Ethans Fal (25 page)

When my father disowned me, when my father beat the shit out of Cal, I thought my life was over. I had this baby, and nowhere to go and no one to turn to. My best friend couldn’t see past my stupidity at wanting to keep a baby at sixteen and my mum wouldn’t side against my father. I thought the way Cal looked at me when he picked himself up off the drive was the final straw. But he grabbed my hand, bundled me into his car, and took me with him. His parting shot to my father was that it would be a dark day in Hell before he ever took money from a monster like him. My father had offered Cal five thousand pounds to walk away. He hoped Cal would take the money, leaving me alone. The only option to come crawling back, have the abortion he had arranged, and beg forgiveness. I would never go back…ever.

While my friends were all getting ready for their Prom, I was getting the most out of the maxi dress fashion for the summer. I was expelled from school before my father could cancel the fees. It isn’t great press to have a pregnant student in one of the most elite girl’s school in the country. It didn’t matter, I had taken my exams a year early and I knew I could go back and study someday, somewhere less archaic. All my initial worries evaporated with Cal’s love and assurance that everything was going to be all right. Sometimes that is all you need to hear, the actual words. I believed it. I believed in him.

I begged him and he even tried to argue that I was too close to giving birth and he’s sure the baby could feel him. I laughed and said that was exactly what would happen. The baby would stretch down and slap his dick right out. I questioned whether he even went to school and he joked that he had in fact been kicked out of some of the best schools in the country. Like it was something to be proud of. It was the only thing I didn’t like, his casual regard for his future; for our future. But he provided for us, arranged a place to stay, worked for his uncle and was saving to buy into the family business. Now, everything was on an even keel, I just needed a little Cal assistance and I wasn’t giving up. I was going to have our baby that night, old wives tales or not, I was ready. Cal had reluctantly agreed. Way to make an overweight, self-conscious pregnant teenager feel sexy, but I was a beggar not a chooser so I didn’t grumble. I remember I went to the bathroom first, I had the bladder capacity of an ant but before I got to the door this almighty pain seared into my abdomen and knocked me to the floor. Gasping for air I couldn’t even scream the pain was so intense. Cal was at my side, wide eyed with panic. I couldn’t speak he just picked me up and carried me to the car. I don’t remember much after that. Lots of pain and fear, tears, both mine and Cal’s, and I won’t forget the look on his face when they took me into surgery. Utter desolation, it must have mirrored mine. ‘We’ll try and save the baby’, the doctor’s words ringing like a macabre toll in my ears. I know it was a miracle that I survived with the amount of blood I lost–eight pints they had to infuse in the end. We both were overwhelmed that Piper …Pip was a healthy seven pounds, wriggling fingers, toes, and a cry that could shatter your soul. I was so relieved that I didn’t really pay attention when the doctor told me the surgery had resulted in an emergency repair. They had to remove one ovary and there was severe scarring and uterine damage. They had severed an artery getting Pip out and they had to act quickly. They did what they could to stop the bleeding, it was the only way to save me. It didn’t matter, Pip was alive and perfect .So as sad as they were I didn’t really hear the words at the time. Cal told me later that I would never have any more children, but I was still okay; I was more than okay, I was blessed, I had Pip…I had Pip.

“
Sshhh, Ada, shit, please, stop crying. You’re killing me here.” Ethan’s voice is choked and I look up to see the pain in his eyes. His face is soft with affection and concern. So handsome with his strong jaw and dark brow, chocolate eyes that melt and swirl. His cheeks dusted with the rough stubble of a day or two missed in his grooming schedule. He kisses my hair, quietly sshing me. I draw way too much comfort from his embrace. “Talk to me, Ada. It will help.” His eyes hold a wealth of promise, trust and understanding. But that leap of faith I need to trust him, died in me the day the person I loved and trusted most in the world betrayed me–destroyed me.

He holds my gaze and I feel something shift inside me. It’s not trust, but it is a little like belief in his sincerity, maybe enough that I could maybe tell him something and not jeopardise my anonymity. I shake my head and suppress the weakness. I just can’t risk it.

