Ever After (31 page)

But the world would be a different place because of him, a better place. No matter how brief, his life had counted. It had mattered in a deep and lasting way.
This is the bus stop
, she could hear him saying as she took the steps up to his parents’ front door.
The great journey is on the other side.
Indeed. Her soul stirred and a new kind of calm came over her. Justin was gone, but he had left behind his wisdom and laughter and a thousand precious memories. And something else. She smiled at Joe as they reached the front door.

He had left her a friend.

T
HIRTY

S
hane didn’t want to think about saying good-bye. But it was coming. There was no way around the fact. The day after Justin’s funeral, Lauren took him up to Seattle’s Space Needle. The rest of the week belonged to Emily, she told him. But today it needed to be just the two of them. They rode five hundred feet up to the
O
Deck and stood against the railing, looking out at the city. After a long while, Lauren turned to him.“Shane … we need to talk.”

The look on her face told him she had something serious to say, and a part of him wanted to stop her. She couldn’t give him a farewell speech. Not after all they’d been through that past week. Time and again things between them had seemed better than ever. So why weren’t they talking about staying together? Shane steeled himself. “Why do I feel like we’ve done this before?”

“This is different.” She took his hands, and the look in her eyes softened. “In the last few months I’ve learned a lot. I prayed for wisdom and God gave it to me.” Her voice held none of its usual skepticism. “It’s easy to step back and see something through the lens of personal bias.” She stared at the breathtaking view. “I can stand here and see a harbor or a city or the mountains, and I can think that’s what makes up Seattle.” She looked at him. “But it’s not until I get down from the Space Needle and walk the streets, not until I climb the mountains or find my way to the waterfront, that I can actually know something about the city.”

He listened, wanting to draw her into his arms. Hope shone a flashlight on the dark places of his heart. This was the Lauren he had fallen in love with, the one who was levelheaded and careful with her opinions. He let her finish.

“That’s what happened to me in Iraq these last few months.” She exhaled and looked through the wall of glass again. “I had a chance to walk the streets and talk to the people and watch the soldiers — guys like Justin — and see for myself why this war is important.”

He hadn’t been sure where she was going with her thoughts, but he was touched. This wasn’t the good-bye he’d expected. Not yet, anyway. She’d brought him to the Space Needle so she could tell him how she’d changed, how her eyes had in some ways been opened. But before he could ask her what else was on her mind, what might lay ahead for the two of them, she turned to him and kissed him. Kissed him the way she hadn’t done since their first night back together at her parents’ house in Chicago a year ago.

“Twice you’ve asked me to marry you, and twice it hasn’t worked out.” Her eyes were soft, full of light and love. “Now it’s my turn.”

For half a second, Shane wondered if he’d slipped into some sort of dream. Then it dawned on him. Maybe this was her way of reacting to Justin’s death. If so, he wanted to stop her before she said anything else. “Lauren … we don’t have to decide this now. Last time we rushed the decision and look what hap — ”

“Shane.” She put her finger to his lips. “I haven’t rushed this. I’ve missed you with every breath, every heartbeat. Almost worse than I missed you the first time we were apart.” She slipped her arms around his waist, and her eyes found the way to the most private part of his soul. The place no one else had ever found. “I want to marry you and move to Fallon with you. I want to sleep with you and wake up next to you and share your passion for freedom and safety and for doing what’s right — even if that sometimes looks a little different to each of us.”

Doubt must’ve flashed in his eyes because she giggled. “A
little
different, Shane. Not so different that I see white where you see black. Not anymore. I told you … I’ve changed. God changed me.”

He put his hand alongside her face and searched her eyes. This was the scene he’d only dreamed about. “I thought you brought me here to tell me good-bye.”

“No. Never again.” She moved her arms from his waist to his neck. “I’m done saying good-bye.” Her voice trembled. “If … if you’ll still have me, then marry me. Marry me this Saturday at Emily’s church and let’s get started.”

