Eventide (Meratis Trilogy Book 2) (13 page)

Four servants came to show them the way to their rooms, and, as Jayden, Brady, and finally Cassie were led off down different corridors, Jeff was soon alone.

The servant opened a door, and stood aside for Jeff to enter, then followed him in. “I can bring you more food if you wish, or leave you for the night. You’ll find a nightshirt in the dresser over there, and some water warming next to the fire if you care to wash. Just pull the bell here,” he tugged on a velvet rope partially hidden behind a tapestry, “if you need me for anything.”

Excited, Jeff hopped over to the man and gave the rope a pull. “I’ve always wanted to use one of these.”

The servant’s brow creased in disapproval, and then his expression cleared. “Will there be anything else, sir?”

“Hm?” Jeff drew his attention away from the bell. “No, thank you very much.”

The servant bowed and left, leaving Jeff alone to explore the room. It was much larger than his apartment, yet even still the bed took up most of the space. Not only wide, but tall. Up to his hips.
How the hell will I get up there?

He was aware of the colourful tapestries on the walls and the books on the shelves; he vaguely noticed the gilding around the mirror, and the scent of maple when he opened the dresser drawer; he appreciated, without thinking, the flickering light from the fire in a hearth nearly as tall as he was. At that moment, all he wanted to do was sleep. Wavering on his feet, he stripped down to his boxers and slid the nightshirt over his head. It reached his knees and made him feel like an idiot, but the cotton was warm and cozy, like wearing a blanket.

Twice he tried to climb up on the bed, gripping the sheets for leverage, but the fabric was too soft, and he slid back down to the floor. He shifted positions to try and get a better angle, and stubbed his toe against something under the bed.

“Son of a bitch,” he said as he crouched down. “Oh, you’ve got to be kidding.” He pulled a stool out from underneath. “When you need a ladder to get into bed, you’ve gone too far.”

Finally making it between the sheets, Jeff leaned back against the pillows and luxuriated in the sensation of not standing. He stared at the shadows dancing on the valance above the bed, its blue silk flowing like water in the firelight. His eyelids drooped as he floated away with the dancing patterns.

On the verge of sleep, he jumped that much higher when the door slammed open against the wall.

“What the fuck?” he demanded as Jayden kicked it closed again. The warrior carried a pillow, a blanket draped over his arm. Jeff still couldn’t accept how strange he looked in his borrowed clothes. “What are you doing?”

Jayden threw his pillow and blanket down on the sofa, sat down, and kicked off his boots. “Can’t sleep in the scholar’s room, the man’s still reading. Won’t turn out the lights.”

“And what’s wrong with
your
room?”

“Too easy to find.”

Jeff nearly asked who he was hiding from, but the answer dropped into his head quickly enough. He pulled up his knees and rested his elbows on top. “You’ve faced a dragon, but you’re afraid of one woman?”

Jayden scowled, stretched out his legs so his feet drooped over the side, and pulled his blanket up to his chin. “If you’re not afraid then you’re dumber than you look. Ariana is not someone to trifle with.”

“As you’ve learned firsthand. As her husband.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Jayden rolled his back towards Jeff.

Now that his heart rate had returned to normal, Jeff was more than happy to let the subject drop again for the time being.

“One of these days you’ll explain.”

“Only when I say it’s time, Author. And that will never happen.”

Jeff rolled his eyes, and then leaned over and prepared to blow out the candle on the nightstand. Before he could exhale, there was a knock at the door. Both men groaned.

“Don’t answer it,” Jayden hissed.

Jeff grunted as he rolled out of bed, aiming his feet for the stool. “
I’m
not the one hiding from anyone. There’s lots of room under the bed if you want to scurry underneath.”

“You look like an idiot in that dress.”

Jeff flipped him the finger and pulled open the door. His expression went slack when he saw Cassie standing there.

“Hi,” he said, suddenly feeling that he looked like just as much of an idiot as Jayden said.

“Oh gods,” Jayden groaned behind him.

Cassie’s gaze moved from one man to the other before landing on Jeff. “Do you mind if we talk?”

Jeff shifted to the side so she could come in. Her hands were clasped at her waist, the thumb of one hand fidgeting against the back of the other.

“Alone?” she asked.

Jayden grumbled and swung himself up, leaving the pillow and blanket behind. “I’ll go for a stroll through the garden. If you’ll excuse me.” He gave a mock bow, closing the door as he left.

Jeff waited for Cassie to speak, but now that she had him to herself, she didn’t seem to know where to begin. Walking to the window, she opened the curtains and looked outside. “You have a nice view up here. My window faces the entrance. I can see the whole capital, but the garden’s nicer.”

She leaned on the windowsill, her face tilted up towards the sky, the moon’s milky fingers stroking her cheeks. Jeff was overcome with the urge to experience it himself. With unsure steps he moved closer and reached out one hand to brush the loose hair from her face. Before he could touch her, she stepped away.

“Is something wrong?” he asked.

She turned to face him, resting her hand on the sill to take her weight. “You tell me.”

Jeff knew he was headed down a trap. He could sense one of those “if you don’t know …” conversations and had no way to sidetrack it.

“You’ve been angry with me since we met the Sisters in the woods. I already told you I have no interest in them, and you’ve made it very clear that jealousy isn’t the issue. Consider me stupid, like I have no idea what’s going on inside your head. Explain to me what’s bothering you.”

“They know your secret.”

She said the words as if they explained everything. They didn’t. Jeff leaned in his head and waited for the rest of it. When nothing else came he asked, “What secret?”

With a frustrated exhale, Cassie crossed the room. “The one you’ve kept from me for months. The reason you hardly ever call me, or worse when I do get you out, you spend most of your time talking about sports games I know you don’t watch. Or asking how my thesis is going when you know I finished my first draft a month ago.”

