Evan's Addiction (69 page)

     The gold and blues in her eyes sparked like fireworks before they
were hidden by her lowered lids. Her forehead dropped onto my chin. “I really
thought I was dreaming because it was so unbelievable that you could feel that for
me, but I was sure I smelled you on my pillow. You didn’t mention anything the
next day so I was starting to think I did dream the whole thing, but it was
hectic with everyone there and then I fell asleep right afterwards sooo...Are
you sure, Evan? It’s not because I was kidnapped and you feel sorry for me and stupidly
responsible?”

     My lip was in seizures at her rambling, but my chest swelled with
both love and a spasm of pain because she really had no clue at how incredible
she was.

     “I loved you before all this shit happened, Shaw. I just wasn’t
looking for it, and didn’t know I was capable of feeling it even though it was
slamming me in the chest over and over again. I pushed the feeling to the side
because I didn’t want anything interfering in the incredible time I was having
with you.” Caressing her cheek I tipped her head up, locking eyes with her
starry green orbs. “This is no dream, Shaw. This is
me
loving
you
.”

     Her brows pinched. “I’m such a mess though. You say you’ve enjoyed
the struggle, but you have only experienced half of it.” She closed her eyes
and swallowed and I could see whatever she wanted to say she was forcing
herself to. “I’m an insecure heap of my past disappointments; I don’t open up
easily, I have trust issues which are going to make me question your feelings
constantly, and when other girls show interest in you I’m either going to be a
jealous bitch or cold bitch because…well...refer back to my prior issues.”

     I wanted to pick Shaw up, set her in my lap and squeeze her tight,
but I couldn’t because of her recent surgery. She was fragile…in more ways than
one.

     I had to settle for a gentle cuddle, but I did capture her mouth
so I could kiss her slowly…deeply. I’d only been getting small pecks here and
there since she’d woken up, but I immersed myself in her sweetness this time
because I had been dying for her for days.

    My dick went full mast in seconds when she responded
enthusiastically and I groaned at my growing ache. It was going to be a long two
weeks until I could slake myself fully inside her. I forced myself to pull back
because I was only torturing myself, and I still needed to address the issues
she’d brought up.     

     Both of us were breathing heavily as I stared down into her
guarded eyes...always so guarded. I wanted to see that barricade gone from her
eyes.

     “I don’t see a mess when I look at you, Shaw. I see a beautiful,
intelligent, indomitable woman who conquered every shit-storm the world threw
at her. Even when you were locked in a cage and thought you were going to die
you didn’t give up; you gave hope to another person and made plans to escape.”
Shaw’s brows rose in surprise. “Elizabeth told me.” I informed her with a small
nibble to her mouth. “You’re in my heart and soul, Shaw. I’ll wait patiently
for you to share with me, but I’ll also push you when I think you need it. You
won’t question my feelings because I will show you everyday how much you mean
to me, and you can be as jealous as you want to any girl who mistakenly thinks
she has a chance with me, because I’m going to be a dick to any guy who thinks
he has a chance with you.”

     I cupped her face. “But don’t think you’ll ever be cold with me
because I won’t stand for that. I will hunt you down and melt that ice until
you burn for me.”

     Lids lowering she leaned into my palm, and after a lengthy pause
she whispered.  “You’re sounding too good to be true.”

     “I’ve always thought I was.” I boasted with grin to lighten the
moment.

     Her lids flew open in an eye roll, but her mouth trembled with
emotional amusement. Silence settled between us and my nerves and muscles
twitched in expectation. “Shaw…you’re killing me here.” I growled.

     She chewed at her lip apprehensively and a blush heated her face
and neck. “God, this is really hard to say…”

     I could see that and it squeezed my chest painfully that she
didn’t feel secure disclosing her emotions. Brushing my thumb lovingly over her
cheekbone I vowed. “You’re safe with me, Shaw. Please trust me.”

     I understood why it was difficult for her to say the words out
loud; she was putting her heart in my hands and trusting me to not rip it apart
like everyone else in her life had.

     Swallowing, she blew out a shaky breath. “I love you too, Evan.
I’ve been trying to deny it, lie to myself, lock it away since our first time
together at the wedding, but loving you has been killing me slowly.”  