“All right, angel…you think you have some big bad secret but you don’t.” He hugs me tighter and peppers his words with playful kisses on my head. “You will trust me enough…one day, and if not I’ll extort it out of you with my deviant sexual torture techniques.” His voice drops to a lower rumbling timbre that zeros like a heat missile between my legs making me shift. He chuckles. “Oh, you like the sound of that.” He teases and I am so grateful he isn’t pushing me to tell him more. I am so fucking scared that I will.

“What, you have more in your arsenal? Sheila is going to have to paint my legs with a definite bow in them after last night.” I bite my lips to hide my smile. His thumb pulls my bottom lip free and releases my grin. His own smile is breathtaking.

“That’s better…you smile so rarely, don’t ever fight it. It puts the sunrise to shame.” He tips my chin and the intensity in his eyes steals a little more than my breath. He exhales with a grin. “And yes, I have many tools at my disposal…you haven’t seen my play chest…yet.” He slides me off his lap with a wicked curl of his lips and my heart thumps a strong staccato at the thought of more playtime. Jeeze when did I get so insatiable?
Hmmm when did I meet Ethan?
He doesn’t go to retrieve his toy box though, he starts making breakfast. Fresh coffee, scrambled eggs, smoked salmon, and toast.

We sit in comfortable silence and I eat every single piece of the delicious breakfast. “That was really good…where did you learn how to cook?” He narrows his eyes and pauses with concentration. It really wasn’t a trick question.

“Okay, here’s the deal…well, here is one of the deals. I will answer a question if you do the same. It doesn’t have to be intrusive and you can take a pass, but you have to give me something about yourself.” He pours me another coffee and after little sleep I am going to need it. He sits next to me and draws his chair close.

“Why?” My fingers nervously tap a rhythm up the side of the cup. His hand covers mine to stop the tick.

“That is another question, but I’ll let you have a freebie. The answer is because I want to know more about the person living in my home.” My jaw drops with his assumption. “You will live here during the high season.”

“Will I?” I raise my brow at his authoritative tone.

“Yes…Look, Ada, I get that you don’t want to impose on your friends but I’m not a friend. I don’t get down here that often, and this has to be better than sleeping on the beach?”

“What’s in it for you?” She crosses her arms, lifting her perfect breasts a little higher but the scowl on her face is not in the least flirtatious.

“I don’t barter for sex, Ada, I told you that. You would be doing me a favour, keeping the place clean and secure. That’s all.” He sips his coffee slowly, his heavy lidded eyes betraying his dispassionate words.

“So, we wouldn’t be fucking in this deal?” I swallow the dryness in my throat.

“Not in that deal, no…” He pulls my chair so I am facing him. He pushes my legs wide and slides his strong hands up my inner thighs but not quite to the top. I feel the whimper in the back of my throat fighting to be heard. “I want to fuck you…a lot. So I do have a deal for you. You say you don’t want a relationship, but you want more than these.” He wiggles his fingers and oh, God, he moves close to taste my lips with his tongue, tracing the seam not pushing in. “You want more and I’m going to break my own rule and give it to you.” His thumb skims the tip of my clit and I nearly jump a foot off the chair but his other hand grips my thigh so tight I know I will have his fingerprints marked on my skin. “But no relationship…no commitment…no magic button. Just sex.” The way he says that last word has me a liquid mess that he must feel as he slides his thumb along my swollen folds. I shiver and my skin fires with a million tingles. I can’t think.
Can I do this? Do I want this…Oh …Oh.
I draw in little pants trying to focus my mind but his eyes are pure lust and fire. I can feel the heat in my bones, in my chest, in my soul. I don’t know if I can do this, detach myself from the physical. Like him, I don’t want a relationship but I have no idea whether I can keep the two separate. What I do know is this feeling right now, this is amazing, life affirming…Fuck me, but I didn’t know a body could endure so much pleasure. So why am I even questioning my capacity for distance. I don’t know if I can do this but it is going to be so much fun finding out. “I’m not hearing a no?” Ethan's light tease brings me back and he chuckles when I feel my head nod its acceptance. It would seem my body has made its decision.