Jeff had no idea what to say, but it turned out that didn’t matter. Cassie was still gearing up. “And then we come back here of all places, and we meet those women, and they know! That redhead started to say something, but you cut her off. Don’t think I didn’t notice. You have the subtlety of an elephant, Jeff Powell.”

She took a deep breath, and her shoulders shook with the effort. “I have been patient. For over a year I worked in that coffee shop, and every day you came in, and every day I got my hopes up that today would be the day. That finally you would work up the courage to say something. At first it went against everything I had not to just ask for your number myself, but I saw how hard you were trying to work up the nerve. And then, damn you, so much time passed that I started to wonder if I was imagining it! If you were just an incurable flirt, and not even a very good one.”

The more worked up she got, the brighter her eyes became, and if not for the embarrassment and guilt he felt, he would have been distracted by how beautiful she looked.

“And then everything that happened in January, coming here, going through what I did—and still I gave you that chance. I didn’t have to.”

“I know,” Jeff finally managed to sneak in.

But Cassie didn’t seem to want his agreement. “Now you’re still keeping things from me! Why? Don’t you trust me? Haven’t we gone through enough together that you know you can count on me? What is it that’s so horrible?”

He felt like a deer caught in the headlights. There was no way for him to answer that question that wouldn’t make her storm out the door and never want to speak with him again. Anger or guilt, either way he was going to make her miserable. The pressure was too much, and he buried his face in his hands, then dropped them together in front of him, pleading. “Cassie, I—”

“No,” she interrupted again. “You’re always going to find an excuse not to tell me, and I don’t want to play games. I’m not leaving this room until you come clean. Because, honestly, I’m bracing for the worst. Are you dying? Did you sleep with someone else? Did you go on that first date with me and think, ‘Well that was a waste of time’?”

Jeff’s mouth fell open. It had never occurred to him that she would be trying to figure it out. He kind of thought she would accept that he had some issues to work through. But now guilt weighed heavier on him. He sank on the sofa.

She continued, “Imagine for one minute that you were me. Imagine that the person you cared about kept pulling away even as you tried to get closer. What would you do, Jeff? Would you keep trying? Imagine what it’s been like for me!”

“I can’t!” he yelled. “I wish people would stop telling me to imagine things. I can’t do it anymore, Cassie. I am not capable of
imagining
anything.”

“What?” Cassie asked, the single word heavy with impatience and irritation. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“It’s gone! My imagination, my creativity, my ability to ‘see the possible in the impossible’.” He sneered, making finger quotes around one of the Sisters’ many riddles. “It’s all gone.”

“What do you mean ‘gone’?” she asked.

Jeff’s shoulders slumped. She still didn’t understand. How could she? “I mean that I gave them up. Traded them. I can’t imagine what you’re feeling. I can’t imagine what Jayden’s doing in the garden right now. I spent four years inside his head, and should know him better than anyone else, and yet I cannot imagine what the next ten years of his life will be like.”

“How is that even—”

“The Sisters. They came to me and offered a deal. Wanted to know how far would I go to save the woman I—care about.” He stumbled over the words. “So I told them the truth and made a trade. My creativity for the key that got you out of that cell in Treevale.”

Cassie’s mouth fell open, and she sagged down onto the edge of the bed. She looked like she wanted to say something, but it was Jeff’s turn to feel a rise of anger. Against his situation, himself, even against her for pushing him to admit what he’d tried so long to deny.

“For the last six months I’ve stared at a computer screen feeling like an idiot. I can’t string a decent sentence together. It was the only thing I was good at, Cassie. It’s all I’ve got. I watch you finish your thesis and all I can think is that everyone else is moving forward, everyone else is doing something, while I’m stuck.”

Jeff gave a bitter laugh and stood up, pacing his room. “And then I find myself back here! Never mind all the shit I went through last time. Never mind how much I want to get back home before more shit happens. I’m back in a world where everyone is strong, skilled, doing incredible things like casting spells and wielding swords, and what good am I? I may as well go play tag with Maggie’s kids when we get back to the Keep for all I’m able to contribute anything to Raul’s new attempt to fuck up our lives.”

He ran out of breath and stopped walking, staring at the carpet. It felt like a small weight had been lifted. Confessing the kick to the balls of his ego ashamed him, but came as a relief.

When Cassie remained silent, he raised his head and found her dark blue eyes fixed on him. He read shock on her face, and maybe a bit of hurt.

After what felt like forever, she inhaled as if she’d been holding her breath and said, “I never realised how much you resent me now.”

Jeff opened his mouth to contradict her, to tell her that his anger was directed at himself and not at her. But he found himself unable to speak as the new epiphany swirled in his thoughts.
Did
he resent her?

She blinked a few times, and he noticed the extra shine to her eyes, guilt bringing blow after blow to his conscience. “I’m sorry you had to save me, Jeff. I’m sorry I got pulled into this world and you feel like your life was ruined because of it. But that was your choice. I’ll be grateful to you forever that you made it, but if you’re going to hold it against me, then maybe it’s better for both of us if we say goodbye once we get home. You don’t need the reminder, and God knows I don’t deserve your hate. As soon as we get back to the Keep, I’m going to ask Maggie to send me home. And then I don’t want to hear from you.”

Again Jeff wished he could argue with her, but would that be fair? He loved her, he knew he did, but did he resent her even more than that? At that moment, he didn’t know.

Cassie walked past him, reaching out to give his hand a quick squeeze, and then she was at the door.

Jeff wished he could bring himself to rush over to her and hold the door shut, beg her not to leave. But he was frozen under the weight of their shared emotions and he could only stand there and watch, his heart aching, as she walked out on him.