     A startling sigh of relief burst from me. I had felt pretty certain
she felt the same way about me when we were talking the other night but she
never said the actual words and I realized hearing them made a big difference.

     “That’s from a song and not actually true, right?” I teased.

     She shook her head and smiled. “That’s ‘killing me softly’
doofus.”

     “Oh right, now I remember.” I nodded with an inane grin of my own
while kissing down her neck. “If you weren’t incapacitated I’d tie you to my
bed and show you how hard I love you.”

     Shaw hunched her shoulder and giggled. My chest exploded with joy
at the sound. I wanted to hear her laugh everyday…every hour…all the time.

     “Have you really loved me since the wedding?” I nestled her back
against my side. 

     She sighed. “I was definitely feeling something painful for you or
I wouldn’t have gone to bed with you, and it’s only gotten worse.”

     I frowned. “Loves not supposed to be painful, Shaw.” Although, the
last few days had been down right agonizing.

     “It is when you’re fighting it, or when you don’t expect to
receive it in return.” Her fingers played with mine.

    I forced my hand to stay lax as those words nailed me in the chest.
“You didn’t expect to receive it from me, or you never expected to receive it
at all?”

     “Both. You had a pattern and I wasn’t anything special for you to
alter it.” She shrugged like it was obvious.

     I closed my eyes and breathed deep. “Red, you’re the most
amazingly special person I have ever met.”

     She huffed out a soft snort telling me she was going to need more
convincing, and I truly believed I was predestined to do that. “Evan, when you
go your entire life with no one loving you, you start to believe love just
isn’t in the cards for you. I’d buried my heart so far down in the dark
recesses of my chest because I felt safer in the darkness of my loneliness.”

     I prayed that everyone who caused this woman any pain received it
back a hundred fold. Hooking her fingers I brought them to my mouth, kissing
the tip of each one. “The first twenty years of your life must have been
preparing you for all the love I’m going to overwhelm you with. I won’t stop
digging until your heart can bask freely in the sunlight.”

     A shuddery breath shook her chest. Curling her hand around mine
her face tilted down, pressing against my bicep like she was trying to hide. “What
did falling in love with me feel like?” She murmured huskily.

     I blew out a breath. “Confusing…extremely confusing. I was experiencing
all these new emotions that I couldn’t catalogue, but they were amazing so
instead of labeling them I just enjoyed them. When you were gone those feelings
were suddenly neon signs. I really never thought I would experience something
this intense; I actually thought it was beyond me. Just shows you how stupid I
am.”

     “Yeah, I’ve always been amazed that you were able to walk and talk
at the same time.” She ragged with pink joy-filled cheeks.    

     I chuckled. “Smart-ass.”

     “My whole bodies smart; smart-ass, smart-fingers…” She wiggled her
fingers. “Smart-piggy’s.”  She lifted a leg. “You can’t see them but I’m
wiggling my toes. The only thing that wasn’t smart was my appendix, and that’s
why it had to go.” She hitched her thumb in an ‘out of here’ sign.

     I had been grinning until she mentioned her appendix. She had come
so close to dying. I kissed the side of her head. “Your pants are pretty smart
too.”

     Laughing softly she squeezed my arm. A ‘
meow’
came from the
floor by our feet and the next second Shaw’s cat jumped in her lap.

     “Rosie!” Shaw exclaimed happily. She scooped the cat in her arms
and nuzzled their noses together. The prickly feline appeared to actually hug
her; lifting its paws to her neck. “When did you bring her over here?”

      “Last night, and she wasn’t pleased about it. She whined the
entire ride over and when we got inside she hissed at everyone and then went
into hiding…I don’t know where. There was shit in the litter box this morning
so at least we won’t be finding a surprise waiting for us down the road.”

     Shaw smiled, hugging the cat. “She’s a smart kitty, she wouldn’t
go potty anywhere she’s not supposed to.” Her eyes were locked on her cat so I
wasn’t sure if she was talking to me or the cat.