He sinks two fingers inside me and I arch my back and push down onto his hand. “That’s it, angel, ride my hand…take what you need.” I rock and he pumps frantically. His other hand lifts my T-shirt and grabs my breast squeezing to the point of pain. His lips covers my nipple with his searing hot mouth and he pulls, sucks, and grazes it with his teeth. It’s enough, it’s too much. I fling my arms around his neck and hold him there. I want to just hold him there, that moment of pure ecstasy, high and breathless with him still swirling his tongue over my sensitive tip. His hands sweep around my back and he strokes gentle lines up and down my spine. Delicate fingers that don’t belong to such strong hands. I shiver and melt into his hold. This is not going to be easy but it
is
going to be phenomenal fun.

I am dressed and ready to leave when Ethan joins me. He is in his running gear, he grabs his keys and my hand and leads me down the stairwell. He continues to hold my hand as we walk but I pull it away. A deep frown darkens his face.

“Sorry, Ethan, but if this is just going to be physical…which it is.” I emphasise slowly. “Then you have to stop acting like a boyfriend.” He takes a large stride in front of me halting me in my tracks.

“This
is
just physical, but I won’t be told when or where I can touch you…all of you. If I want to bend you over this garden wall and fuck you raw…I will. If I want to hold your fucking hand, I will. I touch you because I want to touch you, it doesn’t mean I want to marry you. So don’t read more in to everything I do or this won’t work.”

“Fine!” I snap. “Just want to make sure we’re on the same page.”

“Since we are on the same page let’s just make it really clear. What about monogamy?” I chill from head to toe. It’s not like I have had many partners but I have never had multiple partners. I don’t think it’s wrong to want to have someone all your own. But Ethan isn’t my someone and this isn’t a relationship. I know I don’t want that but what does he wants…does he just want me? “I think it would be too much like a relationship to be exclusive, don’t you?” His tone is leading, but it feels like a half tonne kick in my chest: broken, winded, and sick, all at the same time. “Don’t you, Ada?” He pushes but if this is what he wants, I am not going to be so pathetic as to beg for more.

“I do.” The words feel acrid on my tongue and I feel the pinch of prickles behind my eyes. Don’t fucking cry, Ada. You said you could do this. Focus on the fun…you don’t want a relationship and seeing Ethan with other girls will definitely secure that dead-end future you are intent on. He takes my hand and we walk in silence to Sheila’s studio.

I wrap the silk robe Sheila bought for me for times when she is setting up or I am waiting for Burt to arrive, like now. Sheila brings me a mug of tea and some homemade cookies. I am usually hungry but after the breakfast I’m stuffed, I decline and just sip my tea. She has been uncharacteristically quiet this morning and she sits beside me with a weight that is palpable. “Is something wrong, Sheila? You don’t seem yourself.” I blow the steam from the tea.

“Sweetheart, are you all right?” She grabs my free hand and holds it in both of hers and now I am really confused.

“I’m fine, Sheila, why do you ask?” She looks at the obvious confusion on my face.

“You have some marks on your thighs and bottom. You can always stay here in the studio, if you are unsafe Ada. You know where I keep the key–” I squeeze my eyes shut as a fierce flush of embarrassment colours my face, neck, and creeps downward across my chest.

“Oh, Sheila, that’s very kind and I’m fine…really, nothing to worry about.” I scrunch my face up and hold my breath hoping she doesn’t want more details. Her face transforms before me from worry to enlightened. She taps her fingers on her tight-lipped smile and then waggles it in my direction.

“Well, it’s about time you had some fun.” She chuckles and stands satisfied with my safety, she starts to tidy away her supplies for the day. “Although, if I had a paw print on my backside like that you would know the man that did it, because he would be the one in crutches.”