Euphoria (9 page)

We spent the afternoon with him trying to teach me how to play Xbox… again. For some reason, I just did not have the hand-eye coordination necessary to play video games. It was way too many buttons and things to pay attention to on the screen. Mase just laughed at my frustration.

“If you can play both the guitar and the piano, figuring out a control stick should be a piece of cake for you,” he said as he ruffled my hair.

I turned around and gave him my mean face as the game to an end. I had two kills and suffered fourteen deaths. That was worse than terrible. “It’s completely different,” I argued. “When playing an instrument, you know what comes next in the song… it’s static; when playing this stupid game, you have to react to what’s going on around you. You can’t pre-plan your actions.”

“I promise you can figure this out, my studious little owl. You just need to practice,” he encouraged me with a smile and a shoulder nudge.

Reminding myself that ten year old kids could play this game, I turned my attention back to the screen and controller and spent the following three hours practicing. Remarkably, at some point while I was playing, it was like a switch went off in my head and I all of a sudden, I was actually pretty decent. Mason got excited for me when he realized that the first two games that I ended up with more kills then deaths wasn’t just a fluke.

“See!” he exclaimed. “I told you that you were smarter than the game.”

Feeling smug with newfound skillset, even if it was mediocre at best, I began running my mouth. “Careful Mase, before you know it, I’ll be kicking your ass as well as Ash and Max’s.”

As soon as Ash and Max’s names crossed my lips, I instantly regretted it. The last thing I wanted to do was to throw either of them in Mason’s face.

I guessed my face showed my remorse because he put his hand on my shoulder and immediately addressed my comment, “Angel, look at me.” I raised my eyes to his, cringing a bit. “You don’t need to feel bad about mentioning either of them. I understand that they are a part of your life, and that if you’re gonna be in mine, so will they. I’m not sure how they feel about me…” He gave me one of his deep-dimpled grins. “Well, I have a pretty good idea, but I’m not gonna let that deter my friendship with you, as long as that’s what you want.”

I smiled meekly in return. “I’ve told Max that I’ve been coming to see you, but not Ash yet. I’m gonna tell him this weekend. I’m really scared that he’s gonna freak.”

He pulled me into a tight hug. “I’m not saying this just because we’re talking about our friendship, but stop letting others make decisions for you. Do what you want to do. Live for Scarlett, no one else. It’s what I’m trying to do too.”

Our bodies broke apart and I couldn’t help but feel a warmth inside me. “I’m not sure if I’ve told you yet, but I’m really proud of you, Mason. I’m proud to be your friend.”

He kissed my forehead and whispered against my skin, “That’s one step closer to my euphoria.”

CHAPTER TEN

Where Did You Sleep Last Night ~ Nirvana

By Your Side ~ Tenth Avenue North

ASH

On that Thursday afternoon, I went home to grab a bite to eat in between my classes and working in the lab. I was sitting at the table, quietly enjoying my favorite cold weather combo, a grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup, when I heard the postman on the front porch delivering the daily mail. I jumped up and ran outside to grab the stack of bills and letters. I had been anxiously awaiting the responses from the universities and research groups that I had applied to; I desperately wanted to know where I would be spending the next phase of my life so that I could begin making arrangements. Scarlett was my biggest concern. I refused to leave her, so wherever it was, I needed to convince her to transfer there with me. I knew that asking her to leave Rice, especially after the hurdles she had already faced was a huge request, but I wasn’t going anywhere without her. Unfortunately, I had gone as far as I could possibly go at my current school with my degree in astrophysics, so staying in Houston wasn’t an option.

As I thumbed through the envelopes, I set aside those items that were for Jess and those for Meg until I reached the envelope from the University of California Berkeley. My hands began shaking slightly as I opened the top of it, anxious to see the contents. UC Berkley was my number one choice by far because it had a research cooperative with the Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory and a direct link to the CERN facility in Geneva, which was the mecca for nuclear physics. Despite my partying and womanizing in the college years before Scarlett, I had always put a major emphasis on my studies. I was blessed that a lot of it just came naturally to me; for whatever reason, I just “got” math and science. I had known from my high school years that I wanted to do something in the world of physics. Proving and disproving molecular theories was fascinating to me, and my ultimate goal had always been to work at CERN.