     “Are you hungry or would you like to take a shower first?” Shaw
had been grumbling for a shower since she’d woken up yesterday, but all they’d
allowed her was a sponge bath…that I unfortunately hadn’t been able to watch.

     “A shower, please, please, and please.” She exclaimed
straightening, her eyes lighting in anticipation. With a kiss to her cat’s nose
she set it down.  

     Standing, I picked her back up in my arms. “Thank god. I wasn’t
sure how much more of your smell I could take.” She gave me a glare that was so
melt scorching hot it had my cock throbbing. “Remember, you only make me want
to jump you when you look at me that way.” I growled as I took the stairs up to
my bedroom.

     She shook her head trying to suppress a grin. “Thank god I smell
then.”

     Unexpected heart-clenching pain shot through me as thoughts of what
could have happened to her slammed into me. I’d been having them randomly for
two days and every time they stole the breath from me.

     Shaw must have noticed it on my face. “Is everything okay?” She
asked with a frown.

     Shaking it off I grunted and played like I was having difficulty
carrying her. “No, did you gain weight or something, jeez Red.” I huffed,
letting my arms tremble.

     Her arms tightened reflexively as she gasped in offense, narrowing
her lids over sparkling eyes. “It’s not me, ass-sniffer. I just lost five
pounds of appendix. It’s your skinny, noodle arms. Girls see them and shake
their heads in pity before sniggering behind their hands.”

     I busted out a laugh as I pushed open my bedroom door. Thank you
God, for saving my girl. “Don’t lie; you’d take on a horde of Orc’s for me.”

     She was trying really hard to hold back her grin. “I don’t know
about a horde, but maybe one or two. Holy Harry, your room got worse.” Shaw
eyed my bedroom as I headed toward the bathroom. The house had five large
bedrooms on the second floor, all with there own connecting bathroom.

     “Hey, I’ve been spending most of my time at my girlfriend’s house
when I’m not working. I haven’t had much time to clean.” There were only a few
dirty clothes scattered on the floor and a thin layer of dust, but to Shaw who
was a clean freak, it probably seemed like Armageddon. The girl was almost OCD
with how she cleaned and organized her space.

     Her grin popped out. “When you’re not looking I’m so color-coding
your closet.”

     “I’ll suffer through it if it will make you happy.” I set her down
gently on the closed toilet seat and turned to start the shower. Then I began
disrobing.

     Shaw watched me with hooded eyes and heated cheeks. “Are you
taking off your clothes because you need a shower too, or because you think I
need a crutch?”

     I smirked. “I just want to make sure we wash that god-awful smell
clinging to you.” We’d taken a few showers together so I knew she wouldn’t have
problem with it.

     Her lips parted as the last of my clothes fell away. Her gaze
roamed over me pausing on my partial erection. It didn’t remain in that state at
her stare; it thickened and grew, heavy and painful.

     “Come on, Red; your turn.” I waved my hand at her eagerly. Even
though we couldn’t have sex I could still enjoy her body. The need to see her
was almost imperative because of nearly losing her.

     She stood and I helped her with her shirt and sweat pants. Then I
took a deep breath at the sight of her. She was so damn beautiful. Even with
the two inch by two inch bandage covering the small incision they made in her
lower abdomen. It didn’t distract from how perfect she was; it only showed how
resilient she was.

     I knew every time my eyes lit on that scar I was going to thank
God for saving her.

     I assisted her into the shower and began washing her with the
soaps I’d packed from her apartment; starting with her shoulders and working my
way down leisurely, getting every inch of her. I really couldn’t help myself.

     Shaw watched me silently, her green eyes darkening and her
breathing escalating in rising desire. She rolled her eyes with a blush and
tolerated it when I insisted on shaving her underarms and legs, but she said ‘
hell
no’
when I went for her mound.

     “Why not?” I pouted.

     Her face red with both arousal and chagrin, she muttered, “That’s
just a little too much, and how would you feel about me getting near your nuts
and berries with something sharp. I’m already dealing with one incision, I
don’t need another.” Unable to argue with that I handed over the razor. “And
don’t watch me, either.”

     “Red, you’re spoiling my fun.” I bellyached.

     “It’s too embarrassing.” She griped.