.

“Dad and I love you.”

“Love you too.” He glanced at Elliot, who didn’t look up from his phone. Turning away, Ethan made his way up to the house. The door was unlocked. “Carter?” Ethan expected Carter to be waiting for him, but he didn’t see him. “I’m back!” He called again as he walked further into the living room. Then he saw Carter’s foot on the couch’s arm. Moving around to the front, the rest of Carter’s body came into view. He was fast asleep. Ethan eased a sheet of music from beneath Carter’s cheek. Other papers were spread on the floor in front of him. Ethan sat on the coffee table. He’d never seen Carter fall asleep while he worked. Leaning in, he examined Carter’s face. He had bags beneath his eyes. They twitched beneath his closed lids. His cheeks looked pale.

Noticing a bowl of chips on the table, Ethan reached in for one. He munched it as he continued to watch Carter. Carter didn’t move in his sleep, except for his eyes. His mouth hung partially open so Ethan could see his tongue. He didn’t know Carter was so tired. When he woke up, Ethan would tell him to sleep more. He found a small blanket and draped it over Carter’s shoulders.

E
THAN
didn’t cook, so when a crashing pan drew Carter out of his sleep, he woke with alarm. Before he lifted his head, he sniffed for kitchen disaster scents—burning, gas and otherwise. He didn’t smell anything. He heard voices, though. One was Liz’s, and he thought the other might be Alice’s.
Alice. Shit.
Now he did sit up. He kicked away a blanket that he couldn’t remember putting on himself, and swept his hands out to gather up the music on the floor. He wasn’t finished. He’d intended to be done before Alice arrived. He must have fallen asleep.
Didn’t know how tired I was.
But his sleeping to midafternoon didn’t explain what Alice and Liz were doing in his kitchen. Stretching, he let out an uncovered yawn and went to see.

Alice emerged from the kitchen and headed him off before he could go in. “Let’s go see what you’ve got for me.”

Carter glimpsed Liz standing in front of the stove. Her body blocked what was on it, but she was stirring. He gave into Alice’s pressure on his elbow and turned around. “I’m not done.”

“I’ll take what you have.” She escorted him back to the couch, sat down, and patted a spot next to her. “Is this it?”

“That’s the unfinished part.” Carter waved her away from the sheets he’d gathered up and set on the coffee table. Going to his desk, he found the finished work and brought it back. The bowl of chips he’d set out earlier was empty. He picked it up anyway and ran his thumb along the bottom for crumbs.

Alice paged through the sheets, pausing to sip from a mug of coffee she’d brought from the kitchen.

“You aren’t really looking at that, are you?” Carter asked.

“Just waiting for the right time to ask how you’re doing.”

“Me? I’m fine.”

“Have you looked in the mirror lately?”

Carter rubbed his face. A week’s stubble scratched his hand. “Scared to.”

“Carter. How are you? Really?”

Carter covered his eyes. Sleep crusted around them. His eyelashes brushed his hand, caught up in his usual blinking flurry. Was it worse than usual? He could never judge that tic. He pulled his hands away. “I’m fine.” The sensation of someone behind him made Carter turn around.

“I brought you a glass of water,” Ethan said. He pushed it into Carter’s hand. “I thought you’d be thirsty.”

Carter stared at the glass and then at Ethan and Alice, who watched him with equal intensity. “What’s going on?”

“Aren’t you going to drink it?” Ethan asked. “I brought it for you.”

“Will you tell me why you two are acting so weird if I do? And why your mom is here?”

“Uh-huh.” Ethan nodded. With his palm facing up, he gestured that Carter should get on with it. Carter downed half the glass. It helped him wake up some.

“So? Talk.”

“I’m going to see if Liz needs anything.” Alice excused herself before Carter could protest. Ethan took her place.

“Am I making you tired?”

“What?” Carter leaned away to get a better view of Ethan’s face. “No. Why would you think that?”

“I wasn’t paying attention before, but today I learned that other people are sad about what happened too. And you haven’t been thinking about yourself since I came over.”

“It’s fine.” Carter reached for him, but Ethan shook his head, so Carter let his hand drop. “You needed me to focus on you.”

“You look really bad right now.”

“Uh. Thanks?”

Ethan didn’t crack a smile. “I told Alice when she came that you needed your sleep, and we sat down and talked. I decided that the best thing would be to ask Mom to come over because I can’t cook.”

“So you’re taking care of me now?” Carter asked. Ethan looked so earnest that Carter wanted to cuddle against him, but that same seriousness stopped him. Ethan was doing a big thing for him. Carter didn’t know what had happened to make Ethan have this realization, but it was clear that Ethan intended to follow through on it. The thought of having someone take care of him almost made Carter choke up. He swallowed the urge away. “Thank you.”

“I told Mom I’ll talk to Dr. Sorensen.”

Carter raised his head to meet Ethan’s gaze. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

“Thank you.” Leaning forward, Carter kissed Ethan. His full lips held the remnants of coffee breath and reminded Carter that Ethan must have been in the kitchen. “So what’s for lunch?”

“Hamburger tomato stew.”

“Sounds good. Let’s go get something to eat.”

“Okay.” Ethan tugged Carter’s hand. “I’m still going to need you, even after I talk to the doctor.”

