Evenstar (48 page)

Furcas could not heal.
 
The damage he’d taken was too great.
 
Paimon panicked.
 
“No, no,
no
!”
 
He tore at his own hair.
 
He lifted Furcas and held him gently.
 
He whirled around, his movements frantic.
 
“Help me, someone help me!
 
Help me!
 
Help me!”
 

There was no one to hear him shout.
 
Paimon jumped into the air with Furcas cradled in his arms.
 
He flew through the planet’s haze of euphoria, terrified he wouldn’t find them in time.
 
He had to right this.
 
Had to fix this.
 

“Help me!”
 
Paimon found Lucifer and Ladriam resting by a tree.
 
He dove for them.
 

Both Primangels looked up in horror.
 

Paimon set Furcas at their feet.
 
“Fix him!”

Ladriam took Furcas to her bosom.
 
She touched his wings and examined the massive damage Paimon had unleashed.
 
She held in tears as Furcas whimpered.
 
She touched him carefully, taking away his pain and soothing his body.

Lucifer grabbed Paimon.
 
“What did you do to him?”

“I wanted him to die, so I tried to make him die.”
 
Paimon did not attempt to deny his guilt.
 
“I…do not want that now.
 
I do not understand this.”

Lucifer slammed Paimon to the ground.
 
“Tell me why you did that!”

“I did not want to feel.
 
He made me feel!”
 
Paimon’s eyes were wild.
 
“I had to rid myself of him to make it go away.
 
Lucifer, he made me suffer!
 
He made me
feel
!”

Lucifer got his hands around Paimon’s throat.
 
“You
do not hurt
that which makes you feel!”

Paimon frowned.
 
“Why?”
 

“
Why
?”
 
Lucifer smacked Paimon’s head into the dirt.
 
“You ask me
why
?”

“But Lucifer!”
 
Paimon gasped.
 
“He stole my numbers and put them in himself!
 
He took it all, Lucifer!
 
And when I hurt him, I hurt all of it.
 
Now it does not make sense!
 
He took it from me and I damaged it because I did not know!”

“You
fool
!”
 
Lucifer dragged Paimon to Furcas’ side.
 
“You see in him what I see in her.
 
Perfection!
 
You do not steal that away!
 
Never!”
 
Lucifer punched Paimon in the face.
 
“You do not hurt!
 
You adore!”
 
Lucifer threw him to the ground.
 
“You care for him!”

Paimon touched his bruised face.
 
“I care?”

Lucifer snarled.
 
“When did I make such a worthless, dense Archangel!”
 
He brought Paimon to his feet.
 

“But he stole—”

“He did not steal your numbers!”

“But…”
 
Paimon struggled to understand.
 
“He is perfect!
 
He took all the perfect things in himself.
 
I want that back.
 
He took it from me
and
the universe.
 
He had to of.
 
He took it from me, and he took it from you, from everything, nothing is right anymore…
he drained the universe, can you not see?  It is less now with him in it!”

Lucifer growled.  “He changed nothing, it is your 
perspective 
that has changed!”

“No…”  Paimon cried as he stared at Furcas.  “He has what I want…”

 
“Paimon!”
 
Lucifer shook him like a doll.
 
“
No
!
 
He does not have what you want, he
is
what you want!”
 

Paimon hung from him limply.
 
“He is?”

“You lack understanding of anything that is not easily calculated!”
 
Lucifer slapped him.
 
“You sought perfection and you found yours in him!
 
Then you tore it down because you could not accept the form it took!
 
But you only ruin
yourself
when you ruin him!
 
Can you not see that?
 
You are a fool to destroy that which makes you whole!”
 

Paimon stared at Furcas as tears poured down his face.
 
“Lucifer, I do not understand why.
 
I do not understand why I hurt!
 
Why do I hurt?”

Lucifer backhanded him.
 
“You love him and you nearly killed him!
 
How is that not getting through to you?”

“No.
 
He cannot be what I sought, Lucifer.”
 
Paimon rubbed at his eyes.
 
“I sought to understand the unknowable!”

“And to one so
cold
and
blind
as you are, that is 
him
!”
 
Lucifer gave Paimon a shove.  “I pity him for matching with 
you
!”

“But he is just a guardian—”

Lucifer throttled him.
 
“And you are a
terrible
, wretched, dense, foolish Archangel!”

Ladriam kissed Furcas and made his wings whole.
 
She touched his cheeks and the blood on his body faded.
 
She smiled at him.
 
“You are beautiful.”
 
She gave him her crown of flowers.
 
“Beauty itself.”

Furcas hugged her in relief.
 
He buried his face in her hair.
 

She hugged him and glared at Paimon over Furcas’ body.
 
She shook her head.
 
“Misunderstanding and fear turns to hatred, when much joy could be had instead.”

Paimon took a step back under her gaze.
 
“I—”

Ladriam set Furcas on the ground.
 
She stepped up to Paimon.
 
His muscles locked in fear.
 
She touched his face.
 