He laughed. She was always ready for a project, a purpose. “Get started?”

“Yes.” She kissed him again. “On forever.”

And that had been that.

The plans came together quickly — almost everyone they wanted to attend was already in town, and his parents were able to catch a last-minute flight. His mother had pulled him aside last night, her eyes teary.

“I’ve prayed for this for two decades, son.” She took his hand. “We were wrong, what we did. But God’s ways are better than man’s, and now here you are. Here we all are.”

Morning took forever to come, and when it did, Shane still couldn’t believe it was happening. He wore his dress uniform and stood next to a preacher at the front of a church, the one Emily and Justin had attended just off the base at Fort Lewis. Organ music filled the air, and the faces in the first few rows of the church grinned their approval. And of course, in a few minutes he would do what he’d dreamed of doing since he was a junior in high school.

He would marry Lauren Gibbs Anderson.

The church held everyone who mattered most to them. Emily, who was in the back room with her mother, would be Lauren’s maid of honor; and Gary Baker, standing on his other side, sharp in his dark three-piece suit, would act as best man. His parents, who had flown up from California the day before, sat in the second row next to Angela Anderson — Lauren’s mother. Carol and Jill Baker were there, as was Joe.

And that was all.

He looked at his parents and then at Lauren’s mother. Twenty years ago, the three of them had fought this moment with everything in them. They were wrong back then, and they’d admitted so time and again in the past year. But only this moment — this marriage — could truly free them of the guilt and regret they carried.

Shane smiled. There was no anger now, no residual bitterness. Never mind the years he and Lauren had lost. They had a lifetime ahead of them. Shane caught Gary Baker’s eyes, and he gave him a look that said he still couldn’t believe this was happening. That a family could survive such terrible, unfathomable grief, and such limitless joy — all in one week.

He stared at the back doors of the church and waited. He and Emily had talked that morning. “Justin’s life mattered in a lot of ways, too many to count,” she’d told him. “But Daddy, you know what?” Her eyes were soft, full of emotion. “I think his life counted for this too. God used Justin’s life to change Mom’s heart.” Her eyes glistened. “And He used Justin’s death to show her that love never has enough time.”

Shane smiled. Love never has enough time. Leave it to Emily to sum up the entire situation with one sentence. She was right too.

He heard the music change, heard the beginning refrains of the traditional wedding march begin. Love never had enough time, but what time was left, he would savor. Every single second.

The double doors opened, and there she was, his bride. She wore a striking white dress, her blonde hair swept up in loose curls. But what made her beauty absolutely breathtaking was the look in her eyes. Reporting on the war, spending time with cynical people, being angry much of the time — all of it had taken its toll on Lauren. The entire time she lived in Fallon, he rarely saw her eyes soften, rarely saw her intensity let up.

But now … she looked seventeen again. She had no chip on her shoulder, nothing to prove. She was simply the tender girl he’d always loved, the girl with a heart bigger than the ocean and a soul full of kindness and love. Finally taking the walk they had both dreamed about.

The walk down the aisle.

Since her father had died the year before, she had explained that she wanted Emily to walk her down the aisle. “She spent a lifetime praying and dreaming about this moment,” Lauren had told him. “She’s the one who brought us back together. Long after we gave up. I can’t imagine anyone else walking with me.”

Neither could he.

Emily wore an elegant lavender dress, her dark hair styled much like Lauren’s. As she walked next to her mother, Shane caught Joe Greenwald watching her. The two had been together every day since the funeral, and Shane was glad. Emily needed a friend, and because of Justin, she had one.

Lauren was closer now, and their eyes held. Shane had expected to be choked up at this part of the ceremony, watching Lauren walk to him, knowing that finally they had found their way to this moment. But instead he wanted to laugh, wanted to raise his fist in the air and shout for all the world to hear. After searching and longing and praying and crying, here they were.