“I’ll always be here for you.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t know how tired you are.”

“You were caught up in other things. Hey.” Carter rubbed Ethan’s arm to draw his gaze back when Ethan turned his head down. “I wanted to take care of you. You probably won’t need me as much now.”

Ethan looked alarmed. “I will.” He grinned. “Once my penis can get hard again, I’m going need you a lot.”

Ethan patted Carter’s back as he choked on his coughs. “Ass,” Carter said when he could speak. “You better hope your mom didn’t hear that.”

“I already told her and Alice. Alice said thanks for telling her.”

“I don’t think she meant it. And now I can’t face them ever again.”

“Come on. Let’s eat. You’re hungry and I’m taking care of you now, remember?” Ignoring Carter’s attempt to sink into the floor, Ethan pulled him up. Carter was still burning with embarrassment when Ethan shoved him into the kitchen. Nolan was there too. Carter hoped he hadn’t been part of the penis conversation.

“Lunch is served,” Nolan said with a smile.

Alice winked at Carter.
Shit.
Carter wanted to die, but the stew smelled too good. “Where’s Elliot?” He took his spot at the table. Someone had found cloth place mats and set them out.

“He’s in school,” Liz said. “I dropped him off after I brought Ethan back.”

“How is he?”

“Grounded.” Liz had filled Carter in on the situation when she’d come to ask Ethan to go to the police station with her. Carter had figured it was worth a try for getting him out of the house, and it had obviously had an impact on Ethan.

Ethan stood back in the doorway. “Hi, Dad.”

“Hey, Pal.” Nolan moved to him with caution, as if he might flit away. “How you doing?” Ethan stayed still as Nolan touched his face.

“Thank you for coming over to help me.”

“Thank you for asking. We’re proud of you,” Nolan said.

“You’re not angry at me? For everything?”

“Of course not. We missed you, that’s all.”

Ethan flung his arms around his parents. Carter didn’t know if he should look away when Ethan started to cry. He felt oddly possessive of Ethan’s tears. He should be the one comforting him. Ethan might have had the same idea because he squeezed between his parents and stumbled, arms out, to Carter. He crashed into Carter with enough force to wobble the chair. “Got you, Ethan. You need to eat.”

“No, you need to,” Ethan said.

“Let’s all eat!” Alice broke in. She prompted Ethan toward a chair by pushing lightly on his shoulder. “You both look like you’re about to fall over.” Once they were squeezed in around the table, Liz dished out the stew. It was a thick, hearty mixture that married spices, tomato, and hamburger into a heavenly scent. Ethan looked blissed out as he slurped it from his spoon. Carter had emptied half his bowl before he slowed down enough to consider conversation. Without anything in it, his mouth took off doing its fits and starts. He glanced around the table. Ethan was the only one looking at him, but he did it with his usual affection, and not with an expression that said, “You’re acting like a freak.”

“The Dysons from down the street are moving,” Nolan said. “They asked if we want their upright piano. What do you think, Ethan?”

Ethan broke his gaze away from Carter. “Elliot would like it.”

“Mom and I thought so too.”

Carter breathed again. His lips popped on the end of it. No one even glanced at him. Feeling better, Carter dove into his stew once more as Alice asked Liz about the recipe. While they discussed it, Carter leaned over to whisper to Ethan. “Thank you.”

Ethan grabbed his face with both hands and kissed him. “You’re welcome. And thank you for everything too.”

“More stew?” Nolan asked.

“Yes, please,” Ethan said. After ladling stew for Ethan, Nolan filled Carter’s bowl without his answer. Carter grinned across the table at Alice. He still wasn’t sure what had happened, but he loved Ethan more than ever. Maybe things would change now, and he wouldn’t have to worry so much. Ethan could get back to normal, back to seeing his friends and laughing again.

“Y
OU
need to shower before you go to your appointment,” Carter said. “You’re starting to attract flies.”

Ethan lifted his arms to sniff himself. He hadn’t felt like taking a shower since his first night when Carter had suggested it. He preferred to stay in his T-shirt and underwear. It was more comfortable. “I don’t want to.”

“As a favor for me, would you please? You have to get dressed to go, so you might as well shower.”

Ethan lifted his T-shirt to scratch his stomach. He
did
feel kind of gross, now that Carter had mentioned it. Ethan gave it some consideration. Mom had brought him more clothes. They were freshly cleaned, and he didn’t really want to put them on while he was dirty. “Okay.” Getting up from the couch, Ethan started for the stairs.

“That was easy,” Carter said.

“Uh-huh.”

In the shower, Carter had placed a sign on the wall. Ethan noticed it when he stepped inside the tub and drew the curtain.

How to Have a Great Shower

1. Wet and shampoo your hair.

2. Rinse until water runs clear.

It continued with the familiar steps from the list at Ethan’s house, although some of them were condensed. Ethan didn’t know if he should be happy or depressed. He’d made a stupid mistake by not rinsing his hair the first night. Sure, Carter had said it could happen to anyone, but if that was true, why would Carter put that list there when it wasn’t before? Maybe making things easier for Carter hadn’t been a good idea because now he had time to think about how Ethan was brain damaged. Ethan knew he’d always need some help, but at Carter’s house he could forget sometimes that there was something wrong with him. Carter never treated him like there was.