“You felt nothing.
 
Now you must feel
everything
.”
 
Paimon’s eyes flooded with emotion.
 
He held his head and groaned.
 

Lucifer took Ladriam’s hand and pulled her away, leaving Paimon to himself.
 
The Primangels leapt into the sky and flew into their universe.

Paimon staggered and hit the ground as information bombarded his senses.
 
The world was no longer a cold calculation, not something he could measure from a safe distance.
 
Everything he touched responded.
 
He understood the way things wanted to grow, what they needed and desired.
 
He recognized what was right and what was wrong.
 
He knew not what would happen, but what
should
happen.
 

Paimon stared at the blood on his body.
 
The heat in his wings burned it away.
 
He removed the evidence, but he could not remove the memory of what he had done.
 
He gazed at Furcas and cringed.
 
Lucifer was right.
 
Furcas was not an inconsistency.
 
He was not a thing.
 
He was a wonder, a complex gift, a faultless ever-changing marvel.
 

Paimon had searched the stars for fulfillment and found a companion.
 
A partner he could learn for eternity and never tire of, an equation without end.
 
Furcas embodied everything he desired, but he had not understood the obvious.
 
He returned Furcas’ affection with violence and hate.
 
He’d ruined him, nearly killed him because
he
was the one that was stupid and afraid.
 
But he loved him.
 
He had since first sight.

Paimon covered his eyes.
 
He had damaged Furcas in an unforgivable way.
 
Furcas could never love him in return, not after what he had done and said.
 
And that was good, because Furcas deserved better, far better than he could ever be.
 
Paimon pressed his forehead to the ground, buried in loss and heartache, his soul awash in regret.
 
He clawed his way to Furcas, sick with grief and guilt, driven by a desire to set something right.
 
He had to tell him.

Paimon opened his mouth; he tried to verbalize these thoughts and feelings, but nothing escaped his lips.
 
Ladriam had given him the gift to feel and understand, not to express.
 
He tried to touch Furcas.
 
Furcas flinched.
 
Paimon moaned.
 
“I—”

Furcas reached out and touched his cheek.
 
“I forgive you, Archangel.”

Paimon exhaled in a cry, “
Why
?”

“I love you.”

Paimon knew both to be true through his touch.
 
He burst into tears and shook his head.
 
“Do not!
 
Please do not!”
 

Furcas drew his finger across Paimon’s cheek.
 
“I do.”

Paimon seized his hand.
 
He pulled Furcas into his arms.
 
He held Furcas and kissed his cheeks, his forehead, and his neck.
 
He wrapped his fingers in Furcas’ hair.
 
“You are beautiful.”
 
He understood the term now.
 
He understood everything Furcas had done or appreciated.

Furcas smiled.
 
“You are.”

Paimon drew back.
 
“No.
 
No.
 
No.”

Furcas caressed his face and Paimon saw himself through the angel’s eyes.
 
He cringed.
 
Furcas did not judge his actions.
 
He did not hold a grudge against him or fear further pain.
 
He admired him, thought him handsome and smart,
better
.
 
Furcas even felt Paimon’s actions must have had some justification.
 

Paimon gagged and pushed Furcas’ hands off his face.
 
“You did not deserve that.
 
I am at fault, only me.
 
What I did is vile.
 
Do not think of me as good again,
ever
.”

“But you are, you are Archangel.”

“That means nothing!”
 
Paimon cupped his face.
 
“I am not
better
than you.”

Furcas shook his head.
 
“You are.
 
It requires no thinking.
 
It is fact, Archangel.”

 
“I said
no
.
 
I am no greater than you.
 
I am far worse in fact.
 
I am terrible and I was wrong.
 
What I did, what I said, all of it was wrong.”

“Wrong?”
 
Furcas searched his features.
 
“You are Archangel, I am just a guardian.”

“That does not matter between us.
 
You will also stop referring to me as Archangel, I am Paimon.”
 
He pointed his finger in Furcas’ face.
 
“I say it is so and that is how it will be.”

Furcas nodded along with him.
 
“Yes.”

Paimon narrowed his eyes.
 
“Do not placate me with words, I can feel the truth.
 
Do you understand?
 
You will stop thinking these
foolish
pleasant things about me
immediately
.
 
Think of yourself,
you
are better.
 
Think this way now.
 
Do it.”
 

Furcas looked up at him shyly.
 
“Make me…Paimon.”

Paimon eyed him.
 
“I will then.”
 
He kissed Furcas’ wings.
 
“I will teach it to you.”

Furcas hit at him weakly.
 
“Not fair.”

Paimon pushed Furcas up against the tree Lucifer and Ladriam had run up against earlier.
 
He recognized what would please and entice, and he wanted nothing more than to bring a smile back to Furcas’ face.
 
He held Furcas in place with his weight, while his lips and hands explored and reveled in him.
 
“Fair?”
 
Paimon nipped at his ear as Furcas moaned.
 
“What a
ridiculous
concept.”