As I unfolded the single piece of paper, I held my breath and began to quickly scan over the text of the letter. It wasn’t until I reached the words “We are pleased to inform you that we have accepted your application…” that I actually remembered to breathe again. I’m pretty sure if my neighbors had been home, they would’ve heard my roar of excitement. All of my hard work seemed to have started paying off; everything was falling into place. I just had to tell Scarlett.

The rest of the afternoon I could barely contain my enthusiasm, I was about to burst at the seams. I had told my boss the good news as soon as I had gotten to the lab, and he was not only extremely proud of me but understanding of my inability to focus. He let me off early to celebrate, so I went straight to Scarlett and Max’s apartment to tell them my good news.

I was a little surprised to not see her car in her parking spot when I arrived, but didn’t think too much of it. After several knocks, Max swung open the door and invited me in.

“Hey man, how are you? Come on in,” he said as he walked over to sit back down on the couch.

“I couldn’t be better actually, thanks for asking,” I replied, still beaming. “Where’s Scar?”

“Not sure. I haven’t seen her since I’ve been home,” he replied with a nonchalant shrug.

I found it odd that she wasn’t home yet, seeing that it was nearly six o’clock in the evening. The night before she had told me that she had class until one and then she would be studying the rest of the afternoon. I assumed that she must’ve done her studying at the library or coffee shop, but since it was nearly dark outside I figured she’d be back soon. I grabbed a beer from the fridge and joined Max on the couch, waiting for her to get home.

Thirty minutes or so later, I was starting to get a little worried about where she was. I texted her and didn’t get a reply, so I really began to panic. I got up to go throw my empty bottle away before heading over to the library to check for her car; however, when I was in the kitchen, I heard the front door open and then her voice.

“Hey Max! I’m so glad you’re here! Mase taught me how to play Call of Duty today, and I can’t wait to kick your pretty little assface.”

My heart shattered all over the tile floor, and the overwhelming excitement that I had felt about my acceptance letter was replaced by complete devastation.

SCARLETT

As I hurried into the apartment, trying to escape the near freezing temperature outside, I was thrilled to see Max home so I could show off my new and improved Xbox playing abilities. However after my announcement of just that, Max’s horror-stricken face followed by the sound of someone in the kitchen told me all that I needed to know. I could feel the color draining from my face as Ash appeared from around the corner. I couldn't tell if his expression was more of hurt or anger, but either way I didn't blame him. It definitely wasn't how I wanted him to find out, but since he knew I knew I better start talking fast before I lost him.

"Ash, babe, it's not what it seems. I promise," I tried to clarify, dropping my backpack and walking towards him.

"Oh, now it's 'babe,' huh? Convenient," he said with a snarl, backing away.

"I… I didn't mean…"

"And it never is what it seems when it involves him, is it Scarlett? In Miami it wasn't what it seemed, now here yet again, I get the same bullshit line." I had never heard such loathing in his voice before. "At some point Scarlett, it really IS what it seems!"

Thankfully, Max silently slipped out of the room in the middle of Ash's rant. Not that he wasn't able to hear it all from there anyhow, but at least we had perceived privacy.

"Ash, I know that you're angry, and I understand why. I had planned on telling you when I saw you this weekend. I didn’t want to talk about it over the phone. I knew that you weren’t going to be happy and I want to explain to you why. Please calm down. Let’s sit down so that I can explain everything to you.”

He stormed over to the couch and sat down. Looking up at me, he snapped, “I’m sitting so start explaining.”

I crossed the living room floor and sat next to him. Wringing my hands in my lap with my eyes fixed on my shoes, I told him everything~ from Mina calling Cruz to my first visit to see Mase to our counseling session with Heather to that afternoon of just hanging out. I emphasized how we both felt closure with how our relationship previously had been, and we were only interested in being friends. After I was finished laying it all out, I looked up in his icy blue eyes and pled to him, “Ash, I swear on Evie’s grave that I am telling you the truth. I know that I should’ve told you when I first went, but I am hiding nothing from you and am being one hundred percent honest with you about my feelings for him. I am in love with
you
and I want to be with
you
, but I am going to be a friend to him. He is far from perfect, just like both of us, but he has always been there for me when I needed him and I’m not about to turn my back on him, especially during this time of instability. I really hope you can understand that.”