And nothing would ever separate them again.

Lauren had never felt more certain in all her life.

She walked, unblinking, her eyes on Shane’s, and inside she celebrated like never before. She was marrying Shane Galanter! They’d agreed to write their own vows, but Lauren didn’t have to. She’d written them long ago, when she was a teenager, and she’d been reminded of them just a few months ago by Emily. Always Emily.

Her daughter stood tall, proud beside her. But there was no denying the way she trembled as they walked, arm in arm. Emily had waited for this morning all her life, and now it was here. Even in the darkness of the valley of the shadow of death, this day would cast a light. A brilliant light.

She reached the end of the aisle and the music stopped. The pastor smiled. He had talked with them yesterday morning, asked them and encouraged them about their faith and their determination to keep Christ at the center of their marriage. It was a reminder. They had gotten here by God’s grace, and they would stay together the same way. In Christ alone. Even if Lauren was still figuring some of that out.

“Who gives this woman to be married?” The preacher’s voice rang clear and strong.

Emily smiled up at her. “I do.” She kissed Lauren on the cheek and then took her place to the side.

Lauren turned her eyes to Shane. He looked like a dream, and she felt herself react to his presence. How long had she searched for him? Longed for this day? He walked down the steps, his eyes never leaving hers. Then he took her hand and led her back up the stairs to face the preacher.

“I had a chance to meet with the bride and groom yesterday.” The man smiled at the handful of people in attendance and raised his brow. “I must say, normally when a couple wants a wedding to come together quickly, my advice is to wait. But in this case — ” he grinned at Lauren and then at Shane — “the wedding is way overdue.” He opened the Bible and read a passage from Colossians and another from 1 Corinthians 13. He focused his talk on love and sacrifice, and how it was impossible to have one without the other.

Lauren glanced at Shane, and he met her smile. The pastor was right. All their lives had been a picture of that truth. Love and sacrifice, and how one couldn’t exist without the other.

Finally it was time for the vows. Shane went first. He and Lauren faced each other, and he took her hands in his. “Lauren, I don’t know about love except what I’ve felt for you. I refuse to think about the years we lost, but only about the ones that will begin here, now.” He paused, and for a moment they both seemed to forget where they were. There was so much between them, so many memories that only the two of them shared.

Shane took a slow breath. “I promise to be with you, stay with you, love you, and laugh with you. I promise to listen and always look for new ways to show you how much I care.” The corners of his lips lifted. “Most of all, I promise to lean on God through life’s trials and tragedies and triumphs. Because if I lean on Him, you can always lean on me.”

It was her turn. Her throat was thick, and she didn’t want to take her eyes off Shane for a single instant. “Shane … you taught me about love a long time ago. And though I searched, though I became someone even I didn’t recognize at times, I never stopped believing in that definition. The one I’ve held onto since I was seventeen. This is what you taught me.” She opened the piece of paper that had been folded tightly in the palm of her hand.

“Real love is this.” Her voice rang clear through the church, “Real love waits in the snow on your front porch so you can walk to school together in the fifth grade. It brings you a chocolate bar when you fall and finish last in the seventh grade Olympics.” She smiled at him, seeing the way he looked that long ago day. “Real love whispers something in the middle of algebra about your pink fingernail polish so that you don’t forget how to smile when you’re doing math, and it saves a seat for you in the lunchroom every Friday through high school. Even when the other baseball players think you’re stupid.”

A few quiet laughs came from the front of the church.

Lauren’s chin quivered, but she kept on, looking from the page to Shane and back again. “Real love stays up late on a Saturday making chocolate chip cookies together, flicking flour at you and getting eggshells in the batter and making sure you’ll remember that night the rest of your life. And real love thinks you’re pretty even when your hair is pulled back in a ponytail and you don’t stand perfectly straight.”

She folded the paper and handed it to him. His eyes were damp, but he mouthed the words, “I remember.”