“I do understand that Scarlett, but you have to know how hard this is for me. I know what he once was to you, and it scares me that those feelings between y’all will reemerge. I don’t associate with any girls that I have a past with, and I never even had true feeling for any of them. I do that mainly because I have no desire to be around those people any longer, I’ve grown up and moved on from that stage of my life, but also because I have respect for your feelings. I know that you wouldn’t feel comfortable with me even being just friends with them.

“I honestly feel like I’m painted in a corner here. Either I give you my blessing to see him or I risk losing you if I don’t. You know I’m not the type of person to tell you what you can or can’t do; we don’t have that kind of relationship. So I’m going to tell you this one time and one time only.” He paused and took a deep breath before continuing. “You are an adult and you need to decide who you have relationships with. That being said, I expect for you to put me first in your life, just like I do with you in mine. I don’t need daily or even weekly updates on what’s going on with him, because I really don’t care, but I don’t want this cutting into the time we get to spend together either. I love you and I’m going to trust you until you give me a reason not to, but I will not be made a fool of. I deserve to get back the same commitment that I put into this. Do you think that’s fair?”

I nodded my head before launching myself at him. I crawled into his lap, my knees on either sides of his thighs, and pressed my forehead to his. “Thank you so much. Thank you for being so wonderful. You are always my first priority and I’m not gonna let you down. I love you so much.”

His strong arms engulfed my waist and he pulled my chest down to his. His soft lips found mine, tenderly pressing them against each other before his tongue began teasing me, begging entrance into my mouth. Parting my lips, our tongues found one another, delicately caressing and massaging into the perfect kiss. As the kiss ended and our mouths broke apart, a thought crossed my mind.

“Not that I ever mind seeing you or kissing you, but was there a reason that you came over tonight or was it just to hang out?” I asked him before giving him another soft peck on the mouth.

He stood up with me still wrapped around his body and rubbed his nose against mine. “Nah, it wasn’t anything important really. Plus I don’t want to spend any more time talking tonight; I need to feel your body against mine. I think it’s time for another reminder fuck,” he growled.

My body responded to the possessive tone in his voice, as I instantly ached for his intimate touch. I clenched my legs tightly around his body so that my clit rubbed against his crotch and I nipped at his bottom lip before sucking on it. “What are you reminding me of?”

“That. You. Are. Mine.” He walked us down the hall to my bedroom where he spent the next couple of hours reminding me of just that.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Nothing Fancy ~ Dave Barnes

Burn ~ Ellie Goulding

Together ~ Demi Lovato (feat. Jason Derulo)

ASH

I knew that I should’ve told her about the doctorate program acceptance letter when she asked why I had come over, but I just couldn’t. Not then. We needed to deal with one issue at a time, and in that moment, pretty much everything else was on the backburner. I also decided to wait to confirm that she had gotten accepted at UC Berkeley as well so that I could present it to her as a package deal. I had to make her see the future for us there… away from here.

To be honest, as Scarlett told me the story about how she had gone to see Mason in rehab, I believed her that she truly was worried about him as a person and that her intentions were to be his friend and to help him through his recovery. It was him that I didn’t trust for shit, especially in a time where he was sure to feel abandoned by his friends, his fans, and his steady stream of groupies falling at his feet. He was an attention whore, plain and simple. I had never met a frontman of a band that wasn’t, that’s why they were what they were. My musical skills were just as good, if not better than his, but I never had any desire to be up in front of hundreds or thousands of people. He craved the spotlight and it fed his egotism and vanity, and having her coming to visit him, to coddle him, was just another form of that. However, I also knew if I forbade her from seeing him, she would either resent me or see him anyway behind my back. Either of those scenarios would end in us breaking up, which was the last thing I wanted.